Daily Archives: July 9, 2018

Let’s Say a Prayer for those Thai Cave Boys

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

It seems every generation, a kid gets stuck in a hole and the media swarms on the rescue effort.  When I was a kid, the news was all over Baby Jessica, who fell down a hole in her backyard and everyday there was an update on the efforts to get this baby out of the hole.

Now it’s the Thai soccer boys.  You know, a little sidenote here.  I have lived an overweight, unathletic existence.  The bad news is that it has severely limited my life, kept me from doing things I want to do, brought me all manner of hardship and rejection, but I can safely say I’ll never get stuck in a cave.  If I were to look at the entrance to a cave, why, when others might say, “That looks fun!” I would say, “Screw that!  Too much effort.  I wouldn’t fit anyway.  I’m going to go get a pizza.”

Am I saying to eat more pizza so that you won’t end up stuck in a cave?  Yes.  Wait, no.  OK, don’t eat too much pizza and then just stay away from caves.  There we go.

Does prayer work?  I don’t know.  “Let’s say a prayer” often comes across as cliche but there’s not really anything else we can do.  I just feel bad for those Thai soccer cave boys.  And my first reaction is to think their coach is a dumbass but I suppose he meant well and was just taking the kids on an excursion.

Anyway.  Here’s my prayer.

“Dear God.  Please save the Thai cave boys.  May you take your mighty hand and drain the water that blocks their exit out of the cave.  This would be easier than having them dive and shit.  I’m sorry I said shit.  That was unnecessary.  Anyway, if you could get the Thai cave boys and their coach out of the cave and to safety, it would be appreciated.  There are so few news stories with happy endings and we need one here.”

Anyway, that’s my prayer for the Thai cave boys.  Not to brag, but I’m told Jesus is one of my 3.5 readers, so if you have a prayer for the Thai cave boys, leave it in the comments and I assume J-Dawg will pass it along to his old man.

 

 

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More People and/or Beings You Wouldn’t Want to Meet in a Dark Alley

Satan

Teletubbies

A nunchuck expert

A gaggle of angry Chuck Norris impersonators

A sumo in a speedo

Elderly ex porn stars

Mafia hit men

A Roman gladiator

Ninjas

A Non-Exclusive List of People and/or Beings You Don’t Want to Meet in a Dark Alley

Nosferatu

Dracula

Frankenstein

Frankenstein’s monster (who people confuse with his creator, Frankenstein)

Jack the Ripper

Anyone who needs to fart immediately

Russian spies, especially if the lady spy is much taller than the short male spy

Kangaroos with weaponized pouches

Shark rapists (as in, disgusting men who rape sharks, although sharks who rape would also not be pleasant)

Zombies

The Right Said Fred Fan Club with a petition demanding you join their fine organization

Anyone holding a cactus

Hornswagglers

Bamboozlers

Shenaniganizers

Phlegm enthusiasts

Boomerang wielding bison

Alcoholic turtles

Billy goats who want your tin cans

 

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