#451 – Why do boys get to do all the scouting? Why isn’t there an organization for Man Scouts? Look, nothing against boy scouts, but if I ever need some serious scouting to be done, I’m going to call on some grown ass men to do it.
#452 – If European, then I’mmapoopin.’
#453 – There are countless alternative versions of ourselves spread out across an infinite number of competing timelines. Ergo, it stands to reason that someone, somewhere, found this book funny.
#454 – If the piano man has to sing us a song, does the singer man have to play the piano?
#455 – Who is the idiot choosing to use a sponge over paper towels? Do you have any idea how many germs collect in sponges? Yeah, I said it and I don’t care what the sponge industry thinks.
#456 – I need to clone myself so I have someone to talk to. Another me is the only one who would ever understand me.
#457 – Groupthink is nothing to worry about. At least, that’s what the members of my “Everyone in My Demographic/Age Range/Sex/Gender/Religion/Occupation Club/Geographic Location/Political Party Club” told me during our recent ice cream social.
#458 – Like a bear, I eat a lot out of concern I may not be able to find good food later. Unlike a bear, I neglect to do the part where I just sleep through the entire winter and decline to eat anything. In conclusion, I’m fatter than a bear and not as intelligent.
#459 – When it comes to bodily hygiene, I’m for it.
#460 – I told my doctor he’s a quack, but he called fowl.
#461 – Don’t patronize me unless I start a business. Then patronize my business.
#462 – Frozen yogurt is just trans-ice cream. Discuss.
#463 – So much ennui, so little time.
#464 – I didn’t enjoy my tour in Vietnam. Remind me to fire my travel agent.
#465 – I’m such a Samantha.
#466 – I wish time had stopped forever in 1999.
#467 – I tried once. I didn’t enjoy it.
#468 – I’d like to become a falconer. Does anyone know where I can find a reasonably priced falcon?
#469 – I don’t even know where to start. Do you?
#470 – Vacations make me want to take a vacation.
#471 – I’m not made of musings, you know.
#472 – Will there ever be a rap version of Amazing Grace?
#473 – Donuts are neither dough nor nuts. Discuss.
#474 – The waiting room is next to the doing room.
#475 – A stadium full of puppies would be adorable, but where would one acquire so many puppies?
Here’s something I’ve learned over the years. No one really WANTS to check out of life. Your grandpa doesn’t really like sitting in his rocking chair all day and eating dinner at 4. Unfortunately, the body gives out and sooner or later, if you don’t slow down then your body will do it for you.
Al Hart and Buddy Green (Chevy Chase and Richard Dreyfuss) are two old timers who despise the retired life. 50 years ago, Buddy was an up and coming stand-up comedian who was about to make it big when he decided to put the glitz behind him and become a podiatrist, much to the disappointment of his manager, Al.
Today, Al is at the end of his talent management career, not by choice but because all of his clients got old and died. When his granddaughter (Kate Miccuci) checks him in at an old folks’ home, he is reunited with Buddy and they decide to take to the road, booking appearances at dive comedy clubs across the country, all in the hopes of snagging every comedian’s dream, a set on one of the late night comedy shows.
It’s a road trip. There are some decent laughs. It’s a bit sad as it highlights how old people are basically young people trapped in bodies that are falling apart. Andie MacDowell stars as Chevy’s love interest. Part of me was happy to see her in a movie again and part of me realized that women may have a point about bias in the entertainment industry as Chevy and Richard look like a pair wet old farts but of course, they had to find the hottest old lady imaginable to tag along. God forbid Chevy hooks up with someone who looks like your actual grandma.
It’s not a movie I’d rush to see but I suppose that’s the beauty of Netflix. Just as Al gives his old friend one last shot at stardom, this streaming service is giving geezers who would normally be shipped off to the old fart home another chance to entertain.
Below, inform me of your book projects, writing projects or barring that, projects you are working on so that you suck less in January 2020 than you do right now.
This movie is garbage. Just total, red hot garbage.
Seriously. I don’t know why I’m even bothering to review it but here goes.
BQB here with a review of “The Oath.”
Somewhere out there is a movie about a family of people from different sides of the political spectrum who overcome their differences over the holidays and end up all the better for it.
This film is not it.
Initially, it seemed like it was trying to be. It takes place in a world where the government has sanctioned a supposedly non-mandatory oath, asking citizens to pledge their loyalty to the president. Talking head pundits explain that the pledge is not required, though mounting pressures make it so that those who don’t sign will be ostracized.
Enter Ike Barinholtz and Tiffany Haddish, a liberal couple who have vowed to not sign the oath. The deadline to sign is Black Friday and the majority of the film takes place during Thanksgiving week.
Over the course of the holiday, Ike gets angrier and angrier as he finds out everyone in his life who he thought was going to stick with him against the oath caves in and signs out of fear of retribution.
