Happy Mother’s Day, 3.5 readers.
Just think. By this time next year, you’ll be able to thank your mother for squirting you out of her nether regions by buying her her very own copy of “Toilet Gator.”
That’s all your mother ever wanted all along. Just the other day I heard her say, “My ulterior motive in turning my vagina into the Holland Tunnel was to raise a kid who would buy me my very own copy of a book about an alligator that eats people while they are sitting on the toilet.”
So, stop disappointing your mother and be sure to make a note to buy “Toilet Gator” next year. It will make up for the many, many ways in which you disappointed your mother, the list of which is long and voluminous.