A Non-Exclusive List of People and/or Beings You Don’t Want to Meet in a Dark Alley




Frankenstein’s monster (who people confuse with his creator, Frankenstein)

Jack the Ripper

Anyone who needs to fart immediately

Russian spies, especially if the lady spy is much taller than the short male spy

Kangaroos with weaponized pouches

Shark rapists (as in, disgusting men who rape sharks, although sharks who rape would also not be pleasant)


The Right Said Fred Fan Club with a petition demanding you join their fine organization

Anyone holding a cactus




Phlegm enthusiasts

Boomerang wielding bison

Alcoholic turtles

Billy goats who want your tin cans


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