A real life oil rig catastrophe is turned into a movie.
SPOILER ALERT? Well, didn’t you have the TV on at all in 2010?
BQB here with a review of Deepwater Horizon.
This movie tells the story of the oil rig explosion that led to oil being spilled into the Gulf of Mexico for eighty-seven days in 2010.
Remember that news story, folks? Every day you’d turn on the TV and they’d have the video of all that oil spouting off into the water?
Yikes. Those days surely sucked.
Interestingly, this movie is all action, yet it also seeks to educate.
There’s a lot of science and engineering behind oil rig drilling. Thus, the film’s challenge from the beginning is to take a subject that experts take years to learn about and pass off the basics to the viewer, or at least the info they need to know so the movie isn’t entirely baffling.
At times, I felt like I learned something. At other times, the characters get into the complexities and my eyes glaze over and I’m just like, “Yup. This thing’s gonna blow up. Got it.”
As the film tells it, oil rig boss Jimmy Harrell (Kurt Russell) squares off against BP executive Vidrine (John Malkovich). The overall implication that comes out of the movie is that BP was cutting corners, ignored Harrell’s advice and blah, blah blah I’ll let you watch it yourself but suffice to say, the whole thing went kaboom.
Here’s the big thing I noticed. This was an action film…but it was a realistic action film.
You know those action films where there’s an explosion and two seconds later the hero is fine?
Yeah. This isn’t one of those.
As the rig comes down, we see bones break, people get burned, thrown around, crushed and badly injured. People end up running around in pain (and the pain shows) with pieces of glass and debris stuck in them.
In the midst of it all, people are people. Some do great, heroic things. Others get scared and panic.
As a viewer you’re like, “Wait! Isn’t Arnold Schwarzenegger going to swoop in any minute now and save everyone and never get a scratch on him and then he’ll say a clever one liner?”
Nope. Heck, Mark Wahlberg as technician Mike Williams doesn’t even give us an SNL inspired, “Say hello to your mother for me.”
Gina Rodriguez stars as rig worker Andrea Fleytas and Kate Hudson stars as Mike’s wife.
Mmmm. Kate Hudson. I’d jump off a burning oil rig to swim to her, by God.
What? Too soon to make jokes? Come on. It’s been six years.
This movie left me with a greater appreciation for people who have rough, dangerous jobs. If you know an oil rig worker, give him/her a hug…well….ask first. Remember, no means no.
Bank robbers. Sadness. Landscapes. Intergenerational poverty.
BQB here with a review of Hell or High Water.
SPOILER ALERT – Be forewarned of spoilers.
Chris Pine and Ben Foster team up as brother bankrobbers Toby and Tanner Howard in a scheme to rob and screw over a Texas bank chain that screwed them.
However, despite Chris and Ben’s performances, the state of Texas is the star. Some great cinematography in this film where you, the viewer, end up feeling as though you’re practically driving through the Lone Star state yourself and able to look around the flat plains and see land for miles and miles in every direction.
We’re also taken into the world of poor southern life and poverty in general, how problems are passed from one generation to the next and it usually takes one generation to do something pretty drastic (bank robbery is definitely too drastic) to change the situation for the family’s future.
I don’t know what a good example of a drastic change would be to change a family’s financial future. Maybe inventing robot underpants or some great new gadget that sells well.
Sorry. That was out of left field. Moving on…
There are a lot of themes in this movie, as well as attempts to get viewers to pay attention to problems they may not be aware of.
For example, we see the blight and decay facing many poor Texan towns, communities that used to thrive around farming and ranching, now falling apart and losing population because there are few, if any, opportunities left due to corporate takeover of many of these industries.
The banking industry is the villain of the film as Toby and Tanner are put through enough crap in their lives that you end up sort of understanding (though not necessarily condoning) why they end up driven to a life of crime.
Hunting the brothers down are Texas rangers Marcus Hamilton (Jeff Bridges) and Alberto Parker (Gil Birmingham.)
I won’t explain this well because I don’t know about how Texas lawmen are ranked but ultimately, Marcus is the head ranger, lamenting his upcoming retirement and Alberto is his second-in-command, slated to replace him as the boss.
