If I’m being honest here, I watched this movie for two reason:
Lauren Cohan (Maggie from The Walking Dead) and since she’s sans-Glenn in this one, I can fantasize about wooing her with my manly machismo.
Killer doll movies are the scariest of all movies. No one has a gremlin, ghost, zombie or monsters in their house, but everyone has at least one doll.
In her breakout movie role, Lauren plays Greta, a nanny hired by an elderly couple to take care of their son, Brahms.
The catch? When she arrives, she learns that Brahms is actually a doll, though his parents don’t let on that this is anything but normal.
I don’t want to give too much away, but as you can imagine, clues are dropped throughout in an effort to lead you in different directions. Is there a boy’s soul trapped in the doll? Are the parents nuts? Is Glenda nuts? Is everyone nuts?
It’s worth it to watch until the end to find out. I won’t spoil it because to the film’s credit, you won’t get what’s going on until it is all finally revealed.
I know I didn’t and as my 3.5 readers are aware, I’m a genius so that’s saying something.
The film revisits Mac and Kelly (Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne) the couple terrorized by the rowdy frat led by Teddy (Zac Efron) that set up shop next door to their home in the first film.
It’s not that the first Neighbors movie had much in the way of redeeming quality either, but at least it relied on a bevy of gross out stunts that made you cringe until you gave up the laughs.
This one’s just sort of “meh.”
Mac and Kelly have tentatively sold their home and the buyers have thirty days to go through or nix the deal.
And…uh oh…Shelby (Chloe Grace Moretz) and friends start their own rowdy sorority house in the house next door to Mac and Kelly, renting out the house once occupied by Teddy’s frat.
The film redeems itself a bit by pointing out the perils of being a female college student. On campus sororities aren’t allowed to throw parties (the movie informs you’ll find out it is true if you Google it) so their only chance to party is to visit a frat, and frat parties tend to be, well, all about demeaning women.
Shelby and Co. can’t party on campus, can’t have too much fun in their dorm without their RA throwing a fit, so their own off-campus house is their last ditch effort.
Other than that, the whole plot is either stupid or non-existent, take your pick. The adult couple conspires to kick the girls out. The girls conspire to get their revenge against the adults.
There are some scenes where you’re left if any thought was put into them.
At one point, and in case you care I’ll say SPOILER ALERT, the girls tinker with Mac and Kelly’s cell phones and in so doing, send them messages to convince the other has left them.
Mac and Kelly flip out and go on a rampage to find one another but uh, for some odd reason, neither looks through the house they both live in where they both are when they get the messages first.
Mac is fooled into going all the way to Australia to look for Kelly where we see Seth Rogen in what is clearly a bad green screen shot of himself outside the Sydney Opera House.
Kinda makes you wonder why the studio couldn’t have just sprung to send Rogen on a trip to the Sydney Opera House.
Teddy is crowbarred in – he helps the sorority, he helps the adults – he’s more or less there just to remind you that Neighbors One existed.
Eh…I mean you could tell me that I’m just an old bastard and thus the movie just wasn’t my cup of tea but I don’t know. I did laugh a lot at the first one and that’s why I was willing to give this one a try.
I love movies. I watch a lot of them. Rare is the occasion when I go to a movie and end up looking at the time and debating whether to just walk out or to stay through the end and continue to waste time.
This one did that for me.
The concept itself isn’t that bad. Differing perspectives on life and all. The kids just want to have fun. The adults never really stopped wanting to have fun but they have responsibilities and jobs to tend to and can’t be bothered to deal with crazy parties all the time.
But overall, it stunk. Big time stink fest.
The sad part is there are many good actors and actresses in the film. You’re just left wondering why with so much talent involved, no one ever stopped to ask if this flick wasn’t a waste of their time.
You wouldn’t think the story behind the invention of the self-wringing mop would be all that interesting but as it turns out, it is.
Inspiring too.
BQB here with a review of Joy.
