Tag Archives: snapchat

I Hate Stock Related Journalism (Or More Fun with Snapchat Stock)

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, I bought Snapchat stock a couple weeks ago.

And all the headlines in the stock related media were essentially, “YOU ARE A DUMBASS IF YOU BOUGHT SNAPCHAT!  SELL RIGHT AWAY!”

But I held in there.  And held…and held…and held…and it slipped…and I held.  Finally, it slipped more and I figured this was a dumb idea.  I sold it at a loss of $200.

Then a couple of days later it started to go back up.  And the stock media was like, “SNAPCHAT IS GREAT! WHY’D YOU SELL IT, DUMBASS?”

I swear, buying a stock is more or less like placing a bet in a casino and stock journalists yell, “Put it on red!  People who put it on black are morons!”

But then if it lands on black, they’re like, “We knew it was going to land on black all along, dummy!”

So…who knows?  I guess in a year if SNAP bottoms out I’ll be glad I sold.  Then again, if you goes through the roof I’ll be banging my head against the wall.

All I know is that stock journalist are like those two crusty old bastards who sit in the back of the Muppet Theater and heckle Kermit over everything.  They’re going to heckle you no matter what you do, so just do what you think is best.

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My Snapchat Stock Went Up and Now I’m a Genius

Hey 3.5 readers.  My Snapchat stock went down two seconds after I bought it so I assumed I was an idiot.  Then the next day it went up a little bit so now I’m a genius again.

I must admit I have concerns about the company’s long term prospects.  I really feel like they’ve got to branch out beyond the funny camera filters if they’re going to maintain such an enormous valuation.

Anyway, as a 0.000000000000000000000000001% owner of this fine company, allow me to ask you to check out the wonderful Snapchat app.  You can make yourself look like a puppy or a kitty and you can send inappropriate photos of yourself doing inappropriate things to unsavory characters and the photos just go poof, though apparently sneaky people can find a way around that so it’s not entirely foolproof but hey, if you can find a better app that can allow you to send inappropriate photos, then use it.

Wait.  Don’t use it.  Use Snapchat and make my stock go up.  Forget about sending inappropriate photos.  It’s a bad idea.  Just use the puppy and kitty filters instead.  You’ve always wanted to be a puppy.  Now you can.

Come on.  Make me rich, people.

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I Have Already Lost Money on the Snapchat IPO Because I Am an Idiot

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, if you’re an older reader like me, you might need a rundown on what Snapchat is.

Snapchat was born out of the idea that millennials are total perverts who enjoy taking snaps of their private parts and sending them to their various love interests.  However, as we all know, love today can turn into hate tomorrow and not all relationships are meant to last forever.  Ergo, people thought, “Hey, wouldn’t be great if I could snap a photo of my naughty parts, send them to my love interest and then after a little bit the photo disappears so that today’s naughty photo doesn’t get turned into tomorrow’s hilarious Internet meme, thus ruining my chances of running for president?”

I mean, I don’t know Snapchat exactly asked that question but at any rate, they sort of cured that problem.  You can snap a photo or a video, send it to a friend, then after awhile the photo or video disappears.  In theory, it prevents that video you thought was a good idea when you were drunk at 3 am from going public, although it isn’t foolproof.  There are ways around it.  Your sneaky snap buddy could take a photo of  your naughty photo, for example.

At any rate, Snapchat grew strong and got popular with the younguns.  They created filters that can make you look like a puppy, a kitty, for awhile they dabbled in filters that made you look like you’re from a different race only to get smacked down hard because you can’t do shit like that, and yes, they created those damn flower crowns that literally every woman, even your grandma, uses for their profile picture now.

My gut told me not to buy.  The experts also seem to agree that it’s not the best idea.  The company has been valued at some astronomical figure, even higher than Facebook, yet I fear that might be all hype related and not reality related.

Had you bought Facebook stock early, you’d of been happy with your decision.  As for Twitter, not so much as of late.  Facebook has gone strong and everyone and their granny is on Facebook.  Facebook basically became a new form of communication and information dispersement.

Twitter, on the other hand, became a repository of geeks like myself trying to tweet their way to fame and infamy, but ultimately it just descends into dummies writing dumb things limited to 140 characters.

As for Snapchat, I’m not sure I see an ability to generate the kind of wealth necessary to maintain a high valuation.

First, the primary users are young people…who have no money.  Thus, if you make that stupid flower crown filter cost money, they won’t buy it.  Maybe a few will dupe their dumb parents into buying it but for the most part, no.  Only a select handful of dummies will spend a lot of money on photo filters.

3.5 READERS:BQB you asshole, do you think anyone is going to spend a lot of money on Toilet Gator either?

Probably not.  Thanks, 3.5 readers.  I needed that tough love.

