Toilet Gator – Chapter 84


Buford sat on a fluffy white couch in his father’s McMansion with a sullen, defeated look on his face. He put on his headset and spoke into the mouthpiece.

“So is this the state you’ve decided to leave me in, Skippy?” Buford asked. “A wanton criminal, mocked my entire life and soon to be despised by the entire world for unleashing you? Destined to be alone forever, without even a Momma or a Daddy to talk to?”

The other end was silent for a few seconds until finally there was a bittersweet, “Raarga.”

“How could you do this to me?” Buford asked. “Were you even my friend to begin with?”

“Raarga,” Skippy said.

“I was such a fool to think I could control you,” Skippy said. “That I could hold you back.”

“Raarga,” Skippy said.

The gleam of flashing lights poured through the big bay windows of the McMansion’s sitting room. Sirens blared as well. Buford stood up and looked out the window to see a number of Grover County Sheriff’s Department cruisers coming up the driveway, along with FBI SUVs and a SWAT team van.

“That’s it,” Buford said. “Game over.”

“Raarga,” Skippy said.

Buford lowered his head in shame as he walked through the halls of the excessively big home. “No, Skipford. Don’t worry. I’ll never become a state’s witness against you. I love you too much for that, though I’m beginning to doubt you ever loved me.”

“Raarga,” Skippy said.

“You have a funny way of showing it,” Buford said as he flicked on the bathroom light.

Buford lifted the toilet lid, dropped his trousers, and sat on the bowl.

“It never had to be this way,” Buford said.

“Raarga,” Skippy said.

“We could have become something greater than all of this, you and I,” Skippy said.

Buford winced as he blasted out a few farts, followed by a wet plop. “Excuse me.”

“Raarga,” Skippy said.

“You know what you need to do now, boy,” Buford said as he closed his eyes.

“Raarga, raarga?” Skippy asked.

“Yes,” Buford said. “That.”

“Raarga,” Skippy said.

Buford listened as a fist rapped on the front door to the McMansion. “You have no choice. A life in prison is no life at all. I need you to stop being selfish and do this for me.”

Skippy was quiet for a moment. “Raarga?”

“Yes,” Buford said. “I’m sure. It’s time for the two of us to become one.”

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