How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 34

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Inside his mind, Blythe was in Hell, the realm of the damned.

He stood in a field of blank, black space that went on forever in every direction. Abruptly, a ringed wall of fire shot up into the air. It too went on to infinity.

In the center, an alluring blonde woman, all in white appeared. Her hair was up. Her right cheek had a subtle beauty mark. She held out her hand. Blythe kissed it.

“Lady Blackwood,” Blythe said.

“Counselor.”

As vice-chairwoman of the Legion Corporation’s board of directors, Lady Blackwood was an exceptionally powerful vampire. She spoke with a Scottish brogue, reminiscent of her highland ancestors long past.

Blythe looked around. “Perhaps a change of scenery? Something more fitting for your beauty.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Lady Blackwood said. In the blink of an eye, the pair found themselves strolling across the beach of a tropical island. The water was a clean, sparkling blue. Palm trees could be seen further inland, along with the occasional parrot fluttering about.

Gentleman that he was, Blythe offer the Lady his arm. She took it.

“To what do I owe this honor?” Blythe asked.

“The Chairman is pleased with the invasion thus far,” Lady Blackwood said. “The remaining board members, however, demand assurances that the next phase will proceed as planned.”

“My lady,” Blythe said, “The New World burns from Colorado to the edge of Missouri. Our lycan friends have proved to be remarkable herdsmen, pushing the undead horde across country in a wide swath of destruction.”

“Their attacks are disorganized,” the Lady noted.

“Yet effective,” Blythe said. “When I am within range of them, our army will be unmatched.”

“And are they OUR army?” Lady Blackwood inquired.

“An offensive insinuation,” Blythe said.
“But one that has been made,” Lady Blackwood said. “Zebulon has been on a tear about how convenient it was that only your blood was disseminated en masse and therefore the only one who can control this army is you.”

“Control of the army requires one to be on the front lines of battle, my lady” Blythe said. “That was a task I don’t recall Zebulon raising his hand for.”

“Of that I am aware,” Lady Blackwood said. “And I am also aware of complications.”

“Complications?” Blythe asked.

“Joseph Freeman,” the Lady said. “And Rainier Slade. What is your counsel?”

“That each should be dispatched immediately without hesitation. What is the board’s will?”

“You won’t like it,” the Lady said.

“And yet as I’ve been so often told, that does not matter,” Blythe said.

“They wish to see Freeman suffer still,” the Lady advised. “Find his son and make it so.”

“I must protest,” Blythe said. “Had Freeman been killed outright a decade ago, he’d be of no concern now.  The board is making the same mistake twice.”

“I agree,” Lady Blackwood said. “But my vote is but one and the board is not without reason. Our alliance with the lycans has always been tenuous. They do not fear death but their weakness has always been that they wish to live amongst men, to have families of their own and to make it known we can reach them there is to ensure their continued submission.”

“And Slade?” Blythe asked.

“He is resistant to glamour,” Lady Blackwood said. “You know how rare that is.”

“Only a handful have ever been discovered,” Blythe said. “He is the first that has ever resisted me to be sure.”

“The board wishes you to rally him to our cause,” the Lady said. “If you can, he would be a tremendous asset.”

“Genghis Khan was resistant to glamour,” Blythe said. “As was Napoleon. Slade is nothing like those men.”

“But he was so cold that you found no hope within him to exploit,” the Lady said.

“There’s a lack of exploitability and then there’s sheer incorruptibility, my lady,” Blythe said. “The difference is subtle but it is there.”

“All we do is to bring about the end of days,” Lady Blackwood said. “To make the living conditions of the world so unbearable…”

“…that one leader emerges, convinces the humans that he is their only hope for survival and then once all power is trusted within him, he betrays humanity and becomes its undoing, making way for the Chairman to step into the world of men. Trust me, my lady, Slade is not that man.”

“How can you be so sure?” the Lady asked.

“He loves,” Blythe answered. “Two women, in fact.”

“The antichrist has lived and died many times before,” Lady Blackwood said. “Never being placed within the right set of circumstances to pursue his true calling.”

“The board proposes an Antichrist can be made?” Blythe asked.

“Perhaps you can use his loves against him,” the Lady said.

“My lady,” Blythe said. “Any other time I’d recognize that as a delightfully wicked notion but let us focus first on our conquest of America.  We’ll then spread our reign to the rest of the world and once humanity is under subjugation, we can spend all of eternity on a search for…he who the Chairman waits for.”

“A sentiment I already expressed,” Lady Blackwood said. “It was rebuffed.”

Blythe released Lady Blackwood’s arm and faced her. “We are teetering on the edge of victory and these imbeciles would have me play the role of a cat, batting Freeman and Slade about like playthings instead of crushing them immediately.”

“Bite your tongue, counselor,” Lady Blackwood said.

