Tag Archives: facebook

600 Facebook Page Likes

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

I reached a milestone today.  600 likes on my Facebook page.

Will you like it and help me reach 1,000?


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#FridayswithBQB – Interview #1 – Robert Bevan of Caverns and Creatures – Where Fantasy Dick Jokes Meet Real Life Success


Robert Bevan

Author Website

Amazon Author Page

If you were to take a blender, dump in a heaping helping of fantasy roleplaying game nerdiness and sprinkle in some comedy, you’d get the “Caverns and Creatures” series by Robert Bevan. Fantasy RPG geeks put in hilarious situations, titles produced via naughty word play (“Sticky White Mess” and “The Fuccubus” just to name a couple) and a catalog large enough to keep you occupied for a while – you’ll find all that and more on the man’s Amazon Author page. Personally, as the proprietor of a website that is only read by 3.5 readers, I needed to reach out to this guy, because he has over 20,000 Facebook likes so I have to know his secret.



QUESTION #1 – Robert, welcome to my fine blog and I hope you only have to stay here long enough until you find directions on how to get away from here. It’s not that I want you to leave, it’s just that I don’t even want to be here myself.  Have you seen this place?  It looks like someone fired the maid.

Anyway.  War. Famine. Plague. Poverty. There are so many important issues we could discuss, but I heard you have a dog named Speck. Pee Wee Herman reference or just a coincidence?

ANSWER: That is indeed a Pee Wee Herman reference, and I judge people based on whether or not they get it. So congratulations.

QUESTION #2 – Could you give the newbs out there a primer on “Caverns and Creatures?” What inspired you to start writing this series? What’s it all about? What do we need to know before we dive in?

ANSWER: The bare-bones premise is that it’s about a group of gamers who get sent into their fantasy game world for real, in the bodies of their fantasy game characters. As the title suggests, these people aren’t exactly heroic. They’re barely able to function in their own society. How much harder will they fail in a hostile fantasy world?
You shouldn’t need to know much before diving in. One of the characters is new to the game, which both helps to explain certain things to non-gamers, and provides some thinking-outside-the-box moments in the story.

QUESTION #3 – Are fantasy roleplaying board games as big as they used to be? Sometimes I wonder if the Internet, video games, increased access to all kinds of media and so on killed board based RPGs. Try as I might, I just can’t seem to find a gaggle of nerds willing to sacrifice a Saturday to sit around a board, roll some dice and pretend to be elves, orcs, wizards and what have you. Any advice on how to get an RPG group started?

ANSWER: First of all, I should make it clear that these aren’t board games, because there isn’t a board. Depending on their style of play, some groups may use large, highly-detailed maps, while others may simply scribble a quick dungeon on a scrap of graph paper, while still other groups use nothing at all. The entire game takes place in the imaginations of the players and Game Master as they weave a story together interactively.

Now as far as technology goes, I don’t believe any of this stuff you mentioned in your question has killed tabletop RPGs at all. A tabletop RPG is more than just a game. It’s a social experience. As a matter of fact, the reason I started playing again after fifteen or twenty years away from it is that a group of my married friends and I were looking for something less expensive to do on Friday nights than hang out in bars and get shitfaced together. Dungeons & Dragons turned out to be a way more fun (and cheap) way to get shitfaced together once a week. That’s a whole different experience than drinking at home alone playing World of Warcraft.

Also, technology has made it possible to come very close to a tabletop experience while being hundreds or thousands of miles away from your fellow gamers. I’m part of a podcast called Authors & Dragons, in which we play via Skype and record it.

As for advice on how to get an RPG group started, I’m afraid I can’t be of much help there. I’ve recently moved to the Atlanta area, and haven’t had much luck in that regard.
I will advise you, however, to give any group a couple of trial sessions before you make a commitment. There are a lot of gaming styles out there, and you might find yourself weirded out by a particular group. Make sure you jive with the people you play with.

