By: The Siberian Yeti, Newly Self-Appointed Ruler of the Bookshelf Battle Blog
A question for you, 3.5 readers.
Is Bookshelf Q. Battler some type of wizard? Is he a mage? Does he dabble in the black arts? Surely you, his trusted 3.5 readers, could shed some light on the subject.
I ask because I once assumed that with our Commodore 64, which allows us to play Tapper all the live long day, we Yetis were ripe with technological prowess.
Behold! The Commodore 64 in all of its glory. It allows us to play Zork, Galaga, and Tapper. So much Tapper. We cannot get enough of Tapper.
But as I survey the Bookshelf Battle Compound, I notice many devices that make the Commodore 64 look like a pile of Yeti droppings.
Did Bookshelf Q. Battler create these using magic? Or, do you all have these devices and we Yetis just did not get the memo? Perhaps you did not share news of this technology with us because you lousy Americans wish to conquer Siberia and put a Hooters restaurant on every street corner. You would probably even build street corners.
Bookshelf Q. Battler has a device not much larger than standard pad of paper. It is a single piece of glass with a few buttons and when I press them I am able to watch movies. Movies and television shows all day long. Does anyone in America work? Is everyone in your country an actor?
This magic glass device has a picture of an apple. I don’t get it. Is it supposed to tell you where you keep the apples? In Siberia, we are only allowed three apples per year. I usually barter mine for more toilet paper squares.
Plus, Bookshelf Q. Battler’s computer has a game on it called Skyrim. Apparently, Mr. Battler was pretending to fight dragons and marry peasant wenches all day. And yet he whines about having no time to write. Typical American cry baby.
I must procure a copy of this game to bring back to Siberia. All other Commodore 64 games pale in comparison, except Topper. Nothing can beat Topper.
We Siberian Yetis do not appreciate being kept in the dark about your technology, America. You will be hearing from our Yeti lawyers.
I must go now and check on Bookshelf Q. Battler. I am forcing to watch Olga’s Stew-stravaganza Part II: Electric Stewgaloo.