Bookshelf Battle

Hey 3.5 Readers,

For those of you just tuning in, I have been working on a Zombie Western novel, “How the West Was Zombed” since January 2016.

I’m 65,000 words in, a record for me, as I have a habit of starting and stopping stories, leaving them half-finished to move on to something else before any of them are ever finished.

I’m determined to finish this one though. It has been a challenge.

I’d appreciate your feedback, good or bad. It is a rough draft but the rough draft but completing a rough draft will be a first for me.

Check it out. Let me know what you think. And don’t be afraid to be like Vinny Baggadouchio and tell me if it sucks.

Hey 3.5 Readers,

So I’m bringing my reblog of the 31 Zombie Author Interview series to a close. The coveted Halloween 2015 spot was reserved for none other than David W. Wright of the Self-Publishing Podcast.

With his co-author Sean Platt, he’s brought to life a futuristic zombie battle royale in the Z2134 series. Also as 1/3 of the SPP trio, he and his buds have become an inspiration to many aspiring self-publishers, myself included.

I have to say that listening to their podcast made me realize that self-publishing is a viable option and with enough work it is possible to create a self-publishing business.

By the way, I also recommend Johnny, Sean and Dave’s “Worst Show Ever” Podcast in which they more or less analyze all of Dave’s issues – his decoy wallet, his lack of luck when it comes to finding good restaurant service, his fear that if he leaves a soda in his car someone might mess with it…is he paranoid or is he just wiser than the rest of us? Perhaps a little from Column A and a little from Column B.

At any rate, this trio have become my personal heroes as of late, so it was a lot of fun to pose some questions to one of them.

And with that, I have now blogged and reblogged the 31 Zombie Authors series.

What fun that was. I hope to do it again some day. I thought about interviewing these authors a second time, but I’m also thinking maybe I’ll interview yet another 31 zombie authors…then I will have interviewed 62 zombie authors!

Previously on How the West Was Zombed…

Miss Bonnie and her new werewolf friend, the young amateur werewolf Miles ran to the church with evil werewolf Becker in hot pursuit.

Miss Bonnie shot him with a silver bullet, but Becker kept running and running…until he collapsed on top of Blake, crushing him to death instantly.

But that was ok because Blake was an epic douche. One of those guys who is always quick to point out how everyone else is wrong but never has a suggestion to offer himself.

By the way – I meant these drawings as a joke. Sometimes jokes don’t always land and I worry maybe my 3.5 readers thought that I thought I was a great artist or something.

Nope. It was all done sarcastically.

Fear not. If I finish this I’ll enlist the help of 99Designs or some other reputable artist for a book cover.

I can’t believe we live in a time when it is relatively easy to find someone to draw a book cover.

Anyway, it is time for more chapters of this masterpiece.

Previously on How the West Was Zombed…

Holy Crap. LOTS of stuff going on here….so much so this chapter actually took me a few days to write because I had to keep stopping to think what I wanted to do, say, and how to say it.

Overall, the chapter has two main points:

1) Explain why the hell Blythe just doesn’t take out a gun and shoot Slade while he’s sleeping. Remember Austin Powers? Scott asks Dr. Evil why he doesn’t just shoot Austin and call it a day. And Dr. Evil responds that he’s just going to leave Austin in an easily escapable predicament with one inept guard.

I didn’t want to go that “incompetent villain” route. Blythe is smart. So I went with the “oppressed employee” route.

Have you ever had a boss that practically made you hop on one foot, chew bubble gum, yodel, do breakdance moves, jumping jacks and climb Mt. Everest at the same time and act like it is all perfectly reasonable?

And there’s a part of you that just wants to explain to the boss that if you could do my job for 5 minutes, you’d see why your request is not a good idea?

But you don’t because you don’t want to be fired.

That’s basically what’s happening here. The board, made up of pampered vampires who don’t do much to get their uh…fangs…dirty…put out all these edicts for Blythe to follow.

