Merry Christmas 3.5 readers.
No wonder the Yeti is always taking over BQB HQ.
Dearest 3.5 Readers,
A quick note to say thank you, for you, my darling 3.5 readers, are the wind beneath my wings, the hot fudge on my sundae, the dip on my chips and the reason I keep writing.
As I reach the home stretch of the One Post a Day for a Year Challenge, I realize I’ve learned a lot about blogging, self-publishing, social media, building a fan base and so on.
What I’ve noticed is that unlike other activities, blogging…very slowly but surely…does yield results. Bookshelfbattle.com did better in 2015 than it did in 2014 and here’s hoping things just keep improving with every passing year.
Tell your friends so I can have 7 readers in 2016 and 14 readers in 2017. Let’s double everything every year!
It hasn’t been an easy year, what with attacks from the Yeti, Dr. Hugo Von Science choosing a dark path and the zombie apocalypse that decimated my hometown but amidst it all, you fine 3.5 readers have been there for me.
Thank you 3.5 readers. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Whatever Holidays You Celebrate.
Ho Ho Ho Ya’ Lousy Degenerate 3.5 Readers.
Uncle Hardass here to put some much needed coal in your mental stockings.
Now, I know what you hippies are thinking. “Oh, Uncle Hardass! You’re not going to take a dump on the joyous holiday season are you?”
Yes! Yes I am!
Where do I start? I’m not sure what spoils my eggnog more. Maybe it’s…
Maybe one of the aforementioned grievances frosts my ass. Maybe they all do. But 3.5 readers, do you REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT FROSTS MY ASS?
HERE IT IS:
Congratulations. You’re a parent. As if the world didn’t have enough to worry about, now the world has one more mutant spawn to suck up its precious resources.
You work all year. Well, some of you do. Most of you are just writers who scribble a bunch of nonsense then act like your memorialized thoughts and opinions matter to this godforsaken world, but I digress.
You worked and you saved your money. You went out and bought your little whipper snapper the latest toys, gadgets, and gizmos. You enjoyed doing it. You paid attention to what your kid wants and you went around to ten different stores to track down whatever piece of crap he wanted. With tender loving care, you wrapped all the toys up and placed them under the tree.
In short, you put a lot of work into making your kid happy.
So can someone please tell me why, WHY is it that I will be able to walk into any house in America and listen to the adults, who have gathered to watch the kids open their presents, say shit such as:
Look, 3.5 readers, and keep in mind this is coming from a guy named Uncle Hardass, so you know what you’re doing is f%&ked up.
Stop it with the passive-aggressive comments on Christmas morning about how your kids don’t deserve all the crap you got them. Even if you think you’re just talking to the other adults, they can hear you.
Honestly. You loved your kids enough to spend your time and money on getting this crap, you gave it to them so there’s a part of you that WANTS them to have it but then all you do is shit on them for having it.
You’re taking all your work and flushing it down the drain. If it really pisses you off that your kids have nicer shit than you did as a kid, then there’s a simple solution. Don’t get them the shit. Sorry kid, I didn’t get shit as a kid, so you shouldn’t get shit as a kid.
Sure, they’ll whine about it now but as adults, they’ll probably be more mentally secure people then the kids who grew up thinking, “Gee, I wonder if I deserve all this crap?”
Either that, or just be happy that you, despite the odds, obtained a level of success great enough that you can afford to buy shit for your kids that your parents weren’t able to buy for you. Call up your parents and laugh at them. Send them pictures of all the shit you bought for your kids and rub it in that you’re a better provider than they were.
Hell, if you even like the shit that much and are jealous of your kids for having it, then just go ahead and play with all those toys and shit while they aren’t looking.
Better yet, play with the toys with them. It might actually make you AND them happy.
What? You didn’t think your old Uncle H was capable of providing such heartwarming advice?
Just goes to show what you don’t know could fill an empty Salt Mine shaft, 3.5 readers.
So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and listen, make a resolution to stop reading my dumbass nephew’s blog in 2016, will you?
Every time one of you losers gives him a hit he thinks he’s going to make it big and his ego just doesn’t need that kind of unmerited support.
Peace on Earth and goodwill to men, losers.
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas Bookshelf Battlers! ‘Tis the season to be ready! (You are not supposed to read the word “ready” as in “being prepared” but “reedy” as in, being a person who likes to read. Nevermind).
It has been tough keeping up the old Bookshelf Battle blog (follow along on twitter @bookshelfbattle ) lately. I’ve been writing up a storm on a book idea I have and unfortunately I have limited time, so the little time I do get I’d rather spending working on that than posting here, though I wish I could do both.
It’s been ages since I’ve done a book review. That’s sad, since that’s what this blog is all about. But one goal I have is to also promote the classics, especially those in the public domain that belong to the ages.
So without further ado, here is a link to Project Gutenberg’s version of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens – the story of hard working Ebenezer Scrooge, an evil one-percenter who made his gold shillings off the backs of the poor, and was happy to do so until three liberal bleeding heart ghosts guilted him into spreading his loot around.
OK, so maybe the story doesn’t work well with modern terminology, but enjoy anyway!