QUESTION #4 – You’ve got over 20,000 Facebook likes. Your books get tons of reviews. Clearly, you have a rabidly loyal fan base. What did you do to recruit all those nerds? I’m only followed by 3.5 nerds and I’d like to turn that figure into 20,000 nerds so any tips you have on how to build a following, feel free to share them.

ANSWER: It appears I misunderstood what you meant by “3.5 readers.” I thought you meant readers who are mainly interested in the 3.5 edition of Dungeons & Dragons. You’re actually claiming to have three and a half readers on your blog? What the hell does that even mean? Who’s the .5th? Are you being insensitive to a little person or an amputee? What’s wrong with you?

To answer your question, the 20k Facebook likes have come from a variety of sources. Much of it has been acquired through people enjoying my books, looking me up on Facebook, and liking my page. Some of it has come from targeted Facebook campaigns to more aggressively build up a bigger following. But I believe that most of it comes from striving to provide content (mostly goofy RPG-themed memes) that my followers want to share with their Facebook friends, putting my name out there to a wider audience.

QUESTION #5 – I suppose we could waste our entire lives worrying about what society thinks, but sometimes as writers we have to think about it. Right or wrong, I generally find that a lot of people think of fantasy RPG as kid stuff geared towards a younger audience. Yet, you write a comedy series involving fantasy RPG that is packed with all sorts of naughty words and unsavory situations. Was this a gamble?

If it was, I assume it paid off since there appears to be a lot of adults who, according to your stats, love raunchy fantasy RPG comedy. Were you ever worried that fantasy fans may not care for the adult themes? Were you ever concerned that comedy fans might not be interested in magic and make-believe? What advice do you have for authors who mix genres?

ANSWER: It wasn’t a gamble because I wasn’t really risking anything, and I didn’t go into it with unrealistic expectations. I wasn’t a public figure with a reputation to protect. I wasn’t quitting my job to do this. I simply had a story idea in my head and a style I wanted to tell it in. If people wanted to read it, awesome. If not, they could go fuck themselves.

Also, I don’t look at it as “mixing genres” because I regard comedy as more of a template than a genre. As far as genre is concerned, my C&C books are fantasy. Most books will have some funny moments, regardless of the genre. I just like to crank it up a bit in mine. I’ve dabbled in science fiction similarly with Space Puppies, and in horror with the first book in Authors & Dragons’ new Shingles series, The Ghost of Hooker Alley.

QUESTION #6 – Piggybacking off of Question #5, here’s a dilly of a hypothetical pickle. Imagine a stereotypically vapid Hollywood suit knocks on your door with a fat bag of cash in hand and says, “Robby Baby, take out all the naughty stuff and water down ‘Caverns and Creatures’ so we can turn it into a PG-13 movie and this cash bag can be yours.” Do you take the cash, because, I mean, hey, that’s a big bag of cash, or do you wait and hope for a Hollywood suit who shares your artistic vision? Is there an audience out there for an R-rated fantasy comedy film? I mean, I thought “Your Highness” was funny but I don’t think the general movie going public did, bunch of squares that they are.

ANSWER: The obvious answer is that it all depends on just how fat that bag of cash is. If I said there’s no number that could make me disregard the sanctity of my precious dick jokes, I’d be full of shit. And I’d laugh because the word “sanctity” has “titty” in it.

As it happens, the film rights to my books are currently optioned out to a small-time producer who’s working his ass off to try to get a TV series off the ground. Fingers crossed!

QUESTION #7 – Comedian Dave Chapelle recently opined in his latest Netflix special that everyone’s getting so sensitive these days that it’s getting harder to be funny. Is comedy dying?

Personally, I feel like I haven’t seen a goody comedy film that made me laugh out loud since “The Hangover” and that came out in 2009. These days, Hollywood puts out a lot of so-called comedies where the jokes are safe and predictable – stuff that might tickle your grandma’s funny bone but is useless to a comedy aficionado.