The board wanted Joe to suffer so as to scare their werewolf lackeys into submission. Blythe was against that, having advised to kill him outright, lest he become a problem and sure enough, he is now a problem.

They also feel Slade could be turned evil with the right motivation. We learn that vampires can glamour people by looking into their souls, finding out what they want the most and mentally communicating a promise that they’ll get it if they just do whatever the vampire wants.

But Slade is such a depressed guy that he doesn’t believe he could ever really be happy, so there’s nothing there to help Blythe glamour him.

The vampire board wants Blythe to try to turn him to their side. Blythe knows this is pointless but he has to try. (Just like you have to hop one one foot and chew gum etc etc at least 50 times before your boss figures out he made a mistake – they can’t trust you that it is a mistake, they need to see the mistake happen).

So reluctantly, Blythe agrees. There’s an allusion to the fact that he’s plotting to do something to Slade’s women that might put him on a path to evil.

2) This chapter also paves the way for future books and if enough people pony up the cash for me to get a dinner at Applebees after this book, I’ll write two more so I can go out to Chili’s for some baby back ribs and Buffalo Wild Wings for some buffalo wild wings.

There’s some kind of relationship between Blythe and Lady Blackwood going on. They hold hands and she takes his arm as they walk. I don’t really ever give an answer. You’re free to think they boink or that they are just colleagues and in those days it was expected that a man give a woman he is walking next to his arm to prevent her from falling.

Shit. Try to give a woman your arm today to prevent her from falling and say hello to the lawsuit but I digress.

What we do find out about whatever relationship they have – they both believe they are the two smartest vampires in the room.  They are both like minded, practical, they both work on the ground, on the front lines, they know the board’s silly whims are stupid.  There’s a suggestion they’d be interested in bumping the board off and becoming a ruling duo if Blythe’s plan is successful.

Also – the “chairman” tricks people into thinking that he doesn’t exist.  Can you think of someone else who has tricked the world into thinking he doesn’t exist?  Read your bible, heathens!

I like Blackwood’s name and it makes me sad that I have to change it. My proposed sequel takes place partially in Deadwood (HBO show fans rejoice) so you can’t have a person named Blackwood in a town called Deadwood.

I’ll have to think of something though since she’s Scottish I’m thinking about just calling her Lady Tavish and calling it a day.

I don’t want to give too much away about the sequel other than Wild Bill Hickok had been a problem for the vampires, Lady Blackwood did something evil about it, and now Hickok’s friends Calamity Jane and Charlie Utter are after the lady.

In my mind, I’ve mapped out a lot of that novel already. I’m a little nervous about using actual people as characters though I believe most people will understand it is pure fantasy.

Although I’m sure there is a good part of the population who is convinced that Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter….so…sorry Wild Bill, Jane, and Charlie.

And if you like those two books, the third will find Wyatt Earp taking on vampires, werewolves and zombies in yet another novel guaranteed to raise enough funds for a dinner.

I am a little torn though. Wyatt’s best friend was Doc Holliday. In this novel I have a Doc Faraday. I’m debating on maybe changing him to Doc Farrelly or just leave it and if a fan complains I’ll just say shit I’m sorry I never thought I’d make it to a third novel.

OTHER STUFF:

Some talk of Blythe being punished with the removal of his medallion. Lady B says that’ll be the least of your worries. Blythe disagrees and basks in the sun.

Vampires don’t usually enjoy the sun, right?

Finally, I try not to make Blythe funny and instead have him be evil but I couldn’t resist an ending in which he comes back to the real world and freaks the hell out to find Becker and Hewitt (as werewolves) starting at him.

I had fun writing this chapter.

Lots of stuff happening here.

1) It begins with Blythe having a headache. Signs of his headache continue throughout…I hope this means you, the reader, want to know what is causing his headache.

2) The Buchanan Boys are destroying Miss Bonnie’s saloon. Again, other than Smelly Jack, the Buchanans are superfluous and interchangeable. Think of them as the minions, except not yellow or bean shaped and instead, they are cowboys.

