Hey 3.5 readers. I heard a rumor that you are also 3.5 writers.
Thus, pulled out of my butt completely at random, here are 101 things that you could write about on your 3.5 blogs:
#1 – Cats. Always adorable. Meow meow.
#2 – Bunnies. You know if they had smaller ears, they’d just be fat rats. People only like them for their enormous ears.
#3 – Chocolate. Mmm mmm, gotta love me some chocolate, girlfriend.
#4 – All your personal problems. Go ahead. Share them on the Internet. What could possibly go wrong? (My lawyer advises that no one should do this as a lot could go wrong).
#5 – Farts. Do you know everyone farts? The Queen of England farts. Beauty queens fart. Debutantes fart. Santa Claus farts. No one in the history of the world had not ever farted at least once. Forgive me for the sacrilege, but even Jesus farted. I can only assume that he turned his farts into bread to feed poor lepers.
#6 – Golf. Whack a ball. Walk. Whack it again.
#7 – The fact that old people have sex. How old do you think the oldest people to have sex were? Do you think a hundred year old ever had sex? Do you think two, one hundred year olds are bumping genitals as we speak? Come on. It’s a big world and history is long. Two one hundred year olds must have gotten together and pounded one out at least one time between caveman times and today. It’s not only possible it’s virtually impossible that it hasn’t happened at least once.
#8 – Dogs. Messier than cats. Nicer than cats.
#9 – Your kids. Only don’t be dishonest. Be honest and tell us they are ugly and they will never go anywhere. (My lawyer says don’t listen to me and don’t talk about your kids on the Internet, even if it is to be honest and tell everyone how smart they are unlike all those parents who put 10,000 photos and stories on Facebook every time one of their spawns burp).
#10 – Art. Who is your favorite painter? Do you think Jackson Pollack laughed his way to the bank every time some dummy bought one of his canvases that he just flicked his paint brush all over?
#11 – Cows. Moo.
#12 – Ducks. Quack quack.
#14 – What’s your favorite sandwich?
#15 – Favorite pizza topping?
#16 – Favorite movie
#17 – Favorite taco filling?
#18 – Favorite comic book?
#19 – Have you ever farted so loud that it scared you?
#20 – Karate. Do you know it? If you don’t, why not? Do you think someone is going to karate chop muggers for you?
#21 – Root beer tastes better than real beer. Discuss.
#22 – What is an alternative version of you doing in an alternate universe right now?
#23 – Your favorite type of pie.
#24 – Favorite song.
#25 – Why are zombies so stupid?
#26 – Do chimpanzees really like bananas or is that a vicious chimp stereotype?
#27 – Favorite car.
#28 – Worst movie you have ever seen.
#29 – Worst pickup line you ever heard.
#30 – Worst pickup line used on you.
#31 – A pickup line that worked on you.
#32 – Do aliens exist? (Spoiler alert: Yes!)
#33 – Do you ever wonder what the world will be like in three hundred years?
#34 – The Three Stooges: Complete idiots or misunderstood geniuses. Discuss.
#35 – Does decaf coffee even make sense?
#36 – Why don’t people walk backwards?
#37 – Do you think the inside of a kangaroo’s pouch looks like a swanky Manhattan bachelor pad?
#38 – Why haven’t fish figured out not to bite hooked worms after thousands of years of human fishing history? Why are fish such dumbasses?
#39 – Did French people call French Fries just plain old fries?
#40 – Favorite TV show
#41 – Worst TV Show
#42 – Favorite cookie
#43 – Favorite cake
#44 – Favorite number
#45 – Favorite letter
#46 – What would people say about you if they knew for sure that you’d never hear that they said it?
#47 – Favorite fruit
#48 – Favorite vegetable
#49 – Biting all the chocolates in a box of chocolates until you find the one you want. Acceptable or not?
#50 – What business would you start if a rich benefactor was willing to give you the startup money?
#51 – Does your butt hurt right now? Why or why not?
#52 – Mudslide. Scary weather condition or excellent drink? Discuss.
#53 – Is every boxing movie just trying to copy Rocky?
#54 – Puffer fish: hilarious or not?
#55 – Why is poop brown even when you didn’t eat anything brown?
#56 – Why don’t people wear capes anymore?
#57 – Why don’t people wear fedoras anymore?
#58 – Why don’t people wear spats anymore?
#59 – Why don’t people wear smoking jackets anymore?
#60 – Your favorite Jean Claude Van Damme movie.
#61 – Favorite crayon
#62 – Favorite dinner recipe
#63 – How long can you hop on one leg without putting your other foot down?
#64 – What’s the most hilarious thing that you are seriously worried about?
#65 – Bugs. Smush ’em and not blink an eye or try to coax them out the front door so they can live to “Bzz” another day?
#66 – Favorite ice cream flavor
#67 – Favorite place to take a date
#68 – Favorite superhero
#69 – Favorite Bond film
#70 – Favorite Bond villain
#71 – If everyone in the world farted at the exact same time, would the world explode?
#72 – Hobos: hilarious or tragic?
#73 – If you could go on a space voyage to a distant planet but it would take so long that you’d never be able to return to Earth in your lifetime, would you go on it?
#74 – Funniest “Yo Mama” joke.
#75 – Does everything taste better dipped in chocolate?
#76 – Favorite board game
#77 – Biggest bubble you ever blew with a bubble wand
#78 – Favorite singer
#79 – Favorite band
#80 – Why aren’t there anymore rock bands?
#81 – Favorite baked potato topping
#82 – Chili – should it be for breakfast?
#83 – Favorite baseball team
#84 – Favorite football team
#85 – Do you prefer to write with pencils or pens?
#86 – What’s in your pocket right now?
#87 – Favorite TV channel
#88 – Favorite Tyler Perry movie. Someone out there has one.
#89 – If oranges are orange, why aren’t strawberries called reds?
#90 – Watermelons are neither water nor melon. Discuss.
#91 – Pancakes are neither pans nor cakes. Discuss.
#92 – Which rapper would you must like to share a plate of cheesy fries with?
#93 – Worst hairstyle you’ve ever worn
#94 – What are three changes you must make in order to be happy?
#95 – Why do squirrels love nuts?
#96 – Favorite version of Law and Order
#97 – Your favorite joke
#98 – Favorite color
#99 – Favorite amusement park ride
#100 – Your favorite episode of Murder She Wrote.
#101 – Your own list of 101 things to blog about.