Daily Archives: March 11, 2017

I Have Fought Many Gremlins

You know, 3.5 readers.  I have fought many monsters in my day.  At some point, I shall have to delve deeper into this subject, for it isn’t often that a monster fighter of my expertise and acumen is willing to talk to the public, even if his public consists of a paltry sum of 3.5 readers.

At any rate, yes, I speak mostly about my archenemy, The Yeti, and also zombies as these foes have given me the most trouble as of late, but in truth, I have fought many gremlins.

Let me tell you.  These guys are total butt monkeys.  They’re much smaller than as portrayed in the infamous 1980s movie.  Also, they’re very profane.  They swear like sailors, consume copious amount of alcohol and I’m pretty sure I caught one of them snorting a line of coke once.

I’m not entirely sure but I stepped out of the bathroom one night to find this little schmuck on top of my coffee table, white powder all over the table, a rolled up dollar bill pointed between the substance and his nose.  The dollar bill was taller than he was.

They’re nasty little twerps, let me tell you.  They have sharp teeth so you don’t want to get your fingers anywhere near them.  The good news is that you can easily suck them up in your dust buster.  In fact, if you want to be humane and do a catch and release, you can suck them up in your dust buster, then drive to a wooded area and empty your dust buster’s dust bin.

Personally, I don’t have time for that shit so I just drop them in the toilet and flush.  Don’t worry.  They can breathe underwater…I think.  Actually, now that I think of it, I might have made that up.  Oh well.  The important part is that I am not inconvenienced.

 

 

 

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Movie Review – Logan (2017)

Professor X dropping F bombs!  Logan beheading random bad dudes Wolvey berserker style.

BQB here with a review of Logan.

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING

Twelve years into the future, the government has successfully hunted down and killed all mutant kind.  A senile, ninety-something Professor X (Sir Patrick Stewart) and Logan/Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) are hiding out in an old factory in Mexico with their albino houseboy Caliban (Stephen Merchant).

Things look grim for mutant kind but a young mutant girl Laura (Dafne Keen) may just be the key to mutant survival.  Thus, it’s up to Professor X and Logan to get her to safety.  I won’t get into the plot any deeper, but suffice it to say that the claws come in bigger, badder, nastier and often disgusting ways.

A lot has been made of the fact that this is Hugh Jackman’s last film in which he will play Wolverine.  I can’t believe it.  It feels like the X-Men movies just began yesterday.  The earlier 2000s ones were ahead of their time though they tend to get panned in light of the more recent superhero movie renaissance.  Perhaps some nerd out there can correct me but as far as I know, Hugh Jackman might just hold the trophy for the most years spent playing the same superhero.

Then again, Patrick Stewart may share that claim as he has been Professor X for as long as Jackman has played Wolverine.  And SirPatStew has said this will be the last time he plays Professor X.

It makes sense.  New life was breathed into the X-Men franchise when the timeline was tinkered with.  Younger actors were brought in to play the characters during the sixties, seventies, eighties etc.  Though I suppose that technically, Stewart and Jackman could play younger versions of themselves in those earlier timeline based movies, it would seem almost cheap as this particular film seemed like a perfect ending to the timeline that began with the early 2000s movies.

Did any of that make any sense?  Probably not.  It will when you see the movie.  All I’m basically saying is that a timeline dating back to the 1960s to 2029 has been created by all the movies made thus far, and though they could continue making movies with the younger cast, they should leave this film as the point where it all ends in 2029.

Sigh.  Hugh Jackman seemed so cool when he burst on the scene in 2000 for the first time as Wolverine and now I’m older than he was at the time.  WTF life?  WTF indeed.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.  Worth a trip to the theater.  A summer blockbuster in March.

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