SPOILER ALERT – the movie’s less about the mop than it is about the burdensome road one must go down in order to achieve a dream.
Joy (Jennifer Lawrence) started out as a very intelligent child, dreaming up new inventions in her room. She assumes life will be great but as the years go on, she eventually finds herself divorced, caring for her kids, her elderly father (Robert DeNiro), her mother who hides from life by watching soap operas all day (Virginia Madsen), and ironically, her ex-husband who she’s still friends with (Edgar Ramirez.)
Bradley Cooper rounds out the cast as the QVC executive that gives Joy her big break during the television shopping industry’s infancy.
“I feel like I’m in a prison” sums about how she (and most people feel) when they’re stuck in a rut. We all have dreams but day by day, as the time ticks off the clock and the day to day struggles of earning a living preoccupy our time, those dreams fade away.
Supposedly, we’re all free to do as we please but when you factor in all the obligations of life, the average person is not free at all.
The pressure to throw your hands up, forget all about your dream and just live out a boring, hum drum existence is strong – for Joy and well, let’s face it, for us too.
But when Joy cuts her hands on a mop filled with broken glass, she develops the idea for a self-wringing mop, one that you can wring without even touching the mop head.
Sounds simple enough but once she goes into the mop making business, she quickly learns the downside to following her dream. The path to success is not easy. Price gauging suppliers, crooked businessmen, mounting bills, and family jealousies all stand in her way.
Is that mop that interesting? No. But watching the movie is an exercise in self-forgiveness. We all have our own self-wringing mop, that pie in the sky idea we always wanted to follow.
But we also have people who depend on us, financial woes, etc. Forgive yourself if you aren’t living the life you wanted. Most people aren’t.
There are many times in the movie where Joy has the chance to give up and walk back to the hum drum life or double down on her mop making enterprise, potentially pushing her deeper into debt and misery if it doesn’t work out.
Many people in her shoes would have given up and, at least from my perspective, the message of the film is that you should forgive yourself if you didn’t pursue your dream because at the end of the day, the deck is stacked against you.
Living a realistic boring life doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you normal. On the other hand, if you follow Joy’s lead and keep plugging away at your dream it may very well come true.
FYI – Jennifer Lawrence was nominated for an Academy Award for playing Joy. At the time, I assumed it might have been a case of Hollywood blowing smoke up J-Law’s butt (I like her a lot but is there anyone else out there deserving of accolades since she’s already had so many?)
Turns out I was wrong. She was very deserving of the nomination. Joy made me laugh. She made me cry. She made me visualize myself in her shoes, this damn blog with 3.5 readers as her self-wringing mop, and all the people telling her that her mop is dumb as the people telling me this blog is dumb.
Eh. They’re right. This blog is kinda dumb. I should just quit and go eat cookies.
X-Men in the 80’s. So many special powers. So much Tab.
And so many SPOILERS below.
BQB here with a review of X-Men: Apocalypse.
You know 3.5 readers, as I sat in the movie theater tonight it dawned on me that it has been exactly 10 damn years since the critically panned X-Men: The Last Stand came out in May of 2006.
I only remember that because it was a happy time for me and so I remember some happy doings occurring in my life around the time I went to see it.
Then it all sank into a giant crap storm not long after that and to my surprise, an entire decade has gone by. The Bush Presidency came to an end. The Obama Presidency is wrapping up.
Yet it seems like it was just 2006. Where does the time go?
Oh sorry. You wanted a movie review, not a BQB life lamentation.
Back on track.
The series takes a detour from the usual Professor X vs. Magneto (it’s so sad we’re mortal enemies because deep down we’re such good friends) schtick (although it is still present in this movie).
Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac), a mutant dating back to the dawn of mankind, can absorb the powers of other mutants and enhance them. There’s nothing he can’t do so in effect, he’s a God.
Once worshipped in Ancient Egypt, Apocalypse returns to the 1980s and sets out to conquer the world. From Star Wars references to Pac Man, the producers definitely don’t want you to forget what decade you’re in.
