Bookshelf Battle

Niu sighed. “Oh cruel fate.”

“How are you feeling?” Junjie asked.

“Like the fates have conspired to give me a throbbing headache,” Niu said as he winced.

“Do you still have a hunger for brains, my son?” the master asked.

“That’s ridiculous,” Niu said.

Junjie picked a zombie brain up off of the courtyard floor.

“Why would anyone have a hunger for…”

Junjie held the brain in front of Niu’s face. The giant’s  eyes widened. “…brains? Brain! Give me the…”

The hero hid the brain behind his back. Niu’s calm demeanor returned.

“…brain. Don’t be absurd. Who’d want to eat a brain?”

“You,” Junjie said. “You fought me over one.”

“I did?” Niu asked

“You don’t remember?” Junjie asked.

“Brain addicts often suffer from memory loss,” the master said. “Their minds block out the terrible acts they commit in search of brains.”

“Please,” Niu said. “I’m not a brain addict. I have never even eaten a…”

Junjie held the brain out in front of the big man’s face. “Brain!” Niu shouted. “Give it here!”

The hero tossed the brain over his shoulder.  It fell to the courtyard floor with a splat.

“Aww,” Niu said. “Wait. What was I saying?”

“That you don’t want to eat a brain,” Junjie said. “Although clearly you do.”

“Right,” Niu said. “Although I do remember that I avoided the temptation earlier.”

“How?” the master asked.

“The children,” Niu said.

“Oh no,” Junjie said.

“Niu,” the master said. “Please tell me you did not eat the children’s brains!”

“Of course not,” Niu said. “But when I ripped out the brain of one of Dragonhand’s warriors, I became enamored with it. I believe I would have devoured it had the children not divided my attention. I dropped the brain and got the young ones out through the passage but once I came to the courtyard I…”

“…went mad for brains,” Junjie said.

“I am thankful you have yet to eat a brain,” the master said. “And we must keep it that way, lest you go the way of Dragonhand.”

“I pray that is not my fate,” Niu said.

“Master,” Niu said. “How are you…”

“A ghost?” the master asked. “Astral projection.”

“Oh,” Niu said. “The Fourth Infallible Master was able to that. I surely enjoyed my one day of being keeper of the library before it was burnt to the ground.”

“Disciples,” the master said. “We must not waste time with further idle chatter.”

“I agree,” Junjie said. “We must attack Dragonhand head on.”

The master shook his head. “No. You must travel south.”

“South?” Junjie asked. “But that’s not the way to the Emperor’s palace.”

“No,” the master said. “And Niu, you must travel west.”

“If it is my fate to do so, then so be it,” Niu said.

“We’re just going to let the brain addict go?” Junjie asked.

“He appears to have his condition under control, for now,” the master said. “Get him out of here quickly,” the master said.

“I will,” Junjie replied as he began untying the knots around Niu’s arms.

“And nunchuk his face if he submits to brain lust,” the master said.

“I will,” Junjie repeated.

“Is it my fate that everyone will speak about me as if I’m not right here now?” Niu asked.

“Begin your travels,” the master said. “I will reconvene with both of you as soon as possible.”

“Where will you go?” Junjie asked.

“To the Imperial Palace,” the master said. “To warn Captain Tsang.”

Poof! The master disappeared.

Soon, Niu was free. He stood up and towered over Junjie. He looked down at his fellow disciple.

“No hard feelings?” Junjie asked as he looked up at Niu.

“Ow,” Niu said as he rubbed his head. “I doubt the fates would allow it.”

Niu noticed Mei-Ling.  “What in the…”

“Cast in stone by Dragonhand,”  Junjie said.  “The master said she still lives.”

“Now I regret complaining about my fate,” Niu said.

Junjie wrapped his arms around Mei-Ling’s waist.  He gritted his teeth as he strained to lift his love, but she wouldn’t budge.

Niu brushed Junjie aside, then picked up Mei-Ling and heaved her over his shoulder as if she were a light bundle.

“Fear not, brother,” Niu said.  “I shall protect your woman and leave her with the people of the village nearby. It will give me a chance to check on the children.”

