Category Archives: Self Publishing

My Prices Are Insane!

I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane!  Last chance to get yourself a free copy of my book, 3.5 readers:

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How the West Was Zombed – Cover Contest – New Poll

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

I’m stuck.  Having a hard time picking a winner for my How the West Was Zombed book cover contest.

It’s down to two.  There’s the first with the cowboy in the trenchcoat, a shadow of the cowboy looking down over the shadow of a cowboy riding a werewolf, chasing a train and fighting zombies.  I like it because this designer actually attempted what I was looking for and it reminds me of a Louis L’Amour novel cover.  They all usually feature a solid color on the front and then a drawing of a cowboy doing some cowboy shit in the center.

The second one seems pretty standard, a bit of a tribute to Clint Eastwood.  I put two different versions, blue shirt vs. black shirt.  He wears a black shirt in the story but the blue shirt seems to pop more on the cover.

I think I like the first more but my gut tells me the thumbnail of the second would pop more in the Amazon store and sadly that’s usually what matters most.

What do all 3.5 of you think?

https://99designs.com/contests/poll/d5bp3j

 

 

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BQB’s Production Schedule

This year has been a tough one.  As you all know, I’m an ageless fictional character who is forever a young, happening dude.

However, my friend the Alleged Man turned 38 and that has been hard on him.  He is realizing that the window for him to do all he wanted to do in life is getting shorter so if he’s going to do something he’d better do it.

So I’m taking a page out of his playbook.

At this time I have three completed first drafts: 1) Toilet Gator 2) Zom Fu 3) How the West Was Zombed.

Actually, Zom Fu has a few chapters left but it is substantially done.

I think at this point I have to put what is written above what is not written and get these three polished and published.

How the West Was Zombed worries me most.  It began as the first book in a series but as time went on I pictured it as book three.  But at best I think I can get like one draft of a book written a year and I don’t want to wait 2 more years so I think I will release How the West Was Zombed as Book 1 and then if people like it I will change it to Book 3 and release the first 2.

Or perhaps I’ll divide the series into “Zombie Westerns” and “Zombie Western Prequels.” Zombed can be the first book of the Zombie Western Series.  Later, I’ll write Remember the Zombamo and that can be the first of the prequels.

It could be better to wait and put them all out at once but I just don’t think I have the time to wait anymore.  If this self publishing thing is going to happen it must happen soon.

What say you, 3.5?

 

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How to Make Big Money in Self Publishing

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Hey 3.5 readers.

I’ve been studying the topic of self publishing a long time now.  I don’t want to call myself an expert, but I have figured a few things out.

Specifically, I have come up with an amazing system that you can use to be super, filthy, mega rich.  Make boku bucks and stay at home, doing what you love – writing!

Write faster.  Write better.  Write smarter and better yet, get rich while you’re doing it!

I know. It sounds too good to be true but, would your old pal BQB steer you wrong?  I don’t think so.

Anyway, enough out of me.  If you want to learn how to get rich quick in the world of self publishing, click here.

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99 Designs Expands Its Book Business

Hey 3.5 readers.

Came across this interesting PR Newswire press release.

99 Designs has been providing authors with the ability to hold book cover design contests for a long time.  Now they’re branching out into book layout, typesetting, interior book design, basically.

Could be a boon for self-publishers.  I know I tried Adobe one time, gave up on trying to figure it out, and came to the conclusion that if the inside of my book was ever going to look good I was going to have to hire someone to do it.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Do You Want to Write a BQB Writing Prompt?

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

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I’m in the home stretch of BQB’s 101 Writing Prompts book.

In the book, I invite readers to write stories based on the prompts and publish them on their blogs and Tweet me the links.

If anyone is interested, I’d love it if anyone wants to choose a prompt and blog their response.  Maybe the first week the book is out I could put your prompt based writings right here on this fine blog.

Anyone who wants to partake of my prompts, let me know.

