Daily Archives: December 4, 2015

Dec 04 2015
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Music

RIP Scott Weiland

Sad news, 3.5 readers.

Scott Weiland, legendary grunge music icon of the 1990’s and Stone Temple Pilots frontman has died at 48, passing away in his sleep according to news reports.

Bookshelf Q. Battler was saddened by the news.  Mr. Battler spent most of the 90’s dressed head to toe in flannel like he was a Canadian lumberjack or something (as was the style at the time) and listened to STP’s catalog extensively, Big Bang Baby being his favorite of all the STP releases.

You will be missed, Mr. Weiland.  You will be missed.

What was your favorite STP song, 3.5 readers?

(PS – 3.5 millennial readers, there was a decade called the 1990’s.  Bill Clinton was president, the WB was churning out some fabulous shows (i.e. Buffy and the most popular music at the time involved men in flannel singing about how depressed they were, which may or may not explain a lot about the world as we know it today, come to think of it, but that’s a debate for another time.)

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Dec 04 2015
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Pop Culture Mysteries

Like Pop Culture Mysteries on Facebook

By: Jake Dashing, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Investigator

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Facebook. It’s an invention my middle twentieth century mind will never be able to wrap itself around. A bunch of yahoos with unlimited reserves of time blabbering on about what they had for lunch, what they’re having for dinner, offering their unsolicited political opinions, and forcing you to look at their vacation photos and pictures of their hideous children.

Not for nothing, but back in my day, if you ran around town demanding that everyone look at your photo album and listen to the most mundane, trivial aspects of your life, you were considered a grade a square.

But times have changed.

If you’re on Zuckerberg’s thing-a-ma-jig, stop by the Pop Culture Mysteries page and toss a like Battler’s way.

And if you millennial folk don’t have as much pep in your step as the greatest generation and you’re too lazy to click that link above on your beep boop machine, you can always get there later by logging onto Facebook and searching for “Pop Culture Mysteries.”

Don’t ask me what any of that means.  I was told to say that by that delicious dish, Delilah K. Donnelly, and when that leggy dame barks, yours  truly inquires as to how high.

Someday I hope someone will explain to me what all this nonsense means.  Until then, help Battler out.  Or don’t. If you ask me, that cat’s a bag and a half of schmucks and then some, so its no skin off my potato, Jack.

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Dec 04 2015
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Pop Culture Mysteries

Pop Culture Mysteries – Open Contracts

By: Jake Dashing, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Investigator

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Pop culture.  It’s a world that keeps Bookshelf Q. Battler up late at night, his spacious brain filling up with one question after another about movies, music, television, books, and more.

I’m not sure I can relate. When I lose sleep, its because I’m too busy picturing all the Nazis my country demanded that I punch to death with my bare hands. I suppose each generation has its priorities.

Battler’s got info I want and he’s not forking it over until I solve a whole mess of mysteries for him.  But this whack job thinks of questions faster than I can answer them, so here are the mysteries currently up for grabs.

Being a private dick is a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but if you want to try your luck at the sleuthing game, feel free to let Battler know you want to snatch one of these up:

MOVIES

In Star Wars, if the Death Star is supposed to be the size of an actual star, why is everyone able to walk around it and fly around it so quickly?

In Pulp Fiction, Harvey Keitel’s character, “the Wolf” is billed as a highly skilled fixer, one whose knowledge regarding the art of the cover up is so valuable that he simply erase all evidence of a crime, making it as if nothing ever happened….but then all he does is show up and tell Vince and Jules to spray the car down with Windex.  (Seriously, watch the movie.)  Was the Wolf that special?

TELEVISION

Did Tony Soprano live or die at the end of The Sopranos?  Was this a good or bad ending?

Why did the ending of Dexter both suck and blow at the same time?  Or did it?

On Gilligan’s Island, Gilligan and the gang go on, as the theme song says, “a three hour tour.”  How then, was it possible for everyone to become so irretrievably lost when they only strayed a mere three hours away from charted land?

On Married with Children, the running joke was that Al Bundy was disgusted by the idea of getting it on with his wife, Peggy.  Peggy wasn’t that bad looking though, even with her wacky beehive and leopard print attire.  What gives?

On Sons of Anarchy,  Jax Teller embraces a life of crime that provides very little return on investment.  Why is it that a scruffy bum who was lucky enough to win the heart of super hot doctor Tara didn’t just sit back and say, “Well, I’m going to sponge off my hot surgeon wife now, who no doubt makes a high salary because she’s a damn surgeon.  Hell, maybe I’ll even put my focus on turning the auto repair garage my father left into a profitable business.”  But instead, he just keeps making lousy criminal deals and then bumbles his way through them, often losing money on them and inviting a world of hurt.  Seriously, WTF?