Magneto (Michael Fassbender), Psylocke (not as much gratuitous booty as I hoped), Angel and a young Storm drink the anti-human Kool Aid that Apocalypse is preaching and become his lackies.
Meanwhile, Professor X, Mystique and the rest of the gang stand up for the humans as usual.
Lots of action, suspense, special effects. A few origin stories for some of the X-Men jammed in (Jean Grey, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, etc.)
Sophie Turner (as Jean Grey) and Rose Byrne (as Agent Moira Mactaggert) drop their British accents and to my surprise, pass for Americans.
It scared me a little. Frankly, it reinforced my fear that double agents walk amongst us, plotting to take America back in the name of the Queen.
Aside from that, Sophie does well in her first big role outside of Game of Thrones.
I give the film credit because it does stay true the film series. The first three films were so long ago it is hard for me to remember but there were some points in this film that had me vaguely recollecting points in the early 2000 films.
Keep the super hero flicks coming, Hollywood. Sure, there’s a part of me that wonders why I am wasting precious hours of my life watching costumed assholes fight each other, but then I remember there’s nothing else I’d like to watch more than costumes assholes fight each other.
Will the X-Men ever team up with the Avengers? Probably not seeing as how they’re owned by separate companies, although Fox was willing to let Disney have a Spider-Man appearance in the latest Captain America movie so I suppose anything is possible.
They say the next X-Men movie will take place in the 1990s. Shit. If I have to watch costumed assholes fight each other with Bill Clinton blabbing about not inhaling on TV in the background and Greenday playing on the radio then I’m going to feel like an old ass bastard.
Once in awhile a movie I haven’t heard too much of surprises me and this one is it.
Comedy. Action. A little bit of history/1970’s nostalgia. Rapid fire humor.
A depressed, drunken detective teams up with a leg breaker for hire to search for a missing porn actress.
BQB here with a review of The Nice Guys.
It’s the late 1970s. Ryan Gosling is Holland March, a private detective with a penchant for booze who doesn’t mind billing his clients but doesn’t have a lot of follow through when it comes to solving crimes. He gets paid just the same.
Jackson Healey (aka Russell Crowe) beats the crap out of people for money and in his free time, gets depressed over the wife who left him.
When a porn actress goes missing, they team up to take the case.
Many jokes ensue, some going so fast if you don’t concentrate you’ll miss them.
Jokes about waiting in gas station lines, phone cords getting in the way, and other things that well, people old enough to remember the 70’s (hell even the 80s) would find funny.
Rounding out the duo to make it a trio is Angourie Rice, who plays Holland’s thirteen year old daughter. March’s dedication to his fatherly duties is pretty much his one redeeming quality, though as a viewer, I was left thinking many of the situations Holly was put in weren’t exactly ordeals you’d want to see a thirteen year old go through.
1970’s clothes, fashions, and hairstyles. Russell Crowe is looking a little long in the tooth and far from his Gladiator days, which makes me sad. But he was still good in this.
There were a few moments that left me scratching my head. Kim Basinger plays the head of the Justice Department and uh…come on. A lady Justice Department head wasn’t happening in the 70’s. And Kim wasn’t made up to look very 70’s looking. She was just pretty much Kim, like she is in every movie she’s in.
It’s hard to explain the plot without giving it all away. And without delving into spoilers…it has an ending that, well, isn’t a traditional one. I might write about it after people have more time to see it.
So an elderly patriot, his elderly friend with a metal arm, a guy who can fly, a rich guy in a metal suit, his war hero friend in a metal suit, a prince in a cat suit, a witch with mind control powers, a British living robot, a kid who was bitten by a radioactive spider, a Russian assassin, a dude who’s handy with a bow and arrow, and a man who can make himself the size of an ant walk into a bar…
…AND THEN THEY FIGHT!
BQB here with a review of the long awaited Captain America: Civil War.
Don’t go to war over the SPOILERS that you’ll be reading if you scroll down any further.
