By: Alien Jones, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Intergalactic Correspondent
Dearest Mighty Potentate,
Good day, oh Mightiest of Potentates! May good fortunes flow through your ganderflazer and out your wizzamazoo. May your empire stretch far and wide throughout the cosmos and may all hail the Mighty Potentate lest the grim fate of vaporization fall upon them like a dark cloud spreading over a misty valley.
Oh, Great Potent One, I am pleased to inform you that the chosen one, Bookshelf Q. Battler, has recently published a book on Amazon entitled, “Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts.”
At the time of this writing, BQB has given away seventy free copies and not all of those copies were downloaded by his beloved Aunt Gertie. OK, sixty-nine were downloaded by Aunt Gertie and I downloaded one by accident while I was looking for a copy of “50 Shades of Gray” for purely scientific purposes, i.e. in furtherance of my studies into human mating habits. Do you know that the more money the male of the species the more likely the female is to engage in degrading and even humiliating activities? Fascinating. If I had genitalia, I would be aroused.
But I digress. Mighty Potentate, I beseech you to release me from my burden of being BQB’s advisor/protector. Keeping this nerd safe is a daily grind, what with all of the zombies, werewolves, vampires, chupacabras and ill-tempered hipsters chasing him at all times.
Plus, I must say, and I rarely say complimentary things about BQB, but this book is not bad. It contains 101 ideas to help writers write. So, if this book doesn’t inspire the masses to drop the reality television that you despise so much, perhaps at the very least it will inspire a future author to write such a book…just as soon as someone who isn’t Aunt Gertie or yours truly downloads it.
In conclusion, please relieve me of BQB duty immediately so that I may pursue more interesting endeavors in the deep reaches of space. Plus, I hear a new taco stand has opened up in the Gagalaga Quadrant. I’d really like to hit that joint up. I could even bring you back some space taco num nums, oh Great One.
Your Humble and Obedient Servant,