Tag Archives: blogging

No One Reads My Blog

No one reads my blog!

Oh, no one reads my blog!

I just stopped by to say that no one reads my blog!

If no one reads a blog,

Does the blog still even exist?

No, it probably doesn’t.

But what does that matter?

For no one reads this blog anyway.

Hey!  Look!  It’s a frog!

He jumps on a log.

He does everything,

But read this fine blog!

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Be Well, 3.5 Readers

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

I don’t blog as much as I used to.  I’m getting older, have less energy, and ultimately, I feel like the little time I do get needs to be spent on writing books.  I feel like if this little enterprise has any chance of making any money, it will be with books.

But anyway, just want to wish all 3.5 of you well.  I have to admit, when this all started, I thought a lot of the panic seemed to be BS.  Sometimes I still wonder that, though at the same time, I realize that it would be better if the worst that happens is if we go without movies, restaurants and other pursuits for a while than end up with humanity being wiped out.  It’s all about perspective I suppose.

It’s funny though.  I never used hand sanitizer before (I always thought it was just gross and lazy and if you feel your hands need to be washed then you should just wash them) but now that I can’t get any, I want it.

Take care, 3.5 readers.  I hope all the things you are working on go well and in the mean time, I will keep working on my universe of stories where animals eat people on the toilet.

 

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6 Years of this Excellent Blog

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal, BQB here.

I began this fine blog 6 years ago, deciding to try my hand at the blogging game.

I did it on a whim and had I put some thought into it, I would have done a lot of things differently.

My initial idea was that I would just create a little web presence.  I’d blog once in a blue moon and I was going to focus on book reviews.  In the mean time, I’d concentrate on writing books of my own.

As time went on, I found followers and things got silly.  I developed the persona of Bookshelf Q. Battler, a nerd in secret, was an adventurer who fought zombies, werewolves, chupacabras, aliens, traveled the world, time traveled, went to space and so on.

In the past couple years, I got old.  Relaxing and watching TV at the end of the day became more appealing than blogging for the entertainment of 3.5 readers.  (No offense, 3.5 readers.)

On top of that, I decided the little time and I energy I do get would be better spent focusing on novel drafts.  I always have something in the works and hold out hope that I’ll be a successful novelist one day, though the older I get, the more I realize this is something I can’t bank on.

I’m not crazy about the pen name “Bookshelf Q. Battler.”  It doesn’t really sound like a name and if I could do it again, I might have picked something that sounds like an actual name.  The actual name could have been given a fun backstory of being a reclusive adventurer or something.

Anyway, here’s to another 6 years and hopefully by then, you 3.5 readers will multiply and there will be 7 of you.

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Five Year Anniversary of this Fine Blog

(This video is the best thing I ever got a woman to do for five bucks.)

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

Five years ago, this blog was conceived when I was crying myself into a cheesy burrito at Taco Bell, upset that I had not yet achieved my dream of becoming a professional writer.

I then realized that blogging technology exists, everyone was doing it, that I was someone and ergo, I should also add my voice into the vapid Internet vacuum.

And so, on that fateful day, this terrible blog was born.  Ironically, it wasn’t the worst thing that happened that day.  Years later, I would come to realize that when I ate a burrito, I was engaging in highly unwoke cultural appropriation, for I am not a Mexican and therefore have no right to consume Mexican food.

To condense this tomfoolery, I have never forgiven myself for either atrocity – the blog as well as the unwoke food choice.

Worse, I continue to do both to this day, having not learned my lesson.  Come to think of it, I’m eating a burrito as I type this right now.  Mmm tasty for a minute, but then an hour devoted to cleaning cheese out of my keyboard later.  Oh well, nothing good in life ever came easy.

When I first started, this blog was supposed to just be a little hobby.  Something to give me an online presence.  In the meantime, I was going to work on books and try to query them and then be like, “Hey agent!  I have a blog!”

That never bore fruit.  Instead, I got hooked on the world of self-publishing.  It remains to be seen if that was a good thing to get into or not.

Part of me thinks it is a viable business opportunity if I just remain patient and realize that it is a long game where you have to get maybe 5 or 6 really good books out there before people take notice.

Another part of me thinks life would be so much better if I’d just throw my computer in a dumpster, toss in some gas and a lighted match, set it all ablaze, extinguish it, leave a note of apology to the dumpster company and then spend the time I use for writing on something like, oh, I don’t know, walking on a treadmill and making green smoothies.

I’d say that last option would make my doctor happier but honestly, I don’t think my doctor could pick me out of a lineup.

I’d quit this if I could and there’s a part of me that thinks maybe social media is ruining everything.  Sure, it gives a voice to the voice-less, but it also gives a voice to a lot of a-holes and I fear I may be one of them.

Here are some stats I’ve scored in my five years of bloggery.  You tell me if they made this futile exercise worth it:

(All numbers are what I’ve racked up since the blog began 5 years ago.)

POSTS – 3,537 (Mostly about farts)

VIEWS – 122,325 (Mostly Aunt Gertie)

VISITORS – 80,078 (Mostly people who came here for directions on how to get away from here.)

And there you have it.  My blogging all boiled down to the stats.  By the way, I also have 2,605 who have clicked the follow button on this blog but somehow, I only have 3.5 readers.  I know 3.5 is facetious but it isn’t that much of a stretch either.  On an average day, I’m lucky to crack maybe 20 or 30 visitors.  Getting over 100 in a day is reason to pop the champagne.