MUSIC

Who put the bomp in the bomp sha bomp sha bomp and will this individual strike again?

Who let the dogs out?

What is a “hollaback girl” and why does Gwen Stefani go to great lengths to make sure you know she isn’t one?

To be sure, Sir Mix-a-Lot likes big butts and is unable to lie about this particular subject.  Why then, do the other brothers deny this truth?

VIDEO GAMES

What’s up with the hard sell?  Whenever you buy one they try to make you buy insurance, upgrades, and basically treat you like you’re trying to buy a fully loaded 2016 Toyota Tundra instead of a $60 fantasy experience.  What gives?

COME UP WITH YOUR OWN

That’s all Battler’s got for now but rest assured that loser will keep ’em coming.  That nerd has way too much time on his hands.  And if you’re a nerd with too much time on your hands, feel free to come up with a pop culture mystery of your own and raise it up the flag pole to see if Battler salutes.

For those of you who can’t translate hardboiled noir talk, that means tell him about it in the comments.

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Dec 04 2015
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Pop Culture Mysteries

Pop Culture Mysteries – Contracts

By: Delilah K. Donnelly, Official Counsel for the Bookshelf Battle Blog

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Au chante, sir or madam, as the case may be.  It is an absolute delight to make your acquaintance.

If you are reading this then my client, the revered blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler, has selected you to take on a Pop Culture Mystery Contract.

I understand, darling.  Your mind is positively swimming and you have so many questions, the most pertinent of which are:

WHAT IS “POP CULTURE MYSTERIES?”

It’s a site Mr. Battler is constructing that will be devoted to answering the most troublesome questions about pop culture – movies, television, entertainment, music and more.  He’s retained the services of Detective Dashing, whose reports will form the bulk of the site, but Mr. Dashing can’t do it all alone.

WHAT IS A POP CULTURE MYSTERY CONTRACT?

You, as a noted author in your genre, will lend your expertise to a question or “mystery” relevant to your area of expertise.  If you’re a science fiction author, for example, he may inquire about Star Wars.  Romance author? Perhaps Mr. Battler will have a question about 50 Shades of Gray.

He’s currently assembling a list of “open contracts” or questions that you might select from, or he may propose one tailored to your specific talent.  You may even propose a Pop Culture Mystery of your own.

WHAT I DON’T LIKE THE CUT OF BATTLER’S JIB, SEE?

As an attorney I fully understand that authors must guard their reputations zealously and that working with a blogger who claims, among other things, to be friends with an alien from outer space, might raise an eyebrow or two.

However, consider:

#31ZombieAuthors – Mr. Battler interviewed 31 (actually 32 as two authors were a team on one book) in the month of October, 2015.  All were treated with respect, their questions and concerns about the project listened to and all were pleased with the results. Many tweeted and/or shared their interviews with their fans.  Several told Mr. Battler that they even enjoyed these interviews and had quite a bit of fun.

Ask the Alien – Darling, I do not presume to boast but as you can see, I am a fabulous person.  As such, I can’t publicly discuss a notion as foolish as whether or not aliens exist.  That being said, Mr. Battler’s blog has been running a feature called “Ask the Alien” in which authors ask an alien a question and he provides an answer, along with a promo of the inquirer’s work.  About 20 authors have “asked the alien” a question so far.

BETWEEN BOTH – Misters Battler and Jones have interviewed 50+ authors without complaint.

BUT I MIGHT COMPLAIN

You might and Mr. Battler will offer the same guarantee he’s provided to others, namely, that if you dislike the final post, he’ll take it down, no muss, no fuss, no problem.  To date, no one has asked but be assured if you do, he will.

COMPENSATION

Absolutely none whatsoever.  It’s not my desire to speak ill of my employer but Mr. Battler is a bit of a skinflint.

He can, however, offer you the eyes of his 3.5 readers and if its one thing an author needs, it’s 3.5 more readers.

THANK YOU

On behalf of the Bookshelf Battle Blog, a site I diligently represent, I thank you for taking the time to consider this modest proposal.  If you are interested, I believe you will find the experience enjoyable.  If not, Mr. Battler understands and wishes you will in your future endeavors.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a mystery of my own to solve.  Which pair of these breathtaking shoes shall I wear this evening?

 

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