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Glengarry Glen Ross: Self-Publishing Edition (Or, Always Be Self-Publishing)

BQB’s EDITORIAL NOTE:  3.5 readers, I heard a rumor you guys are struggling with your self-publishing ventures lately, so I invited a special guest speaker to come in and motivate you.  Please welcome a young Alec Baldwin in his prime.

Blake:

Let me have your attention for a moment!  So you’re talking about what?  You’re talking about…(puts out his cigarette)…bitching about that book launch you shot, some son of a bitch reader that doesn’t want to read your book, somebody that doesn’t want to read what you’re writing, some broad you’re trying to screw but she won’t screw you because writers never get laid and so forth.  Let’s talk about something important.  Are they all here?

Williamson:

All but one.

Blake: 

Well, I’m going anyway.  Let’s talk about something important.  (To Levene) Put that coffee down!  Coffee’s for self-publishers only.  (Levene scoffs).  Do you think I’m fucking with you?  I am not fucking with you.  I’m here from downtown.  I’m here from a primo e-book sales site.  I’m here on a mission of mercy.  Your name’s Levene?

Levene:

Yeah.

Blake:

You call yourself a self-publisher, you son of a bitch?

Moss:

I don’t have to listen to this shit.

Blake:

You certainly don’t, pal.  ‘Cause the good news is you’re fired from my platform.  The bad news is you’ve got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs as self-publishers, starting tonight.  Starting with tonight’s word count session.  Oh, have I got your attention now?  Good.  ‘Cause we’re adding a little something to this month’s self-publishing contest.  As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado.  Anyone want to see second prize?  Second prize is a box of steak knives.  (Holds up box of knives).

Third prize is you’re fired.  You get the picture.  You laughing now?  You’ve got words.  That fuck who wrote the dictionary went to a lot of trouble to get you those words.  Think about the right word combinations and write them!

You can’t finish writing a book with the words you’ve been given then you can’t write for shit.  You ARE shit, so hit the bricks pal and beat it because you are going out!

Levene:

The words are weak.

Blake:

‘The words are weak.’  The fucking words are weak?  You’re weak. I’ve been in the self-publishing business for fifteen years.  That’s right.  I went back in time and told myself to start self-publishing before any of this shit was even invented.

Moss:

What’s your name?

Blake:

Fuck you!  That’s my name.  You know why, Mister?  Because you wrote your novel tonight on a bargain basement, second hand Dell and I wrote my novel on a state of the art, top of the line Mac Book Pro.  That’s my name!

(To Levene) – And your name is “you’re wanting to self-publish but you’re too chicken shit to get off your ass and do it.”  You can’t play in a man’s game.  You can’t close out a book.

(To Everyone) – Because only one thing counts in this life!  Get readers to read your books!  Do you hear me, you fucking losers?

(Blake points to a blackboard.  Two sets of letters are written on it:  “ABS” and “ADIY.”)

Blake:

A-B-C.  A-always, B-be, S-self-publishing.  Always be self-publishing!  Always be self-publishing.

A-D-I-Y.  Always Do It Yourself.  Stop waiting for those traditional publishing pricks to give you the keys to the golden kingdom because it’s never going to happen.  Are you going to do it yourself?  I know you are because it’s fuck or walk.  You self-publish or you hit the bricks!

Do it yourself!  Who else are you going to do it for?  Christ?  Take action.  Get out there!

You’ve got the readers coming in.  You think they came in to get out of the rain?  The guy doesn’t come to your online book sales page unless he wants to read.  He is sitting out there waiting to give you his money!

Are you gonna take it?  Are you man enough to take it?  (to Moss) What’s the problem pal?  You!  Moss!

Moss:

You’re such a hero.  You’re so rich.  Why are you coming down here just to waste your time on a bunch of bums?

(Blake takes off his gold watch and shows it to Moss).

Blake:

You see this watch?  You see this watch?

Moss:

Yeah.

Blake:

This watch costs more than your car.  I made $970,000 on self-publishing last year, mostly on one book that had a really descriptive scene about a giant pair of titties.  How much did you make?  You see, pal, that’s who I am.  And you’re nothing.  Nice guy?  I don’t give a shit.  Good father?  Fuck you.  Go home and play with your kids.

