Monthly Archives: April 2018

Top Ten Quotes From The Illiad by Homer

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#10 – “We men are wretched things.”

#9 – “Sing, O muse, of the rage of Achilles, son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans.”

#8 – “Why so much grief for me? No man will hurl me down to Death, against my fate. And fate? No one alive has ever escaped it, neither brave man nor coward, I tell you – it’s born with us the day that we are born.”

#7 – “No one can hurry me down to Hades before my time, but if a man’s hour is come, be he brave or be he coward, there is no escape for him when he has once been born.”

#6 – “Come, Friend, you too must die. Why moan about it so?
Even Patroclus died, a far, far better man than you.
And look, you see how handsome and powerful I am?
The son of a great man, the mother who gave me life–
A deathless goddess. But even for me, I tell you,
Death and the strong force of fate are waiting.
There will come a dawn or sunset or high noon
When a man will take my life in battle too–
flinging a spear perhaps
Or whipping a deadly arrow off his bow.”

#5 – “Ruin, eldest daughter of Zeus, she blinds us all, that fatal madness—she with those delicate feet of hers, never touching the earth, gliding over the heads of men to trap us all. She entangles one man, now another.”

#4 – “I say no wealth is worth my life! Not all they claim
was stored in the depths of Troy, that city built on riches,
in the old days of peace before the sons of Achaea came-
not all the gold held fast in the Archer’s rocky vaults,
in Phoebus Apollo’s house on Pytho’s sheer cliffs!
Cattle and fat sheep can all be had for the raiding,
tripods all for the trading, and tawny-headed stallions.
But a man’s life breath cannot come back again-
no raiders in force, no trading brings it back,
once it slips through a man’s clenched teeth.
Mother tells me,
the immortal goddess Thetis with her glistening feet,
that two fates bear me on to the day of death.
If I hold out here and I lay siege to Troy,
my journey home is gone, but my glory never dies.
If I voyage back to the fatherland I love,
my pride, my glory dies…
true, but the life that’s left me will be long,
the stroke of death will not come on me quickly.”

#3 – “And so their spirits soared
as they took positions own the passageways of battle
all night long, and the watchfires blazed among them.
Hundreds strong, as stars in the night sky glittering
round the moon’s brilliance blaze in all their glory
when the air falls to a sudden, windless calm…
all the lookout peaks stand out and the jutting cliffs
and the steep ravines and down from the high heavens bursts
the boundless bright air and all the stars shine clear
and the shepherd’s heart exults – so many fires burned
between the ships and the Xanthus’ whirling rapids
set by the men of Troy, bright against their walls.
A thousand fires were burning there on the plain
and beside each fire sat fifty fighting men
poised in the leaping blaze, and champing oats
and glistening barley, stationed by their chariots,
stallions waited for Dawn to mount her glowing throne.”

#2 – “Skepticism is as much the result of knowledge, as knowledge is of skepticism. To be content with what we at present know, is, for the most part, to shut our ears against conviction; since, from the very gradual character of our education, we must continually forget, and emancipate ourselves from, knowledge previously acquired; we must set aside old notions and embrace fresh ones; and, as we learn, we must be daily unlearning something which it has cost us no small labor and anxiety to acquire.”

#1 – “Let him submit to me! Only the god of death is so relentless, Death submits to no one—so mortals hate him most of all the gods. Let him bow down to me! I am the greater king, I am the elder-born, I claim—the greater man.”

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Top Ten Quotes from the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

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#10 – “That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.”

#9 – “Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.”

#8 – “What’s the use you learning to do right when it’s troublesome to do right and ain’t no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?”

#7 – “It’s lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky, up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made, or only just happened- Jim he allowed they was made, but I allowed they happened; I judged it would have took too long to make so many.”

#6 – “The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that’s what an army is–a mob; they don’t fight with courage that’s born in them, but with courage that’s borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. But a mob without any MAN at the head of it is BENEATH pitifulness.”

#5 – “It didn’t take me long to make up my mind that these liars warn’t no kings nor dukes at all, but just low-down humbugs and frauds. But I never said nothing, never let on; kept it to myself; it’s the best way; then you don’t have no quarrels, and don’t get into no trouble. If they wanted us to call them kings and dukes, I hadn’t no objections, ‘long as it would keep peace in the family; and it warn’t no use to tell Jim, so I didn’t tell him. If I never learnt nothing else out of pap, I learnt that the best way to get along with his kind of people is to let them have their own way.”

#4 – “You don’t know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain’t no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.”

