Movies include sequels in the ongoing line (i.e. what Rey and friends are up to next), Rogue One, a spinoff about young Han Solo, a spinoff about Boba Fett.
What do you think, 3.5 readers?
My first concern is I wonder if Star Wars’ success hasn’t been a case of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
When I was a young adult, I cheered for the prequels because I was just happy to see lightsabers on screen again. Years later I look back and realize that yeah, those movies sucked. Revenge of the Sith wasn’t bad though.
But I wonder if maybe the time between film releases helps us to love these movies more.
Maybe too many will cause us to lose interest. Like that love interest you’re pining for, you want her so bad but once you get her you realize there’s a person in your house cutting her fingernails everywhere. Yet when she goes away you want her back.
Then again, Marvel has been riding high on since 2008 when the first Iron Man was released. Disney’s purchase of and oversight of Marvel has made those movies a success and to date, I have not grown tired of them despite there having been so many of them.
Iron Man 3 was the only stinker, in my opinion but hey in all those movies, one dud is inevitable.
So maybe Disney can keep Star Wars coming and keep us riveted. They seem to know what it takes to keep the kids happy and buying merchandise and keep the adults from complaining that the film hasn’t become too cutesy.
Guess what? You can make your very own Star Wars Crawl. Only catch is you can’t embed the video, which kind of sucks 99% of the fun out of the experience.
Hey there, 3.5 readers. Due to some fancy footwork I, Bookshelf Q. Battler, was able to attend an advanced screening of the movie every sci-fi nerd has been dying to see and I can’t contain myself any longer!
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
OK. You’ve been warned. May the force be with you if you read further.
OK, here we go. Sorry about that. I calmed down. I’m fine now.
Our story begins with Rey, a young junk trader who happens upon the wrecked hull of an old, crashed star destroyer. Carefully, and with the assistance of her trusty companion BB-8, she lowers herself into the belly of the ship to look around and see if there’s anything she can scavenge.
Oh, what does she find? Oh it’s so amazing. I don’t think I will spoil it for you just yet. I want your jaw to drop when you see it. Go see it then come back here and tell me about it.
BUT – a contingent of stormtroopers patrolling the area want it too and Rey has to beat feet out of there. Poor little BB-8 can barely keep up. He beeps and boops a number of complaints on the way out.
All seems doomed until….HOORAY!!!! Han Solo and Chewbacca, now in their advanced age, happen to be flying by in the Millennium Falcon after getting into some mischief and they blast the shit out of the storm troopers and save Rey.
Han’s all like, “Well I hope there’s a good reason why I stuck my neck out for you kid.”
And Rey shows Han and Chewie the artifact that she’s found. Chewie goes bonkers and wants no part of this (which he communicates through a series of growls that Han translates) but Han talks him into helping out.
Han explains to Rey that the only man that can help them now is Luke Skywalker, who we learn has been ex-communicated from the Jedi order because…
Oh geez. Should I tell you? It’s really a big spoiler. In fact, it was a very bold decision by Disney if you ask me.
Luke Skywalker is a) gay and b) has married a male alien, Fazli Sekpo (sorry, I’m not sure if I’m spelling that right. Fazli is a Kweloni, a humanoid race with yellow scales and a permanently furrowed brow. I don’t know if Fazli is just angry all the time or if that’s just what Kwelonis look like.
I can tell you this is a movie that could not have been made ten years ago but due to our socially progressive modern society, we can accept the fact that Luke is homosexual but still remains our trusty, beloved hero after all of these years.
I discussed this choice with my friends on the way home. Everyone was cool with Luke being gay. That wasn’t a problem. We were divided on whether or not it was ok to be with someone outside of your species though.
One buddy of mine declared “that’s totally bestiality!” and I was like, well, no, Fazli is a sentient, intelligent being so why would it be wrong to have a relationship with a being like that?
And then he was all like, “Well if my dog started talking I wouldn’t marry him!”
And then I was like, “Fazli’s a bit more advanced than your dog, you closed minded caveman!”
Then we both apologized. But I tell you just from what I see on social media, a lot of people are having this same argument. People are going to be talking about it a long time.
Personally, I think that sucks that Luke was kicked out of the Jedi order for being with the man he loves. The Jedis say it wasn’t for that. You just aren’t allowed to marry anyone as a Jedi. Love interferes with your Jedi training. Anakin wasn’t allowed to marry Amidala after all. Are the Jedis on the level or are they anti gay rights? I don’t know.
There is a theory that we might find out Fazli is actually a woman in a future movie. We may just not understand what that particular alien race is like and maybe we assume certain things that Fazli does make him a man when he’s actually a woman. There were some hints at that. I don’t think so. But we’ll see.
OK. Moving on. That wasn’t even the biggest controversy. So Captain Phasma is pissed. Totally pissed that her storm troopers lost Rey. So she sends a squad after Rey, but Finn, a storm trooper, has second thoughts and bails out the mission.