“Thank you,” Junjie said.  He looked up at his love’s stone face.  “Goodbye, Mei-Ling.”

Niu waited a moment.  “I do not think she will be saying goodbye to you.”

Junjie rolled his eyes.  “I know.  Just don’t…you’re ruining the moment.”

“Oh,” Niu said.

The big man waited another moment as Junjie stared at Mei-Ling’s cold eyes.

“Do you wish me to put your petrified lover down and leave for a while so that you may defile her?”

Junjie shook his head.  “And now you ruined it.”

“I am sorry,” Niu said.

“It’s fine,” Junjie said.  “Just go.”

Junjie hogtied Niu, leaving the passed out giant hogtied, flat on his stomach with his hands tied to his feet.

“I don’t understand,” Junjie said. “For as long as I have known Niu, he has always been peaceful. This is the first time I have ever seen him lash out in anger.”

“His fatalist ways have served him well,” the master said. “But few men can resist the temptation of a brain.”

The hero looked down at the ground, where a brain that had been yanked out of a zombie skull was lying on the ground. “What’s so tempting about them? They are hideous.”

The master chuckled. “The Staff of Ages made a fine choice in you, my son.”

Junjie sat down and leaned up against the wall that his sleepy, humongous comrade had bashed him against moments earlier. The master’s apparition joined him.

“The Staff of Ages?” Junjie asked. “Now I really don’t understand.”

“Yes, brains are disgusting,” the master said. “But knowledge is power. On the grand scale of virtually limitless time and space, humans are but specks of dust. The average man has only a short time on this earth to learn and store knowledge in his brain. When a man eats another man’s brain, he consumes that man’s knowledge. By consuming many brains, one can fill his own brain with knowledge that could only be obtained otherwise by living for several lifetimes.”

“Or you could just abstain,” Junjie said as he pointed at the brain. “Because its disgusting.”

“Other than myself and my predecessor, the Eighteenth Infallible Master, you are the only man I have met who has been able to resist a brain,” the master said.

“That can’t be possible,” Junjie said. “Disgusting things are easy to resist.”

“Not when it comes to brains,” the master said. “The body realizes the power of the knowledge trapped within a brain. It wants it. Yearns for it. Craves it. Brain eating becomes a terrible addiction, so incurable that even when a body dies and the soul inside makes its way to Diyu, the body itself carries on in search of brains.”

Junjie shook his head. “So that’s…”

“…how a zombie is born,” the master said.

The hero sat quietly for awhile. “Do other bodily organs turn people into monsters?”

“I’ve yet to hear of anyone becoming a monster from eating a liver, kidney, or lungs,” the master said. “But the heart is a different story, one that I’ve only discussed with Captain Tsang of the Imperial Guard. For now, it need not concern you other than you must be aware that those who eat hearts are very dangerous.”

“Do most people lose control around hearts as they do around brains?” Junjie asked.

“No,” the master said. “Before one desires to eat a heart, one must have suffered unimaginable sorrow. Those whose hearts have been irreparably broken seek to replace their hearts by consuming the hearts of others, but doing so only leads to acts of unspeakable evil.”

Junjie stared at Mei-Ling. “Master, we must save her.”

“Yes,” the master said. “But first, we must save China, so that there will be a place for Mei-Ling to come back to once she is saved.”

Niu stirred and looked over at his captors. “Ungh…am I hallucinating or is the master a ghost?”

“My son,” the master said. “To grieve is to be human, but there is much work to be done before you can comfortably wallow in your sorrow.”

Junjie stood up and wiped the tears from his face. “Astral projection?”

“Yes,” the ghost said. “I pushed my spirit out of my body just in time to avoid my body’s death.”

“Why?” Junjie asked.

“Since its inception, the Clan of the Sacred Yet Inscrutable Tiger Claw has always protected the Emperor and defended China,” the master said. “I knew you would be our only hope…and I knew you would need my help.”

“I suppose it’s better than Diyu,” Junjie said.