3) Some character development for Miss Bonnie. She loves her place and protests its destruction but when told she’ll be reimbursed, she immediately decides to pad the bill. So, if you hadn’t already noticed, she’s not exactly a solid citizen. We see that again when she comes to Roscoe’s defense, only we find out she’s worried about him because he is a paying customer and not him personally.

4) Doc is getting them all to drink his Miracle Cure All.

5) And we learn…pretty much…though without it being expressly said…that Doc was the dumb dupe that started a cross country zombie apocalypse currently making its way for Highwater.

6) It is hard because I feel Doc and Blythe are very similar – both educated, both have high opinions of themselves, both use fancy words – Blythe isn’t stupid though whereas Doc is naive and his ego can be stroked to disastrous results.

7) You learn what caused the headache at the end. I feel like I invented something here. I’m sure nerds out there can point out other books where characters “meet inside their minds” so ok maybe I didn’t invent it but I think it is somewhat original and unique.

Basically – Blythe is an employee of “the board” and the board can call him into a mind meeting, regardless of whether he wants to be in one. His head starts to hurt, his eyes turn red, he freezes still like a statue and “the mind meeting” begins.

Just a hint here that Joe is plotting an offensive on his own against Blythe’s werewolves, the “dirty animals” comment referring to Mr. Becker and Mr. Hewitt obviously.

Leo the drunk in the cage – it is a reference to the Andy Griffith Show, the small town sheriff where Otis the town drunk was a recurring character and things were so informal that he let himself in and out of the cell on his own.

I’m thinking about changing Leo to Roscoe Crandall, who you may remember got punched in the face by Slade for calling Miss Bonnie a whore.

I picture him sleeping one off in later chapters and eventually makes his way to the group and perhaps he spills the beans to Sarah that Slade and Miss Bonnie are more than just casual acquaintances.

My chapters are short…maybe too short. I’ve written 60 some odd chapters already but really I only have like 40,000 words total. But people see 60 and wonder why it is going on for so long.

I think people will get it when it is laid out in a book though. James Patterson does his chapters this way. Every time there’s a new scene, people have changed locations, a new point to make, there’s a new chapter.

This one is really short…almost too short. But not sure if anything can be done about it.

Miles throws himself in poop. I know. Gross. But now you want to keep reading to find out why, right?

A lot of stuff going on here.

This whole part of the story is called “History Repeats Itself” because it does.

Joe is basically in the same predicament he was with the slave master. Except now he’s being held captive by Blythe, his vampire master. I purposely tried to make a lot of similarities between the two chapters.

Lorant, the slave master, tells the slaves “how good they have it.” Blythe does the same here. Both masters take his wife to use as leverage against him.

You learn about the “hierarchy of evil.” Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies in that order.

Vampires have brains but no souls so they’re on the top. They can hatch evil plots and carry them out because their lack of a soul means no weakness or remorse.

Werewolves are in the middle. They have brains so they can carry out the vampires’ bidding, but they have souls, so they can sometimes be reasoned with or talked into doing the right thing.

Zombies have no brains or souls…they’re just super dumb.

They walk around aimlessly doing what zombies do, though the vampire whose blood they drank can control them.

Purists will say these aren’t zombies but ghouls but whatever. Same thing.

One lesson here is writing can sometimes limit what you want to do. He’s in some kind of evil dungeon. Normally, you’d pick up your dead wife and carry her away, give her a decent burial.

But he’s got Miles with him…and after thinking about it, it just seemed unlikely he’d want him to see that so…he just leaves her there.

Sometimes you get boxed in and you have to go with the flow.

This chapter marked the point of no return, pushing the story deeper into violence, uncomfortableness, swearing etc.

The slave master uses the N-word. I worry about that. People are understandably very sensitive about stuff like that these days.

But Joe does turn into a damn werewolf and tears the master in half so…Tarantino style revenge fantasy, right?