He doesn’t want to be a storm trooper anymore. He’s felt this way a long time. He has been able to do odd things since he was a child. Move things with his hand and so on. He kept it to himself. He grew up on a planet run by Empire holdouts (led by the dastardly Kylo Ren) and they’ve declared anyone with Jedi like abilities will be executed, so Finn always kept his abilities to himself.
But no longer. He can’t allow a woman his age to become storm trooper blast fodder. So he tracks down Rey, Han and Chewie and Luke and they get together and plan out their next move.
They are summoned by Princess Leia Organa, now Queen Leia. You see, she was chosen by the good beings of Naboo to hold the throne her mother once held.
It was a split decision between the humans and the gungans. Jar Jar makes a brief cameo as the deciding vote in Leia’s favor. Everyone booed and screamed and threw popcorn and tomatoes and shit at the screen.
Leia is married to Lando Calrissian now and Billy Dee Williams looks good for a dude pushing 80. He cheats on Leia often with hot green space babes though, and Leia misses Han.
Han misses Leia too and they agree that if they get through this ordeal alive, that Leia will divorce Lando and marry Han. Chewie will officiate, having been an ordained minister for years.
C3P0 and R2D2 are the surprise villains of this flick. They’re tired of being the comic relief for six f$%king movies and want in on the real action. So they give up the Falcon’s location to Kylo Ren, who calls Captain Phasma in to blow all the heroes up and that is it.
That’s how it ends. With every character from Star Wars you ever loved being totally dead. The only one left is Jar Jar, who dawns Darth Vader’s mask (the item Rey found in the beginning) and pledges to finish what Darth started. Jar Jar and “Ani” were old pod racing buddies after all.
Jesus, you read this far? You’re very dedicated. OK. Admission. This is all made up and I did not see the movie at all. I hope to soon. And they should adopt this post as the script for the sequel.
Game of Thrones has introduced us to the possibility that despite our hatred of one side or the other, it is possible to come to a realization of how that side came to be.
Case in point. Jaime Lannister. He’s smarmy. Arrogant. But he did kill the original king. It earned him mockery in the form of the “Kingslayer” nickname, though no one cared enough to not participate in the subsequent takeover of the kingdom. He saved the day, but the people he saved it for hate him. Its tough not to be jaded.
So my hunch is things will become less clear than light vs. dark sides of the Force. Each side will have their own reasoning for fighting. Naturally, we get behind Han and Chewie et. al, but we’ll get why the bad guys do what they do, how they were driven to it.
And while I’d be very surprised if JJ Abrams breaks our hearts and turns Luke Skywalker into a villain, a climate in which audiences seek out motivations as to why villains do what they do does make a Skywalker villain more possible than ever.
I hope it doesn’t happen. I’d be very surprised.
Also, it is entirely possible this film will be just three hours of Jar Jar Binks reading a dictionary.
“You go to make a movie and all you do is get criticized,” Lucas told Vanity Fair. “People try to make decisions about what you’re going to do before you do it. It’s not much fun. You can’t experiment. You have to do it a certain way.” – CNN
ON THE ONE HAND – I see his point. The great part of the Internet is that nerdy fans can comment and discuss their favorite movies, TV shows, books etc.
The downside is that its a great environment to make a lot of back seat drivers. “No! Those two characters can’t fall in love and WHAT?! You’re going to kill off so and so and WHAT that guy changed his mind and he’s no longer a bad guy now?!”
Hollywood listens to all this mumbo jumbo. Sometimes that turns out well when the fans know what they are talking about. Other times it falls flat when a director or actor or someone puts the kibosh on an idea that’s a little out there, beyond the norm, that would have paid off big time but they didn’t want to draw the fans’ ire.
Probably the most recent example I can think of is the latest Avengers movie in which Black Widow kicked ass all throughout the film and fans were like “Joss Whedon’s anti-woman! He didn’t give her enough to do!” Boo. Bad nerds.
ON THE OTHER HAND – The CNN article linked to above went on to say:
“The issue was ultimately, they looked at the stories, and they said, ‘We want to make something for the fans,’ ” Lucas said, presumably referring to Disney, which purchased Lucasfilm — including the “Star Wars” franchise — in 2012. “People don’t actually realize it’s actually a soap opera, and it’s all about family problems; it’s not about spaceships. So they decided they didn’t want to use those stories. They decided they were going to do their own thing, so I decided, ‘fine. … I’ll go my way, and I let them go their way.’ ” – CNN
Pbbbhhht. Well, true – Star Wars does have a lot to do with that damn dysfunctional Skywalker family…BUT, did we really need that Sound of Music-ish scene in Attack of the Clones where Anakin and Queen Amidala prance around in love in the field? No. More lightsabers and space ships please.
Revenge of the Sith was pretty solid, and when I was younger, I enjoyed The Phantom Menace and Clones mostly because I was just happy to see Jedis back on the screen.
But let’s be honest, those films were more about loading up on as many quirky, merchandisable characters as possible just to sell kids toys.
