Thank you. It got me a lot of views. If you feel like sharing, I’d like to see your post. If not, that’s cool too. Thank you so much.
Thank you. It got me a lot of views. If you feel like sharing, I’d like to see your post. If not, that’s cool too. Thank you so much.
Hey 3.5 readers, BQB here.
My Facebook page is at 482 likes and I’ve noticed the more your Facebook page grows, the more traffic that returns to your blog.
Hey 3.5 readers.
My Facebook page is currently at 387 likes. Can you help me get it over 500? All you have to do is visit and like it. Then you’ll have my posts in your feed and then you’ll have an excuse to ignore your Cousin Larry’s post about his lunch because you’ll be too busy reading my stuff.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg gave the commencement speech at Harvard recently. In the speech, he called for universal income, or in other words, everyone is guaranteed a living, no matter what, no questions asked.
“Every generation expands its definition of equality. Now it’s time for our generation to define a new social contract,” Zuckerberg said during his speech. “We should have a society that measures progress not by economic metrics like GDP but by how many of us have a role we find meaningful. We should explore ideas like universal basic income to make sure everyone has a cushion to try new ideas.”
Zuckerberg said that, because he knew he had a safety net if projects like Facebook had failed, he was confident enough to continue on without fear of failing. Others, he said, such as children who need to support households instead of poking away on computers learning how to code, don’t have the foundation Zuckerberg had. Universal basic income would provide that sort of cushion, Zuckerberg argued.
#1 – The Zuckster is selling himself short. Sure, he has a point. He came from a family that had money, not like gazillionaire money, but his father was a dentist, meaning that had the Zuckmeister fallen flat on his face in the early day of his Facebook venture, he could have moved back in with Mom and Dad until he found a way to turn things around. Sure, he never had to worry about the possibility of ever being homeless. However, he did take risks – risks that, had they not panned out, would have left his life significantly crappier. After all, the kid had been accepted to Harvard and getting the chance to study at an Ivy League college is rare. He would have definitely achieved success had he graduated from Harvard, but he took a gamble and left Harvard early to work on Facebook. Had Facebook flopped, he’d of become that idiot sponging off his parents into his thirties, kicking himself for not finishing Harvard.
#2 – MotherZucker sells himself short again. Yes, while growing up, he was able to focus on learning how to code because he came from a stable household where he didn’t have to worry about money or bad things happening. However, there are many children in stable households who just spend their time on video games. He pushed himself. It paid off.
#3 – I have a hard time figuring out the difference between “Universal Income” and the myriad of state and federal welfare/public assistance programs we have now. My understanding of Universal Income is that everyone gets a check. Everyone. Warren Buffet gets a check. The guy giving handies in a bus station bathroom for pocket change gets a check. I mean, I’m a pull yourself up by the boot straps guy, one who, if you complain to me of your failures, I’m most likely going to ask you to take a look at yourself and what you can change before we get into all the people around you that you are blaming. That being said, it just seems wasteful to give money to people who are doing well. The ultimate goal has to be to get everyone who can work a decent, satisfying job commensurate with their skill levels and then we, as a society, get together and fund public assistance programs for those unable to support themselves. I don’t want someone who can’t work to end up in the gutter, but what would be the point of sending money to people who already have money?
#4 – Carrying on with point #3, if you split the difference and give assistance to those who need it and not to those who don’t need it, is that not what we are doing now? Is this just about swapping the word “welfare” for a more PC word like “Universal Income?”
#5 – Zuck should put his money where his mouth is. The kid is richer than Richie Rich on steroids and has been since his early freaking 20s. An Internet search puts his wealth at 61.9 billion dollars. In his speech, he lamented that it isn’t fair that people like him get to make so much money while others make so little. Look, Zuckerberg, if you’re really crying yourself to sleep over this, the fix is simple:
Until he does this, it just seems like petty virtue signaling. “I want to say things that sound really nice so people will like me and use my dumb website to share photos of their lunch but I don’t actually want to take any actual action myself on it.”
