Category Archives: Writing

The Best Story I Have

Hello 3.5 Readers,

My stories are my children so I am loathe to refer to one of them as “my best” or “my favorite.”

Since I actively started blogging in 2014 (in the hopes doing so would inspire a career as a novelist) the ideas have been flowing into my head non-stop. Many of them are ideas I’ve had for years. Others brand new.

The sad part is I’m not sure there will be enough time for me to ever tell you all of them. Thus, picking which story to work on the most, or rather, which “kid” to put on display (I guess I’m an obnoxious pageant mother if we’re keeping up with this analogy) depends on a gut feeling of a) what I feel I will be able to produce given the limits on my free time and b) what the audience might enjoy.

So while I’m loathe to say one of my “story kids” is better than the other, let’s just say I have, for a long, long time now, been working on a story whose artwork really, really deserves a plum spot on the old fridge.

But…out of all my story ideas, it’s the most complex.  I don’t really want to get into the details but there’s a lot of moving parts.

I’ve tried various drafts.  It’s very complicated. There are a lot of characters and a lot is going on. There’s trickery and intrigue. It’s not all that funny like my usual stuff is but it is an idea that’ll make you think.

And honestly, it is also bizarre and unusual, so the general public might have some different thoughts about it.  Some of you might think it’s brilliant. Others may read it and think I need to be on meds.

I actually don’t think its an idea that could have been pursued a decade or two ago, what with changing social norms and all.

But…it’s so complicated that after various drafts I just told myself maybe this idea has to wait until I’m a better writer, or at least until I figure out how to approach it better.

Time does indeed help.  Sometimes you can hit a wall with a story, put it away, and after awhile, it dawns on you how to leap over that wall in a way that banging your head against that wall would have never achieved.

After attempting a number of drafts and finally, after giving my brain that simmer time, my gut tells me the story is so complicated that it can really only be told through a series of at least 7 novels.

That’s 7 novels with sort of “story arc” of their own that build upon one another until the climax in the 7th.

That’s a lot for a guy who’s never published one novel.  So ultimately, that’s why I pursued other projects.

Currently, I’m working on Pop Culture Mysteries.  That’s also my kid.

Sticking with the kid analogy, Pop Culture Mysteries is a good boy.  He does his homework and helps with the dishes and wears a clean shirt on picture day.

The other idea, also my kid, is like an emo goth kid that I have to listen to all of his problems and though I have no clue how to help him, try to do so anyway.

But enough of the analogies.

I guess my whole point with this post is that writing has made me aware more than ever about how little time I have left in the grand scheme of things.

I work.  In my spare time, I tend to life’s necessities. I have others I have to help. Then if I get an hour a day to write I’m lucky.

Thus, 1 book a year is possible…2 a year is the only way I’ll get anywhere but I’m not sure its possible.

I got sick over Christmas and stayed in bed for 2 days, binge watching TV. It’s the first time I’d done anything like that all year.  Normally, I go to work, do all the other stuff I need to do, then write.

I woke up so rested Sunday that it made me realize perhaps, just health wise, I do need to stop and goof off more.  But I hate to.  Because then that’s even less writing time.

I know.  This post made no sense.

In an attempt to make it make sense, let me say that if you folks dig my first couple of books i.e. Pop Culture Mysteries then at some point I might be motivated to wrack my brains on a very complicated, flow chart requiring mind bending 7 novel series.

That only 3.5 people will read.

 

 

 

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BQB’s Future Game Plan

My previous post aside, here is where my mind is at the moment:1371251154

SEASON ONE OF POP CULTURE MYSTERIES – A series of posted stories on popculturemysteries.com in which Jake Dashing, a private investigator who fell asleep for sixty years, adjusts to modern life. Begrudgingly, he’ll search for answers to BQB’s pop culture questions and share mysteries from his past and present.

By the end of Season One, Jake’s past will catch up to him in the form of an “item” or “items” he acquired during a mission he went on in World War II in which he <WAIT FOR IT> punched Adolf Hitler in the face.