So, let me know what you think about my 5 years of blogging.  Oh, and if you’ve followed me from the beginning, for a couple years, or just started recently, thank you…and also, I hope whatever ailment you are suffering from that keeps you housebound and unable to do anything productive so all you do is just read dumb blogs like this one clears up soon.

Don’t forget to buy a book.

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3,500 Posts for 3.5 Readers

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

It’s official.  I have now written 3,500 posts for 3.5 readers.  This is not my 3,500th post.  My last post was that one.  This is the post to let you know that 3,500 posts have been posted.

Thank you, 3.5 readers.  It has been a joy to entertain all 3.5 of you.  Sometimes I wish you would each tell a friend so I could have 7 readers, but a good writer never looks any gift readers in the mouth.

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I Now Have 2,511 Followers

Thank you WordPress followers.

As I promised long ago, if I can get 3,500 WordPress followers in honor of my 3.5 readers, I will hire the chainsaw juggling guy from Fiver to do a promo video for this fine website.

I don’t understand how I can have 2,511 blog followers but only 3.5 readers.

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4 More Followers Until 2500

I almost have 2500 followers so I don’t understand how that only translates into 3.5 readers.  At any rate, given the amount of followers, not many are actually reading or giving any hits to this fine blog.

So, all you followers, I hope you will start translating into readers and clickers.  You don’t know what you are missing.  Just ask my 3.5 readers.

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I Have Received Over 100,000 Views

3.5 readers, stop the presses (do newspapers even use presses anymore?) because this fine blog has received over 100,000 views.

100,988 to be exact.

100,000 views were provided by my Aunt Gertie.

900 were provided by Internet web searchers who were looking for directions on how to get away from here.

88 were provided by my 3.5 readers.

Thank you, 3.5 readers.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – What’s the Best Way to Make a Living as a Writer?

Hey 3.5 readers.

I’m asking the above question, not as it applies to most people, but to me, your old pal, BQB.

I’ve been working on a novel about an alligator who eats people on the toilet for over a year now.  The first draft is done.  The second draft, I think, could be done within a month, two at the latest.  It will need a third draft, I can already tell.  Earliest I can get it to the editor will be May – June.

Then it’s a whole process to get it edited and ready for publication.  Basically, if it gets up by Christmas that will be a win.

In short, it’s taking a long time.  I’m not sure at this rate I’ll be able to make a living as a writer.  Perhaps if Toilet Gator rakes in a modest amount of dough, that will give me the incentive I need to work harder, crank out another book faster.  There are a lot of people in my life who impose on me to drop whatever I’m doing to help them with their mundane bullshit.  If I can point to a piece of paper that proves I’m not just screwing around on the computer but am engaging in a money making side business, they’ll figure out how to live their lives on their own and get off my ass.

Anyway, long story short, I am wondering if perhaps I need to move away from novel writing and into just general blogging and opinion writing.  Sometimes I feel I’m at my best when I rant on a subject.  Blogging is conducive to the limited free time I get.  It takes nearly 2 years to get a novel out there, but I can get a post daily.

The issue would be is that I’d probably have to stop talking about pop culture and, sigh, news and politics.  Rant and rave about things going on in the world.  Actually pick a side and sigh, lose 50% of you because that’s what happens when someone expresses a political opinion.  I’m not saying that politics were ever peaceful, but I do feel up until like 2005, people were able to agree to disagree.  Now social media allows people to retreat into their bubbles and point fingers at, “the other.”

Eh.  I don’t really want a bunch of people to hate me.  I’m too adorable for that.  I might split the difference and try to rant about general life topics that you’d think everyone could get behind.  One of my heroes has long been Dave Barry, the humor columnist who is basically the Godfather of humor opinion piece writing.

He wrote humorous thoughts about everything from home improvement, to love, to just generally crappy little things that drive us all crazy.  I could probably do that, though the only thing I worry about is Dave found success during a more innocent time, whereas I could write something like, “Men, don’t you hate it when your wife yells at you when you forget to put the toilet seat down?” and end up getting a twitter campaign to label me a vile male chauvinist pig or something.

To express any kind of opinion these days, even a seemingly safe one like, “My word, what lovely weather to day,” is to risk offending someone so…I don’t know.

I think I’ll keep plugging away.  The first part (roughly 40,000 words) of the Last Driver is in the editing process now, and I’ve come too far on Toilet Gator to quit now.  So, I’ll see if Toilet Gator gets me anywhere and see where I am next year.

Just saying, at some point, I’ll need to turn a profit or quit, realize this is a young man’s game and it’s not my fault the world didn’t invent the gatekeeper bypass technology until I was an old bastard (people seem to be declared old bastards earlier and earlier now) and just go smell the roses and lie down in the grass and wait for the moss to grow over me.

Thanks for listening to my rant 3.5 readers.  If you wanted the short version its, do I a) keep novel writing b) change gears to write opinions and try to monetize the blog or c) just give up and smell roses.  Why does everyone smell roses?

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Bookshelf Battle Cast Episode 003 – How to Start a Blog

Bookshelf Q. Battler is changing up the format of his podcast, and that’s ok, because only 3.5 people listen to this podcast anyway.  BQB wants to share with the world what he has learned in four years of being the owner and proprietor of bookshelfbattle.com, a site that coincidentally, is only ever viewed by 3.5 readers.

Picking a blogging idea, snappy title, company to work with, search engine optimization, attracting followers, promotion on social media, legal stuff like worrying about copyright, libel, where to get photos and art for your site and more.

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