Can’t we all just get along?
Apparently not. It’s been a rough year for superhero friendships.
Why, back in March Batman and Superman played their own game of Rock’em Sock’em robots and the more I think about it, the more I realize what a stinker of a turd that flick was.
Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. What the shit, man? What the shit indeed.
Luckily, unlike DC and Warner Brothers, the fine folks at Marvel and Disney refused to serve us up a stinky turdburger.
I don’t want to spoil too much of the plot, but suffice to say all of those buildings the Avengers inadvertently smashed up during their battles with various aliens, robots, and/or assorted evil buttholes have finally caught up with them.
The general public has had it with all the collateral damage and they demand that “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” submit to UN oversight.
Iron Man is for it. The Avengers have too much power and the public will only trust them if they’re being watched. Perhaps it is their power that is causing evildoers to challenge them in the first place.
Captain America is against it. Collateral damage will happen during war, no matter who they answer to. Blame the bad guys who start the wars, not those who are trying to stop them. He fears submission to a political body will allow politics to intervene in the Avengers’ missions and ultimately, the plan is little more than an exercise in assigning blame when things go wrong.
In the middle of it all, a mysterious enemy frames Cap’s best pal Bucky “the Winter Soldier” Barnes, and it turns into a slug fest between the man in the red metal suit and the man in the star spangled pajamas.
Old favorites like Spiderman, Ant Man, Scarlett Witch, War Machine, the Vision, Falcon etc. come into play.
Newly introduced to the screen are Crossbones and Black Panther, each with their own modus operandi.
Alas, Thor and the Incredible Hulk sit this one out. Boo.
Perhaps when the film has been out longer, I’ll opine more on this next subject but for now, if you’re a deep thinker like yours truly, you might start to wonder if the whole film isn’t one being allegory to the plight the U.S. has faced over terrorism since 9/11.
In other words, half the country is like Iron Man. Let’s take a step back and try to play nice with everyone.
Half the country is like Captain America. F them they blew us up. If they get mad at us for blowing them up then they should have thought of that before they blew us up and collateral damage is the fault of the people who blew us up.
Both arguments have their pros and cons. Sadly, just like Cap and Iron Man, Americans used to be a bit friendlier to one another prior to the turn of the millennium.
Now you don’t have to look much further than your Facebook feed during an election year to see people who should be buddies trading the verbal equivalent of Iron Man’s hand blasters and Captain America’s frisbee shield throws at one another.
Let’s try to get along people because we’re all we have, after all.
And besides, isn’t all this infighting what the aliens, or the robots or the bad guys in funny costumes (or in real life, the terrorists) wanted all along?
Am I thinking too much? Don’t worry. The movie doesn’t require you to think that much if you don’t want to. You can just sit back and watch all the pretty colors and scary explosions if you prefer.
There are times when there are so many characters on screen that it is hard to pay attention to what’s going on with everyone. There’s the rub with these multiple hero plots. Sometimes everyone gets so much time there isn’t enough for everyone on an individual level.
Even so, Marvel/Disney crafted an intricate, satisfying plot with a multitude of heroes whereas DC/Warner Brothers only had to deal with three heroes (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman) and in the end, delivered us a big juicy crap sandwich.
Damn it. Batman vs. Superman really sucked, didn’t it?
Spiderman’s addition to the team is adorable. Black Panther shines as the latest hero.
And I’m not sure how they did it, perhaps with a combo of makeup and CGI, but there are scenes with a young Tony Stark that bring us a Robert Downey Jr. who looks a lot like he did in his Saturday Night Live days.
Not to keep dumping on Batman vs. Superman (because to dump on a dump would be redundant) but Marvel/DC took their time, built up all the characters, developed their back stories, made us care about them, and this movie is a pay off for anyone who’s invested their time in the franchise.
DC’s challenge was that there have already been so many Batman and Superman movies to begin with. Fine, but there still could have been a better plot leading up to the Man of Steel’s battle royale with the Dark Knight.