They have this great buddy cop, love to pick on each other bromance that in my mind, may go down as one of the top (and most heartwarming) bromances in movie history.
Marcus makes mean, highly politically incorrect jokes about Alberto’s Mexican and Native American heritage. Alberto returns the favor by joking about how he can’t wait for Marcus to croak. There’s definitely love there.
And the thing about good writing is by the end of the movie, you find yourself hoping that some how everyone will win. You want the brothers to get away. You also want the rangers to catch them.
Fear not, I won’t tell you what happens.
Instead, what I will tell you is that some how, some way, and much to my surprise as an ugly rights advocate (note my many columns on the #OscarsSoPretty movement in which I demand that the Academy nominate more visually displeasing actors and actresses), Hollywood suits were prevented from filling up this film with good looking people.
Chris Pine is basically the only one in the film that could win a beauty contest. (I assume there’s a requirement that all movies must have at least one over the top good looking person in them.)
Now, I’m not dumping on the rest of the cast when it comes to looks. Ben Foster, for example, has built his career on playing psychos and true to form, he looks and comes off as one in this movie.
And Jeff Bridges looks good for an old dude and I can only assume he bagged his fair share of chicks when he was in his prime. Hell, for all I know maybe he still is.
I’m talking about the extras. Watch this movie and look at the bars, the casino, all the people who are either in the background or maybe have a line or two – many are ugly (or well, to put it in more PC language, “not traditionally good looking”).
Instead, many of them look haggard, broken down, depressed, like they’ve lived lifetimes of woe and misery as poor Texans and it shows on their faces.
I don’t know how they did it. Maybe they put out a casting call for people who look like all their dreams have failed. Surprised I didn’t get a CC on that memo.
But that’s not all. What really warmed the cockles of my heart was that hot and chubby actress Katy Mixon (you may know her as Mrs. Kenny Powers in Eastbound and Down) is featured as a love interest to Chris Pine. Chris friggin’ Pine.
Just…I mean…holy shit, people. I don’t think you understand how big this is for Hollywood.
A movie was made in which epically handsome stud muffin Chris Pine played a character that fancied a chubby woman.
Sure, they found the hottest chubby woman available but still, this is great progress for Hollywood.
CUE THE RE-ENACTMENT
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1 – Sir, we need you to approve this film that features Chris Pine taking a romantic interest in a chubby woman.
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #2 – How fat are we talking here? Orca fat or had a little too much on Thanksgiving and could get rid of it with a few months at the gym fat?”
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1 – The latter.
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #2 – How’s her face?
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1 – Hot face. Hottest chubby chick we could find.
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #2 – Approved. Ugly rights advocate BQB will literally shit his pants in the theater when he sees this.
And I did. I feel bad for the movie theater clean up crew. Those aren’t milk duds.
It is now only a matter of time before they cast a hideous gargoyle like me as a love interest for Charlize Theron.
Eh…ok. We’re not quite there yet. Baby steps, Hollywood. Baby steps.
Be optimistic, ugly and/or chubby people. We will see ugly and or/chubby people doing it with good looking people on screen by the year 2050 now that the path towards ugly acceptance has been started by this film.
There are traces of Oscar worthiness in this film. If it were to be nominated as a Best Picture, I think that would be great. On the other hand, it was released kind of early. Most Oscar type movies are released at the end of the year.
So we’ll see. But even so, it is, IMO, the best movie I’ve seen in 2016 (at least when it comes to serious drama as opposed to comic book type movies) thus far.
Guns. Horses. A town in trouble. White hats and black hats.
BQB here with a review of The Magnificent Seven.
So yesterday I railed against Hollywood reboots and now I’m going to be a hypocrite and tell you that I really enjoyed this remake of The Magnificent Seven (1960) starring Yul Brynner (dead), Charles Bronson (so dead), Steve McQueen (a badass even in death), Brad Dexter (also dead), James Coburn (totally dead), Horst Buchholz (the German James Dean who, like the American James Dean, is dead,) and Robert Vaughn (still alive, huzzah!)
Admittedly, I never saw the original, so the new version was new to me, which just goes to show that reboots are always new to someone and when the inevitable Back to the Future reboot comes out and some dumb kid asks, “There was an original BTTF?” then I will know my time has run out and it is time for me to dig my own grave, lie down, and wait for the worms to eat me.