You’ve got political correctness. You’ve got the “rush to be offended” culture out there. You’ve got everyone and their uncle on social media, ready to bloviate about how the littlest joke ruined their lives beyond all repair.

I fancy myself a humor writer. I mean, my aunt told me I’m funny anyway. But as a humor writer that actually earns money off of his humor, do you find it’s harder to be a comedy writer these days? Should aspiring comedy writers who are just starting out even try?

I just feel like at the rate we are going, if the general public doesn’t lighten up, “Saturday Night Live” is just going to be a collection of “Why did the chicken cross the road?” style jokes by the year 2050.

ANSWER: I’m personally not worried about this at all. If anything, a more sensitive society just makes the envelope that much easier to push. Hollywood has always tended to play it safe for the most part. But with mainstream media losing ground to Netflix, Amazon Studios, and however many little independent internet-based startups out there, content providers will find it easier to meet the demands of every niche out there.

Are there a bunch of lame network sitcoms out there playing it safe? Sure. But there are also the South Parks, the Rick and Mortys, the Archers, making fortunes by scratching the itches that aren’t being scratched by Friends, and Will and Grace, and… shit. I don’t know. I haven’t watched regular TV for a while.

Do I get negative feedback from the content of my books? You betcha. Aside from the excessive swearing and characters shitting and pissing themselves, my work has been called racist, homophobic, sexist, other “-ists,” etc. I write these books in part to poke fun at the bigoted society I grew up in. I find it encouraging that most of the people who read my books get that.

QUESTION #8 – Self-publishing. Cruel mistress or loving partner? Is it worth it to get into? As it turns out, my 3.5 readers are all aspiring self-publishers. Is there a lesson you learned the hard way that you could teach them and possibly save them some trouble?

ANSWER: I didn’t know dick about publishing going into this. Like many aspiring writers in 2012, I thought self-publishing was a better-than-nothing option for those whose books weren’t good enough to get picked up by a “real” publisher. After getting rejected by a few “real” publishers and agents, that’s kind of the attitude I went into it with. My tune changed when I started to move a few books every month. Taking a long-term view, imagining what might be possible if I actually put some effort into marketing the books, promoting them, and writing more of them, I soon had a completely different outlook on self-publishing.
If a “real” publisher wanted to sign me on now, they’d have to offer me a very fat bag of cash indeed. There’s not a whole lot that they’d be able or willing to do for me (aside from keeping a much higher percentage of the money my books are making) that I can’t do for myself, and better.

The only advice I have specific to self-publishing is to not look at it as an excuse to take shortcuts. This self-publishing revolution is great in that it’s leveled the playing field. The readers have spoken, and they don’t give a shit who published a book if the final product is something that they enjoy reading. But on the flip side, you do need to have work that competes with what the big boys are putting out.

QUESTION #9 – You released a book entitled “Potty Mouth,” the cover of which features a multi-sided game die wearing a Trump toupee with an open mouth that is being urinated in. So many questions come to mind, but I’ll just ask two.

As a general rule, I try to avoid being political because whether you’re a Republican or a Democrat, I would like you to become a fan of my blog that only 3.5 people read. Was this book a risk? Do you fear you’ll lose fans? Maybe somewhere out there is a nerd who wears a wizard cape emblazoned with a “MAGA” logo who voted for Trump who will see this book cover and be all like, “How dare you, Robert Bevan? I shall take my book purchasing funds elsewhere!”

Second, must we inject politics into everything? I watch the news when I want to know about all the political turmoil going on. I seek out comedy when I want to laugh and escape from politics. Call me George Costanza, but I don’t want those two worlds to meet. Am I wrong?

I’m mostly interested in appealing to the sorts of people who read books.