That’s the question asked by this part prequel/part sequel to The Huntsman.
You’ll be hunting for some spoilers if you read further.
Freya (Emily Blunt) is sister to Ravenna (Charlize Theron) aka the Wicked Queen.
Prior to the events of the first Huntsman film, Freya becomes irrevocably heartbroken, and sets out to take over the Northern part of wherever the hell this fantasy world is.
To do so, she raises an army of “Huntsmen” and thus we learn Eric the Huntsman’s (Chris Hemsworth) origin.
Freya proclaims love to be a lie and bans it, leaving Eric and his secret wife, Sara (Jessica Chastain) to hide their relationship.
Yadda yadda yadda. Flash forward to a time post the original movie. The magic mirror has gone missing. Eric and two of his dwarf pals have to find it. Some dwarf women come into play.
Freya wants the mirror. Ravenna also wants to keep doing evil shit. That’s about it.
Lots of action. Great special effects. Not so great Scottish accents but you can’t have everything.
For whatever reason, Kristen Stewart’s not in this one. Occasionally, you get to see Snow White with her back turned. Maybe they figured with all these stars they’d save on a salary. Or maybe K-Stew’s post-Twilight fame is in its twilight. Who knows?
Emily Blunt is convincing as an ice queen. Charlize has been lamenting lately that tall, hot statuesque blondes have a hard time making a go of it in show biz, but somehow she was able to soldier on through this flick so I give her props.
I enjoyed it but it is a popcorn movie. Is love real or is it just an unattainable fantasy that we just torture ourselves with?
I ask myself that all the time. Yikes. Maybe I missed my calling by not becoming an Ice King.
Do they have Ice Kings? Queens seem to have a monopoly on the ice game.
A CIA agent’s memories are planted into a murderer’s brain in a last ditch effort to save the world from annihilation in this star studded thriller.
BQB here with a review of Criminal.
Be forewarned – SPOILERS will be implanted into your brain if you read any further.
Movieclips Trailers – Criminal (2016)
I have to admit it. I went into this film wanting to hate it. Kevin Costner is old as dirt and though that’s not something to make fun of him about because it happens to the best of us, his last action movie 3 Days to Kill was lame to the point where I wondered maybe he ought to start playing older respectable folk (like he did well in Man of Steel) and let the parts that involve running around to the youngsters.
Yet, he surprised me here as he was well suited to the part – a bumbling oaf who would never be able to pull off a spy mission without having a spy’s memories implanted into his brain.
Did that sound like a backhanded compliment? OK yes but it wasn’t meant to be. (Or was it?)
Ryan Reynolds is Billy Pope, a CIA agent who dies before he’s able to share crucial information with his superiors that could prevent a terrorist from destroying the world. Yes, the whole damn world is at stake.
This is Reynolds’ second brain transfer movie. He and Sir Ben Kingsley swapped brains in Self/Less. Super hero flicks and brain transfer movies are what Double-R is all about now.
Gary Oldman, as CIA boss Quaker Wells, enlists Tommy Lee Jones’ Dr. Franks to step up an experimental memory transfer process that’s he’s never tested on humans before.
The guinea pig is Jericho Stewart (Kevin Costner) a convicted criminal who, due to a brain injury as a child, has no concept of right or wrong or how to behave in society.
He’s very dangerous but he’s not Hannibal Lecter. Lecter knew what he was doing.
Jericho, on the other hand, is basically an old feral animal. If he wants something, he takes it. If someone gets in his way, he kills them. If he wants to do something then he does it without a grasp of why he shouldn’t.
Costner shined in this part, playing Jericho as a broken down ignoramus who, thanks to the memories of nice and noble Billy Pope, suddenly develops knowledge and skills he can use to defeat the evil terrorist Heimdahl (Jordi Molla).
Gal Gadot leaves her lasso at home to play Pope’s wife and help Jericho on his mission.