“No,” the master said. “For without Diyu, I can not be judged by the Yama Kings. Without their judgment, I cannot atone for my sins.”

“You have sins?” Junjie asked.

“We all do,” the master said. “It is impossible to live and not sin, as hard as we may try. And without atonement, I’ll never find peace in Heaven.”

“So what will become of you?” Junjie asked.

The master’s ghost looked down at his destroyed body. “Well, I can’t return to that pile of crap. And a soul needs to be inside a body at the time of the body’s death in order to be transported to Diyu, otherwise the Yama Kings are easily confused.”

“Which means?” Junjie asked.

“I’ll wander the earth as a ghost until the end of time,” the master said.

“You knew that?” Junjie asked.

“Yes,” the master said.

“And you did it anyway just to help me?” Junjie asked.

“Don’t say I never gave you anything,” the master replied.

Junjie put his arms around the apparition, but his attempt at a hug ended up with him just passing through the master.

“Oh,” Junjie said. “Right.”

The hero looked at Mei-Ling, who was still frozen in stone. Junjie brushed his hand across his love’s hardened face.

“I’ve killed everyone,” Junjie said.

The master scoffed. “You changed your name to Dragonhand?”

“No,” Junjie said. “Mei-Ling and I…we…”

“Ran the race of the jubilant jack rabbit,” the master said.

“You know?” Junjie asked.

“I heard,” the master said. “The whole camp did.”

“But I should have been alert,” Junjie said. “I should have been ready to fight. I could have saved you.”

“Stuff your ‘should haves’ and ‘could haves’ in a sack and throw it in the river,” the master said. “What is over is done, but tomorrow will always come with the rising sun.”

“I’ll kill Bohai for this,” Junjie said.

“You can’t,” the master replied. “Mei-Ling already did.”

“Master,” Junjie said. “Everyone…you…Mei-Ling…they’re all gone.”

The master sighed. “Mei-Ling isn’t gone. When the Staff of Ages is used to preserve a body in stone, the body is usually dead. Thus, the body is preserved as it lived. But if the body is already alive…”

Junjie lit up. “It preserves the body alive?”

“Yes,” the master said.

“Oh Mei-Ling!” the hero said as he threw his arms around the stone woman.

“This is not exactly the time for celebration,” the master said. “Mei-Ling has still been frozen.”

“But you can fix her,” Junjie said.

The master shook his head back and forth. “I can’t.”

Junjie released his stone girlfriend. “Why not?”

The master shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know how to.”

“What do you mean you, ‘Don’t know how to?’” Junjie asked.

“Never in my ridiculously long life did I ever think that I would one day have to fix a person who has been preserved in stone,” the master said. “So I never learned how. None of the prior masters did or else they would have passed the information down.”

Junjie glanced at Mei-Ling. “Can she hear us?”

“I assume so,” the master said. “Though I can’t imagine a fate worse than being trapped alive in stone.”

A familiar voice traveled through the air. “Fate…”

“Niu,” Junjie said. “Ahh, my old friend surely must have perished. It’s as if I can still hear his voice.”

“Fate…”

Junjie ran over to a pile of zombie carcasses where the voice was coming from.

“Niu?” Junjie asked.

A giant hand sprung out from the middle of the pile. It clutched a zombie brain. Niu emerged. His eyes remained normal, but he stared at the brain and drooled.

“Fate has kept me alive,” Niu said. “Fate has helped me defeat my enemies. Fate…wants me to eat this brain.”

Junjie hesitated. He’d only practiced tiger clawing oranges out of straw men’s chests before. He’d never tiger clawed out an actual organ. He curled his fingers forward, took a deep breath, then burst into action.

“Waaaahhhhhhhhhh!” Thonk. Thonk. Thonk. He became a brain yanking, gray matter smashing whirlwind. Mei-Ling caught on quickly and soon she too was yanking out brains and destroying them.

Meanwhile, Dragonhand picked up the Staff of Ages. The ruby flickered out.

“Oh no,” Dragonhand said to the staff as his hand caught fire. “You don’t get to deny me.”