QUESTION #10 – You’re an eighth level orc mage. You’ve wandered into a cavern filled with some of the worst creatures imaginable – dragons, ogres, trolls and telemarketers trying to sell you anti-fungal cream over the phone. You roll a five and according to the rules of the hypothetical fantasy roleplaying game we’re enthralled in, that means you can pick up a suit case that contains the following items: a can of spray cheese, a swizzle stick and an autographed photo of “Golden Girls” icon Bea Arthur. How will you use these items to escape the cavern and win your freedom?

ANSWER:  Simple. I poke nostril and mouth holes in the Bea Arthur photo with the swizzle stick, so that I’ll be able to breathe. Then I use the spray cheese to paste the photo over my own face. Who’s going to fuck with Bea Arthur? No one, that’s who.

BQB EDITORIAL NOTE:  That is the best escape plan I have ever heard.  Admittedly, this is also the first escape plan I have heard as this interview series just began, but it is the one to beat.  

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Whoever Shared Me on Facebook…

Thank you.  It got me a lot of views.  If you feel like sharing, I’d like to see your post.  If not, that’s cool too.  Thank you so much.

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Help Me Get Over 500 Facebook Likes

Hey 3.5 readers, BQB here.

My Facebook page is at 482 likes and I’ve noticed the more your Facebook page grows, the more traffic that returns to your blog.

So, yeah, if you could press that like button it would be appreciated.

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Help Me Get Over 500 Facebook Page Likes!

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

My Facebook page is currently at 387 likes.  Can you help me get it over 500?  All you have to do is visit and like it.  Then you’ll have my posts in your feed and then you’ll have an excuse to ignore your Cousin Larry’s post about his lunch because you’ll be too busy reading my stuff.


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Daily Discussion with BQB – Mark Zuckerberg Wants Universal Income

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg gave the commencement speech at Harvard recently.  In the speech, he called for universal income, or in other words, everyone is guaranteed a living, no matter what, no questions asked.

“Every generation expands its definition of equality. Now it’s time for our generation to define a new social contract,” Zuckerberg said during his speech. “We should have a society that measures progress not by economic metrics like GDP but by how many of us have a role we find meaningful. We should explore ideas like universal basic income to make sure everyone has a cushion to try new ideas.”

Zuckerberg said that, because he knew he had a safety net if projects like Facebook had failed, he was confident enough to continue on without fear of failing. Others, he said, such as children who need to support households instead of poking away on computers learning how to code, don’t have the foundation Zuckerberg had. Universal basic income would provide that sort of cushion, Zuckerberg argued.

My complaints:

#1 – The Zuckster is selling himself short.  Sure, he has a point.  He came from a family that had money, not like gazillionaire money, but his father was a dentist, meaning that had the Zuckmeister fallen flat on his face in the early day of his Facebook venture, he could have moved back in with Mom and Dad until he found a way to turn things around.  Sure, he never had to worry about the possibility of ever being homeless.  However, he did take risks – risks that, had they not panned out, would have left his life significantly crappier.  After all, the kid had been accepted to Harvard and getting the chance to study at an Ivy League college is rare.  He would have definitely achieved success had he graduated from Harvard, but he took a gamble and left Harvard early to work on Facebook.  Had Facebook flopped, he’d of become that idiot sponging off his parents into his thirties, kicking himself for not finishing Harvard.

#2 – MotherZucker sells himself short again.  Yes, while growing up, he was able to focus on learning how to code because he came from a stable household where he didn’t have to worry about money or bad things happening.  However, there are many children in stable households who just spend their time on video games.  He pushed himself.  It paid off.

#3 – I have a hard time figuring out the difference between “Universal Income” and the myriad of state and federal welfare/public assistance programs we have now.  My understanding of Universal Income is that everyone gets a check.  Everyone.  Warren Buffet gets a check.  The guy giving handies in a bus station bathroom for pocket change gets a check.  I mean, I’m a pull yourself up by the boot straps guy, one who, if you complain to me of your failures, I’m most likely going to ask you to take a look at yourself and what you can change before we get into all the people around you that you are blaming.  That being said, it just seems wasteful to give money to people who are doing well.  The ultimate goal has to be to get everyone who can work a decent, satisfying job commensurate with their skill levels and then we, as a society, get together and fund public assistance programs for those unable to support themselves.  I don’t want someone who can’t work to end up in the gutter, but what would be the point of sending money to people who already have money?