Michael Pitt, who you may remember as Jimmy Darmody in Boardwalk Empire, plays “the Dutchman” i.e. the man who can help Jericho save the day.
In short, when I go to a movie wanting to hate it and come out liking it, it’s a rare surprise.
Is there the occasional plot hole? Sure. One thing I noticed was despite what a dangerous monster Jericho is portrayed as, the various agents don’t seem to put a whole helluva lot of effort into his security…but…hey. It’s an action movie.
So basically we have a new character, another young woman but unlike Rey, she has kind of a bad side. Been in a lot of trouble but shrugs it off with, “It’s a rebellion. I rebel.” Good line.
Apparently about a plot to steal Death Star plans.
Is this how Luke finds out about that unsecured vent he shot his proton torpedoes into?
Honestly, my two cents, it looks a little bit darker and it looks like it will be even better than The Force Awakens.
Interesting direction for Star Wars. This is the first time where they’ve branched off, or started going into side stories. It looks like the franchise is in good hands with Disney.
If only we could talk Mickey Mouse into buying the rights to shoot DC Comics based movies from Warner Brothers.
God, now that I think about it, I wrote a really sugarcoated review of Batman vs. Superman. That flick was a total stinker.
BQB here with a review of the Oscar nominated sadness fest that is Room.
SPOILER ALERT – That it will make you sad is just one of the many spoilers ahead.
I may be a movie buff but that doesn’t mean I watch everything.
I have a general rule about movies. My life is already depressing enough that I don’t need to add to it with a story about other people being sad. Ergo, I gravitate toward movies that are fun, action packed, adventurous, funny…situations that I can imagine myself in to escape the hum drum nature of my own existence.
But then again, movies like this one remind me and maybe all of us that as bad as we think we might have it…there’s always someone who has it way worse.
Rejoice and be happy with what you have.
Room, an Irish/Canadian film, stars Brie Larson as “Ma.” Literally, that’s the only name you get for her character in the entire movie. That’s the only name her five year old son, Jack (Jacob Tremblay), knows her by.
At the start of the film, Ma is a young woman who has obviously been kidnapped and held captive in a room for a long, long time. It has been so long, in fact, that she has even given birth to Jack, a son she has with her captor, and has been raising him inside the room for years.
“Old Nick” (Sean Bridgers) aka the captor, enters room once in awhile, drops off some food, demands acknowledgement from Ma about how lucky she is to have him (which sadly, she’s learned over the years to feign in order to avoid a beating).
Without giving too much away, the first half of the film surrounds an escape attempt and the second half deals with…well, the aftermath. If I tell you much more you might as well not watch it.
Jack has never known life outside of the room so needless to say, he’s had a less than usual upbringing. Inanimate objects i.e. “plant” and “chair” and “lamp” are his friends. He gets to watch TV but he thinks its magic. He doesn’t believe Ma’s stories about life outside of the place he calls “room.”
There are a lot of themes. Mother’s love triumphs over all, life is short so when shitty tragedies derail our plans it totally sucks, as bad as you think you have it, there’s someone else who has it worse so appreciate what you have.
Oh and then it obviously sheds light on the plight of people who have been kidnapped and held hostage. A shitty situation to be in for sure. Viewers might watch it and instantly be reminded of the terrible Cleveland kidnapping case in which a man held three women hostage for years. It is actually based on a novel by the same name written by Emma Donoghue.
Not sure what else to say. Brie Larson earned her best actress win in this one for convincing me as a viewer that it really sucked to live in that room. It’s not a feel good flick by any means and you’ll end up feeling depressed. Here’s where someone will tell me that I shouldn’t feel depressed about it, that it is a story about how a person stuck in a hopeless situation found hope or whatever but yeah, it made me sad.
Maybe I’m just a glass half empty kind of guy. I’m not knocking it of course. It is an emotional premise and it punches you in the gut.
I guess I just prefer movies with CGI and crude humor because I prefer my gut to remain unscathed.
Bookshelf Battle 