And now, Bookshelf Q. Battler, one of the greatest minds of the Twenty-First Century (but hey, the century is still young) will share his great musings…
#176 – Ladies, if you’re tired of men hooting and hollering, whistling catcalls as you walk by and making uncouth comments about your beauty, I’ve got the perfect solution that’s guaranteed to make sure all men will leave you alone: turn 40.
#177 – Why is there a maple leaf on Canada’s flag? Is that what we’re doing now? We just find items that can be found in a country in put them on the flag? Why isn’t America’s flag a keg of beer?
#178 – I’ve never cared for spinach, despite Popeye’s longstanding PR campaign.
#179 – Why do they call it “talk radio?” My radio has never talked to me.
#180 – You can bake a cake, but you’ll need eggs, flour and other ingredients I don’t feel like mentioning at this time.
#181 – Greece is a country. “Grease” is a play.
#182 – I’m cancelling my subscription to “Vogue.”
#183 – Nougat is the best of all candy fillings. Frankly, they should just sell big bars of nougat, sans chocolate. It’s good on its own.
#184 – “Sassafras” is a fun word to say.
#185 – Did dinosaur farts cause earthquakes?
#186 – You just can’t find a good submarine sandwich anymore.
#187 – Who makes these plastic packages that store bought items are placed in? I swear, the last time I bought a men’s shaving razor, it was like breaking into Fort Knox just to get the package open.
#188 – Well, there goes the cultural zeitgeist.
#189 – Germans spent the first half of the last century trying to conquer the world in the name of white superiority and the last half of the last century dancing to disco music while wearing leather pants. Jesus, pick a lane already.
#190 – When it comes to bovine sex, I’m against it…but to be clear, I’m against human on cow intercourse, whereas it comes to cows having sex with each other, I’m fine with it, as long as the cow and the bull are both consenting bovine adults.
#191 – I could fight this feeling some more, but I don’t want to.
#192 – I hope no one ever slips me a Mickey.
#193 – Why do I sweep my floor? It’ll just get dirty again.
#194 – The best time to take out a loan is when you need to buy something and you can’t afford to pay for the price of whatever that something is up front in cash.
#195 – Basketball players like to dunk their balls in baskets. I like to dunk my chocolate chip cookies in milk.
#196 – Brushing your teeth after every meal is a good habit to get into.
#197 – Of all the things to rub on your taint, poison ivy is the worst.
#198 – Is duck sauce made by squeezing juice out of ducks?
#199 – The good thing about riding a train is it is hard to get lost.
#200 – I can never remember where I left my shoes.