Second, I don’t see a lot of social media value.  You’ve heard of people becoming stars on Facebook and Twitter but has there been a Snapchat star yet?  Has anyone Snapchatted their way to fame and glory?  I’ve seen authors sign up for it but I feel like this only works for famous people.  If a famous person is sending out videos, then you might sign up if you are a fan.  Otherwise, I just don’t see it.

Plus, Facebook has come out with Facebook Live, which I assume was an effort to head Snapchat off at the pass.  So, if you’re an author with a good Facebook following, you could livestream a video of yourself talking about your latest book.  Meanwhile, if you’re not that well know, I guess you could snap videos of yourself out into the wind but I don’t think many people will partake.  Maybe if you’re Stephen King or something.

Third, I don’t see a lot of advertising value.  True,  Snapchat has been inventive.  They had a Gatorade filter for the Super Bowl where you could take a video of yourself and make it look like you just had Gatorade dumped on you, thereby making money off of a fun way to give Gatorade some unique advertising.

Other than that, I don’t know if the kids will sit still for actual ads.  If you have to sit through a thirty second commercial before you can snap yourself, that’ll probably last until a rival company comes out with a similar app where you don’t have to watch a commercial.

3.5 READERS: So why did you buy the stock, asshole?

Because I’m an asshole.

I hope I’m not.  So far it feels that way.  I bought it, and then the instant I bought it, it lost me $5.  Then twenty minutes later it lost me $25 dollars.  So, that could just be a fluctuation.  Hopefully, it gains tomorrow.

I don’t know.  Twitter’s stock fell.  Go Pro’s stock also fell, largely due to the fact that every dumbass who ever wanted to buy an athletic stunt camera bought one and as it turns out, assholes who want to jump out of planes and record their skydives are a select group.  So once you sell them all stunt cameras, you’re out of people who want to buy stunt cameras.

Thus, I wonder about Snapchat’s future.  Zuckerburg started raking in the coin by pushing his site on youngsters, but he became richer than most small nations by getting your mom and grandma to join, thus making bank on ad revenues.

So, I could be wrong, but the key will be to reach out to more old people and old people who want to make videos of themselves looking like puppies are a small, select group, or at least I hope they are.

Or maybe I hope they aren’t.  Hey, 3.5 readers.  Did you hear there’s an app that can make your face look like a dog?  Trust me.  I’ve pictured what you all look like and it would be a definite improvement.  Zing!  I kid, I kid.  You’re all beautiful.  But seriously.  Get Snapchat, pour some virtual Gatorade on your head, get a virtual flower crown because you’re too lazy to just pick some flowers and make one, just use that Snapchat so my stock will go up high enough that I can put a Bookshelf Q. Hot Tub in Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters.


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Daily Discussion with BQB -Snapchat for Authors

I see a lot of companies, celebrities etc putting out their snapchat handles and I’m not sure why.

My understanding of Snapchat is that it is to millennials what AOL Instant Messenger was to Generation X.

You basically chat through snaps, as the name says.  Take a photo or a video of yourself.  Send it to your friend.  They disappear so if your friend turns out to be a jerk they can’t post or share embarrassing photos/videos you shared due to your bad judgment.

I get why celebs use Twitter or Facebook.  They write on a certain topic.  It is there for people interested in a topic.

But what happens if I friend, say, the Rock on snapchat?  Will the Rock send me a video asking me if I can smell what he is cooking?

If I friend Nicki Minaj on snapchat will she twerk for me?

What gives? Perhaps I am officially too old as I fail to see how this could be a good marketing tool.

I’m wretchedly hideous as are all the people my age (no offense people my age).  No one wants to snap chat with me.  I’m too hideous.

If you’re an author and you use snapchat as a marketing tool, how do you use it?

Do you take videos of yourself saying, “Hey my book is available on Amazon it’s about an elf that fights dragons and shit” or what? What do you do?

What confuses me is there doesn’t seem to be a way to search posts like twitter.

On twitter, for example, I can write, “I wrote a book about #fantasy #elves” and then people searching for info about fantasy and elves will find my post.

But, and correct me if I’m wrong, you can record yourself talking about your fantasy elf book and then hashtag it.

So, and please enlighten me if I’m wrong, but my understanding is you’d basically put your snapchat handle out there and try to add people to your list and then I guess once in awhile you’d send out a photo of yourself holding your book or a video of you talking about your book.

But that seems odd to me.  Instant Messenger seemed like a form of communication between two people, like an alternative to the phone and snapchat seems like the modern equivalent.

I’m not going to give the Rock my phone number to call me to remind me when Fast and Furious part 99 comes out so why would I give him my snapchat handle so he can snapchat me when his movie comes out?

Explain, nerds!  Explain!  If you’re an author who uses this  effectively I’d like to here from you.

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