But I digress. The new seven are:
Denzel Washington as lawman Sam Chisholm
Chris Pratt as drunken gambler/comic relief Josh Faraday
Ethan Hawke as the troubled yet smooth talking Goodnight Robicheaux
Vincent D’Onofrio as grizzly mountain man Jack Horne
Byung-Hun Lee as knife thrower Billy Rocks
Manuel Garcia-Rulfo as mysterious Mexican Vasquez
Martin Sensmeier as Native American warrior Red Harvest
Peter Sarsgaard, who’s built a career on playing epic douches, stars as epic douche/evil businessman Bartholomew Bogue who notifies the townsfolk of Rose Creek that they have three weeks to sell their land to him on the cheap or be killed.
Not willing to roll over for Bogue’s chicanery, Emma Cullen (Haley Bennett, who looks so much like Jennifer Lawrence that movie studios could save a bundle by hiring her instead of J-Law and no one would know but movie nerds like myself) scrapes her life savings together and uses it to hire the seven.
The first half of the film is basically Chisholm wandering the countryside recruiting the seven, during which time we learn about who they are and what they’re capable of and then this all leads to the second half, the ultra violent, action packed showdown.
I loved it. It had all the Western tropes that I love. The townsfolk want to bend over and take it from Bogue rather than risk incurring his wrath. Sigh. Western townsfolk always want to take it from the bad guy rather than cooperate with the good guys. Also, there’s card playing, drunkenness, prostitution, duels, gambling and so on.
I applaud Hollywood for making historical movies at a time when they aren’t doing so well. Earlier this summer, I enjoyed the Ben-Hur remake (meaning I’m a hypocrite again, though I hadn’t seen the original so it was new to me) but it did not do well at the box office.
I hope this film does well so that Hollywood will be encouraged to keep making historical movies. In fact, you should go see it to add to the ticket sales.
Do I really have to call SPOILER ALERT when this was all over the news in 2009?
Oh well. Assume I just did.
BQB here with a review of Sully, the Clint Eastwood directed film about U.S. Airways pilot Chesley Sullenberger’s miracle landing of an airline on the Hudson River.
Stupid geese. They ruin everything. And all those years ago (seems like it was just yesterday, doesn’t it?) they flew into Sully’s engines and knocked them out.
With little time to think and a plane that was going down, Sully (Tom Hanks), with the help of co-pilot Jeff Skiles (Aaron Eckhart) made a split decision to land the plane in the Hudson River.
The film takes us through the event from a number of perspectives – office workers who see the low flying plane and fear it is another 9/11, illustrating the toll on the American psyche that attack has taken, the frightened passengers, the flight attendants who keep their cool and lead the passengers through what they need to do, the rescue workers who respond to the scene in time to save the passengers from freezing to death in the bitter January cold.
It was a heck of a story when it happened. There have been many plane crashes in history, though none that I can think of where everyone survived. Sully was the toast of the town immediately thereafter, hailed as a hero and brought on as a guest on multiple talk shows and news programs.
But what we didn’t realize is that behind the scenes the ole Sullymeister was being railroaded big time. Thus, the brunt of the movie focuses on NTSB investigators (boo! gubmint bureaucrats! boo!) attempting to string Sully up with computer simulations indicating that it would have been possible for Sully to have landed the plane at LaGuardia or in New Jersey.
With flashbacks to his youth as a crop-duster and military pilot interspersed throughout, Sully fights to preserve his good name, his reputation, his wings, his pension, and ultimately to prove that he wasn’t flying some video game, this was the real deal and he did what he needed to do to save the day.
One thing that struck me as I watched was just how densely populated New York City is, how tall the buildings are, combined with giant planes flying overhead constantly, one wonders how there aren’t more crashes and ultimately, you walk away with a greater appreciation for pilots like Sully who move these giant metal beasts through the sky over populated areas everyday.
And that’s the rub. Sully didn’t just save his passengers, but also the people in the city his plane would have crashed into.
Of course you are. If you aren’t, what’s wrong with you?
If you can’t remember the text of Ezekiel 25:17, that bible verse Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) uses before he shoots someone, here it is:
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”
“You mustn’t fuck with the department of motor vehicles, Mr. Anderson. We can make your life a living hell.”