Someone wants that item/items. A bad someone. And he’ll be willing to wreak havoc on Jake’s new modern life and the people he cares about to get it.

And that someone does not like that Jake has been talking online about how he punched Hitler in the face, even if BQB’s blogs only have 3.5 readers.

That’s 3.5 too many for this bad guy.

THAT LEADS INTO…

OPERATION FUHRERPUNSCHEN – the first novel I hope to publish set in Jake’s world, detailing how he, you guessed it, punched Adolf Hitler in the face and acquired the item/items so desired by the bad guy in season one.

BOOKSHELF BATTLE CROSSOVER – Yup. If you’re into it, you’ll have to read both blogs. The “bad someone” will infuriate Jake to the point where top secrets be damned and he contracts with Bookshelf Q. Battler to publish Operation Fuhrerpunschen.

There is significant backlash.  Bookshelf Q. Battler, for helping Jake disclose details of the top secret punch Hitler in the face mission, is taken from his beloved BQB Headquarters and thrown into an undisclosed, clandestine government “black site.”

Video Game Rack Fighter will then take the blog over as host for the foreseeable future after that, saddened that her nerdy man is gone but willing to do her part to keep his dream of entertaining 3.5 readers alive.

BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER NOVEL – At first I thought BQB’s escapes were only something for the blog, but I thought of an idea that is funny enough (with just the right amount of adventure) that it might be worth a full fledged novel.

Long story short, a worldwide crisis occurs…THAT ONLY A NERD CAN SOLVE.  BQB is given the chance to win back his freedom…IF HE SAVES THE WORLD!

UNDISCLOSED OTHER NOVEL – BQB might spend a long ass time in that black site, giving me enough time to write a novel that has nothing to do with BQB or Jake. Did I say I’ll write it? I mean that Video Game Rack Fighter will find a novel that BQB wrote and self-publish it for him…I can only assume because doing so will keep the Mighty Potentate at bay.

The Mighty Potentate won’t be pleased the Chosen One is missing, after all.

THE FUTURE, FUTURE: Notice I haven’t said when any of the above will happen because who the heck knows when I’ll be able to get to all or any of it? A year?  Couple of years? I don’t know. As fast as possible without sacrificing quality or giving myself a stroke basically.

But, if you all dig it and the numbers are there to justify carrying on, I foresee:

MORE JAKE NOVELS: Two more after the Hitler punching mission in which Jake a) has an adventure in Hong Kong and b) has an adventure in Cuba before going back to America. And if you like it, there will be more cases from his past and even some more novel worthy adventures in his present.

MORE BQB NOVELS – If I can think of more BQB novel worthy nonsense. That I’m not sure of.  But possibly.  They will likely require a character to sit the adventure out and host the blog with the claim that BQB can’t blog right now as he is on an adventure.  Maybe the Yeti can take over.

MORE INDEPENDENT NOVELS – That have nothing to do with this nonsense. VGRF keeps finding them in BQB’s sock drawer or something. Who knows?

DESIGN – The books will be written in such a way that you won’t have had to read the blogs to enjoy them. If you enjoy the books, hopefully you’ll dig deeper into the blogs.

And allow me to sell you more stuff so I can get pizzaid.  I didn’t say that. I’m in this for the art.

ANYWAY… I’ve just laid out a possible game plan for the future, what say you, 3.5 readers?  Are you in for this ride or does it all sound incredibly dumb and I should just go pound sand?

 

 

 

 

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Blogging vs. Book Writing

I fully intended to write and self-publish a book this year.

Originally, the one post a day challenge was never meant to be anything more than “at least say hello” once a day to attract more followers.

But then I got into it. Bookshelf Q. Battler was born. His supporting cast was born. Holy crap, there was even a spin off in “Pop Culture Mysteries.”

As the year comes to an end, I’ve gained roughly a thousand new blog followers, over 5000 additional Twitter followers, 800 Google Plus followers, etc.