The flames grew stronger. The fiend used the staff to harness his fire, then pointed it at Junjie and Mei-Ling and unleashed it upon them.

“Mei-Ling!” Junjie shouted as he jumped on his love and knocked her down just in time to avoid the blast. The fire consumed a few of the zombies that had been attacking the heroes, but that mattered little to Dragonhand. Everyone was expendable in his eyes.

As Junjie stood, he felt a hand grab his shoulder, as well as the cold steel of a sword against his neck.

“Move,” Bohai said. Junjie complied, as did Mei-Ling, who feared her love would be harmed if she didn’t.

“Master,” Bohai said he approached Dragonhand with his hostages. “I present an offering.”

Zombified warriors seized the duo and held them tightly, putting their hands over their mouthes to prevent them from speaking.

“Ahh,” Dragonhand said. “The two you bested in the competition for the Staff of Ages.”

“Yes,” Bohai said. “And if I could have my staff now…”

The fiend laughed. “Surely, you jest.”

“You said if I helped you that the Clan of the Sacred Yet Inscrutable Tiger Claw would be mine.”

“And it is yours,” Dragonhand said. “Look around you.”

Bohai looked around. Burnt out piles of rubble that had once been buildings. Dead bodies everywhere.”

“All of this is yours,” Dragonhand said.

“Even so,” Bohai replied. “The Infallible Master of this clan always carries the Staff of Ages.”

“Is that a rule?” Dragonhand asked.

“It is,” Bohai replied.

“Rules are meant to be broken,” Dragonhand said as he clutched the staff. “I need this more than you do.”

“But…”

“Do you wish to challenge me for it?” Dragonhand asked.

Bohai looked down. “No master.”

Dragonhand rested the staff’s ruby on Bohai’s shoulder. The gem did not glow. “I name you the Twentieth Infallible Master of the Clan of the Sacred Yet Inscrutable Tiger Claw. March with me to the Emperor’s Palace and I will allow you to take as much wealth as you can carry to rebuild this sanctuary and raise a new clan as you see fit.”

“Yes, master,” Bohai said.

“But do not forget you will always be in service to me,” Dragonhand said. “When I call, you will come.”

“Of course, master,” Bohai said.

Dragonhand noticed Bohai’s face was gray. The fiend looked at the cocky warrior’s chest wound.

“You have died,” Dragonhand said.

“I’m still here,” Bohai replied.

“Bohai’s body is here,” Dragonhand said. “Bohai’s soul dwells within Diyu now. Soon, the Yama Kings will concoct many punishments for him.”

Junjie wiggled his head out of his zombified captor’s hand. “Most deserved!” he shouted before the zombie clasped his hand around the handsome hero’s mouth again.

“Silence, dog!” the being who had once been Bohai shouted.

“Rage Dog,” Dragonhand said.

“What?” Bohai asked.

“I was once Longwei,” Dragonhand said. “Longwei now burns in Diyu until his sins are purged. You were once Bohai. Bohai has joined Longwei. Rage Dog remains, for you are angry and also, my pet.”

“As you wish, master,” Rage Dog replied.

Dragonhand smiled at Mei-Ling and sniffed her hair. “Mmm…female brain.”

The fiend slathered his tongue all over Mei-Ling’s head, matting her hair with his saliva.

“This is a feisty one,” Dragonhand said. “Rage Dog, you let a woman kill you?”

“She is tougher than she looks,” Rage Dog said.

Dragonhand licked his female hostage again. “Ah…we’ve met before.”

Mei-Ling attempted to look away but a zombified hand kept her head pointed at the fiend.

“You were but a little girl when I invaded your village,” Dragonhand said. “Poor thing. Had I known you were hiding and watching as I devoured your parents’ brains I would have devoured yours so you could have joined them.”

Dragonhand took one more lick. “I left you speechless. I have that effect on women.”

Junjie wrestled his way out of the zombies’ hands. “Leave her alone!”

The fiend seized the handsome hero and licked his head.

“It’s a thing he likes to do,” Rage Dog said. “Just go with it.”