Sigh. Good times.
Every once in awhile I see an old movie on TV that I feel the need to tell my 3.5 readers about.
While “classic” might mean “Oscar caliber” to some people, I’m just going to use the term loosely whenever an older film strikes my eye.
This afternoon, I caught License to Drive, a 1980s comedy starring the decade’s two most popular Coreys, Haim and Feldman, respectively.
I’ve seen this one so many times and I can’t help but watch it again whenever I’m channel surfing and happen to catch it. No matter what generation you’re from, it really captures the importance of being able to drive and how a license can totally change a teenager’s life.
Sixteen-year-old Les (Corey Haim) lucks out in scoring a date with uber hottie Mercedes (Heather Graham’s breakout role).
He figures it will all work out because his driver’s license exam is that week and he’ll be licensed by the weekend but no, he epically fails and thus a series of terrible events occur.
Not wanting to miss out, Haim defies his father (Richard Masur as a typical angry that my kid is so dumb dad) and swipes his grandfather’s cadillac to take Mercedes out.
You may not realize it, but this movie really combines sights, sounds, and backstory to create a funny experience.
In the beginning, we learn that Les’s grandfather loves his car and that he’s likely to start World War III if so much as a scratch is left on it. Thus, throughout the movie, from a narrow road in the forest where tree branches swipe against the car, to Mercedes getting drunk and dancing on the hood in her heels, to goons getting mad at Les and trashing the car, to a drunk barfing in it, you, as the viewer, end up cringing with every single scrape, bang and ding.
Corey Feldman of Goonies fame and Michael Manasseri are Les’s buddies, the carefree Dean who eggs Les on to break more and more rules and uber nerd Charles who is afraid of everything.
To top it all off, Les’s mother (Carol Kane) is pregnant and could need a ride to the hospital at any minute which isn’t good seeing as how her son ran off with the family’s only method of transportation.
My favorite part is the scene where Les takes his driver’s test. We see scenes where his test and his twin sister (family favorite Natalie played by Nina Siemaszko) gets a super nice tester who takes her for a nice, quiet drive through the country while Les gets a super angry tester (James Avery aka Will Smith’s uncle in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air).
When James literally tosses his clipboard out the window and informs Les that if a single drop of his coffee spills its over, you know its going to be funny.
Great movie. Reminds me of my childhood, being a teenager and overall, simpler times.
Sigh…and it makes me sad that we lost Corey Haim too soon at age 38. Life sure can be unfair sometimes.
I’ve gotten a lot of new blog followers over the summer and it dawns on me that sometimes the point of this blog isn’t clear.
So here goes:
I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler and this blog is Bookshelf Battle, a chronicle of my experiences as a world renowned poindexter, epic nerdventurer, reviewer of pop cultural happenings, champion yeti fighter, and most importantly, caretaker of a magic bookshelf.
Wow that’s a lot. But wait. There’s more.
I’m not sure why, but my magic bookshelf tends to drag a lot of craziness into my life.
Is it the bookshelf’s fault? Is it just a coincidence? I don’t know.
At any rate, about a year into blogging I was notified by an alien dictator known as the Mighty Potentate that I am his chosen one. The MP, you see, despises reality television and therefore believes I am the writer who will one day publish a novel so finely crafted that it convinces the masses to abandon all TV shows where cameras follow dullards around for no reason.
If I don’t put that novel out before I croak, the Mighty Potentate will conquer the earth.
Gotta be honest…that’s a lot of pressure. I try not to think about it.
In the meantime, the Mighty Potentate has dispatched his second-in-command, Alien Jones, to watch over me, keep me safe, give me guidance and so forth. He usually writes an “Ask the Alien” column where readers can ask him questions but he has been rather busy with his intergalactic duties this year.
I live in East Randomtown, USA, a terrible place full of dumb dummies. I’m actually considered one of the town’s top citizens because I started a blog that attracts the attention of 3.5 readers. One of my readers is Aunt Gertie.
FYI – this blog never gets more than 3.5 readers. I don’t understand it.
