Category Archives: Search Engine Optimized Poetry

Search Engine Optimized Poet – Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

:::Bongo Drum Beats:::

Hey there all you hep cats and hep kittens. Come on down to the East Randomtown Java Bean, where the poets always stink and the cups are never clean.

Next on the mic is the one and only Search Engine Optimized Poet…the only rhyme-smith whose beats bring in the Googler’s feets, ya dig?

Chicken! Whoa, chicken!

Why oh why did you cross the road?

Was it to get to the other side?

Or was it to carry a load…

…of eggs.  Your tiny chicken kids.

Soft drink cups come with plastic lids.up-korora-beatnik-800px

Bids.  Its what eBay takes.

Whether you want to bid on old custom cars or a pile of used rakes.

Fakes? Most celebrities are.

I think I’ll head out to the nearest sports bar.

I’m going to order a burrito, a mojito and avoid getting bitten by a mosquito, duh!

Because after all, the zika virus is in Florida.

Home of Disneyworld.

This blog is my outlet to let my poetry go unfurled.

Can it ever be re-furled?

I prefer my cheese to be curled.

Cheese! It is my very favorite snack.

I carry a fifty pound sack of it on my back.

For cheddar in my diet is a staple that I lack.

Crack? Its in your butt or the sidewalk.

What is the chicken doing now?

I don’t know.

That feathery schmuck won’t talk.

 

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Search Engine Optimized Poet – What is the Meaning of Life?

:::Bongo Drum Beats:::

Hey there all you hep cats and hep kittens. Come on down to the East Randomtown Java Bean, where the poets always stink and the cups are never clean.

Next on the mic is the one and only Search Engine Optimized Poet…the only rhyme-smith whose beats bring in the Googler’s feets, ya dig?

Life! Whoa, life!

Why oh why am I here?

Oh how many nights I have spent,

Trying to find the answer in a beer?up-korora-beatnik-800px

Cheer…for those who know what they are meant for.

Jeer…at those who sleep through life and snore.

Bore.  I don’t want to be an SEO poet anymore.

I want to spread my wings and soar.

My existence should not be such an arduous chore.

But seriously, what is all of this for?

Am I here to play Pokemon Go?

Surely the answer is “no.”

Am I here to watch reality TV?

Surely there must be something better to see.

Drat. I need to pee.

Pouring out existential wisdom and also spent Diet Shasta Orange  into the porcelain throne.

“What is my purpose?!” is the query that I moan.

If you run a dream bank, I’d like to take out a loan.

But alas, that statement I must edit.

For I have run out of credit.

Irony, thy name is life!

For by the time I have figured out thee,

One thing will be for certain…

…you will be done with me.

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Search Engine Optimized Poet #2 – Why Do Men Have Nipples?

Nipples!  Whoa, nipples!up-korora-beatnik-800px

Why are there nipples on a man?

It’s not like they can squirt milk into a can.

Or can they?  A Google search for this info is now a part of my plan.

Flan?  How do I make it?

And your coffee.  How do you take it?

Is a Keurig easy to use?

Which brand of java should I use?

Booze.  Which kind is best to get me drunk?

Will the city dump take all of my junk?

I’m in a funk.  Because I want to know whether or not it will rain.

And which is the best laundry detergent?  Tide or Gain?

Who is that stuck up dude who used to play Dr. Frasier Crane?

Oh search engine, there is so much for you to explain.

Like why are there bubbles in champagne?

Maybe to help me celebrate.

What is the best site to find a date?

How many oranges come in a crate?

Does anyone remember that old TV show, “Sister Kate?”

Wasn’t it only on air for a year?

Where can I find the tastiest beer?

There are so many things that I fear.

Like what do I do if I get bitten by a gnome?

Will I be ok?  Should I just go on home?

Foam.  Where can I find a pillow made out of foam?

Did E.T. ever phone home?

Of that film, I am very fond.

Speaking of movies, who was the best James Bond?

Do gentlemen really prefer blondes?

How do I take of my fern’s delicate fronds?

I wish there weren’t so many questions floating around inside my mind.

Oh Internet, sweet Internet, I really am in a bind.

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Search Engine Optimized Slam Poetry

:::Bongo drum beats:::

ANNOUNCER: Oh yeah.  Welcome all you hep cats and kittens to the East Randomtown Java Bean, where our poets are never good and the cups are never clean.

Sit back, relax and feast your ears on frequently used search engine terms, as recited by a far out beatnik, ya’ dig?

Kardashian!  Kardashian!

Nude photos are what I do seek.

Sleek and sexy pics of a goddess created in 1980 though I swear her bosoms must have started cooking in 1975. You jive?

This mole!  This mole!  This mole that is on my back.up-korora-beatnik-800px

Should I get it looked at, Jack?

When my mole changes colors, is it bad?

Is it just one of the many bodily imperfections that makes me, me?

Or is it the calling card of the Grim Reaper? No it can’t be.

I am not ready.

Though will I ever be?

Probably not.

How much was that Samsung Galaxy that my neighbor bought?

Women!  Oh women!

How can I look better for chicks?

How can I drop flab and improve my abs?

Where I can I buy a selfie-stick?

Who killed JFK?  Will we meet aliens one day?

Is Trump’s hair for real?  Does Costco have good deals?

How many calories are in McDonald’s meals?

I’m trying to watch my weight.

How do I ask a foxy lady out on a date?

Pluto!  Oh Pluto!  Pluto, are you still a planet?

Or are you just Mickey Mouse’s dog?

How do I fix a toilet that’s been clogged?

Is there anything that Siri doesn’t know?

What in the hell is zero divided by zero?

Can you believe Khloe and Lamar gave it another go?

Whoa!  Put my mind at ease.

What’s the best treatment to cure my dog of those pesky fleas?

Is global warming caused by chopping down too many trees?

What smells can be removed with a spritz of Febreze?

Is there a way I can stop losing my car keys?

I want to go to the movies.

What time does the latest flick start?

And tell me…will I die if I hold in my fart?

Who does Caitlyn Jenner’s hair?

Can Ronda Rousey defeat me with one icy glare?

Is this the right season to buy a pear?

Should I go to IKEA to buy my next chair?

Stamos!  John Stamos!  How in the world does he still look so youthful?

How can I tell if my mate is being truthful?

I can’t think of a word that rhymes with truthful but I can think of thoughts that strain the minds of lesser men.

Why did Mike Brady spend so much time in his den?

Did it make him feel zen?

I know where I am but do you know where I’ve been?

I’ve been to Mars.  On a rocket that was thrustin’.

What’s the latest single from Bieber comma Justin?

Is it Sorry?  Is he really sorry?

What was the first video console ever made?

I bet it was Atari.

After a first date, how many days must I wait…before I can call that chick again?

Was Peter Parker’s father really named Ben?

Stress!  Oh stress!  How can I push you away?

When is the next holiday?

Is Adam Lambert gay?

Is that a cool question to even say?

It probably isn’t.  My apologies.

What is the best wine to drink while eating cheese?

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