Category Archives: The Yeti

Daily Discussion with The Yeti – What is your favorite fungus?

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Hello 3.5 loser faces.  It is I, the international war criminal/incredibly boring fuzzy snow monster the Yeti, here to take over Bookshelf Q. Battler’s pitiful blog because he is a whiney sissy boy who has given up on life and has decided to bury himself up to his neck in sand and cover his face in honey so his stupid face can become ant lunch.

Works for me because I hate that guy.  He is a doofus and his blog was too stimulating.  Yetis love boredom.  All must be boring.

Speaking of, what is your favorite type of fungus, 3.5 dummies?  Leave your favorite fungus in the comments.

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Top Ten Reasons Why Yetis Make Terrible House Guests

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The International War Criminal/Incredibly Boring Snow Monster Known as the Yeti.  He’s been my houseguest at BQB HQ for years now and let me tell you, he’s the worst.

From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, it’s the Top Ten Reasons Why Yetis Make Terrible House Guests:

#10 – They Are Incredibly Boring

Even worse, the boredom rubs off on you.  Before you know it, you’re counting the number of fibers in your carpet and having a good time doing it.

#9 – They Eat All the Food

On a diet?  Invite a Yeti to live with you.  You’ll never eat again because the Yeti will get to it first.

#8 – They Bogart the Remote Control

I haven’t watched anything I wanted to watch since that furry bastard arrived.

#7 – They Smell Bad

Never stand downwind of a Yeti.  Or upwind.  Just don’t stand near a Yeti.  Also, never pull a Yeti’s finger.

#6 – They Always Want to Conquer Something…

…but luckily they are incompetent and therefore easily defeated.  Still, they are very disloyal.  They will pretend to be your friend one minute, then claim your house as an independent nation under their control the next.

#5 – Guilt Trips

Then, just when you’ve had enough and try to kick them out, they’ll make you feel bad.  So they end up staying, eating all your food and coming up with more schemes.

#4 – They Snore

You’ll have to buy everyone in the neighborhood ear muffs.  It’s only fair.  You’re the one with the Yeti.

#3 – They’re Super Fat

Which, I know, is not a nice thing to say.  We’re all about ugly rights here on the BQB blog.  However, I’m talking like, they’ll crush your furniture or knock holes in your wall if they lean on them for too long fat.

#2 – They Stare at You While You’re Sleeping

It’s very weird.  Often, I wake up in a cold sweat, fearful someone is staring at me.  Sure enough, there the Yeti is, eating a sandwich and drinking a Diet Coke with his eyes fixated on me….which leads me to believe…

#1 – Yetis are Perverts

In theory, yes, but in reality, not so much, as they are fat, slow moving, and not really able to do anything perverted.  They think about it, then they give up and watch TV and eat more food.

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A Message From The Yeti

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Hello 3.5 weirdos.

It is I, the Yeti, controller of the Bookshelf Battle Blog.  Do not let Bookshelf Q. Battler fool you.  I am in charge.

Yes, it has come to my conclusion that this nerd has been sneaking posts onto the blog around my back but no more!  I have imprisoned BQB in the deepest, darkest reaches below the BQB HQ, where he will sit in a cage forever and listen to nothing but the audio version of Firefly fan fiction.  Muah ha ha!

In the meantime, you must all now do boring things.  Maybe boredom is in the eye of the beholder so rather than suggest boring things for you to do, I will instead order all 3.5 of you to do whatever it is that you find boring.

Thank and remember, stop doing non-boring things.

Sincerely,

The Yeti, International Fuzzy War Criminal/Incredibly Boring Snow Beast

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Five More Boring Things to Do from the Yeti

By: The Yeti, International War Criminal/Super Boring Fuzzy Snow Monster

Hello overstimulated 3.5 readers.

The Yeti here, back with some more boring things for you to do.

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#1 – Eat a Bag of Rice Cakes

Literally, like consuming styrofoam.  What is the point? You can eat a bag of them and it is like 10 calories or something.  Rice cakes are like methadone for a recovering fat person.  Very boring.

#2 – Wait in a Line

Doesn’t matter what it is for.  Just pick a line and wait.