“Your father left you at this clan’s gate when you were so young you could barely walk,” Dragonhand said. “You remember little about him and you never knew your mother. This makes you feel weak, less than, like you aren’t good enough because if you had been he would have kept you.”

Junjie fought but Dragonhand’s flunkies kept the captive under control.

Another lick. “Your mind is that of a frightened kitten. Filled with fear, self-loathing and dread. You’re right to feel you let your father down.  He spared himself tremendous disappointment by abandoning you.  He missed absolutely nothing.”

Lick. “You love the mute girl. Pathetic yet I understand. I too have longed for a woman that won’t talk back. Perhaps I’ll take her for myself.”

Junjie struggled but wasn’t able to avoid getting his head licked again.

“You loved Bohai as a brother,” Dragonhand said. “Even now you fear for him.”

“There is no Bohai,” Rage Dog said. “There is only Rage Dog.”

Lick. “And the Infallible Master was the only father figure you knew. You don’t know how you will get by without him. You want to kill me for killing him.”

“I do!” Junjie said.

“Get in line,” Dragonhand said as he tossed Junjie to the ground.

“If you love the Infallible Master so much, perhaps you’d like to see his body memorialized in stone for all eternity,” Dragonhand said.

Junjie stood and looked at the master’s body. The old man’s face and skull had been torn apart, little more than a mush filled with pieces of flesh and bone.

“No,” Junjie said. “Not like that.”

“Oh,” Dragonhand said. “Would you rather take his place?”

Dragonhand’s hand bursted into flame. He channeled his magic into the Staff of Ages until the staff’s jade went from green to black. The ruby turned purple.

Mei-Ling stopped on the foot of one of her captors, elbowed the other one, then tiger clawed out their brains and smashed them. Rage Dog chased after her but the female warrior knocked him back with a roundhouse kick.

Dragonhand pointed the staff at Junjie. A black cloud emanated out of the ruby. It swirled and danced then made a line toward the handsome hero.

Junjie faked to the left…to the right…it didn’t matter. The cloud followed. Just when he thought he was doomed, he heard Mei-Ling’s voice for the first time.

“Junjie! Look out!”

Mei-Ling jumped in front of the cloud. It encircled her, ensnared her, enveloped her. When the cloud dissipated, all that remained was Mei-Ling’s body, encased in stone. One foot was down, the other was up in a running pose. Her lips were stuck in a shout. Her arms were crossed in front of her face, a failed attempt at a block.

“Nooo!” Junjie shouted. He ran at Dragonhand but was instantly smacked away.

“I’ve toyed with you enough,” Dragonhand said. “Time to join your bitch in Diyu.”

Junjie formed a tiger claw with his trembling hand.

“My son,” came the Infallible Master’s voice into Junjie’s ears. “Stand down.”

“What?” Junjie asked.

“Kowtow!” the Infallible Master ordered. “Beg for your life!”

Junjie obeyed. He dropped to the ground, raised his hands, then brought them and his head down to the ground in a sign of praise to Dragonhand.

“Is this a joke?” Dragonhand asked.

“Please don’t kill me,” Junjie said.

“Hear my words,” the Infallible Master said to Junjie. “And repeat them.”

Junjie heard them and repeated them. “Oh Mighty Dragonhand! Spare me so that I might tell the world of your glory! I shall walk from village to village, telling all who will hear that I, a man once named the next Infallible Master of the Clan of the Sacred Yet Inscrutable Tiger Claw, was bested by you and all should worship you and do your bidding.”

“Hmm,” Dragonhand said. “Pathetic…but I like it.”

“Master,” Rage Dog said. “I want him dead.”

“No,” Dragonhand said as he held the staff up toward the sky. The clouds grew heavy, there was a thunder clap and then a bolt of lighting shot its way down into the staff, causing it to glow blindingly white once more.

“This worm is right,” Dragonhand said. “He must spread news of my greatness throughout the countryside.”

“That isn’t a sufficient punishment,” Rage Dog said.

“No,” Dragonhand said. “But this is.”

All throughout the sanctuary, the remaining members of the tiger claw clan battled the zombie marauders. Kung fu fights were underway on the walls, amidst the rubble, and throughout the courtyard.

