And now, Bookshelf Q. Battler, one of the greatest minds of the Twenty-First Century (but hey, the century is still young) will share his great musings…
#201 – I wrote a whole slate of musings to put into this post and then I clicked the screen off by accident and they are gone forever…or are they? They probably are. I don’t think they are coming back.
#202 – Carrier pigeon is an efficient way to send a letter.
#203 – Yogurt looks like semen but tastes better, I assume. Please note that I said, “I assume.”
#204 – I could go for a nice bowl of soup.
#205 – An unrowed boat will never go ashore.
#206 – Fish are nice pets, but it’s not a good idea to pet them.
#207 – Cheese can be grilled but it doesn’t boil well.
#208 – If it were possible to run around the world fast enough, you might, for a split second, catch a glimpse of your own ass as it runs away, visible to you as you round the bend and finish your global circumnavigation.
#209 – Beers sure can get you drunk if you guzzle enough of them.
#210 – Whenever you see a labradoodle, assume it’s the product of Labrador retriever on poodle fucking.
#211 – Wombats are neither bats nor woms. Discuss.
#212 – Weeds are the douchebags of the garden.
#213 – It saddens me that saying, “Hey baby, nice dumper!” has gone from being considered a pleasant compliment to a rude, inappropriate statement. What has the world come to?
#214 – When you need to chew something, you can’t go wrong with gum.
#215 – Coins are outdated.
#216 – I’m thinking about becoming a Navy Seal. I can slap my fins together, but catching an uncooked fish in my mouth will take some doing. That’s the kind of seal the Navy is looking for, right?
#217 – Ties are weird. Who decided a long piece of cloth hanging down from a man’s neck is necessary?
#218 – Heists would be fun if they weren’t illegal or dangerous.
#219 – Whenever I’m at the end of my rope, I find more slack.
#220 – Barbecue sauce is the best of all sauces.
#221 – It’s a shame that bears look so huggable, and yet hugging them is such a bad idea. What a waste.
#222 – What is foo and why do the Foo Fighters fight it?
#223 – How old do cowboys have to get before they become cowmen?
#224 – Between bacon and sausage, bacon is the superior breakfast meat.
#225 – A straw is the best way to get liquid into your mouth without having to touch your lips to the container holding the liquid in question.