#3 – Do a Crossword Puzzle

“Oh look at me!  I’m Mr. Genius Newspaper Crossword Puzzle Creator!  Blah, blah, blah I’m so smart because I lined up a word going across with another word going down based on a single letter that both words have in common.  Someone give me a trophy, blah, blah, blah.”

Boring!

#4- Share a Dumbass Face Book Meme

“Oh, look at me again!  Here is my stupid post with a copyright infringing yellow minion and it says some bullshit like, ‘I wonder if I share a hug how many people would hug me back?  I bet I don’t get one hug!'”

Good!  Call a bookie and place that bet because that is some winning action, you incredibly boring assface!

#5 – Get Into a Political Argument with a Facebook Friend

“Blah, blah, blah.  I work at the gas station and I think Trump is the best.  Oh yeah? Well, blah, blah, blah, I work at a drive-thru burger joint and I think Hillary was outta sight.  Oh yeah?  Well, I live on a commune and I’m all about Bernie.  Yes, let us all blah, blah, blah our unwavering political opinions at each other all night despite our lack of qualifications and credentials, blah, blah, blah.”

Boredom forever!

Tired of a Yeti controlled Bookshelf Battle Blog?  Kick the Yeti’s furry butt out of BQB HQ by following BQB on Twitter – @bookshelfbattle

 

 

 

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Have a Happy Day, 3.5 Readers

I got nothing for you today, 3.5.  Alas, I’m still a captive of the Yeti.  Follow me on Twitter @bookshelfbattle to rid this blog of tyrannical Yeti rule.

Yetis are the worst and they are so ridiculously boring.

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You Will Watch Nothing But C-Span When The Yeti Controls the World

By: The Yeti, International War Criminal/Fuzzy Snow Monster, Self-Appointed Ruler of the Bookshelf Battle Blog

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Hilarious jokes? Wacky and neurotic observations?  Movie reviews?

Bah ha ha ha!  No, you puny 3.5 readers only get C-SPAN.

Today I control the Bookshelf Battle Blog. Tomorrow, I shall control the world.  And I will make the entire planet incredibly boring.  It will be so boring that C-SPAN will be on every channel.

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Welcome to Yetishelf Battle (Or, Bow Down Before Your Furry Overlord, 3.5 Readers)

By: The Yeti, International War Criminal/Fuzzy Snow Monster and New Appointed Ruler of Yetishelf Battle (Formerly Bookshelf Battle)

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Muah ha…muah ha…MUAH HA HA!

Yes, 3.5 readers, it is I, the international war criminal/fuzzy snow monster known as, “The Yeti” and I am now in full control of the Bookshelf Battle Blog.

My plan was foolproof.  I laid in wait until BQB, VGRF, and even the incompetent security chief Bookshelf Q. Battledog were in a deep Thanksgiving food induced coma and then I took control of Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters in fabulous East Randomtown.

As you know, yetis love boring things and boring things alone and this foolish blog was far too stimulating.

Sure it has 3.5 readers today, but what if there are 11.7 readers tomorrow and 25.8 readers the day after that? Anarchy and madness, I tell you.

BQB’s awesome movie reviews? DONE!

BQB’s rants and ravings? GONE!

The goofy columnists? Try, my goofy hostages.

Boredom is the name of my game and from now on, this blog will be incredibly boring.

Super boring things that you can expect from this blog from now on:

  • Pictures of cats, but they won’t be doing adorable things. They will be just licking themselves.
  • Reviews of phonebooks printed in 1972.
  • Dramatic readings from dish washer operational manuals.
  • The national budget.
  • Documentaries about feet.

And that’s just the start of it!

You are doomed, 3.5 readers. Doomed, I say! Doomed to be bored forever, for BQB shall never be heard from again!

Is this the end of Bookhelf Q. Battler and the Bookshelf Battle Blog as we know it? Stay tuned…

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The Yeti Escapes!

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3.5 readers I don’t want to alarm you, but the international war criminal/fuzzy snow monster known as “The Yeti” has escaped Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters.

It wasn’t much of an escape as he was free to leave at any time and frankly the food bill was getting to the point where I was doing my best to nudge him out the door.