#3 –  “It warn’t no time to be sentimentering.”

#2 – “And went on thinking. And got to thinking over our trip down the river; and I see Jim before me all the time: in the day and in the night-time, sometimes moonlight, sometimes storms, and we a-floating along, talking and singing and laughing. But somehow I couldn’t seem to strike no places to harden me against him, but only the other kind. I’d see him standing my watch on top of his’n, ’stead of calling me, so I could go on sleeping; and see him how glad he was when I come back out of the fog; and when I come to him again in the swamp, up there where the feud was; and such-like times; and would always call me honey, and pet me and do everything he could think of for me, and how good he always was; and at last I struck the time I saved him by telling the men we had small-pox aboard, and he was so grateful, and said I was the best friend old Jim ever had in the world, and the ONLY one he’s got now; and then I happened to look around and see that paper.”

#1 – “The duke he quit tending door and went around the back way and come on to the stage and stood up before the curtain and made a little speech, and praised up this tragedy, and said it was the most thrillingest one that ever was; and so he went on a-bragging about the tragedy, and about Edmund Kean the Elder, which was to play the main principal part in it; and at last when he’d got everybody’s expectations up high enough, he rolled up the curtain, and the next minute the king come a-prancing out on all fours, naked; and he was painted all over, ring-streaked-and-striped, all sorts of colors, as splendid as a rainbow. And – but never mind the rest of his outfit; it was just wild, but it was awful funny. The people most killed themselves laughing; and when the king got done capering and capered off behind the scenes, they roared and clapped and stormed and haw-hawed till he come back and done it over again, and after that they made him do it another time. Well, it would make a cow laugh to see the shines that old idiot cut.”

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Movie Review – Rampage (2018)

So, a trio of monsters walk into a bar and…

BQB here with a review of “Rampage.”

Ugh.  How did this movie get made, 3.5 readers?  Honestly.

It’s like Hollywood refuses to take a risk anymore.  Anything that comes with a brand, a name, a nostalgic audience…it’s going to get made.

Do you remember the “Rampage” video game?  As arcade games go, it was pretty awesome.  As a kid, it was one of my favorites.  It was pretty easy.  You take control of a monster.  You climb the beast up and down buildings, punch them until they fall down.  Gain extra points by destroying helicopters, tanks etc and if you need more health, just eat some people.

Hmmm.  Maybe that’s why I’m so messed up.  Anyway, what usually makes for a good video game does not make for a good movie so….I’ll be very kind here….it’s a fun popcorn movie and it was better than I thought it would be, but that being said, it’s not something I’d bother to watch again either.

The plot?  Ummm….let’s just say it’s the Rock doing his thing – saving garbage movies by being a big, loveable lug, that rare bodybuilding tough guy who seems like he could save your ass and yet he’s probably read a book or two so he might also hold up his end of a conversation.

The Rock = saver of shitty movies, from “Fast and Furious” to “GI Joe” and now, this drek.  Without him, I doubt it would have been watchable.

The evil Wyden Corporation, headed by a duo of duplicitous cartoon villains/brother-sister siblings (Malin Akerman and Jake Lacey as Claire and Brett Wyden) have corrupted the genetic research of ex-employee, Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris).  Their super evil corporation has turned what was supposed to be a cure for all diseases and used it to, instead, make animals become super big and strong and crazy and able to destroy entire cities.

Um…because apparently giant, city destroying animals are way more profitable than a cure-all for all of mankind’s diseases but, yeah, stop thinking too much.  Seriously.  If you saw the trailer with the Rock running around with a giant gorilla and thought this was a thinking man’s film then I don’t know what to tell you.

Rounding out the cast is Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Harvey Russell, a mysterious government agent dubbed “The Cowboy.”  He more or less plays a watered down version of his Negan character from “The Walking Dead.”  While he doesn’t carry a bat and isn’t a murderous psychopath, he does have that similar, “Look at me, I’m saying inappropriate things but because I’m saying them with an attitude, you’re supposed to think they’re really clever!”

The Rock, of course, plays an ex-special forces soldier turned primatologist because, apparently that’s a thing.  When his buddy, a normally well-mannered gorilla (George) is turned into an insane killing machine because of the Wyden’s dubious concoction, it’s up to the saver of all franchises to save the day (and this movie because seriously, the man’s macho charisma is the only reason to bother watching…although Naomie Harris is hot, intelligent…arguably too good for this picture.)