(To everyone) – You want to self-publish here?  Finish writing a book!  You think this is abuse?  You think this is abuse, you cocksuckers?  You can’t take this, how are you going to take it when your book gets a one star review?

You don’t like it?  Leave.  I can go out there tonight with the words you’ve got and write myself fifteen thousand books.  Tonight!  In two hours!  Can you?  Can you?  Go and do likewise!

A-D-I-Y!  Get mad!  Get mad, you sons of bitches!  You know what it takes to sell books?

(Blake pulls a set of brass balls out of his brief case and dangles it in front of his crotch).

Blake:

It takes a set of brass balls to sell books.

Go and do likewise, gents.  The money’s out there.  You pick it up?  It’s yours.  You don’t?  I have no sympathy for you.  You wanna go out on those word count sessions tonight and rack up big counts then those words are yours.  If not, you’re going to be shining my shoes.

Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar.  (Speaks in a sad tone).  “Oh yeah, I used to be a self-publisher.  It’s a tough racket.”

(Blake takes a stack of index cards out of his briefcase).

These are the new words.  These are the Glengarry words.  And to you, they’re gold.  And you don’t get them.  Why?  Because to give these words to you would be to just throw them away.

These words are for self-publishers.  I’d wish you good luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it.

(To Moss) – And to answer your question, pal.  Why am I here?  I came here because the book sales site asked me to.  They asked me for a favor.  I said, ‘The real favor?  Follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.’

(Blake heads into interior office).

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BQB Update on Design Contest

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Hey 3.5.

BQB here.

VGRF waved some smelling salts under my nose and I’m up and about again.

Still a little sad I had to open my wallet. I really do hate doing that. She wasn’t lying about ordering off the dollar menu and the grease traps and so on.

It’s only been a couple hours and someone has already submitted a pretty cool design. I mean, I want to wait until the end of the contest to see what the other designers have to offer but I’m just impressed with the power of the Internet.

Do you millennials have any idea how good you all frigging have it when it comes to becoming creative these days?

Damn it, when I was your age, I had to walk up a hill both ways in blizzard conditions just to get to a computer and when I did I still didn’t have a book cover because no one was selling book cover design services over the damn Internet.

Shit. The Internet back then made your computer make a noise like a screeching cat and you could only be on it for five minutes lest you tie up the phone line.

I look forward to sharing the results of all the designers when they come in and together we will make a good choice, 3.5 readers.

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NaNoWriMo 2016

Halloween is over, 3.5 readers.

I know. It is such a fun time for the Bookshelf Battle Blog.

But Count Krakovich and Schecky Blargfeld, Zombie Comedian must retire to their respective lairs.

November 1. It is now National Novel Writing Month.

Are you participating?

Feel free to tell your resident nerd all about it.

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Barnes and Noble Lets Self-Published Books Into Stores

Happy Monday, 3.5 readers.

Wait. Are Mondays ever happy?

Interesting article in The Columbus Dispatch.

Barnes and Noble, which has allowed self-publishers to sell their books on their site to Nook users (Nook being B + N’s version of the Amazon Kindle) will let self-publishers sell books in their brick and mortar stores.

According to the article above, there is a catch, namely, that the author must have sold 1,000 books in the past year.

On the surface, it sounds like a great development for the self-publishing community.

I’ve yet to self-publish, but I’ve read (on blogs) and heard (on various podcasts) that there are a number of self-publishers who are iffy on Nook, they just don’t see the sales that they see on Amazon or other sites.

Still, getting your book in a bookstore…that’s the dream of every author, isn’t it?  Might as well reach out and grab it while bookstores are still around.

My gut tells me this is a recognition that print media is rapidly going the way of self-publishing.  More writers are bypassing the traditional publishing run around by building their blogs, their social media, their online fan base and as that continues, physical bookstores will need to get print copies of those self-published books into their stores to keep sales up.

That’s my take on it. I can’t think of any other reason why they’d do it.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

If you are a self-publisher, will you try this out?

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