Daily Archives: August 31, 2016

Aug 31 2016
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The Yeti, Uncategorized

The Yeti Escapes!

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3.5 readers I don’t want to alarm you, but the international war criminal/fuzzy snow monster known as “The Yeti” has escaped Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters.

It wasn’t much of an escape as he was free to leave at any time and frankly the food bill was getting to the point where I was doing my best to nudge him out the door.

I tried to be subtle about it – leaving want ads for jobs that yetis can do lying on the coffee table and inviting hot she-yetis over to fix him up with, but he refused to leave…

…until now.  Has he changed his evil ways? Was he rehabilitated during his stay at BQB HQ or is out there right now, plotting and scheming his revenge against me, your noble blog host, BQB?

Who knows?

Keep an eye out and if you happen to see an international war criminal/fuzzy monster walking around, let me know, but don’t feed him…unless you want a lazy, non-rent paying roommate to move into your crib for years on end.

Stupid yeti.

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Aug 31 2016
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Daily Discussion with BQB

Is There Life After Death?

Oh, its the question we all hate to think about, isn’t it, 3.5 readers?

Honestly, I don’t know, though the idea that one day this all stops and that’s all she wrote is depressing.

The idea that we wake up and we are ourselves but somewhere else, hopefully somewhere nice, is a good thought.

I worry about it sometimes and all I can do really is push the thought away.  It becomes paralyzing if dwelled on for too long.

I can see both sides.  There has to be something more than what we know about life, the universe, human existence, than what we already know.

Scientists can explain the Big Bang Theory but where did all the rocks that banged into each other come from?

On the other side, life can be hard.  A lot of tragedy. Suffering.  It becomes difficult to not assume we are alone.

Moreover, its hard to go to a funeral and see someone who was once alive lying there all quiet and still and not think that that’s all there is to it.

Unfortunately, the only ones who know for sure are the dead and they aren’t talking – whether because they can’t because they’re in another world or because they just don’t exist anymore – I don’t know.

People fight too much over religion.  Nobody really knows.  We hope.  I hope there’s life after death.  This all seems like a big waste if there isn’t.

I know people will probably say, “It isn’t a waste if there isn’t” and I suppose that is true.

Still, as I get older, I look back on mistakes made, paths not taken, I realize there’s less and less time to accomplish what I wanted and that hope for an afterlife is more and more needed – the idea that maybe this life is to suffer through the learning process and then in the next life you be great knowing what you know after a lifetime of trial and error.

I’m just talking out of my butt.

I don’t know what happens after we die, but I hope its something more than becoming a leftover carcass.

Don’t let me get you down though.  If you’re young, live life to the fullest so you don’t end up wondering about the “would have, could have, should haves.”

If you’re old, well, you’re still alive, so there’s still time to do some stuff you always wanted to do but haven’t yet.

Sorry to start your day on a depressing note, 3.5 readers.

What say you?

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Aug 31 2016
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A Guide to the Bookshelf Battleverse

If you’re just tuning in…

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I’ve gotten a lot of new blog followers over the summer and it dawns on me that sometimes the point of this blog isn’t clear.

So here goes:

I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler and this blog is Bookshelf Battle, a chronicle of my experiences as a world renowned poindexter, epic nerdventurer, reviewer of pop cultural happenings, champion yeti fighter, and most importantly, caretaker of a magic bookshelf.

Wow that’s a lot.  But wait. There’s more.

I’m not sure why, but my magic bookshelf tends to drag a lot of craziness into my life.

Is it the bookshelf’s fault? Is it just a coincidence? I don’t know.

At any rate, about a year into blogging I was notified by an alien dictator known as the Mighty Potentate that I am his chosen one.  The MP, you see, despises reality television and therefore believes I am the writer who will one day publish a novel so finely crafted that it convinces the masses to abandon all TV shows where cameras follow dullards around for no reason.

If I don’t put that novel out before I croak, the Mighty Potentate will conquer the earth.

Gotta be honest…that’s a lot of pressure.  I try not to think about it.

In the meantime, the Mighty Potentate has dispatched his second-in-command, Alien Jones, to watch over me, keep me safe, give me guidance and so forth.  He usually writes an “Ask the Alien” column where readers can ask him questions but he has been rather busy with his intergalactic duties this year.

I live in East Randomtown, USA, a terrible place full of dumb dummies.  I’m actually considered one of the town’s top citizens because I started a blog that attracts the attention of 3.5 readers. One of my readers is Aunt Gertie.

FYI – this blog never gets more than 3.5 readers.  I don’t understand it.

Regular columnists include:

  • “You Can’t Argue with Science” with Dr. Hugo Von Science
  • “Stop Sucking” with Motivational Speaker/Anti-Suck Expert Vinny Baggadouchio
  • Search Engine Optimized Poet
  • The Astounding Nerdstradamus
  • “Things That Really Frost My Ass” with Uncle Hardass
  • “Things I Worry About” with Lloyd Bunson, Professional Worrier

My archnemesis is the Yeti, an international war criminal/fuzzy monster hellbent on bringing down this blog because it is too interesting and yetis want the world to be boring.

I’m also at odds with Leo McKoy, town barfly who achieved great fame in East Randomtown when he delivered a sandwich to 1990s teen heartthrob James Van Der Beek.

McKoy is actually running against me for the position of East Randtomtown Mayor, a position I hold as our last mayor was devoured by zombies during a zombie apocalypse.

This year, I have been focusing on writing books, though my columnists stop in from time to time.

I review movies often.  Ironically, I rarely review a book anymore which sucks because, you know, you’d think I would given the blog’s title.  That was actually the initial point of the blog to begin with.

Meanwhile, my pop culture detective Jake Dashing continues to file reports on the most vexing questions circulating about the entertainment industry.  His love interest is my attorney, Delilah K. Donnelly, who thankfully lowers herself to advise me on legal and business issues surrounding my bloggery.

Last but not least, I live in BQB HQ with the two most valuable members of the BQB organization: my main squeeze, Video Game Rack Fighter, and my trusty philosopher pooch, Bookshelf Q. Battledog.

There you have it. If you are a new member of the 3.5 readers club, you are all caught up.

 

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