That’s all great, though few of them actually make the leap to come over and check what’s happening on the blog.

So as rich as BQB’s world has grown, it dawns on me that had I taken the bit of time I used every day to write a blog post and focused it onto a novel, I’d of been able to get a novel published this year.

There’s the rub. There are many who say that getting that book out onto Amazon will do more for you than blogging. Amazon has more power than your blog, after all.

But then there’s another rub. There’s two rubs. Until this becomes a money making endeavor, I’d rather let BQB take all the credit. But that means building up the BQB brand. Giving our nerdy hero a backstory, friends, enemies, building his world, Jake’s world, and letting them cross over on the blogs now and again.

I worry that people don’t like to read fiction on blogs. But my hope is that maybe enough of you will grow to like BQB and Jake enough to want to read their adventures in a book format, whenever I get around to writing and publishing one.

Meanwhile, when that book comes out, I hope people who like it will be interested enough to check out the stuff on my blogs.

QUESTION: Stick with the fictional blogs tying into books idea or scrap it and just focus on writing and publishing 1-2 books a year, with little to no more blogging as that cuts too much into book writing time. My free time is very limited so whatever I do, it needs to count.

 

 

 

 

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Fictional Blogs – What Do You Think?

Ahem.  *clears throat*

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Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog…in a rare moment where he isn’t licking his nose.

Going forward, the gist of “Bookshelf Battle” is this:

It’s a fictional blog chronicling the adventures of Bookshelf Q. Battler, a nerd/blogger/caretaker of a magic bookshelf. He is the proprietor of “The Bookshelf Battle Blog,” a site that caters only to 3.5 readers. No matter how many readers this site actually gets, in “the story” BQB only gets 3.5 readers.

While pursuing his dream of becoming a writer, BQB faces all manner of villains, yetis, a mad scientist, zombies and more.  He’s haunted by his deceased grumpy uncle and his alive aunt runs circles around him with all the debauchery she gets into.

He lives in East Randomtown, a burg filled with all manner of weirdos, degenerates, and losers, several of whom look to BQB as a leader due to the fact that he’s created a WordPress blog with 3.5 readers, which shows how little the citizenry has achieved. Others argue its the late Doug Hauser, who was an extra for 30 seconds in a 1980’s cop drama, or the late Leo McKoy, the man who’s 95 percent sure he delivered a reuben sandwich to James Van Der Beek at the height of his Dawson’s Creek glory.

In short, East Randomtowners have a tendency to crap on BQB only to then call on him whenever disaster strikes, and as one of few citizens with more than two brain cells to rub together, he feels obliged to save the day.

BQB and his girlfriend, Video Game Rack Fighter are a team.  They support one another in their dreams and goals and also in fighting the various crazies that come their way.

To complicate matters, a maniacal alien despot, “The Mighty Potentate” has deemed BQB to be “the Chosen One,” i.e. the writer who will one day publish a book so finely crafted that it will convince Earthlings to abandon reality television, that form of entertainment truly despised by the Potent One, who prefers scripted media.

To that end, the Mighty Potentate’s emissary, Alien Jones, acts as BQB’s trusted advisor, protector, and confidant. Alien Jones views it as a crap assignment, but sucks it up and does the best he can with it, but often feels dejected whenever he catches BQB staring at his navel and eating cookies when he should be writing.

BQB feels tremendous pressure to write and bring hits to his blog, due to the fact that the Mighty Potentate has declared that he’ll conquer Earth if BQB fails to write a glorious novel.

Finally, there’s a spinoff, “Pop Culture Mysteries.” Jake Dashing, a 1950’s private eye who fell asleep for 60 years only to wake up in modern times, has essentially been blackmailed by BQB.

BQB claims to know why Jake took such a long nap and how he can get back to his own time, but he’ll have to solve 100 pop culture mysteries first.  Along the way, Jake will share tales of actual mysteries he solves, from the past and the present.

