Tag Archives: disney world

Daily Discussion with BQB – What’s Your Favorite Ride in Disney World?

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

I’ve picked up stakes this week and moved BQB HQ to Orlando, where I have established a temporary BQB HQ.  If you see a nerd walking around with an alien and a yeti…that’s probably some other guy.

In the mean time, what’s your favorite thing to do at Disney World, 3.5 readers?  Your favorite ride or your favorite other activity…what is it?

To be honest, as I get older, the whole place loses its appeal to me.  Maybe the older you get, the less you believe in magic, I don’t know.  I mean it’s all very pretty and it’s impressive and so on.  And the Yeti and Alien Jones dig it, of course.

I don’t know if this counts as an activity, but I think “The Earl of Sandwich” in Disney Springs makes the best sandwiches.  They make a good meatball and a good Thanksgiving sandwich and I always get the Thanksgiving.

Anyway, what say you, 3.5?

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Movie Review – The Florida Project (2017)

Adulting is hard.

Sadly, kidding (child-ing?) is getting even harder.

BQB here with a review of “The Florida Project.”

I’m not totally sure what the point of this film was.  It’s not exactly plot driven.  It meanders quite a bit.  Large chunks of the film are devoted to young child actors around six years old, saying lines that I’m not sure they’d ever really say if there wasn’t someone, I can only imagine but not confirm, hanging off camera promising candy or toys or something.

Obviously, the overall intent is to give the world a glimpse into what life is like for the poverty stricken, as well as the lives of those whose job it is to take care of them.

On the strip leading to Disney World in Orlando, Florida, there’s a series of tourist traps – hotels, discount gift shops, all catering to folks who are visiting the House of Mouse on a budget.  The film doesn’t quite explain it well but there was a time, before Disney developed the ever loving crap out of its property, when tourists who wanted to save a buck would go have fun at the parks then stay at a cheap, non-Disney motel.  Today, Disney has a vast array of hotels catering to almost every type of budget.

So, if this film is to be believed, many of the strip motels have turned into sad, depressing welfare slums.  Once such establishment is “The Magic Castle,” where young mother Halley (Bria Vinai) lives on a weekly cash basis with her six year old daughter, Moonee (Brooklyn Prince.)

Sidenote – if your name is Brooklyn that’s like, a guarantee your parents were all like, “this kid is becoming a child actor!” right?

The film strings together a series of shenanigans.  Moonee and her young pals from the motel wander about aimlessly, spitting on cars, throwing dead fish into pools, harassing paying customers and generally making life miserable for Bobby, the motel’s overworked, underpaid, vastly put upon and long suffering manager, played by Willem Dafoe, whose presence, honestly, is the only thing that makes the film watchable.

Covered with tattoos and constantly high, Halley is unemployed and unemployable, making money by begging tourists for cash, occasionally running scams to bilk them out of money and yes, even turning tricks.  You get the general sense that she wants to do right by her daughter but are unsure if it’s just that impossible to pull herself out of the proverbial hole she’s in or if she’s so drugged up she’s not able to help herself in any way.

It becomes clear that poverty is inter-generational, though whether bad parenting leads to poverty or poverty causes bad parenting is sort of a chicken vs. the egg argument.  Halley’s life sucks and you are led to feel sorry for her and realize there are so many people trapped in such difficult circumstances.

At the same time, we see other parents in the motel who are similarly poor, yet they stay off drugs, work menial wage jobs and are actively attempting to better their lives and instill morals in their kids, making the most of the little they have.

Amidst this mess is Bobby, who might have one of the most thankless jobs I’ve ever seen.  He works tirelessly, fixing broken equipment, painting, repairing, moving heavy stuff and the second something goes wrong, the tenants he’s given thousands of passes to on their mistakes rip his head off and raise hell over the slightest problems.

I’m inclined to think that Bobby is every adult in your life who a) wasn’t your parent but b) had a job that required him to help you and c) yelled at you for something bad you did or some rule you broke and you think he’s just an asshole because all you saw was the stern facade.  You didn’t see how he returns to his office and looks so pained because he knows you’re suffering and yet there’s little he is able to do to help you.

Despite a rule that prevents tenants from staying too long and becoming permanent residents, Bobby helps Halley circumvent this rule by moving her every so often to a different room within the motel.  Moonee raises hell and drives other guests nuts, constantly breaks things and makes more work for Bobby.  Meanwhile, Halley’s extracurricular activities bring all kinds of heat for the motel.