There’s nothing wrong with that. Bills need to be paid and that’s what these new films will do as well BUT I have a hunch that it will be done in a way that fans will be like “that was badass!” and “wow what a badass toy!”
The nerdy adults will be anyway. If your kids are yelling “badass!” they probably need a time out.
I get Lucas’ frustration though. It must suck to create this wonderful universe, bring it to the big screen, become the modern day father of science fiction and then be told by your fans that you, the creator of your own universe, are doing a bad job of running your universe.
That’s probably how Darth Vader felt when those pesky rebels started calling for rebellion.
SIDENOTE: One other example of fans taking over that I’ve seen lately comes from The Walking Dead.
SPOILER ALERT – REPEAT: SPOILER ALERT
Did you notice there’s a spoiler alert in effect? OK don’t say you weren’t warned.
Glenn may or may not be dead. The writers of the show have made it look like he totally is, but also left it open to a possible interpretation that he might not be.
Fans have been up in arms on social media, complaining that they have to wait to find out, how dare the writers toy with their emotions like this and so on.
I’m going to channel my inner Uncle Hardass and say, “get a job, hippies!” Hell, I love that show as much as the next guy. I’ve invested a lot of time into it. But when it appeared that Glenn died my reaction was “Awww, that’s too bad…*pause for 5 seconds* OK I better brush my teeth and get ready for bed.”
Seriously, who has time to worry about the fate of a fictional character? JOBLESS HIPPIES WHO NEED A JOB AT THE SALT MINES, THAT’S WHO!!!
Wow. I’m becoming an Uncle H. clone
What say you, 3.5 readers? Who calls the shots, readers or writers?
Personally, it’d be a great problem to have. I only have 3.5 readers and none of them have started calling the shots yet.
I suppose when I reach the point where people are like “We want more Yeti!” or “Alien Jones is like a hairless ALF, you hack!” then I’ll know I’ve made it.
Bookshelf Q. Battler here, still riding out the zombie apocalypse, but luckily I have Alien Jones’ space phone to stream stuff on, like the latest Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer:
My thoughts, in no particular order (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong because many of these are predictions i.e. me just spitballing:
So we have two new heroes, a young male and a young female lead. The girl I believe is some kind of junk scavenger and I’m guessing the structure she is searching through is that big crashed Star Destroyer from the previous trailer. I’m assuming it is, in fact, the Star Destroyer where Luke had his final battle with the Emperor in Return of the Jedi. Could be wrong but I thought I read somewhere that the girl find’s Luke’s lightsaber or something. (Again, I’m just throwing stuff out there, I really have no idea.) Meanwhile, the male lead is a stormtrooper and apparently something happens that makes him renounce his stormtroopery ways.
We see/hear the female lead ask Han if the stories are true and he explains that yes, they are. Therefore, apparently much time has passed, the tales from the older films have become less real and more like legends to the people of the Star Wars universe, and assumably, Han, Luke, and Leia as old-timers will guide a new generation of heroes in taking on a new threat.
That threat comes in the form of some bad masked dude who’s checking out Darth Vader’s crushed mask, pledging to finish what Vader started. Didn’t he get the memo that Vader recanted his evil ways while he was dying and finally ended up being a nice ghost who chilled with Ghost Obi Wan and Ghost Yoda at the end of Return of the Jedi?
We see Leia – she looks sad, she appears to be hugging Han. I don’t know why she’s sad. Presumably because evil deeds or transpiring, or maybe she missed Han. Han said “Chewie, we’re home” in the other trailer, so assumably Han and Chewie went somewhere for a long time. Here’s hoping there will be some joke where Leia calls Han a scruffy nerf herder or something.
I’m sad to hear about all the “Boycott Star Wars” nonsense, i.e. claims that the movie is “anti-white” but on the other hand, if you check out the hashtag, it’s mostly people complaining that the hashtag was ever created. Food for thought – I get people are mad and want to vent but sometimes where the Internet is concerned, ignoring a dumb idea makes it go away faster whereas talking about it helps it gain steam, which, yeah, why am I talking about it then?
Ticket sales are breaking records as well as websites. People buying pre-sale tickets for a movie that’s 2 months away. I’ve never really cared about a movie before enough to buy tickets in advance but I might just for this one.
So we see Han, and Leia, where’s Luke? We only see his hand in the first trailer. I mean, Mark Hammil hasn’t had it easy when it comes to aging (but then again who does?) He was in a car wreck when he was younger and he wasn’t the best looking dude starting out (Kids there was once a time when Hollywood allowed people who didn’t look completely like Gods and Goddesses to be the leads in films, I know, amazing!) so I wonder if that’s it – but he was in the The Kingsman earlier this year and he looked fine. I hope they’re not going to do some Hollywood thing and cover him up with a cloak or something for half the film. I dunno. That’s all pure speculation.
OK. My two cents over. Again, don’t quote me because I’m just talking out of my butt. I look forward to seeing this movie. What do you nerds think?
Bookshelf Battle 