The fiend raised the staff, shot the lightning bolt into the air and it came down, only to separate into multiple bolts that struck each tiger claw clan member dead.

Junjie screamed in an apoplectic fit. “Why?!”

“Because I can,” Dragonhand said. “Now you will always remember that your woman was turned to stone because you were not man enough to defeat me. Now you will always remember that your clan died because you were too weak to stop me. That is punishment enough.”

Dragonhand raised the staff. “Victory is ours!”

The zombies cheered and followed their leader out the gate. Rage Dog stopped to look at Junjie.

“Lick a brain,” Rage Dog said. “It will change your world.”

And with that, Rage Dog followed his clan out of the sanctuary.

Junjie cried. “Why, master?” he said between tears. “Why didn’t you let me stop him?”

The air above Junjie grew thick as the Infallible Master’s ghost appeared and looked down at the young man.

“Because you couldn’t have,” the Infallible Master said.

Dragonhand traded blows with the Infallible Master. The two warriors became immersed in a punch, kick, deflect pattern.

“I am sorry that I failed you, my son,” the Infallible Master said.

“You did fail me,” Dragonhand said as he lunged at the old man. “You held me back.”

“No,” the Infallible Master said as he dodged Dragonhand’s fist. “I failed you for not training your mind well enough to realize that the path you have chosen is one of despair.”

“Despair?” Dragonhand asked as he connected his boot with the old man’s chest, knocking him backward. “This is the path of power.”

“Yes,” the Infallible Master said as he stood up. “But what good is this power when it has twisted you into the angry, miserable wretch I see before me?”

Fists were wielded. Feet were launched.

“You think I am miserable?” Dragonhand asked.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you are not,” the master replied.

Dragonhand looked away. “Bah. You old fool. You speak like you are all-knowing and wise but you’re just an incompetent, ancient buzzard. Give me the Staff of Ages.”

The master held the staff in the air, closed his eyes, and chanted under his breath. The clouds rumbled.

Junjie and Mei-Ling entered the courtyard just in time for a thunderclap to tear through their ears. A bolt of lightning raced out of the heavens and down through the sky. The staff’s ruby absorbed it, turning the staff itself blindingly bright.

“Master!” Junjie cried. A line of zombified warriors blocked the duo from reaching their leader. Junjie and Mei-Ling fought the creatures, as did the handful of tiger claw clan members who were still alive.

The Infallible Master pointed the staff at Dragonhand and zapped him with a furious bolt. It didn’t phase the fiend in the slightest.

“Is that the best you’ve got?” Dragonhand asked as he turned his hand into a tiger claw.

The Infallible Master closed his eyes and started chanting. “Body and mind separate…what was one become two…”

“Your mysticism won’t save you now, old man!”

Thwok! Dragonhand pounded his hand into the Infallible Master’s skull and ripped out his brain

.“Nooo!” Junie shouted as the master’s body fell. The young warrior didn’t have long to mourn as he and Mei-Ling continued to beat back the zombie horde.

“Mmm,” Dragonhand said as he held up his prize. “A thousand year old brain. Aged to perfection.”

Dragonhand chomped the Infallible Master’s brain and threw his head back in delight. “Oh…oh yes…”

He took another bite. “I guess you weren’t that stupid after all, old man.”

It was starting to look like the end for Junjie and Mei-Ling. They fought bravely, but the zombies kept coming.

A familiar voice floated through Junjie’s ears.

“My son,” the Infallible Master voice said. “Tiger claw their brains.”

Junjie blocked Bohai’s punch, then countered with a nunchuck strike.

“Bohai,” Junjie said. “What has become of you?”

Swish! Bohai ducked Mei-Ling’s blade. The cocky warrior was moving faster than ever, easily fending off two opponents at once.

“I have improved in every possible way,” Bohai said. “I have acquired the knowledge of two men and I am hungry for more.”

“But how?” Junjie asked as he nunchuck slapped away Bohai’s punches.