In short, Bobby could throw this problem customer out on the street any time and improve his life 100 percent and yet, he refuses to do so, putting his own job on the line because his gut tells him that something bad will happen if he doesn’t bend the rules and let Halley and Moonee stay.

If this a spoiler, then so be it, but literally, at no time, does Halley ever show any kind of acknowledgment that she understands Bobby is doing her a favor.  Halley makes all sorts of demands for Bobby to overlook the rules, let it go that she’s late with her rent, forget that she’s doing all sorts of bad things or that her unsupervised kid is driving everyone nuts.  Yet, when Bobby asks Halley for just a little bit of help in complying with the rules, she freaks out, leading to a used maxi pad being slapped on his office window in one gross out scene.

SIDENOTE  – I’ve seen tampons and pads being thrown at helpless victims in too many films now.  Is this something women dream about doing all day long now?  Whenever someone pisses them off, they just want to whip out their bloody cooch covers and whip ’em at some poor, unsuspecting schmuck?

Mixed feelings.  It’s more of a learning experience/acted out documentary than a fun movie.  There are some emotional parts though.  Poverty is hard and nearly impossible to break out of.  Good parenting and/or harping on kids to do the right thing can increase the chances of breaking out of it.

Perhaps there’s some irony that all these kids are suffering and are poor when just down the road there’s a theme park where wealthier parents dump tons of cash on toys, candy, rides and fun for their little brats.

But ultimately, the most I got out of it is that there are probably a million Bobbies out there – low level business employees who see people suffering hardships all day, who may come across as hardasses laying down rules but also are never thanked when they bend the rules and put their jobs and livelihood on the line to help those in need.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.  Not sure the film itself is Oscar worthy though Dafoe’s performance is and he is overdue for some recognition.

 

 

 

 

 

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Top Ten Favorite Disney World Restaurants

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Ahh, Disney World.  Loved it when I was younger.  Don’t quite get why people continue to flip out about it way into their adulthood now that I’m older.

Except for the food.  OK.  I get the appeal if we’re talking about the food.  Disney World isn’t just about the rides.  It’s about stuffing your face, for Mickey Mouse puts out one damn fine spread.

Sure, you’re already being charged an arm and a leg for your room, for park admission, for souvenirs, for that bottle of water that you don’t want to take out a loan for but you break down and get it anyway because it’s so damn hot…all that could make you go for some of Mickey’s cheaper fast food options.

But hell, if you’re down there and opening your wallet anyway, you might as well treat yourself.  Ready for BQB’s Disney restaurant recommendations?  Cool.

From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, here are my Top Ten Favorite Places to Eat in Disney World:

#10 – The Earl of Sandwich – Disney Springs (Formerly Downtown Disney)

Why the heck did they have to change Downtown Disney to Disney Springs?  I know they really built up the place in recent years, but “Downtown Disney” sounded cool and hip whereas “Disney Springs” sounds like I’m going to get a massage or something.

Anyway, this is the area where Disney visitors can do mad shopping and crazy eating.  While this list will be mostly devoted to sit down restaurants, I must add it because I love it and I try to get there at least once during a Disney sojourn.

Usually, other dummies in my party will be shopping, spending hours comparing one Mickey shirt to another or some other such stupid activity, so I will sneak away and get one of the Earl’s fantastic sandwiches.  They must be good, since the Earl invented them, after all.

I’ve had their meatball sandwiches and their Thanksgiving sandwich with turkey, cranberry sauce and stuffing.  The former was great but the latter is what I get every time and probably always will from now on.  Have fun looking at the Mickey shirts, dummies, BQB is getting a sandwich.

#9 – Le Cellier Steakhouse – Canada – Epcot

Oh Canada!  My home and native land!  True patriot love…and something with maple syrup on it!

You gotta get yourself a reservation here.  Actually, important tip.  You pretty much need to get yourself a reservation at any restaurant that’s worthwhile in the House of Mouse.

Delicious steaks that taste like they were cut straight from the cow’s butt.  And cheese soup.  Mickey and I have something in common: we both love cheese and we often walk around in our shorts with no shirt on.

#8 – Boma – Animal Kingdom Lodge

The cool thing about Disney World is it has its own transportation system, so even if you aren’t staying at one particular hotel, you can still visit another one if there’s something cool there you’d like to check out.

