Daily Archives: July 2, 2017

Zom Fu – Chapter 64

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The members of the Clan of the Mediocre Yet Effective Club Bonk struggled on the palace steps to hold back the zombie invaders. Several of them had fallen victim to the Clan of the Terrifyingly Unnatural Brain Bite.

Junjie observed the carnage, then looked to the Staff of Ages. The ruby glowed red once more.

“The Staff of Ages has been freed of Dragonhand’s influence,” the Infallible Master said. “It belongs to its true master once again. Wield it freely and it will know exactly what you wish it to do.”

Junjie closed his eyes and raised the staff high into the air. Thunder claps sounded overhead. Multiple bolts of lightning tore through the sky and zapped their way into the staff, until the ancient device began to glow bright white.

Once more, the handsome hero pointed the staff toward the sky and a colossal lighting bolt of unfathomable size lit up the night sky. It pulsated in the heavens, dancing and flickering about until it separated into hundreds of smaller lighting bolts. Each bolt found a different zombie brain to pierce. Soon, every last brain biter in the Forbidden City was destroyed, while the remaining humans survived unscathed.

The clubbers cheered. Junjie cheered. “Master, I can’t believe that….Master?”

The Infallible Master was nowhere to be found, except in Junjie’s mind. “There is no more that I can teach you now, my son. It is time for you to become the master, and time for me to wile away many a year in Diyu.”

“Diyu?” Junjie asked out loud. Those in the handsome hero’s general vicinity might have thought the young man had gone mad had they not seen so many other frightening wonders that day. “I thought you said you would never be able to pass on to the other side.”

“A Master has his ways,” came the Infallible Master inside Junjie’s brain. “The older we get, the more realize what we once thought is impossible is, in fact, quite possible.”

“There’s something you aren’t telling me,” Junjie said.

“Perhaps,” the Infallible Master said. “But the task of rebuilding the devastated kung fu clans is ahead of you now. The last thing you need to do is to worry about me.”

“Wait,” Junjie said. “Will I ever see you again?”

The master’s voice laughed. “Yes. It will seem like an eternity but remember, time is but a trick of the mind. We shall have our reunion one day, if not in the gloomy abyss of Diyu, then surely in the warm embrace of Heaven.”

“Can I talk to you?” Junjie asked.
The master’s voice laughed again. “Oh my son. I spent so much time with my master that I hear him even when he does not speak to me. You will see me and hear me in everything you do, regardless of whether or not we actually speak again.”

“That’s very cryptic,” Junjie said.

“Meh,” the Infallible Master said. “I am a kung fu master. It is what I do.”

“Goodbye, Master,” Junjie said.

“No,” the Infallible Master said. “Not goodbye. Never goodbye. I will see you later.”

A tear streamed down Junjie’s cheek. “I will see you later, Master.”

And with that, the voice inside Junjie’s head was gone.

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Zom Fu – Chapter 63

tabletdemo

Junjie looked to the Infallible Master. “There is no more Bohai, is there?”

“There is not,” the Infallible Master replied. “There is only Rage Dog. Do not make the same mistake I did.”

Rage Dog held up the squirmy bag. “To eat the last brain of an imperial dynasty, to obtain the knowledge that comes with countless generations of leadership…all of China will be mine.”

Junjie picked up one of the golden swords and pointed it at Bohai. “Release the Emperor, monster. Do so now and I will clap you in chains and lock you away where you can’t hurt anyone anymore. I will then spend the rest of my days searching for a cure, for some method of restoring Bohai’s soul to his former body.”

Rage Dog’s eyes traveled to his missing hand, then to the various holes and marks that permeated his body. “What makes you think Bohai would even want it now?”

“You are repeating my mistake, my son,” the Infallible Master warned. “No more negotiations. Finish him.”

Junjie studied Rage Dog’s face. “I know my brother is in there, somewhere…I just can’t…”

Thunk! The tip of General Tsang’s sword pierced its way through Rage Dog’s eyeball. The creature uttered a few last gaps then dropped the bag, only for it to be caught just in time by the general’s hand.

Rage Dog collapsed to the floor. He was no more. Once he was out of the way, the full figure of the general was revealed. The veteran warrior was soaked in the blood and brains of the many zombies he defeated out in the rain.

