The International War Criminal/Incredibly Boring Snow Monster Known as the Yeti. He’s been my houseguest at BQB HQ for years now and let me tell you, he’s the worst.
From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, it’s the Top Ten Reasons Why Yetis Make Terrible House Guests:
#10 – They Are Incredibly Boring
Even worse, the boredom rubs off on you. Before you know it, you’re counting the number of fibers in your carpet and having a good time doing it.
#9 – They Eat All the Food
On a diet? Invite a Yeti to live with you. You’ll never eat again because the Yeti will get to it first.
#8 – They Bogart the Remote Control
I haven’t watched anything I wanted to watch since that furry bastard arrived.
#7 – They Smell Bad
Never stand downwind of a Yeti. Or upwind. Just don’t stand near a Yeti. Also, never pull a Yeti’s finger.
#6 – They Always Want to Conquer Something…
…but luckily they are incompetent and therefore easily defeated. Still, they are very disloyal. They will pretend to be your friend one minute, then claim your house as an independent nation under their control the next.
#5 – Guilt Trips
Then, just when you’ve had enough and try to kick them out, they’ll make you feel bad. So they end up staying, eating all your food and coming up with more schemes.
#4 – They Snore
You’ll have to buy everyone in the neighborhood ear muffs. It’s only fair. You’re the one with the Yeti.
#3 – They’re Super Fat
Which, I know, is not a nice thing to say. We’re all about ugly rights here on the BQB blog. However, I’m talking like, they’ll crush your furniture or knock holes in your wall if they lean on them for too long fat.
#2 – They Stare at You While You’re Sleeping
It’s very weird. Often, I wake up in a cold sweat, fearful someone is staring at me. Sure enough, there the Yeti is, eating a sandwich and drinking a Diet Coke with his eyes fixated on me….which leads me to believe…
#1 – Yetis are Perverts
In theory, yes, but in reality, not so much, as they are fat, slow moving, and not really able to do anything perverted. They think about it, then they give up and watch TV and eat more food.