“I will not,” Blythe said. “I grow weary of bureaucratic machinations thrust upon me by fools who haven’t lifted a finger to help the cause in centuries!”

Lady Blackwood’s eyes turned yellow, her otherwise pleasant voice grew darker, colder. “Bite…your…tongue.”

Blythe knew she meant business. He took a seat on the sand. Lady Blackwood followed, her demeanor returning to normal. The duo sat on the beach for a moment, staring off at the ocean. Under normal circumstances, a man and a woman in their Sunday best lounging on the ground would have appeared odd, but then again, the sand wasn’t real.

“That comment wasn’t directed at you, Colleen,” Blythe said.

“I know,” the Lady replied.

“Of all the board members I’ve always felt you and I see things as they are,” Blythe said.

“Whereas the others see things as they’d like them to be, casting threats aside to the wind and letting others pick up the pieces,” the Lady said. “But you must know your place, Henry, and insulting the board is a surefire way to forfeit your existence.”

“Indeed,” Blythe said.

“You give me pause for concern when you speak so treacherously,” Lady Blackwood said. “Our last associate who did so sold us out to the greatest vampire hunter of them all.”

Blythe took the Lady’s hand and held it. “A situation you remedied with your cunning as I recall. Hickok has become quite an asset, has he not?”

“He has,” Lady Blackwood said. “But his former colleagues Ms. Canary and Mr. Utter nip at my heels at every turn. You whine about Slade and Freeman as if you’re the only one with problems, Henry.”

“My apologies,” Blythe said.

“The silver mining boom in Tombstone is troubling,” the Lady said.

“I have full confidence in associates Ringo and Brocious,” Blythe said.

“I don’t share it,” Lady Blackwood said. “Nor do I believe rumors that Wyatt Earp has retired.”

“Certainly the board doesn’t expect me to toy with him?” Blythe said.

“No,” Lady Blackwood said. “Get a bullet in his head the sooner the better.”

“Hickok’s meddlesome companions,” Blythe said. “Slade and Freeman finding their way to Highwater. The discovery of vast silver deposits…”

“I know where you’re going with this,” the Lady said. “But the board will not hear conspiracy theories. God has given up on humanity long ago as far as they’re concerned.”

“Humans have long sat around waiting for the man upstairs to send them some kind of protector,” Blythe said. “They’re mind numbingly oblivious to the fact that their Creator put them on Earth to serve that very role.”

“He manipulates situations to put the best humans where they need to be,” Lady Blackwood said. “The wise ones stand and fight. The rest wait for some miracle that’s never coming to fix the world for them.”
“But the board scoffs at that,” Blythe said.

“They do,” the Lady said.

Blythe rubbed his thumb over the back of Lady Blackwood’s hand. “I don’t believe it’s treacherous to note that a request for the Chairman to review the board’s competence is always in order.”

“And a good way to stop existing if the Chairman sides with the board,” Lady Blackwood noted.

“But one would simply…”

Lady Blackwood patted Blythe’s hand. “Enough scheming, Henry. You’ve already curried plenty of favor with the Chairman when you convinced us to incorporate our assets so many years ago.”

“Ahh, yes,” Blythe said. “Truly, the most vile of all human inventions is the corporation.”

“An entity capable of committing all manner of atrocities and when a culprit is searched for all the humans find is a tangled web of paperwork, dead ends, and a never ending blame game,” Lady Blackwood said. “Your success is the only reason why the Chairman allowed you to proceed with your current gamble.”

“Gamble?” Blythe asked.

“You’re rolling the dice,” Lady Blackwood said. “Henry, up until now, the greatest trick the Chairman ever pulled was to convince the world that he does not exist, that beings like us are boogeymen, the stuff of tall tales told to convince naughty children to behave lest monsters get them. We thrived in the shadows, closing deals to put the most despicable humans in positions of power and ruining other humans who would shine a light on corruption. The process is slow but eventually, it would have led to the end of days. If you fail now that you’ve put our cards on the table…”

“I’ll forfeit my medallion,” Blythe said.

“That will be the least of your worries,” Lady Blackwood said.

Lady Blackwood pecked Blythe on the cheek. “I must away. I have my own matters to attend to. Please the chairman and we’ll talk about a restructuring of the board.”

Poof. Lady Blackwood was gone. Blythe laid back on the sand, allowing the warm sun to tan his face. He closed his eyes and enjoyed it.

“It’s the most of my worries,” the vampire muttered to himself.
Blythe opened his eyes to find his two henchmen in werewolf form, staring at him. Startled, the vampire jolted to his feet.

“How many times have I told you two not to leer at me while I’m out like that?!”

Hewett and Becker morphed to their usual, naked human selves.

“Sorry sir,” Hewett said.

“Didn’t seem right to leave you alone,” Becker added.

“I’m fine,” Blythe said. “Find Freeman’s son and bring him to me.”

