Daily Archives: May 29, 2016

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 105

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Inside the engine room, the fire inside the furnace glowed redder and hotter with every scoop of coal the werewolves shoveled. King Zeke, back in human form, tipped the back of his chair against a wall and attempted to get some shut eye.

His rest was interrupted when the scent of two intruders entered his nostrils.

Zeke’s boots clanked across the metal floor as he left the engine room. With two werewolves in tow, he marched to Blythe’s personal cabin and knocked on the door.

“Yes?” Blythe asked as he poked his head out of the door.

“Trouble a-brewin,’ Hoss,” Zeke said.

“Slade?” Blythe asked.

“Yup,” Zeke said. “I’m picking up his stink. And the boy werewolf.”

The vampire nodded. “Dispatch the boy posthaste will you? And bring Slade to me.”

“Gonna cost ya,” Zeke said.

Blythe grimaced. “Put it on my bill,” he said as he slammed the door.

Zeke busted out of his clothes, morphing into his gray wolf form. He and his two henchwolves took off.

Inside the cabin, Blythe massaged his head and mumbled a litany of complaints to himself.

“Blasted werewolves always nickel and diming me,” Blythe said as he sat down on a couch. “Does anyone care about a job well done anymore?”

The muffled screams of the captive woman lying on the couch next to him interrupted his train of thought.

“I’m sorry my dear,” Blythe said. “I suppose the last thing a person in your predicament needs is to hear me carrying on about my problems.”

Blythe’s prisoner was wrapped up from head to toe in a white bed sheet, with chains wrapped around her arms and legs. She screamed but her words were unintelligible.

The vampire brushed his hand over his prisoner’s head through the sheet.

“Hush now. This will all be over in a moment.”

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Which State Would Be the Best (or Worst) to Ride Out a Zombie Apocalypse In?

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Happy Sunday 3.5 Readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

Out of the 50 United States (and feel free to add the territories into the mix if you like) which one would be the best to ride out a zombie apocalypse in?

Alternatively, which one would be the worst state to battle the undead in?

I suppose thanks to The Walking Dead we know Georgia is a good zombie battleground.  Lots of trees to hide under. Lots of rednecks who’ve been practicing their shooting skills on squirrels in their backyards in the hopes that some shit like this would go down.

But I think I will go with Hawaii.  Theoretically, I could put my back to the ocean and at least have one area where I know I don’t have to worry about protecting.

Then again if zombies swarm the beach, I’m left with nowhere to run.

I assume there will be coconuts, macademia nuts, and pineapples I can feast on though.

The worst state I think would be Alaska. Indeed, there will also be many helpful rednecks and rugged outdoorsmen to lend a hand.

However, it’s cold as shit and dark all the time so that makes for an unpleasant zombie fighting environment.  The cold and the dark would eventually wear you down, whereas they would not have any effect on evil hideous zombies.

What say you, 3.5 readers? Best state and worst state to be in during a zombie apocalypse.

Other Possibilities:

BEST STATE – California. Head to LA, for there will be plenty of zombie costumes to grab from studio wardrobes.  Put one on and blend right in. Also, so many people filled with silicone parts and botox the zombies might spend all day trying to chew through them to no avail allowing you ample time to escape.

WORST STATE – Vermont. Too many hippies. They’ll want to befriend the zombies and invite them to their next protest.

Or feel free to do cities:

BEST CITY – Detroit.  From your 90 year old grandma to your friendly neighborhood street gang, everyone is already packing like 12 guns, so there will be plenty of weaponry to spare. Caveat – the humans might shoot you before the zombies get to you.

WORST CITY – New York, although it depends on which part you’re in. Brooklyn and/or Bronx residents will give the zombies what for.  Meanwhile, if you’re in Manhattan, it’s mostly tourists and people dressed up as off brand cartoon characters.  Some bum dressed up like Schmelmo (instead of Elmo) in the hopes you’ll give him a dollar to have your picture taken with him will not be much help during a zompoc.

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Movie Review – Joy (2015)

You wouldn’t think the story behind the invention of the self-wringing mop would be all that interesting but as it turns out, it is.

Inspiring too.

BQB here with a review of Joy.

SPOILER ALERT – the movie’s less about the mop than it is about the burdensome road one must go down in order to achieve a dream.

Joy (Jennifer Lawrence) started out as a very intelligent child, dreaming up new inventions in her room. She assumes life will be great but as the years go on, she eventually finds herself divorced, caring for her kids, her elderly father (Robert DeNiro), her mother who hides from life by watching soap operas all day (Virginia Madsen), and ironically, her ex-husband who she’s still friends with (Edgar Ramirez.)

Bradley Cooper rounds out the cast as the QVC executive that gives Joy her big break during the television shopping industry’s infancy.

“I feel like I’m in a prison” sums about how she (and most people feel) when they’re stuck in a rut.  We all have dreams but day by day, as the time ticks off the clock and the day to day struggles of earning a living preoccupy our time, those dreams fade away.

Supposedly, we’re all free to do as we please but when you factor in all the obligations of life, the average person is not free at all.

The pressure to throw your hands up, forget all about your dream and just live out a boring, hum drum existence is strong – for Joy and well, let’s face it, for us too.

But when Joy cuts her hands on a mop filled with broken glass, she develops the idea for a self-wringing mop, one that you can wring without even touching the mop head.

Sounds simple enough but once she goes into the mop making business, she quickly learns the downside to following her dream.  The path to success is not easy.  Price gauging suppliers, crooked businessmen, mounting bills, and family jealousies all stand in her way.

Is that mop that interesting? No. But watching the movie is an exercise in self-forgiveness.  We all have our own self-wringing mop, that pie in the sky idea we always wanted to follow.

But we also have people who depend on us, financial woes, etc.  Forgive yourself if you aren’t living the life you wanted. Most people aren’t.

There are many times in the movie where Joy has the chance to give up and walk back to the hum drum life or double down on her mop making enterprise, potentially pushing her deeper into debt and misery if it doesn’t work out.

Many people in her shoes would have given up and, at least from my perspective, the message of the film is that you should forgive yourself if you didn’t pursue your dream because at the end of the day, the deck is stacked against you.

Living a realistic boring life doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you normal. On the other hand, if you follow Joy’s lead and keep plugging away at your dream it may very well come true.

FYI – Jennifer Lawrence was nominated for an Academy Award for playing Joy.  At the time, I assumed it might have been a case of  Hollywood blowing smoke up J-Law’s butt (I like her a lot but is there anyone else out there deserving of accolades since she’s already had so many?)

Turns out I was wrong. She was very deserving of the nomination.  Joy made me laugh. She made me cry. She made me visualize myself in her shoes, this damn blog with 3.5 readers as her self-wringing mop, and all the people telling her that her mop is dumb as the people telling me this blog is dumb.

Eh. They’re right. This blog is kinda dumb. I should just quit and go eat cookies.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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