And before you hit me with, “Zuckerberg donates a lot of money to charity” I’ll admit, yes, I’m sure he does. But, if he’s really all that riddled with guilt about how much money he makes and how little others make, the fix is simple. His company makes so much money that he could donate 60.9 billion dollars to the poor and keep one billion for himself and still be a billionaire.
What say you, 3.5 readers?
Hey 3.5 readers.
So, if you’re an older reader like me, you might need a rundown on what Snapchat is.
Snapchat was born out of the idea that millennials are total perverts who enjoy taking snaps of their private parts and sending them to their various love interests. However, as we all know, love today can turn into hate tomorrow and not all relationships are meant to last forever. Ergo, people thought, “Hey, wouldn’t be great if I could snap a photo of my naughty parts, send them to my love interest and then after a little bit the photo disappears so that today’s naughty photo doesn’t get turned into tomorrow’s hilarious Internet meme, thus ruining my chances of running for president?”
I mean, I don’t know Snapchat exactly asked that question but at any rate, they sort of cured that problem. You can snap a photo or a video, send it to a friend, then after awhile the photo or video disappears. In theory, it prevents that video you thought was a good idea when you were drunk at 3 am from going public, although it isn’t foolproof. There are ways around it. Your sneaky snap buddy could take a photo of your naughty photo, for example.
At any rate, Snapchat grew strong and got popular with the younguns. They created filters that can make you look like a puppy, a kitty, for awhile they dabbled in filters that made you look like you’re from a different race only to get smacked down hard because you can’t do shit like that, and yes, they created those damn flower crowns that literally every woman, even your grandma, uses for their profile picture now.
My gut told me not to buy. The experts also seem to agree that it’s not the best idea. The company has been valued at some astronomical figure, even higher than Facebook, yet I fear that might be all hype related and not reality related.
Had you bought Facebook stock early, you’d of been happy with your decision. As for Twitter, not so much as of late. Facebook has gone strong and everyone and their granny is on Facebook. Facebook basically became a new form of communication and information dispersement.
Twitter, on the other hand, became a repository of geeks like myself trying to tweet their way to fame and infamy, but ultimately it just descends into dummies writing dumb things limited to 140 characters.
As for Snapchat, I’m not sure I see an ability to generate the kind of wealth necessary to maintain a high valuation.
First, the primary users are young people…who have no money. Thus, if you make that stupid flower crown filter cost money, they won’t buy it. Maybe a few will dupe their dumb parents into buying it but for the most part, no. Only a select handful of dummies will spend a lot of money on photo filters.
3.5 READERS:BQB you asshole, do you think anyone is going to spend a lot of money on Toilet Gator either?
Probably not. Thanks, 3.5 readers. I needed that tough love.
Second, I don’t see a lot of social media value. You’ve heard of people becoming stars on Facebook and Twitter but has there been a Snapchat star yet? Has anyone Snapchatted their way to fame and glory? I’ve seen authors sign up for it but I feel like this only works for famous people. If a famous person is sending out videos, then you might sign up if you are a fan. Otherwise, I just don’t see it.
Plus, Facebook has come out with Facebook Live, which I assume was an effort to head Snapchat off at the pass. So, if you’re an author with a good Facebook following, you could livestream a video of yourself talking about your latest book. Meanwhile, if you’re not that well know, I guess you could snap videos of yourself out into the wind but I don’t think many people will partake. Maybe if you’re Stephen King or something.
Third, I don’t see a lot of advertising value. True, Snapchat has been inventive. They had a Gatorade filter for the Super Bowl where you could take a video of yourself and make it look like you just had Gatorade dumped on you, thereby making money off of a fun way to give Gatorade some unique advertising.
Other than that, I don’t know if the kids will sit still for actual ads. If you have to sit through a thirty second commercial before you can snap yourself, that’ll probably last until a rival company comes out with a similar app where you don’t have to watch a commercial.
3.5 READERS: So why did you buy the stock, asshole?
Because I’m an asshole.
I hope I’m not. So far it feels that way. I bought it, and then the instant I bought it, it lost me $5. Then twenty minutes later it lost me $25 dollars. So, that could just be a fluctuation. Hopefully, it gains tomorrow.
