Hey 3.5 readers.
Your old pal, BQB here.
I don’t have an exact date yet but the finishing touches are being put on the epic book, Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts.
Can you feel the excitement in the air? I can. And I think it’s actual excitement and not just bad gas.
I’m thinking early June. I’m not in a rush but assuming all goes well, I don’t see why it would have to be later than June.
So…it’s going to happen. Huzzah!
It’ll be out on Amazon and you know, 3.5 readers, I don’t ask you for much but I’d love it if you could buy a copy and help fund my lifelong dream of buying a mansion in Malibu and filling the giant attached pool with beautiful women with loose morals.
Wait! Did I say I wanted to buy a mansion and fill a pool with women with loose morals? That was clearly a typo. Silly me. I meant to say I want to achieve my lifelong dream of being a writer and spread my love of the written word with the masses.
OK. It’s a little bit about filling a mansion pool with loose women.
Fine. I’ll be honest. It’s 5% spreading my love of the written word and 95% filling a Malibu mansion pool with women with loose morals.
At any rate, that pool isn’t going to be filled with women overnight. The way I figure it, there’s 3.5 of you, so the way I figure it, if I charge $2.99 per book, and if all 3.5 of you buy one, then I have a cool $10.47 coming my way.
Huzzah! Sunday night special at the Sizzler here I come! Or maybe just an order of mozzarella sticks and a diet coke with free refills at Applebee’s.
Wait. Jeff Bezos gets a cut to fund his army of delivery drones that will eventually be used to conquer the world?
Fine. Cut out the cheese sticks. It’s just a diet coke for me but hey, free refills! Nice. Gotta have dreams, 3.5. Gotta dream big. It’s important.
3.5 READERS: But BQB, we’re broke! We can’t afford $2.99 for your fabulous book! We just think you should entertain us forever for nothing!
I understand, 3.5. The economy has sucked boku butt since 2008 and is only now just starting to show signs of coming back around. But you’ve been forced to scrimp and save and pinch your pennies. Maybe you lost your dough in the stock market. Maybe you lost the job. Maybe you lost your dream and now you’re cleaning bus station toilets.
I get it. $2.99 doesn’t grow on trees, even if it is for an awesome book by one of the greatest and most humble writers of all time.
That’s fine. Here’s some shit that you, my 3.5 readers, can do to help me, BQB, achieve my dream of spending 5% of my time spreading my love of the written word to the masses and 95% of my time in a Malibu pool filled with women of ill repute.
You know what? Let’s make it a top five list:
#1 – Tweet a link to my book. Or, share a link to my book on Facebook or your preferred time wasting social media site.
#2 – Write a blog post about my book. Want to write a review? I could spare a free copy. I’ll just have to fill my pool with less morally challenged women. Or better yet, it is a book full of writing prompts. Take the challenge and write a little something based on one of my prompts and post it, making sure you tell everyone where you got this fabulous prompt.
#3 – Tell a friend about my book.
#4 – I shouldn’t assume you have a friend. Lord knows I don’t have any. Make a friend, then tell that friend about my book. It will be a good excuse for you to make a friend.
#5 – Pray for high book sales. I hate to bother God because he’s got a back log of prayers, many of which are more important than my book sales, but you know, if you don’t get in the cue somewhere then you never get served. Drop a prayer, mark it low priority and the man upstairs will get to it eventually.
In conclusion, 3.5 readers, I know you all have lives but you know, we all have to prioritize. Are your jobs and livelihoods and family commitments and so forth more important than helping me promote my love of the written word but more importantly, helping me sell books so I can raise the funds necessary to fill a Malibu pool with morally bankrupt women?
I think not.
In seriousness, thank you for all you do, 3.5. I’ll let you know when the book is up.