<GASP> Oh my god that was such a longwinded explanation.

That last paragraph, I hope, is where the desperately needed effort to monetize this whole shebang will come in.

If the “Pop Culture Mysteries” blog takes off, Jake’s first novel will be about how he punched Hitler in the face.  If people like it, there will be more Jake novels in the future.

The Pop Culture Mysteries site can be considered a stand alone from the novels.  They are about Jake’s efforts to solve pop culture questions and to make it in a world much different from the one he’s used to.

The tricky part is the stories on the blog will refer to things that happened, whereas the novels will get into more detail about what happened.

You won’t need to have read the blog or the novels to enjoy the other.

MY HOPE: is that enough people like the Pop Culture Mysteries blog that they’ll continue with Jake’s first novel…even if it’s like a hundred people that might be a worthwhile boost.

MY FEAR: I’m setting myself up to write two novels – one being a “season” of posts on the blog and then a novel.  Should I just write two novels and put ’em up on Amazon?

And also…I love writing and its my passion but I want to do it right, even if that means it takes more time…so potentially I might not get a novel out in 2016.  I hope I do.  It could end up that I focus on Pop Culture Mysteries blog in 2016 and then get the novel out in 2017.

I worry about that because I know getting a novel out there is what I need to move this all forward so…I don’t know.

Advise me 3.5 readers.  Is my fictional blog/novel tie in a good idea or the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard of?

 

 

 

 

 

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Losers Seeking Redemption

I’ve conducted an analysis of every story idea I’ve ever had and there’s one key theme:

Losers seeking redemption.

3.5 READERS: But BQB, every story is about a loser seeking redemption.

Not really.  It depends on how low of a loser we’re talking about.  Mine are pretty low.

Luke Skywalker may have been a poor farm boy, but he could have told Obi Wan to stick his light saber where the sun don’t shine and taken over his Aunt and Uncle’s farm, rejecting the Jedi life altogether had he wanted to. He could have lived a comfortable life.  He didn’t do anything wrong or dumb or stupid that he needed to make up for in order to feel like his life had meaning.

Rick Grimes isn’t a loser.  He’s just a dude driven to extremes by a harsh new world. But he didn’t do anything he needed to make up for.  Sure, his wife and friend got it on but that was after they thought he was dead (for five minutes) and if anything that reflects badly on them not him.

So most stories are about characters facing difficult decisions but they aren’t starting out as losers.  All of my heroes start out as losers and the objective seems to be a way for them to not be losers anymore.

Hate to say it, but I’m a loser seeking redemption.

Are you a loser seeking redemption?  I wish you the best of luck on your path, loser.

 

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The Summer of Bookshelf

Take a knee 3.5 readers.1371251154-2

It’s time to talk about this summer – “The Summer of Bookshelf.”

For awhile now, I’ve been working on two separate stories:

1)  Bookshelf Q. Battler and The Meaning of Life – Your host, the reclusive Bookshelf Q. Battler, leaves the Bookshelf Battle Compound and heads out into the world on an adventure in search of mankind’s most elusive question:

Why are the Clippers even allowed in the NBA?

Oh wait.  Sorry.  I was looking at the wrong cue card.

What is the meaning of life?

Finally, we’ll learn a bit more about my magical bookshelf and catch a glimpse at some of those fictional characters as they step out of BQB’s books, drive him crazy, and encourage him in his travels.

2)  Top Secret Project – That’s not the name of the story.  I just, for a variety of reasons, don’t want to share the name at the moment.  I’ve had an idea that I’m pretty proud of and I want to shout it from the rooftops but I realize it will be worth the wait to polish it up a bit first.

You folks have been a blast lately.  The hit counter is climbing, the Google Plussers have been particularly helpful, and inspiration continues to strike.

I have a tendency to be one of those people who puts out what he takes in and all I can say is you all deserve a round of applause.