In this case, I recommend you check out the breakfast buffet at Boma in the Animal Kingdom Lodge.  Come for the eats, stay for the Guava juice.  Mmm, that’s good guava!

#7 – Beaches and Cream – Disney Beach Club

Disney has a super expensive, ultra swanky hotel called Disney’s Yacht and Beach Club.  One part is the Yacht Club.  One part is the Beach Club.  I stayed there one time as a youngster and felt like I was frigging Thurston Howell or something.  Funny, back then, I said, “When I’m an adult I’ll have so much money I’ll be able to stay at places like this for months on end!”

But yeah, now I just run a blog for 3.5 readers, so that never happened.  Boo!  Up your nose with a rubber hose, failed life plans!

Anyway, you don’t have to stay there to eat here, though yeah, get a reservation.  It’s a cool little 1950’s style Ice Cream Shoppe.  Stop watching your waist line.  Eat ice cream.  You’re on vacation.

#6 – AMC Fork and Screen Theaters – Disney Springs – West Side

Some people may not count a movie theater as a good place to dine but what do they know?  As a movie buff, I think the AMC theater at Disney Springs – West Side is one of the best theaters I have ever visited and no matter how packed it gets, I have yet to have to suffer neck pain by sitting up front.

If you don’t get the dining option, they have those fabulous seats that are like mini-couches you can recline in.  Plus, they have those Coca Cola Freestyle machines where you can push all sorts of buttons in order to flavor your carbonated beverage to your personal desire.  Such a fun way to put yourself on the path to diabetes.

If you do choose the dining option, you get a pretty cool place to sit, and a menu and a call button.  Watch that movie, hit that call button, and your waitress will just bring you all kinds of food, popcorn, soda, snacks, she’ll pretty much put a funnel in your mouth and cram it all down your cake hole until your movie is over if you want.

#5 – Crystal Palace – Main Street USA – Magic Kingdom

Great buffet.  There are several character breakfasts where you can eat Mickey shaped waffles and have Mickey and friends come to say hello to everyone at the table.  This is a pretty good one as you can start your day early at the Magic Kingdom and then get off to the rides. ‘Ohana, located at the Polynesian Resort, is my other favorite place for a character breakfast.

#4 – Disney’s Spirit of Aloha Dinner Show

Speaking of the Polynesian Resort, this place is basically like stepping into Hawaii.  They have a luau dinner show with hula dancing, all kinds of awesome tricks, many of which involve fire.  I mean, tricks with fire, people, what more do I have to say?  You’ll definitely need a reservation.  You can’t just walk right into this one.

#3 – STK Orlando

This is a fairly new one and I was a little iffy on it at first.  It’s totally hipster.  Like imagine a restaurant invented by a dork with a fedora with a neckbeard and this is the restaurant you’d get.  The lighting is low, the ambience is trendy but the food is pretty tasty.  All kinds of steaks with different options to get your steak, plus other food as well.  I don’t know if it was just our waiter who made the experience great and perhaps you need that exact waiter to make it a good experience, but he was like a food genius who could tell you every little thing about the food.  Kids probably won’t like it though.

#2 – Rainforest Cafe – Animal Kingdom

Sure, they have them all over the country, but if you haven’t been to one yet, you should go to this one.  Good food.  Automatronic animals doing wacky things.

#1 – T-Rex – Disney Springs

Who doesn’t love dinosaurs?  The kids will love this one.  All kinds of automatronic dinos wreak havoc as you shove prehistoric themed food down your pie hole.  Just don’t become the T-Rex’s dinner.

HONORABLE MENTION:

There’s a fantastic ice cream place in France in Epcot I love.  I usually have to go there once.  I blame Epcot for my fatness.  They swore they were going to teach me about science and the world but they just made me fat.

Also, one time, many moons ago, I ate lunch at the ESPN Club on the Boardwalk and got to see the taping of a live sports radio show while doing so.  Not sure if they still do that but I assume so.  I ate something called a “Dinger Sandwich” which was a word I was surprised to see on the menu and I made fun of it for the rest of the trip but apparently it is a golf term.  Worth checking out if you are into sports.

Coral Reef at Epcot – eat, watch the fish, sometimes a diver will even swim by.

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Top Ten Disney Characters that are Worse than you think

#10 – Belle

Ughh. Goes on and on about how she loves the Beast for his heart on the inside but doesn’t put out until he’s transformed into a stud muffin with mad cash.