Meanwhile, in true Hollywood fashion, conservatives are portrayed as either monsters or dopes who blindly sign the pledge. Old man in a restaurant attacks people who don’t like the pledge with his cane = monster. Ike’s brother and sister-in-law who sign the pledge because they think it’s the patriotic thing to do = dopes.
Ironically, if there ever was an issue that would unite liberals and conservatives together, it would probably be a state sanctioned loyalty oath.
The film is schizophrenic and isn’t sure which direction it wants to go in. It’s billed as a comedy, but my funny bone was never tickled. It eventually turns into a violent, dramatic quasi-thriller, or at least it wants to be but the premise is so ridiculous that it makes who wonder what substance was being smoked by whoever green lit it. Worse, comedic elements are weaved into the mayhem, which just comes off as gross and stupid.
To the film’s credit, Ike works himself into a lather throughout the first half of the film, culminating into a crescendo where he loses it at Thanksgiving dinner, chews out his family of oath loving conservatives (and liberals who caved) and tells them they’re all pigs who should be hanged. Point made. If you get yourself so worked up over your political leanings that you start talking about breaking out the nooses for your own family, you might want to chill out and realize you’ve become the ogre that you claim to despise.
It could have ended there as a somewhat lackluster, forgettable film but then two agents from a government agency that administers the oath show up. Blah, blah, blah, mistakes are made and Ike and family end up in a brawl that ends with the agents severely wounded and held hostage.
At this point, you can almost hear whatever attempts at comedy had been made getting sucked out of the film. There are some jokes throughout the second half that fall utterly flat because, Jesus Christ and holy shit, there are two government agents who have been beaten half to death in the living room and yet somehow (SPOILER ALERT) no one ends up going to jail. Worse, some of the beatings are so hardcore that you wonder how they ended up in a comedy film because really, they’re the stuff of horror flicks.
I hate to give bad reviews of movies. After all, I’ve never made a movie before, so who am I to judge? This one sucks. And blows. It sucks and blows.
Is there a movie where a big, extended family that features a mix of die hard, conservative MAGA hat wearing Trump fans and hardcore, liberal pussy hat wearing resisters come together over the holidays and learn to love each other despite their disagreements? There is.
I doubt Hollywood could ever make it because both sides would have to be treated equally. That would require a script where jokes are made about BOTH liberals and conservatives AND conservatives would have to be portrayed as something more than the stereotypical hillbilly boogie man.
Moreover, characters would have to be allowed to discuss the major issues of the day and characters on BOTH sides of the aisle would have to be portrayed in a manner such that the audience could understand what life experiences the characters had that led them to that conclusion.
Hollywood could never do it. “Orange man=bad. Conservatives = hillbilly moonshine swigging boogie man who wants to kidnap all your non-white friends and hogtie them with the Confederate flag. The End.”
It’s too bad because if a legit comedy that gave us the ins and outs of a mixed family of conservatives and liberals could be made, it would be award winning stuff.
Again, this film isn’t it and it’s too bad because it could have been.
STATUS: Not shelf-worthy. The worst of 2018. Try not to blame Tiffany Haddish. She does her best to shine amidst a movie that is a pile of shit.
This review is more than meets the eye, 3.5 readers.
BQB here with a review of “Bumblebee.”
The first “Transformers” film wowed us and then the rest have been garbage. Admittedly, it is a tough situation. Focus too much on the humans and the nerds get upset. Focus too much on the robots and it becomes just a very expensive CGI cartoon.
I’m not sure “Bumblebee” is good in comparison to other films but in comparison to the rest of the Transformer movies, it shines. On the surface, it is the same old story told over again, namely that yet another wayward teenager (Hailee Steinfeld) seeks out a broken down car in a junkyard in the hopes of driving it to a new life, only to discover the car is a Transformer (and usually Bumblebee).
It’s shortly after the fall of Cybertron and Bumblee is scouting out Earth, waiting for Optimus and pals to arrive. He and Hailee will have to team up to fight Decepticons and John Cena who is an Army dude who isn’t quite sure what to think about transformers and, oh holy shit, do you really care?
It sucked less than the other films in the series. However, I think at some point Hollywood either needs to can it with the Transformers, or re-start anew and figure out a way to embrace some decent plots whilst not becoming too silly.
Ironically, the 1980s kid show was heady for its day. It was all about the fight for limited resources (the transformers need energy to run and Decepticons want to steal it from Earth) and about the responsible exercise of power (Decepticons believe that as twenty-foot tall robots they are destined to rule over humanity whereas Autobots believe that just because they could crush the humans doesn’t mean they should.)
Somewhere, there’s a good Transformers movie, but it hasn’t been made yet. This came a little closer though, largely because this particular human, set in a 1980s world, had a more compelling story than the other humans, i.e. Shia and Wahlberg.
Just re-watched “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.” Such a great movie. So, at the end, Indy drinks from the Holy Grail. Shouldn’t he remain immortal and never get old?
Then again, the knight said the grail can’t leave the tomb, so I’m going to guess you have to keep drinking from it to sustain immortality.
Bookshelf Battle 