And now, Bookshelf Q. Battler, one of the greatest minds of the Twenty-First Century (but hey, the century is still young) will share his great musings…
#251 – Sundays are for sleeping in.
#252 – He who stands out in the rain without an umbrella is likely to end up all wet.
#253 – Col. Mustard is guilty of all “Clue” related crimes.
#254 – I’ve never seen a geyser.
#255 – All the hot older female celebrities I used to jerk off to in the 1990s have AARP cards now. Eat a dick, time.
#256 – “Rutabaga” is fun to say.
#257 – Chivalry may not be dead, but it’s on life support.
#258 – It’s been awhile since I’ve taken part in tomfoolery.
#259 – Sigh. Whenever I fly, I’m inevitably stuck between a fat man and a crying baby. Just once, I’d like to be stuck between a fat baby and a crying man.
#260 – I wonder if Zeus is still around. Wait, what’s that thundering sound?
#261 – I put my pants on the same way as anybody else: two legs at a time after I jump off a trampoline and land a perfect dismount into them.
#262 – There goes the neighborhood.
#263 – End the drug war today and let big box stores sell crack already.
#264 – Thanksgiving must be an interesting time at the Fett household.
#265 – Show me a man who writes “Firefly” fan fiction and I’ll show you a man who can make a vagina drier than the Mojave.
#266 – I wonder what my old baseball cards are worth today.
#267 – I’ve never made love in an elevator.
#268 – Most foods are improved with a little sprinkle of parmesan cheese.
#269 – No one wears spurs anymore.
#270 – If asked by the local sheriff, I feel like it would be hard to turn down a request to join a posse.
#271 – I don’t need to be told how to get to Sesame Street. I have a navigation app on my phone, thank you.
#272 – Skydiving will never be my bag.
#273 – I could go for a good episode of “NCIS” and a bowl full of cherries doused in a heaping helping of whipped cream right about now.
#274 – The first draft of the Declaration of Independence begins, “Yo, King, slurp on our big, fat, hairy colonial…” Well, it stops there. Assumably, Jefferson started over after that.
#275 – If “oranges” are orange, why aren’t grapes, “purples?”