#9 – Olaf

Adorable? No. Incompetent snowman with a death wish.

#8 – Ariel

Refuses to carry on with the family business of ruling the world under the sea. Breaks her father’s heart by throwing it all away on some dude she just met. Very rude to her Jamaican crab friend/music instructor.

#7 – Goofy and Pluto

Goofy is a dog yet is considered a man. 

Pluto is a dog yet is considered Mickey’s property/pet.

Clearly there’s disparate treatment amongst the different Disney canine classes.

#6 – Pinnochio

Pathological liar. Failed to realize his full potential by declining to run for Congress.

#5 – The Rescuers vs Mickey

More disparate treatment, this time amongst the mouse classes.

Mickey is a mouse who walks and talks and acts like a man. The Rescuers are mice but talk like humans. WTF?

#4 – Princesses vs Princes

Everyone complains that Disney princesses teach little girls to be helpless and wait for a rich handsome prince to solve all their problems.

Valid point but what do little boys learn from all this?

Better be rich and handsome and have enough money for a woman to use you as an ATM machine and have the ability to solve all her problems or else no woman for you.

Sigh. Maybe Walt was just trying to warn boys what they’re in for when they grow up. Art imitates life.

#3 – Chip and Dale

Cute?

No. Filthy, disease ridden criminals who have engaged in rampant duck abuse for years.

#2 – Snow White

Bimbo who lived with seven tiny perverts.

Full disclosure – I have no reason to assume the dwarves were perverts.

Come to think of it, they were complete gentlemen at all times.

#1 – Elsa

Could use her ice powers to rule with any icy fist. Refuses. Epic fail.

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BQB Does Disney – the Coca Cola Store

I have a Coke addiction, 3.5 readers.

I’ve been chasing that fizzy brown dragon my whole life.

Mmm then ungh.

Up then down.

Thus, it cool to see the Coca Cola store in Disney Springs.

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BQB Does Disney World – Main Street Confectionary

Rice Krispy treats. Candy apples. Cookies. All delicious, mouse shaped and at this time of year, Halloween themed.

Not gonna lie, 3.5 readers. Most of these are going to be about food.

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There’s not enough Donald Duck at Disney World Anymore

I’m just going to say it.

Donald Duck is the best and Mickey Mouse sucks the big one.

Honestly. Who can be happy all the time?

Look, I’m not saying this is the case but whenever I don’t see that bad ass duck walking around I feel like it’s an anti-duck conspiracy.

Mickey is all about goodness and wholesomeness. 

Donald just bitches and loans all the time.

Stick Mickey in the worst situation and he’ll smile.

Put Donald in the happiest of situations and he’ll find something to quack about.

Mickey is like that unattatanable goal of perfection.

Donald is a working class duck who is helpless to solve all his problems so like the rest of us, he just squawks out in a furious, impotent rage whenever he’s had enough.

And so I worry. Is that where society is headed? Everyone be happy and oust all the contrarians?

And you know, as much as he quacks in fury, Donald is a stand up duck.

Who knows what happened to Huey, Dewey and Louie’s duck parents?

Are they the duck spawn of Donald’s drug addled duck brother or duck sister? Are they deadbeat duck parents?

Who knows? All I know is that when those boys needed a duck father figure, Donald took them in and raised them as his own.

Yes, I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I have decided that Donald rules and Mickey is crying on the inside.

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BQB in Disney – Gaston’s Tavern

Has there ever been a character more unjustly vilified in Disney lore than Gaston, 3.5 readers?

Overconfident? Yes. Cocky? Sure. Kind of a douche? You bet.

Hell, when you’re a big time winner in a world full of epic losers it’s hard not to be a douche.

But when that douche heard that Belle had been kidnapped by and held hostage by a hideous dog monster, Gaston manned up and went off to rescue her.

And how’d Belle thank him for his trouble?

She gets Stockholm Syndrome, falls in love with her captor and spoiler alert, Gaston gets his French ass thrown off a damn castle.

Sigh. Some women just can’t appreciate a winner.

Anyway, the G-Man lives on at a tavern named for him in the Magic Kingdom.

Try the LeFou’s Brew. Frozen apple juice, toasted marshmallow, mango.

Mmm that douche makes a good brew.

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BQB in Disney World

My journey continues, 3.5 readers.

I’m now in the happiest place on Earth.

No, not the Playboy Mansion. Hef sold that. Remember?