“Don’t you think it would be better to find Freeman and…” Hewett finished his thought by dragging a finger across his neck as if it were a knife.

“Don’t tell me what I think just do as I say,” Blythe said, shooing his lackeys away like bothersome pests. “Go!”

Hewett and Becker stepped out onto a veranda that overlooked the town. It was just after dusk. The moon bathed the town in pale light.

They returned to werewolf form, jumped across the street to the roof of the bank and were off.

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One thought on “How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 34

  1. Reblogged this on Bookshelf Battle and commented:

    Holy Crap. LOTS of stuff going on here….so much so this chapter actually took me a few days to write because I had to keep stopping to think what I wanted to do, say, and how to say it.

    Overall, the chapter has two main points:

    1) Explain why the hell Blythe just doesn’t take out a gun and shoot Slade while he’s sleeping. Remember Austin Powers? Scott asks Dr. Evil why he doesn’t just shoot Austin and call it a day. And Dr. Evil responds that he’s just going to leave Austin in an easily escapable predicament with one inept guard.

    I didn’t want to go that “incompetent villain” route. Blythe is smart. So I went with the “oppressed employee” route.

    Have you ever had a boss that practically made you hop on one foot, chew bubble gum, yodel, do breakdance moves, jumping jacks and climb Mt. Everest at the same time and act like it is all perfectly reasonable?

    And there’s a part of you that just wants to explain to the boss that if you could do my job for 5 minutes, you’d see why your request is not a good idea?

    But you don’t because you don’t want to be fired.

    That’s basically what’s happening here. The board, made up of pampered vampires who don’t do much to get their uh…fangs…dirty…put out all these edicts for Blythe to follow.

    The board wanted Joe to suffer so as to scare their werewolf lackeys into submission. Blythe was against that, having advised to kill him outright, lest he become a problem and sure enough, he is now a problem.

    They also feel Slade could be turned evil with the right motivation. We learn that vampires can glamour people by looking into their souls, finding out what they want the most and mentally communicating a promise that they’ll get it if they just do whatever the vampire wants.

    But Slade is such a depressed guy that he doesn’t believe he could ever really be happy, so there’s nothing there to help Blythe glamour him.

    The vampire board wants Blythe to try to turn him to their side. Blythe knows this is pointless but he has to try. (Just like you have to hop one one foot and chew gum etc etc at least 50 times before your boss figures out he made a mistake – they can’t trust you that it is a mistake, they need to see the mistake happen).

    So reluctantly, Blythe agrees. There’s an allusion to the fact that he’s plotting to do something to Slade’s women that might put him on a path to evil.

    2) This chapter also paves the way for future books and if enough people pony up the cash for me to get a dinner at Applebees after this book, I’ll write two more so I can go out to Chili’s for some baby back ribs and Buffalo Wild Wings for some buffalo wild wings.

    There’s some kind of relationship between Blythe and Lady Blackwood going on. They hold hands and she takes his arm as they walk. I don’t really ever give an answer. You’re free to think they boink or that they are just colleagues and in those days it was expected that a man give a woman he is walking next to his arm to prevent her from falling.

    Shit. Try to give a woman your arm today to prevent her from falling and say hello to the lawsuit but I digress.

    I like her name and it makes me sad that I have to change it. My proposed sequel takes place partially in Deadwood (HBO show fans rejoice) so you can’t have a person named Blackwood in a town called Deadwood.

    I’ll have to think of something though since she’s Scottish I’m thinking about just calling her Lady Tavish and calling it a day.

    I don’t want to give too much away about the sequel other than Wild Bill Hickok had been a problem for the vampires, Lady Blackwood did something evil about it, and now Hickok’s friends Calamity Jane and Charlie Utter are after the lady.

    In my mind, I’ve mapped out a lot of that novel already. I’m a little nervous about using actual people as characters though I believe most people will understand it is pure fantasy.

    Although I’m sure there is a good part of the population who is convinced that Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter….so…sorry Wild Bill, Jane, and Charlie.

    And if you like those two books, the third will find Wyatt Earp taking on vampires, werewolves and zombies in yet another novel guaranteed to raise enough funds for a dinner.

    I am a little torn though. Wyatt’s best friend was Doc Holliday. In this novel I have a Doc Faraday. I’m debating on maybe changing him to Doc Farrelly or just leave it and if a fan complains I’ll just say shit I’m sorry I never thought I’d make it to a third novel.

    OTHER STUFF:

    Some talk of Blythe being punished with the removal of his medallion. Lady B says that’ll be the least of your worries. Blythe disagrees and basks in the sun.

    Vampires don’t usually enjoy the sun, right?

    Finally, I try not to make Blythe funny and instead have him be evil but I couldn’t resist an ending in which he comes back to the real world and freaks the hell out to find Becker and Hewitt (as werewolves) starting at him.

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