#4 – Carrying on with point #3, if you split the difference and give assistance to those who need it and not to those who don’t need it, is that not what we are doing now?  Is this just about swapping the word “welfare” for a more PC word like “Universal Income?”

#5 – Zuck should put his money where his mouth is.  The kid is richer than Richie Rich on steroids and has been since his early freaking 20s.  An Internet search puts his wealth at 61.9 billion dollars.  In his speech, he lamented that it isn’t fair that people like him get to make so much money while others make so little.  Look, Zuckerberg, if you’re really crying yourself to sleep over this, the fix is simple:

  • Go out right now and cut checks literally millions of people.  You could provide life changing sums of money to people all across America and never really see much of a change in your daily lifestyle.
  • Don’t even go whole hog.  Pick 1,000 at risk youths and guarantee them $50,000 a year for the rest of their lives.  Commission a study how lifting them out of poverty helped to keep them on the straight path, out of the criminal justice system and so on.
  • Cash out your 61.9 billion, put the cash into a truck, pull up to a random homeless person on the street and give him the keys to the truck.

Until he does this, it just seems like petty virtue signaling.  “I want to say things that sound really nice so people will like me and use my dumb website to share photos of their lunch but I don’t actually want to take any actual action myself on it.”

And before you hit me with, “Zuckerberg donates a lot of money to charity” I’ll admit, yes, I’m sure he does.  But, if he’s really all that riddled with guilt about how much money he makes and how little others make, the fix is simple.  His company makes so much money that he could donate 60.9 billion dollars to the poor and keep one billion for himself and still be a billionaire.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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I Have Already Lost Money on the Snapchat IPO Because I Am an Idiot

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, if you’re an older reader like me, you might need a rundown on what Snapchat is.

Snapchat was born out of the idea that millennials are total perverts who enjoy taking snaps of their private parts and sending them to their various love interests.  However, as we all know, love today can turn into hate tomorrow and not all relationships are meant to last forever.  Ergo, people thought, “Hey, wouldn’t be great if I could snap a photo of my naughty parts, send them to my love interest and then after a little bit the photo disappears so that today’s naughty photo doesn’t get turned into tomorrow’s hilarious Internet meme, thus ruining my chances of running for president?”

I mean, I don’t know Snapchat exactly asked that question but at any rate, they sort of cured that problem.  You can snap a photo or a video, send it to a friend, then after awhile the photo or video disappears.  In theory, it prevents that video you thought was a good idea when you were drunk at 3 am from going public, although it isn’t foolproof.  There are ways around it.  Your sneaky snap buddy could take a photo of  your naughty photo, for example.

At any rate, Snapchat grew strong and got popular with the younguns.  They created filters that can make you look like a puppy, a kitty, for awhile they dabbled in filters that made you look like you’re from a different race only to get smacked down hard because you can’t do shit like that, and yes, they created those damn flower crowns that literally every woman, even your grandma, uses for their profile picture now.

My gut told me not to buy.  The experts also seem to agree that it’s not the best idea.  The company has been valued at some astronomical figure, even higher than Facebook, yet I fear that might be all hype related and not reality related.

Had you bought Facebook stock early, you’d of been happy with your decision.  As for Twitter, not so much as of late.  Facebook has gone strong and everyone and their granny is on Facebook.  Facebook basically became a new form of communication and information dispersement.

Twitter, on the other hand, became a repository of geeks like myself trying to tweet their way to fame and infamy, but ultimately it just descends into dummies writing dumb things limited to 140 characters.

As for Snapchat, I’m not sure I see an ability to generate the kind of wealth necessary to maintain a high valuation.