One complaint – it’s PG-13 so…I guess it’s ok for the teenagers but still, there are a few jokes where it’s like…eh….really…do we need so much use of the word “shit” and other naughty activities (George likes to give the middle finger to the Rock).  I don’t know.  Maybe I’ve become an old man but PG 13 meant something different in my day.  Get off my lawn and I’m keeping your football.  It’s mine now.

STATUS:  Shelf worthy.  It’s not a flick for the ages, but it’s a fun ride.  As utterly ridiculous as it was to make a movie based on a very simple video game, this version was the best possible version that could have been made, I think.  It doesn’t suck as much as I thought it would, let me put it that way.

I had the chance to watch it at Disney’s super deluxe AMC with all the thrills, my seat shook when the monsters punched each other and shit.  Good stuff.  Go see it in the theater once, have a good time, then try to forgive yourself for wasting two hours of your life on this tomfoolery.

 

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Daily Discussion with BQB – What’s Your Favorite Ride in Disney World?

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

I’ve picked up stakes this week and moved BQB HQ to Orlando, where I have established a temporary BQB HQ.  If you see a nerd walking around with an alien and a yeti…that’s probably some other guy.

In the mean time, what’s your favorite thing to do at Disney World, 3.5 readers?  Your favorite ride or your favorite other activity…what is it?

To be honest, as I get older, the whole place loses its appeal to me.  Maybe the older you get, the less you believe in magic, I don’t know.  I mean it’s all very pretty and it’s impressive and so on.  And the Yeti and Alien Jones dig it, of course.

I don’t know if this counts as an activity, but I think “The Earl of Sandwich” in Disney Springs makes the best sandwiches.  They make a good meatball and a good Thanksgiving sandwich and I always get the Thanksgiving.

Anyway, what say you, 3.5?

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Movie Review – The Outsider (2018)

Domo arigato, 3.5 Mr. Robotos.

BQB here with a review of the Netflix film, “The Outsider.”

3.5 readers, if it’s one thing that the Yakuza are known for it’s open-ness.  The Japanese mafia really like newcomers who change things up…not.

Jared Leto plays Nick Lowell, an AWOL US GI in 1954.  At the start of our tale, he’s in a Japanese prison.  He performs a favor for one Yakuza member and that favor is returned with a grant of his freedom.  Oddly, the Yakuza boss’ son welcomes Nick as an equal right away and after awhile, he manages to turn various Yakuza members from thinking he’s a dirty foreigner to deciding he’s just one of the guys.

Honestly, it would be a nice tale about tolerance, diversity, and acceptance if so many people weren’t being shot and murdered and so on.

Overall, a good film, very dark, could have used more info on Nick’s backstory and I feel like there should have been more karate but maybe that’s a stereotype on my part.  Do all Yakuza know karate?  Is it more offensive to the Yakuza to say they all know karate or that they all don’t know karate?  Which is it?  I don’t want to offend the Yakuza.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Is Facebook a Publisher or a Utility?

Come with me on a hypothetical journey, 3.5 readers.

There are three people:  Alan, Barry and Carl.

Alan calls Barry on the phone and says, “Hey Barry, guess what?  Carl is a big time fart face pederast who likes to rub hot sauce all over his naked body before he goes out at night into the middle of the forest to have sex with goats and worship Satan!”

Barry knows that Carl is of fine character and would never engage in such activities. Sure, sometimes he’s stared at goats for too long but he’d never act on any urges he may or may not have.  Barry calls Carl and relays what Alan said.

Carl’s reaction?  He’s furious.  He hires a lawyer and sues the phone company.

The judge laughs.  Why?  Because the phone company is a utility.  They provide the phone service.  They don’t have an army of people monitoring everything that is said over the phone.  Thus, it would be silly to hold the phone company responsible.

But wait.  Suppose the phone company did get involved in your conversations.  Suppose on every call, there was an operator in the background, bleeping out bad words and comments.  “Carl likes to fuck goats” becomes “Carl likes to bleep goats.”  Then that could be Carl likes to pet goats, he likes to buy ice cream for goats, whatever.

Maybe the operator even interjects.  “Hey just an FYI I can’t verify the statement that Carl fucks goats.  In fact, we polled 100 people and 78 out of 100 said they’re fairly sure Carl is not a goat fucker.”

If the phone company gets involved in conversations and accidentally lets a “Carl is a goat fucker” through, then the phone company is legally liable, I would think.  Any legal experts out there want to get in on this and tell me if I’m right or wrong?