I don’t know. Twitter’s stock fell. Go Pro’s stock also fell, largely due to the fact that every dumbass who ever wanted to buy an athletic stunt camera bought one and as it turns out, assholes who want to jump out of planes and record their skydives are a select group. So once you sell them all stunt cameras, you’re out of people who want to buy stunt cameras.
Thus, I wonder about Snapchat’s future. Zuckerburg started raking in the coin by pushing his site on youngsters, but he became richer than most small nations by getting your mom and grandma to join, thus making bank on ad revenues.
So, I could be wrong, but the key will be to reach out to more old people and old people who want to make videos of themselves looking like puppies are a small, select group, or at least I hope they are.
Or maybe I hope they aren’t. Hey, 3.5 readers. Did you hear there’s an app that can make your face look like a dog? Trust me. I’ve pictured what you all look like and it would be a definite improvement. Zing! I kid, I kid. You’re all beautiful. But seriously. Get Snapchat, pour some virtual Gatorade on your head, get a virtual flower crown because you’re too lazy to just pick some flowers and make one, just use that Snapchat so my stock will go up high enough that I can put a Bookshelf Q. Hot Tub in Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters.
Hey 3.5 readers. Your old pal BQB here.
I’ve been reading stories saying that Twitter stock is down lately. Apparently the microblogging site isn’t finding as many ways to capitalize and make money as their rival, Facebook.
I tweet more than I Facebook, but I get why Facebook is making more money. Facebook has more “normals” i.e. people who just sign up and want to keep in touch with friends/ family while Twitter tends to be more losers like me, wannabe writers trying to coax people into checking out my site.
Anyway, I do hope that Twitter bounces back. I don’t want to see it go the way of Myspace.
What say you, 3.5?
Dear Mighty Potentate,
It’s been roughly two years since you have me to look after Bookshelf Q. Battler, the human author you believe possesses so much talent that he will one day write a novel so perfect that it inspires the masses to abandon reality television.
Not gonna lie, I still don’t see that side of him but hey, you’re the Mighty Potentate.
At any rate, I do believe that his blog, despite being only read by 3.5 readers, has convinced humans that reality television must be rejected. After all, it’s not like America, the greatest of all Earth nations, has elected a reality television star as their ruler or something. I firmly stand by that statement and also, please don’t watch any Earth television.
Bookshelf Q. Battlers End of 2016 Stats are as follows:
WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS: 2,025
TOTAL 2016 VISITORS: 16,389 (I cannot confirm nor deny that most of these were BQB’s Aunt Gertie).
TOTAL 2016 LIKES: 7,502
TOTAL 2016 VIEWS: 27,524 (Most were people who came here looking for directions on how to get away from here).
TWITTER FOLLOWERS: 8,184 (Follow BQB @bookshelfbattle)
FACEBOOK FOLLOWERS: 287 (Though BQB is considering scraping up some cash to use as a bribe to Earth Techno-Lord Zuckerberg to allow him more Facebook friends. Like BQB on Facebook – @bookshelfqbattler)
Moreover, oh Potent One, BQB continues to seek new ways to bring traffic to his most pathetic blog. Search engine optimization appears to be BQB’s forte as he has brought in 11,576 visitors this year alone through search engine hits (though again, most were people who came here looking for directions on how to get away from here).
Based on these stats, Mightiest of Potentates, I recommend holding back your invasion of Earth for another year in order to allow BQB to continue working on his writing career. He’s building a platform, he continues to try, and though he has the attention span of amoeba, I believe 2017 will be the year when he publishes a novel.
As always, it has been a pleasure serving you, oh splendid Potent One, and though there have been rumors to the effect that I feel this job is far, far, far below my capabilities, I gladly accept any and all orders you have with a smile.
But seriously…please don’t vaporize me.
Your humble servent,
Alien Jones, the Esteemed Brainy One
By: The Yeti, International War Criminal/Super Boring Fuzzy Snow Monster
Hello overstimulated 3.5 readers.
The Yeti here, back with some more boring things for you to do.