First, the primary users are young people…who have no money.  Thus, if you make that stupid flower crown filter cost money, they won’t buy it.  Maybe a few will dupe their dumb parents into buying it but for the most part, no.  Only a select handful of dummies will spend a lot of money on photo filters.

3.5 READERS:BQB you asshole, do you think anyone is going to spend a lot of money on Toilet Gator either?

Probably not.  Thanks, 3.5 readers.  I needed that tough love.

Second, I don’t see a lot of social media value.  You’ve heard of people becoming stars on Facebook and Twitter but has there been a Snapchat star yet?  Has anyone Snapchatted their way to fame and glory?  I’ve seen authors sign up for it but I feel like this only works for famous people.  If a famous person is sending out videos, then you might sign up if you are a fan.  Otherwise, I just don’t see it.

Plus, Facebook has come out with Facebook Live, which I assume was an effort to head Snapchat off at the pass.  So, if you’re an author with a good Facebook following, you could livestream a video of yourself talking about your latest book.  Meanwhile, if you’re not that well know, I guess you could snap videos of yourself out into the wind but I don’t think many people will partake.  Maybe if you’re Stephen King or something.

Third, I don’t see a lot of advertising value.  True,  Snapchat has been inventive.  They had a Gatorade filter for the Super Bowl where you could take a video of yourself and make it look like you just had Gatorade dumped on you, thereby making money off of a fun way to give Gatorade some unique advertising.

Other than that, I don’t know if the kids will sit still for actual ads.  If you have to sit through a thirty second commercial before you can snap yourself, that’ll probably last until a rival company comes out with a similar app where you don’t have to watch a commercial.

3.5 READERS: So why did you buy the stock, asshole?

Because I’m an asshole.

I hope I’m not.  So far it feels that way.  I bought it, and then the instant I bought it, it lost me $5.  Then twenty minutes later it lost me $25 dollars.  So, that could just be a fluctuation.  Hopefully, it gains tomorrow.

I don’t know.  Twitter’s stock fell.  Go Pro’s stock also fell, largely due to the fact that every dumbass who ever wanted to buy an athletic stunt camera bought one and as it turns out, assholes who want to jump out of planes and record their skydives are a select group.  So once you sell them all stunt cameras, you’re out of people who want to buy stunt cameras.

Thus, I wonder about Snapchat’s future.  Zuckerburg started raking in the coin by pushing his site on youngsters, but he became richer than most small nations by getting your mom and grandma to join, thus making bank on ad revenues.

So, I could be wrong, but the key will be to reach out to more old people and old people who want to make videos of themselves looking like puppies are a small, select group, or at least I hope they are.

Or maybe I hope they aren’t.  Hey, 3.5 readers.  Did you hear there’s an app that can make your face look like a dog?  Trust me.  I’ve pictured what you all look like and it would be a definite improvement.  Zing!  I kid, I kid.  You’re all beautiful.  But seriously.  Get Snapchat, pour some virtual Gatorade on your head, get a virtual flower crown because you’re too lazy to just pick some flowers and make one, just use that Snapchat so my stock will go up high enough that I can put a Bookshelf Q. Hot Tub in Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters.


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Twitter Stock Down

Hey 3.5 readers.  Your old pal BQB here.

I’ve been reading stories saying that Twitter stock is down lately.  Apparently the microblogging site isn’t finding as many ways to capitalize and make money as their rival, Facebook.

I tweet more than I Facebook, but I get why Facebook is making more money.  Facebook has more “normals” i.e. people who just sign up and want to keep in touch with friends/ family while Twitter tends to be more losers like me, wannabe writers trying to coax people into checking out my site.

Anyway, I do hope that Twitter bounces back.  I don’t want to see it go the way of Myspace.

Also, shameless plug, I hope you’re follow me on Twitter @bookshelfbattle or click here.

What say you, 3.5?