See, if the phone company isn’t involved in your conversations and just providing the means to make the conversation happen, then Carl can’t blame the phone company if he is called a goat fucker.  However, if the phone company starts getting involved and one day an operator falls asleep at the switch while Carl is being called a goat fucker then the phone company can be sued.  After all, the phone company began taking responsibility for the conversational content and they let a goat fucker allegation through unchecked.  The phone company has gone from utility provider to content provider or…publisher.

This is a dilemma now faced by Facebook.  Zuckerberg was questioned along these lines (obviously in a more dignified and intelligent manner without use of the words “Fuck” or “goat) before Congress – is Facebook a utility or a publisher?

If Facebook is providing the means to write posts and put up photos and video then they’re a utility.  Alan posts, “Carl fucks goats!” and if Facebook is just a utility then Facebook isn’t responsible.  Alan is the only party responsible.

But if Facebook is getting involved and banning content, taking content off, providing links to fact check sites to contradict the post, using algorithms to hide the post or put it lower in your feed etc, then an argument could be made they are liable if they take responsibility for content and a piece of defamatory content gets by them.

I realize there’s a gray area.  The phone company can’t make Barry un-hear or forget about the goat fucker comment.  Facebook can at least, if Carl complains, take down Alan’s goat fucker comment and even though Barry has now read the goat fucker comment, at least future sets of eyes won’t see it and question whether or not Carl is can be trusted to be left alone with goats.

So…I don’t know.  Facebook is definitely venturing into some rocky, unprecedented terrain.  By the way, I have no idea if anything I just said is accurate or even on point so…there you go.

Discuss.

 

 

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BQB’s Netflix Pick of the Week – Heat (1995)

Hey 3.5 readers.  Is there anything in your life that you couldn’t walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner?

Well, this means you’re probably a good person but would be a lousy bank robber.

Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro, the two best Italian-American actors of their day or perhaps any day, gave fans a thrill when they squared off in this crime drama.  Ironically, it’s roughly 3 hours and yet it moves fast, like you almost don’t feel the length of the film.

There’s an iconic scene where Al and Bobby D set aside their game of cat and mouse and meet in a diner where they learn there’s not much difference between them.  Both are bored with the idea of a hum drum life.  Both are thrill seekers.  Both have failed relationships because they can’t stop chasing something, the big collar for Al, the big score for Bob.

By the way, Val Kilmer is nuts in this flick.  Epic shootout in the end.

Anyway, I don’t know if I’ll do it every week but I am a prolific Netflix watcher so I’ll try to give you a streaming recommendation whenever I can so this movie is my first suggestion for you.

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Top Ten Quotes from “The Importance of Being Earnest” by Oscar Wilde

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#10 – “All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.”

#9 – “If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.”

#8 – “I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.”

#7 – “Never speak disrespectfully of Society, Algernon. Only people who can’t get into it do that.”

#6 – “Oh! I don’t think I would like to catch a sensible man. I shouldn’t know what to talk to him about.”

#5 – “I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever.”

#4 – “My dear fellow, the truth isn’t quite the sort of thing one tells to a nice, sweet, refined girl. What extraordinary ideas you have about the way to behave to a woman!”

#3 – “You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far.”

#2 – “I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection.”

#1 – “To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution.”

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Awkwafina’s “My Vag”

Hey 3.5 readers.

Are you down?  Do you need a laugh?  Please drop what you are doing and watch this girl rap about how much better her vag is than yours.

It’s pretty catchy.  “My vag won best vag, your vag won best supporting vag…”

This is probably one of those things that the kids knew about for years and I’m just learning about it right?

“My vag is Godfather 1 and your vag is Godfather 3.” Ouch.

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BQB’s Twilight Zone Reviews – S3, Ep. 26 – “Little Girl Lost”

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Do you think there might be a gateway to another dimension in your house, 3.5 readers?

Little Tina is lost.  Her parents, Ruth and Chris (hey, together they can make a steakhouse!)…um, played by Robert Sampson and Sarah Marshall, can hear her but cannot see her.  After checking all over the house, they can hear her coming from inside the wall, but can’t figure the mystery out.

Luckily, the couple is friends with a physicist, because why wouldn’t they be?  Bill (Charles Aidman) ominously marks the entry to another world in chalk in the couple’s wall.  How the door to the other dimension got there he doesn’t know which means I basically know as much as a fictional TV physicist.

Blah, blah, basically all the humans fail and it’s up to the family dog to bravely run into the dimensional gateway and lead the girl to safety.  They’ll probably still cut his nuts off anyway.

I give Rod Serling credit for this one as interdimensional travel was probably heady stuff for the average 1960s TV viewer but its done well here.

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