“You kung fu fighters are a sentimental lot, aren’t you?” General Tsang asked as he looked down at Rage Dog’s corpse. “Good think I didn’t know him that well.”

Ever so gently, the general placed the bag on the floor and opened it up. A very scared little boy popped out and attached himself to his protector like a barnacle on the hull of a ship.

“Tsang!”

“Yes, your majesty,” General Tsang said as he ran his hands through the boy’s hair. “Tsang is here now.”

“Come,” the Infallible Master said to Junjie. “There is more work outside.”

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Movie Review – Baby Driver (2017)

Bank robbers!  Fast cars! A sick playlist!

BQB here with a review of the heist/car chase/romance/action/quasi-musical film, “Baby Driver.”

3.5 readers, I have to be honest.  When I first saw the trailer for this movie, I thought it would be crap.  It looked like a lame attempt to marry a youthful pop song vibe to a heist film, two genres whose audiences don’t mix and mingle well together.

Turns out, I was wrong.  I know.  You all look up to me but yes, it does happen once in a blue moon.  This movie is great and quite frankly, one of the best and most original I have seen all year.

Director Edgar Wright has wowed us with comedies like Simon Pegg comedies like “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz” and even brought us musical silliness with “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.”

Here, Wright brings us some serious stakes but he does so with style…oh, so much style.  And that’s no easy feat, for whenever an attempt at style falls flat, a movie buff like me is standing by to shout, “lame!”

But shout I did not, unless you count shouts of joy.

Baby (Ansel Elgort) is maestro behind the wheel…literally.  He’s obsessed with good tunes and never goes anywhere without a pair of ear buds in his ears.  Sadly, he’s also forced to be the getaway driver for a heist ring led by Doc (Kevin Spacey), with robbers including Griff (Jon Bernthal of “The Walking Dead” fame), Buddy (Jon Hamm of “Mad Men” fame), Darling (Elza Gonzalez of gives me a boner fame), JD (Lanny Joon, I’m not sure what he’s famous for but he has the funniest line of the movie), and Eddie (Flea of “Red Hot Chili Peppers” fame).

When the cash has been grabbed and the police sirens begin to wail, Baby tunes out all that noise and focuses on his tunes, letting the music take control, allowing him to push his driving skills to the limit.  This makes for some pretty sweet car chase scenes where the getaway car’s movements are timed to coincide with the beat of whatever Baby is listening to.  Epically stylish.

But Baby doesn’t like this life.  He knows his foster father Joe (CJ Jones) does not approve and wants him to walk the straight and narrow path.  Plus, he falls for waitress Debora (Lily James) and envisions a life with her.  The kid just wasn’t meant for a life of crime, and he doesn’t care much for the violent actions of the criminals he’s forced to transport.

Will Baby write the ultimate getaway playlist?  Or, will he sing his final swan song?  Can’t tell you.  You’ll have to see it for yourself.

Speaking of playlists, the film’s score is great, featuring hits from a plethora of decades and genres.  No matter when you were born or what your preferred genre is, it is unlikely you’ll get out of the film without hearing at least one tune that strikes your fancy.  Music from 1970-present (with an emphasis on the 1970s if I’m not mistaken) and some of the genres I recall include pop, rock and yes, even rap.  Baby’s got an iPod for every occasion and a song for every mood and Wright uses those songs to clue the audience in on what mood they should be in.

Kevin Spacey is his usual “I’m smarter than all of you” self.  Jon Hamm finally gets a role where it doesn’t look like he just shows up on the set and says “Hi I’m Jon Hamm.  Film me because I’m a beautiful man.”  Jamie Foxx is the scary wild card and if his intention was to make me pee my pants in fear…well, I didn’t pee but otherwise, yes, I think I would if I had actually met his character in real life.

Ansel Elgort has a future and there are some touching scenes between him and CJ Jones, a deaf actor who play’s Baby’s deaf foster father.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy, a great example of what Hollywood can accomplish when they take a break from all the sequels and prequels and give a director permission to let his freak flag fly.  I also love it whenever I go into a movie thinking it will be a pile of crap and end up being a big fan.  It’s so much better than when I go into a movie as a big fan only to be disappointed when it turns out to be a pile of crap.

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