If you were able to be magically granted one of the following super powers, which would you choose and why? Choose only one and discuss in the comments:
- Ability to fart fire. (You knew that was coming.)
- X-Ray vision but it only allows you to see senior citizens naked. You can look through anything else but like, when you look at hot chicks they’ll still have their clothes on. Bogus.
- Vivid, highly detailed memory of anything that ever happened on any Wednesday in your life.
- Perfect parallel parking.
- Perfect grammar.
- Exceptional mathematical computation abilities at a high speed.
- Mind reading capabilities but you can’t read the mind of anyone named Steve. Thus, anyone named Steve will be your arch-enemy.
- Super fast bicycle pedaling ability.
- Karaoke master.
- Ability to make others think you look hot even though you are very ugly.
- Flying skills – you can fly, but you have to make, “put, put, put” noises like a poorly maintained engine is moving you, which makes it way less cool and impressive to the ladies. Still, you can fly, but if you ever stop making the “put, put” sounds, you’ll fall.
- Perfect comedic timing.
- Accurate restaurant bill tip calculation skills.
- Super fast speed with the exception that in New Jersey, your power is reversed and you are only able to move in slow motion.
- Sonic masturbation.
- Always the guy who brings the pizza to any party. That’s it. Show up to any party. Pizza is mysteriously delivered. Pizza delivery guy announces it’s from you, makes it look like you paid for it but you never have to pay for it.
- Drink unlimited booze without getting drunk. In theory, cool. In reality, why? It’s just like drinking a shit ton of old, expired soda.
- Ability to travel great distances by being shot out of a cannon.
- You’re the greatest painter in the world, but you can only paint pictures of Chester A. Arthur arm wrestling infamous 1960s bedazzled piano man, Liberace. Still, your paintings of these two are superb and sell for millions.
- Ability to separate all recyclable materials out of your trash by snapping your fingers.
- Extreme foresight – ability to tell exactly how all your decisions will work out in the future.
- Extreme hindsight – constantly reminded of how your bad decisions in the past got you to today’s intensely shitty present.
- Eternal life, but you must play a kazoo while a Filipino hunchback named Raul beats you in the face with a smelly fish for five minutes, every hour on the hour, forever or else you’ll die.
- Ability to stay in the lines when coloring in coloring books with crayons.
- Unlimited money.
- Unlimited sex (consensual, of course, you freak.)
- Unlimited Arby’s coupons.
- You can predict whenever any convenience store within a 50 mile radius is about to be robbed of all it’s slushee machine syrup by a man with athlete’s foot.
Bookshelf Battle 