There’s a method to my madness in this post.  I’ve found a rule to be true with me – if I post it on my blog, it happens.  And since I’m tired of dilly dallying and want these stories out there, I’m announcing them.

I hope to get these both started in May, no later than June.

Stick around, 3.5.  It’s going to get all kinds of fabulous up in this joint.

Meanwhile, if you can’t wait, I’ve had a rough draft of the first chapter of BQB and the Meaning of Life up for awhile:  Take a peak and drop me some feedback.

Pencil graphic courtesy of Keistutis on openclipart.org

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The State of Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Novel Writing Adventures

Dismal.

Or, maybe not.

As the 3.5 are aware, I’ve whined about this subject a bit.

My problem?  I keep coming up with ideas that are so grand, so sweeping, so involved – so many places, characters, moving parts, things going on.

As a newbie, a book like that feels like biting off more than I can chew.

I’ve tried other ideas.  Ideas that seemed easier, simpler, more down-to-earth.

Inevitably, I end up turning those seemingly simple ideas into epics as well.

So here’s my thought – why fight it?

I’m thinking maybe I’ll embrace my favorite of my many started and stopped novels and work on it in chunks.

In other words, rather than try to push out a thousand page novel (given all that’s going on, I fail to see how it could take less than a thousand pages) – and just write the first part and try to get it published.

Or just bypass traditional publishing and go the self-publishing route.

If people like the first part, I keep telling the story with a second, third, fourth etc installment.  I don’t know how many pages but given what’s in my mind, it will be a lot if the installments keep coming.

Kind of a grandiose idea.  In total, it’d take years.  But obviously there’s have to be some interest in the first or second installments to keep going.  If there is interest, I’m sure that’d light a fire under my butt to work harder.

Ultimately, I’m proposing a sweeping epic tale told in several installments/books and when all the books are finished they all link up in one overriding story arc.

Don’t mind me, I’m just thinking out loud.

What say you, 3.5?

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Howard Stern, Podcasting, and If You Want to Do Something, Do It!

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.  Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog brought me the Yeti’s Commodore 64, which will allow me a few minutes to post before the Siberian Yeti wakes up from a power nap.  I will have to hook up said 1980’s computer to a gas generator just to get it to work hard enough to power a wordpress blog post.

I was listening to Howard Stern this morning.  I like him.  You might not, but that’s not really the point here.

I’m afraid I came into the conversation late but basically, Howard said something to the effect that podcasts weren’t going to get an aspiring broadcaster anywhere, and if you really want to broadcast, then you need to do the legwork necessary to get a job in broadcasting.  A comedian with a podcast trashed Howard for not being with it, tech savvy, or however you want to put it.

Howard added the example of how ludicrous it would be for a comedian to only put out a podcast of his comedy from his house rather than try his luck at a comedy club.

Honestly, that seems like sound advice.  I’m not trying to become a broadcaster.  I am attempting to build a platform in the hopes that one day I’ll be able to promote my writing to followers.  Sometimes I feel like I’m putting the cart before the horse.  It’s like I’m trying to get readers before I have a book for them to read.

I would split the difference between Howard and the comedian (whose name I did not catch) and say a) yes if you want to be a broadcaster, there is no substitute for a job in broadcasting and b) but while you are waiting for that big break to come along, I would think a well designed podcast with a lot of work behind it could only strengthen an aspiring broadcaster’s chances of landing that dream gig in radio or TV.

In other words, don’t stop seeking out that big broadcasting job, but while you are waiting for it, take advantage of podcasting to strengthen your skills.  Don’t sit there and think your podcast will one day take you to the bank, so you need not apply to radio stations.  However, while you’re waiting for radio stations to get back to you, don’t sit at home twiddling your thumbs.

Here on wordpress, we’re bloggers.  We all have varying interests, but in the end, it is safe to say that many of us hope our blogs will result in a profitable writing career.  (It is ok to admit that, really!)

Is blogging a substitute for a paid writer gig?  Probably not.  In my case, as a hopeful fiction writer, all I can really do is try to whip up some interest while I wait for my lazy self to push that book out.