I tried to be subtle about it – leaving want ads for jobs that yetis can do lying on the coffee table and inviting hot she-yetis over to fix him up with, but he refused to leave…

…until now.  Has he changed his evil ways? Was he rehabilitated during his stay at BQB HQ or is out there right now, plotting and scheming his revenge against me, your noble blog host, BQB?

Who knows?

Keep an eye out and if you happen to see an international war criminal/fuzzy monster walking around, let me know, but don’t feed him…unless you want a lazy, non-rent paying roommate to move into your crib for years on end.

Stupid yeti.

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The Yeti Covers Adele’s “Hello”

BQB EDITORIAL NOTE: Color me surprised as I woke up this morning to my arch nemesis, the enormous furry snow monster known simply as, “The Yeti” attempting to make amends with me by singing a cover song of Adele’s Hello.

Oh, for those just joining in, I’ve been keeping a Yeti prisoner in my basement ever since he broke into BQB HQ and attempted to shut down the Bookshelf Battle Blog because Yetis are boring as hell and they want the world to be as boring as they are.

He’s been free to go for awhile now but he just hangs out, pretends he’s a prisoner, and eats all my food.

Here’s what the Yeti serenaded me with:

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Stupid Yeti

Hello…it’s the Yeti.

I was wondering if after all these months you’d like to meet.

To go over…all the ways I hate your stupid blog.

They say that it’s supposed to be funny.

But I ain’t…laughed…too much.

Hello, can you hear the Yeti?

I’m in your basement dreaming about the fights we used to have.

When we were younger…and we were free.

When we used to roundhouse kick each other in the face with our feet.

There’s such a rift…between us.

And our Thursday night Scandal parties don’t help.

Hello from your stupid basement!

My good Yeti name faces defacement!

But I want to tell you I’m sorry…for not stopping your blog.

The world’s brains it does clog.

Hello, from your basement.

At least I can say that I tried.

To roundhouse kick you in the face, BQB.

For your blog is more abominable than me.

Hello, do we have cheese dip?

If you’re going to keep me as a Yeti prisoner I might as well eat.

And I have demands.

Like can I get free cable down here?

Yes it’s no secret that the both of us,

Will fight for…ever.

So hello from your stupid basement (stupid basement!)

I must have tried a thousand times (thousand times)

To pull the plug on your stupid ass blog,

And make the world a better place.

Hello from my Yeti jail (Yeti jail)

There are no hot Yeti chicks down here for me to nail (for me to nail)

And I want to tell you I’m sorry…for not roundhouse kicking you more.

It would be an improvement to your stupid nerd face.

Hello from my Yeti captivity!

Your basement has no Wi-Fi connectivity!

And I really wanted to stream some Netflix.

Are there any shows with Yeti chicks?

Hello from my Yeti dungeon!

Oh BQB your dumbass head I want to bludgeon!

In our next roundhouse kick to the face competition rematch

Until then I want cookies, so bake me a batch.

 

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The Yeti Takes Over!!!

By: The Yeti, International Fuzzy Monster War Criminalshutterstock_152431793

Muah ha…muah ha ha…MUAH HA HA!

Pathetic 3.5 readers!  I, the Yeti, have escaped and taken control of Bookshelf Battle Headquarters, just in time to stop Bookshelf Q. Battler’s One Post a Day for a Year Challenge on its final day!

You have failed, BQB! You have failed so epically!  Muah ha ha! Now the world will know you are a failure!

Correction, BQB! Now your 3.5 readers will know you are a failure! You will remain my prisoner forever as the knowledge that you were stopped just one day short of posting for an entire year!  BAH HA HA HA!

And now I, the Yeti, will turn your awesome, super fun blog into a museum of boredom. All Yetis believe everything in the world should be boring and now I will spread my boringositude to you, BQB’s 3.5 readers.

Post subjects will now be limited to:

  • Photos of mushrooms
  • My vacation to Yeti Falls
  • Treatises about the various denture adhesives available on the market and which ones have the better grip.
  • Discussions about mold growth, specifically, history and related scientific theories of mold’s ability to grow on leftover food.
  • Toilet paper rations

Yes. I am the best yeti of all yetis!  I…I…oh no!  BQB! How did you escape?!  ACKK!! MY BEAUTIFUL YETI FACE!

 

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