You know, 3.5 readers. I have fought many monsters in my day. At some point, I shall have to delve deeper into this subject, for it isn’t often that a monster fighter of my expertise and acumen is willing to talk to the public, even if his public consists of a paltry sum of 3.5 readers.
At any rate, yes, I speak mostly about my archenemy, The Yeti, and also zombies as these foes have given me the most trouble as of late, but in truth, I have fought many gremlins.
Let me tell you. These guys are total butt monkeys. They’re much smaller than as portrayed in the infamous 1980s movie. Also, they’re very profane. They swear like sailors, consume copious amount of alcohol and I’m pretty sure I caught one of them snorting a line of coke once.
I’m not entirely sure but I stepped out of the bathroom one night to find this little schmuck on top of my coffee table, white powder all over the table, a rolled up dollar bill pointed between the substance and his nose. The dollar bill was taller than he was.
They’re nasty little twerps, let me tell you. They have sharp teeth so you don’t want to get your fingers anywhere near them. The good news is that you can easily suck them up in your dust buster. In fact, if you want to be humane and do a catch and release, you can suck them up in your dust buster, then drive to a wooded area and empty your dust buster’s dust bin.
Personally, I don’t have time for that shit so I just drop them in the toilet and flush. Don’t worry. They can breathe underwater…I think. Actually, now that I think of it, I might have made that up. Oh well. The important part is that I am not inconvenienced.