Tag Archives: indiana jones

Daily Discussion with BQB – Is Indiana Jones Immortal?

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

Just re-watched “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.”  Such a great movie.  So, at the end, Indy drinks from the Holy Grail.  Shouldn’t he remain immortal and never get old?

Then again, the knight said the grail can’t leave the tomb, so I’m going to guess you have to keep drinking from it to sustain immortality.

Discuss.

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Previously on Bookshelf Battle…July 2014 Wrap-Up (Game of Thrones Edition)

Here’s what I wrote about in July 2014, told in Game of Thrones style:

LORDS VARYS AND BAELYSH walk through the empty throne room, the IRON THRONE looming large in their presence.

VARYS: My little birds tell me there’s an idiot out there who doesn’t know how to run a book blog.

BAELYSH: Yes, he’s supposed to be writing about books, not about TV and movies. Why is he boring everyone with his rants about Fargo and Better Call Saul?

VARYS: I confess I know not. Perhaps he thinks he’s the next Roger Ebert.

BAELYSH: To aspire to be the next Roger Ebert is a dangerous goal – like a man reaching for the sun and forgetting to keep his footing on the treacherous ground below him.

VARYS: Even worse, he apparently thinks he’s some type of comedian – making light of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. Does he think he could do be better if Hollywood gave him a budget and a crew?

BAELYSH: My whores could make a better movie than that if they were given a budget and a crew.

VARYS: Stupid lowborn.

BAELYSH: Idiot eunuch.

MEANWHILE ACROSS THE NARROW SEA:

The KHALEESI sits on a throne inside a pyramid. SER JORAH is on his knees, begging.

KHALEESI: You spied on me! You sent information about me and my child to the usurper!

JORAH: The info was mostly about your brother and come on, my lady, let’s be honest – he was kind of a dick.

KHALEESI: Even worse, you subscribed to a book blog that ONLY REVIEWED ONE BOOK IN JULY! Only one single, solitary book! How dare he call himself a book blogger if he can’t be bothered to produce more book reviews?

JORAH: But surely everyone wants to read a review of Fletch, Khaleesi!

KHALEESI: Don’t call me that! Leave at once, or I’ll have your head! Don’t come back until you’ve found a book blog that reviews at least TWO books a month!

BEYOND THE WALL…

YGRITTE: You know nothing, Jon Snow.

JON SNOW: Not true. I know all about the poem, Invictus thanks to a poetry discussion on bookshelfbattle.com

YGRITTE: We never should have left that cave.

JON SNOW: We had to. There was no Diet Shasta Strawberry soda in there.

ACROSS THE COUNTRYSIDE:

THE HOUND: All your relatives are dead, nobody to pay me my money, what in Seven Hells are we to do now?

ARYA: I don’t know. Maybe we could sing some Batman Day Carols or watch a Weird Al Music Video

THE HOUND: I’d rather borrow another one of me brother’s toys without asking again.

AT TYRION’S TRIAL

TYRION: I wish to confess. I saved you. I saved this city – and all your worthless lives. I should have let Stannis lecture you all into boredom about whether or not life is a tale told by an idiot.

I didn’t make Joffrey read about “A Plague on Both Your Houses!” though I wish I had!

AT THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE RED VIPER AND THE MOUNTAIN:

RED VIPER: You followed @bookshelfbattle on Twitter! You followed http://bookshelfbattle.tumblr.com/ on tumblr! You liked the Bookshelf Battle page on Facebook! Admit it! I’ll hear you confess! Who gave the order?!

THE MOUNTAIN: YEAH I FOLLOWED ALL THE FABULOUS BOOKSHELFBATTLE SOCIAL MEDIA!!! AND I DID IT JUST LIKE THIS! (Smashes the Red Viper’s computer into a million pieces).

As always, thanks for reading. Looking forward to entertaining you with more booktabulous goodness in August.

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Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull is a Red Hot Pile of Smelly Garbage

You may have noticed by now, that I’m a pretty kind reviewer. If I don’t like a book, movie, tv show, etc. I generally keep it to myself. After all, I haven’t produced a book, movie, tv show, etc. so who am I to criticize someone who has managed to turn their vision into a consumer product for a mass audience? If I like something, I’ll share it. If I hate it, I’ll keep it to myself.

But where I have to break that rule is with the movie, Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. It’s on my mind right now because I’m watching the Indiana Jones Marathon on SpikeTV. SpikeTV, I doubt anyone from your network will ever read this, but if someone does, please remove Crystal Skull from any future Indy marathons. That film is a red hot pile of smelly garbage. Indy purists such as myself prefer to believe that it never happened.

In fact, rather than believe that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg decided to haphazardly slap together a pile of crap to cash in on the name brand of a long beloved film franchise, I instead prefer to believe either:

A) That this movie was the result of Lucas and Spielberg having simultaneous strokes, causing them to produce unintelligible rubbish.

B) That Shia LaBeouf had some kind of dirt on them

C) That the film was made not to entertain but to somehow subtely communicate coded messages about aliens to the world

D) That it was produced by a group of adults who had suffered through having to pay for their dumb kids to go to archaeology school because they saw Indiana Jones and thought that becoming an archaeologist would lead to untold adventures and world travels only to discover that it only leads to a career at Burger King and so they wanted to make the archeology profession look uncool.

I could go on all day about why this movie stinks worse than a pile of day old carp, but here are my big:

1) Aliens – I always enjoyed the Indy movies because of their supernatural elements. Yet, I did not like that aliens were such a big part of Crystal Skull. “But there was all kinds of unbelievable stuff in the first three Indy movies that were just as unbelievable as the idea that aliens exist!” you might argue.

True! And in fact, a topic for another time is that, while to date unproven, the idea of the existence of alien life on other planets is not all the unbelievable. However, in the first three films, there was the idea that if a man were to explore the deepest, darkest parts of the Earth, to study ancient books, tests, puzzles, etc. that he could uncover all kinds of supernatural mysteries. Believable or not, the first three movies are based on ancient cultural and religious ideas. In other words, finding a Holy Grail that grants the drinker holy life is about as believable (or unbelievable) as the existence of aliens, but hey, at least as kids many of us are indoctrinated into believing the bible, religion, etc. so the idea that an archaeologist could study old religious artifacts and legends and so on and unravel supernatural doings just seems awesome whereas having said archaeologist encounter aliens just seems like cheesy science fiction.

2) Failure to Take Itself Seriously – The Nazis provided the perfect villains for the earlier movies but, well, in case you fell asleep in history class, they were removed from power by the 1950’s so another source of villainy had to be found. Naturally, the Russians make for the perfect villains in a cold war era based movie, but the Russians in this movie just failed to be as scary as the Nazis of the other films.

On top of that, there was the scene where Indy gets launched out of a nuclear blast inside a fridge. Enough said.

3) Shia LaBeouf – Hey, he was great in the Transformers but I like to thing the offspring of Indy and Marion Ravenwood would be about 90 percent more awesome.

In conclusion, Indy 4 never happened. Indy 1-3 are the only Indy films that I recognize. There will never be a copy of Indy 4 on my shelf.

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