#1 – Eat a Bag of Rice Cakes
Literally, like consuming styrofoam. What is the point? You can eat a bag of them and it is like 10 calories or something. Rice cakes are like methadone for a recovering fat person. Very boring.
#2 – Wait in a Line
Doesn’t matter what it is for. Just pick a line and wait.
#3 – Do a Crossword Puzzle
“Oh look at me! I’m Mr. Genius Newspaper Crossword Puzzle Creator! Blah, blah, blah I’m so smart because I lined up a word going across with another word going down based on a single letter that both words have in common. Someone give me a trophy, blah, blah, blah.”
#4- Share a Dumbass Face Book Meme
“Oh, look at me again! Here is my stupid post with a copyright infringing yellow minion and it says some bullshit like, ‘I wonder if I share a hug how many people would hug me back? I bet I don’t get one hug!'”
Good! Call a bookie and place that bet because that is some winning action, you incredibly boring assface!
#5 – Get Into a Political Argument with a Facebook Friend
“Blah, blah, blah. I work at the gas station and I think Trump is the best. Oh yeah? Well, blah, blah, blah, I work at a drive-thru burger joint and I think Hillary was outta sight. Oh yeah? Well, I live on a commune and I’m all about Bernie. Yes, let us all blah, blah, blah our unwavering political opinions at each other all night despite our lack of qualifications and credentials, blah, blah, blah.”
Tired of a Yeti controlled Bookshelf Battle Blog? Kick the Yeti’s furry butt out of BQB HQ by following BQB on Twitter – @bookshelfbattle
If I were to gasp pony up some more dough and get a BQB Facebook/Twitter Cover and Social Media logo, what would it look like?
By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent
Greetings Earth Losers.
Before I begin, I’d like to say congratulations to America for concluding its presidential election.
You may have thought this election was tough. In fact, it reminded me of the Flaknarkian election of 29292929 for the position of Illustrious Poobah.
The Flaknarkians are a walrus shaped people. The male candidate was an elderly walrus with outlandish hair and the female was also an elderly walrus but she had a penchant for falling down all the time.
Hmm…come to think of it, there wasn’t a lot of difference between that election and yours.
Anyway, if your candidate prevailed, congratulations. If your candidate lost, my condolences.
But whether you are happy are sad by the results of this election, fear not, for it is meaningless, as the Mighty Potentate will most certainly take control of your wretched planet at some point anyway.
You may recall that some time ago my supreme overlord, the Mighty Potentate, declared that Bookshelf Q. Battler is the chosen one, the only writer capable of putting out a book so finely crafted that it would inspire the masses to give up on reality television altogether.
It’s been over a year and alas, BQB has yet to publish a novel.
Ergo, to prevent the spread of reality television across the cosmos, His Potentosity is planning a hostile takeover of your planet should BQB fail in his writing efforts.
In other words, start getting used to the idea of being ruled by the Mighty Potentate because it doesn’t look like BQB will ever get his ass into gear.
But you can help BQB and in so doing, save your planet from the Mighty Potentate’s potent potential.
All you need to do is follow BQB on one of the following time wasting social media sites that aliens invented to cause all of you dumb humans to grow dumber, fatter, lazier and more obnoxious and angry about literally everything.
Oh wait. I’ve said too much.
BQB is an especially Twitterer. In fact, he Tweets as much as your incoming president but he is not as orange.
BQB checks in on Facebok and Wattpad regularly but has been letting Google + slide, though he needs to get back to it soon.
So follow him and then once he writes his book you can help him promote it and in effect, save the world from the Mighty Potentate.
In the meantime, if you see BQB screwing around on this pitiful blog, tell him to get his back ass to work on his novel, for the fate of the world is at stake.
Alien Jones is the Bookshelf Battle Blog’s intergalactic correspondent, graciously lending the power of his brain to answer your questions.
Ask the Alien a question and he may very well plug your book or blog in his answer. Ask questions in the comments or tweet them to @bookshelfbattle
Together, we can promote self-published material and ween the masses off reality television, a form of entertainment that Alien Jones’ boss, the maniacal alien despot known as “The Mighty Potentate” despises so much that he’s plotting an invasion of Earth just to stop it.