Regular columnists include:
“You Can’t Argue with Science” with Dr. Hugo Von Science
“Stop Sucking” with Motivational Speaker/Anti-Suck Expert Vinny Baggadouchio
Search Engine Optimized Poet
The Astounding Nerdstradamus
“Things That Really Frost My Ass” with Uncle Hardass
“Things I Worry About” with Lloyd Bunson, Professional Worrier
My archnemesis is the Yeti, an international war criminal/fuzzy monster hellbent on bringing down this blog because it is too interesting and yetis want the world to be boring.
I’m also at odds with Leo McKoy, town barfly who achieved great fame in East Randomtown when he delivered a sandwich to 1990s teen heartthrob James Van Der Beek.
McKoy is actually running against me for the position of East Randtomtown Mayor, a position I hold as our last mayor was devoured by zombies during a zombie apocalypse.
This year, I have been focusing on writing books, though my columnists stop in from time to time.
I review movies often. Ironically, I rarely review a book anymore which sucks because, you know, you’d think I would given the blog’s title. That was actually the initial point of the blog to begin with.
Meanwhile, my pop culture detective Jake Dashing continues to file reports on the most vexing questions circulating about the entertainment industry. His love interest is my attorney, Delilah K. Donnelly, who thankfully lowers herself to advise me on legal and business issues surrounding my bloggery.
Last but not least, I live in BQB HQ with the two most valuable members of the BQB organization: my main squeeze, Video Game Rack Fighter, and my trusty philosopher pooch, Bookshelf Q. Battledog.
There you have it. If you are a new member of the 3.5 readers club, you are all caught up.
A sad day in the comedy world, 3.5 readers, as actor/comedian Gene Wilder has passed away at age 83.
He had a long resume of hits but the ones that stand out to me are Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Producers and two films where he paired up with comedian Richard Pryor in the 1980s – Stir Crazy and See No Evil, Hear No Evil.
I could go on all day long about all of these films. In fact, the press has done a great job of that.
So instead I’ll expand a bit on See No Evil, Hear No Evil. This was a 1989 comedy in which Pryor played a blind man named Wally and Wilder played a deaf man named Dave.
Together, they witness a murder. Wally hears it. Dave sees it. A mixup leads the cops to think they did it, so they go on the run as a team with Dave being the eyes and Wally being the ears.
I remember seeing this as a kid and laughing a lot.
COP: Was there or wasn’t there a woman?
WILDER AS DAVE, BECAUSE HE’S DEAF: Fuzzy wuzzy was a woman?
What was your favorite Gene Wilder moment, 3.5 readers?
No joke. An old ass man might literally chase you around his house for two hours if you try to steal his pay.
BQB here with a review of the horror thriller, Don’t Breathe.
Its ok 3.5 readers. You can breathe. But the SPOILERS might leave you breathless.
God I’m such a hack.
Rocky, Alex and Money (Jane Levy, Dylan Minnette and Daniel Zovatto, respectively) are a trio of teenage house robbers.
Their latest target is an elderly blind man, a war veteran rumored to have a ton of cash stashed in his house.
Seems like an easy enough job but…nope…for a blind man this guy sure has some deadly ass skills and the kids end up taking on a lot more than they bargained for.
I can’t tell you much more than that or else I risk blowing the whole movie for you.
In some ways, its a standard horror movie. A lot of “Oh no! Don’t go in there!” and so on.
But, there is some originality in that the baddie is blind. There’s a lot of skulking about the dark, scenes shot in night vision as the kids move inches away from their opponent without him realizing and so on.
Jane Levy might be the breakout star here. She looks and sounds a lot like 1990s in her prime Reese Witherspoon, at least in my opinion anyway.
Stephen lang is scary as shit as “the blind man.” Lang often plays military men, the two that come to mind being the roles he played in Avatar and Terra Nova.
PRO: Some scary moments, shocks, surprises.
CON: More brutality on screen than I’d like to see. I prefer on-screen violence to be cartoonish and unlikely, rather than to see people being pummeled (which sadly, happens too often in real life.)
Oh, and uh…there was one part where it sort of jumps the shark. I don’t want to give it away but I found myself blurting out, “Oh come on!”
Add me to the list of worst moviegoers. I’m a spontaneous blurter.
Bookshelf Battle 