But, to apply Howard’s advice to my situation, he’s right.  A blog isn’t a substitute for a book.

What say you, 3.5 readers?  (By the way, I had a laughing fit when Howard said that the comedian in question probably only has 3 listeners.  Sounds like me and my blog.)

Or is it the Yeti’s blog?  Alas, I hear the Yeti stirring, so I best cover up the Commodore 64 and return to watching Olga cook her stews.  What stew will she cook next?

By the way, if you haven’t followed me on twitter yet, please do.  4000 followers will send the Yeti packing.  And don’t forget to submit your questions to Alien Jones.  He fears no Yetis.

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True or False

If you continue to write a novel, it will one day be written.  While your novel is half-written, ideas for new novels may poke into your head.  You will tell yourself that these ideas are easier to write, and thus you should abandon your first half-written novel to work on your new idea.  However, you just realize that what you thought was easy turns out to be hard, for there are few good novels without finely crafted twists and turns that required a lot of mental preparation on the part of the author.

Discuss.

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One Year of Bookshelf Battle

It’s been a whole year.  As the old saying goes, “time flies when you’re having fun.”

As my 3.5 readers are aware from reading about my first attempt at a novel, I was bitten by the writing bug at a young age.  That bite resurfaced big time in college, when I wrote a humor column for my school newspaper.

I remember walking through a dorm one day and seeing a column I wrote cut out of the paper and posted on a random student’s door.  Wow.  A person liked my writing enough to hang it up.  I was hooked.  I was going to be a superstar.  My major book deal (in my mind) was coming any day now.  I figured I’d better get my Academy Award for Best Screenplay speech written.

Then life, as it does, moved on.  Realities settled in.  I was just a kid from Podunk, Nowhere.  The idea that I’d get scooped up by some big agent seemed about as likely as me getting abducted by aliens (which my correspondent tells me they don’t officially do anymore).

Bills needed to be paid.  Life needed to be lived, and it didn’t wait for me to write a novel.  It kept happening all around me.

I can’t say I have a bad life.  In fact, in many ways, if my life stays as is right now, it wouldn’t be so bad.

But I have for awhile wondered what would have happened had I kept up with my writing.

It’s funny how the mind works.  As a youngster, I assumed if I remained a writer I’d end up a homeless hobo selling oranges on a freeway offramp.  As a, well, I won’t say old but slightly older person, I assume had I remained a writer I’d be penning scripts of the latest Hollywood blockbuster by now.

My mind is a place where there’s rarely a happy medium.

I wish the story of how this blog started was better than this, but here it goes.  I was sitting in a Taco Bell parking lot, having lunch, because, you know, I’m a big health nut and pre-fabricated tacos are full of essential vitamins and minerals, and it hit me.

It was a voice telling me:

Stop wishing you’d been a writer.  You aren’t old.  You aren’t dead.  The technology exists.  If you want to be a writer, then be a writer.

That voice was my inner monologue, but for purposes of making this story awesome, let’s pretend it was a unicorn.  Unicorns are often spotted at Taco Bell.

I went home that night and bookshelfbattle.com was born.  A year later I have 650 or so wordpress followers, 3300 twitter followers, a magical bookshelf where book characters come alive in small, bookshelf sized versions of themselves, and an alien who writes for free.

Sometimes I even review a book.

It would be really great if one day this all turns into a multi-million dollar career that leaves me rich, famous, and the object of jealousy induced slap and tickle fights between Scarlett Johannson and Charlize Theron over who gets to have me, but at the very least, I don’t have to feel bad about not being a writer anymore.

At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Thank you for those of you who have been cheering me on from the beginning and also to those who are just joining in.  I’m not sure what next year will bring, but this year, I’m posting once a day for 365 days so stick around.  It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

P.S. that fight over who gets me would be – “No!  You get to have him!  No!  I don’t want him, you get him!”

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