I’m in Disney World, the world’s premiere theme park dedicated to the worship of a cartoon mouse.

I gotta say I’m not really a ride person. I prefer the restaurants at Epcot and Downtown Disney where you can stuff your face hole.

What is your favorite thing to do at Disney World, 3.5?

Here’s my horribly taken photo of Cinderella’s Castle:

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BQB’s Letters to God – Orlando

Dear God,

BQB here.

First, let me just say I’m a big fan of your work. Big fan. I mean, the Grand Canyon? Am I right or am I right?

Anyway, I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job. God knows, or rather, you know that you don’t start telling me how to run a blog with 3.5 readers or anything.

It just seems to me that with the shooting of Voice singer Christina Grimmie last Friday night, followed by the shooting of 50 people at the Pulse night club, that…

You probably could have done the city a solid and stopped that alligator from dragging that two year kid away and killing it at Disney World.

I get it. I get it. You’re a hands-off, laissez faire kind of guy.

You’re kicking back up there on a cloud, probably got a strawberry daiquiri because it’s not like you have to watch your weight or work out or anything.

You’re watching us all as if we’re one giant reality television show. I can only assume that heaven is one hip, swinging club and by our actions on Earth you judge who makes the cut and who has to stand behind the rope.

But seriously. Come on.

They say you never give people more than they can handle but, and again, I don’t mean to tell you your business here, all you needed to have done was smite that alligator and a lot of grief could have been spared for a lot of people.

Holy shit. Just imagine it. You and your family go to Disney World. You’re all bee-bopping along having a good time and “Fuck! An alligator ate my baby!”

By the way, the problem with the Internet is there are all kinds of theories without facts.

Some people blame the parents.

I have no idea what the situation was. In theory, yeah, if you let your kid run around and you’re oblivious and taking a nap or whatever then yeah you’ve doomed your child.

But if you’re just hanging out in he happiest place on earth on a nice sunny day and HOLY FUCK! AN ALLIGATOR JUST GRABBED MY KID! – Really, what are you supposed to do?

Who could ever see that coming?

Yeah. I don’t know what a parent can do.  It is, pardon my French, but it is…a fucking alligator.

If I had a kid, I would surely attempt to wrestle that alligator but what am I going to do? It’s a giant descendant of the dinosaurs and has a mouth full of razor sharp teeth that closes like a steel trap.

What is a parent to do?  Box the alligator? People need to chill out and not be so judgmental.

There’s nothing that can be done unless you’re Australian. All Australians are born with an innate ability to wrestle alligators.  That’s just science.

And you can’t argue with science.

One or two of you 3.5 readers will think I’m making light of this terrible situation but I really am not.

I really, truly, sincerely feel terrible, both for this child lost too soon and for the child’s family who went through something no one should have to experience.

I am, in a polite manner, just inquiring why God couldn’t have intervened here and sent that alligator back into the water, thus sparing so much grief and sadness and pain for so many people.

If I’m making light of anything, it is the horrendous state of the world we live in, when people can’t go to a park dedicated to a cartoon mouse and a) not have to worry about alligators absconding with their children and b) not have to worry about getting shot because, yeah, if you missed it on the news, the terrorist did case Disney World previously.

 

Finally God, I know you like to stay on the sidelines and not get involved (God, er you know you haven’t intervened much on my behalf despite numerous and often pathetic teary eyed pleadings) we’re really going to need you to make an official ruling on something.

Could you take like 15 minutes out of your busy schedule and just go on one of these talking head cable news channel pundit shows – pick any one of them, any one of them at all, and just be a guest and announce once and for all that you don’t want people shooting, killing, stabbing or otherwise doing heinous shit in your name.

I feel like it could help out a lot.

But seriously dude. You really could have stopped that damn alligator.

Hey, what can I say though really? Could I do a better job at Godding?  Probably not. Not unless I’ve walked a mile in your sandals.  So no, I’m not going to be a pain in the ass and nag you about this all the time.

It’s just a learning lesson really. A teachable moment. You sense an alligator is about to eat a kid and you snap your Godly fingers and boom the alligator gets a bad case of diarrhea and makes a mad dash back in the water.

Thanks God. And, I’m totally not asking or anything but if you wanted to toss 20 or 30.5 extra readers my way, I would not complain at all.

Your humble servant, dedicated to singing your praises on a blog with 3.5 readers,

BQB

 

 

 

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