“I have acquired a taste for brains,” Bohai answered as he blocked the female warrior’s kick. “And I’d wager yours is delicious, Mei-Ling.”

“You’ve gone insane!” Junjie shouted. “These are the words of a mad man!”

“You can keep your brain, Junjie,” Bohai said. “There’s a useless meal if I’ve ever seen one.”

“Why are you doing this?” Junjie just before getting socked in the jaw.

“I want the Staff of Ages!” Bohai said. “I won it and I’ll win again if I have to!”

“Stand down,” Junjie said as he delivered multiple nunchuck slaps to Bohai’s face. “We’ll get you to the master and he’ll figure out how to fix you.”

“I’m not broken,” Bohai said. “You are the one who…GACK!”

Mei-Ling impaled Bohai with her sword. Bohai fell on his side and clutched at the handle.

“Do you…really think…this will stop…me…gahhh.”

Bohai closed his eyes. He was motionless.

“Oh Bohai,” Junjie said. “I love you so, brother. Why wouldn’t you listen to reason?”

Mei-Ling yanked on Junjie’s robe and pointed to the courtyard, where Dragonhand and the Infallible Master were locked in combat.

“He needs us,” Junjie said as he and Mei-Ling ran toward their leader.

Bohai coughed and spit up blood. He opened his eyes. They remained blank but now, his face turned gray. He grabbed the sword’s handle, wrenched it out of his gut without showing a single sign of pain, then stood up.

“Errgh,” the now undead warrior mumbled as he walked to the courtyard.

Just after midnight, Kang spotted a single glowing torch approaching the gates from his post atop the wall.

“Behold and hear me, for I am Kang the Magnificent, Guardian of the Gate of the Clan of the Sacred Yet Inscrutable Tiger Claw. I have vanquished scores of evildoers in my day and all are well advised to stay on the good side of my humble nature. Bask in my glory and recognize that I will not be swayed in my duty to protect the walls that keep my illustrious clan safe.”

The torch stopped moving.

“Identify yourself immediately!”

“Errgh,” was the reply.

“You will identify yourself or you will be turned away!” Kang shouted.

A few moments passed before the torch holder finally gave in. “Bohai.”

Kang squinted into the darkness, but the torch was all he could see. “Bohai? Is that you?”

“Yes,” Bohai replied.

“It doesn’t sound like you,” Kang said.

“It’s me,” Bohai said.

“No,” Kang said. “The Bohai I know would have mocked my speech by now.”

“Oh, right,” Bohai said. “You are an idiot.”

“That’s more like it,” Kang said as he yanked a lever. Gears turned and cranks cranked as the gate opened. Kang climbed down a ladder to meet the new arrival.

“I am glad you have come to your senses and returned,” Kang said. “There is too much turmoil in the world for members of our own clan to be fighting one another.”

“Indeed,” Bohai said.

It was difficult for Kang to see in the dark, but as he stepped closer, he noticed that Bohai was wearing a blood red robe. A hood covered Bohai’s face.

Kang embraced Bohai. “Welcome home, brother.”

“Errgh,” Bohai replied.

“Now then,” Kang said. “I must return to my post.”

“One more thing before you go,” Bohai said.

“Yes?” Kang asked.

Bohai threw back his hood to reveal his blank eyes. He turned his right hand into a tiger claw, smashed it through the gatekeeper’s skull, and twisted out his brain.

“Mmm,” Bohai said as he chomped the awful treat. “Yes.”

Once the brain was devoured, Bohai licked the blood from his fingers, stepped over Kang’s body and marched toward the temple.

A minute later, hundreds of burning torches approached the gate. Before long, the Clan of the Terrifyingly Unnatural Brain Bite was through the gate. Dragonhand led the way.

The fiend laughed maniacally. “Yes! Destroy everything!”

Dragonhand held out his arms and engulfed his hands in fire. “Burn it all to the ground!”

The zombified warriors spread out and set their torches against every structure they found, lighting them ablaze. Their leader shot a fireball out of his hand that pierced the the temple.

“Bring me the Staff of Ages!” Dragonhand barked at his warriors.