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Ask the Alien -12/31/16 – Bookshelf Q. Battler’s End of Year Stats for 2016 (A Report to the Mighty Potentate)


Dear Mighty Potentate,

It’s been roughly two years since you have me to look after Bookshelf Q. Battler, the human author you believe possesses so much talent that he will one day write a novel so perfect that it inspires the masses to abandon reality television.

Not gonna lie, I still don’t see that side of him but hey, you’re the Mighty Potentate.

At any rate, I do believe that his blog, despite being only read by 3.5 readers, has convinced humans that reality television must be rejected.  After all, it’s not like America, the greatest of all Earth nations, has elected a reality television star as their ruler or something.  I firmly stand by that statement and also, please don’t watch any Earth television.

Bookshelf Q. Battlers End of 2016 Stats are as follows:


TOTAL 2016 VISITORS: 16,389 (I cannot confirm nor deny that most of these were BQB’s Aunt Gertie).

TOTAL 2016 LIKES: 7,502

TOTAL 2016 VIEWS: 27,524 (Most were people who came here looking for directions on how to get away from here).

TWITTER FOLLOWERS: 8,184 (Follow BQB @bookshelfbattle)

FACEBOOK FOLLOWERS: 287 (Though BQB is considering scraping up some cash to use as a bribe to Earth Techno-Lord Zuckerberg to allow him more Facebook friends.  Like BQB on Facebook – @bookshelfqbattler)

Moreover, oh Potent One, BQB continues to seek new ways to bring traffic to his most pathetic blog.  Search engine optimization appears to be BQB’s forte as he has brought in 11,576 visitors this year alone through search engine hits (though again, most were people who came here looking for directions on how to get away from here).

Based on these stats, Mightiest of Potentates, I recommend holding back your invasion of Earth for another year in order to allow BQB to continue working on his writing career.  He’s building a platform, he continues to try, and though he has the attention span of amoeba, I believe 2017 will be the year when he publishes a novel.

As always, it has been a pleasure serving you, oh splendid Potent One, and though there have been rumors to the effect that I feel this job is far, far, far below my capabilities, I gladly accept any and all orders you have with a smile.

But seriously…please don’t vaporize me.

Your humble servent,

Alien Jones, the Esteemed Brainy One

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Five More Boring Things to Do from the Yeti

By: The Yeti, International War Criminal/Super Boring Fuzzy Snow Monster

Hello overstimulated 3.5 readers.

The Yeti here, back with some more boring things for you to do.


#1 – Eat a Bag of Rice Cakes

Literally, like consuming styrofoam.  What is the point? You can eat a bag of them and it is like 10 calories or something.  Rice cakes are like methadone for a recovering fat person.  Very boring.

#2 – Wait in a Line

Doesn’t matter what it is for.  Just pick a line and wait.

#3 – Do a Crossword Puzzle

“Oh look at me!  I’m Mr. Genius Newspaper Crossword Puzzle Creator!  Blah, blah, blah I’m so smart because I lined up a word going across with another word going down based on a single letter that both words have in common.  Someone give me a trophy, blah, blah, blah.”


#4- Share a Dumbass Face Book Meme

“Oh, look at me again!  Here is my stupid post with a copyright infringing yellow minion and it says some bullshit like, ‘I wonder if I share a hug how many people would hug me back?  I bet I don’t get one hug!'”

Good!  Call a bookie and place that bet because that is some winning action, you incredibly boring assface!

#5 – Get Into a Political Argument with a Facebook Friend

“Blah, blah, blah.  I work at the gas station and I think Trump is the best.  Oh yeah? Well, blah, blah, blah, I work at a drive-thru burger joint and I think Hillary was outta sight.  Oh yeah?  Well, I live on a commune and I’m all about Bernie.  Yes, let us all blah, blah, blah our unwavering political opinions at each other all night despite our lack of qualifications and credentials, blah, blah, blah.”

Boredom forever!

Tired of a Yeti controlled Bookshelf Battle Blog?  Kick the Yeti’s furry butt out of BQB HQ by following BQB on Twitter – @bookshelfbattle




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