Hey 3.5 readers. BQB here.
I have never seen “The Handmaid’s Tale” – a) because I don’t have Hulu and b) because I have a penis.
However, my understanding based on the shrill harpy cries I hear on TV is that it takes place in a future where women are subjugated to male rule, kept as slaves, forced to wear red dresses and white bonnets and do the man’s bidding. Apparently, fertile females are rare so they are owned by men who procreate with them and keep them locked up or something.
Also, apparently there’s an old woman named Aunt Lydia who keeps the handmaids in line.
So, I’ve never seen this show. Tell me if it is worth a Hulu subscription but again I won’t think so because I have a penis. All I know is these are some real life scenes that are happening all over the world thanks to this show. Basically, if you ask a woman to do anything at all now they reach for the red dress and white bonnet.
SCENE #1 – The Remote Control
MAN: Honey, can you pass the remote?
WOMAN: Ah, fi on thee, cruel world, for though hast forced me into a life of handmaidenry! Damned to do the bidding of my cruel master! I shall toil away for life and never find any peace as I…
MAN: Oh, nevermind. It was right next to me the whole time.
SCENE #2 – Sandwich
MAN: Honey, while you’re in the kitchen, can you make me a sandwich?
WOMAN: Cursed villainy! I shall now dawn the red dress and white bonnet of the handmaid, for shuffle I will through life like a cursed wretch!
MAN: Whoa! A 2 for 1 pizza coupon in my pocket! Babe! Nevermind! I’m going to call Luigi’s!
SCENE #3 – At Work
MALE BOSS: Sarah, the figures in your report is all wrong. I’ll need you to stay late and re-do it.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: Oh, vicious agony! To the chamber I will retire to work my fingers to the bone!
SCENE #4 – Kids
HUSBAND: Babe, I was thinking, should we have a baby?
WIFE: Bah! Oh woe unto me, for I have been forced into the unenviable life of a brood mare, damned to whelp your spawn at my breast for all eternity.
HUSBAND: Yeah. Plus babies smell bad and they cost a lot of money. You know what, let’s just get a puppy.
WIFE: I love puppies!
SCENE #5 – The Date
MAN: Pardon me, ma’am. I don’t mean to be rude. My name is Fred and I’m never usually this forward but well, you intrigue me and I wonder if you’d like to get coffee sometime so I could get to know you better.
WOMAN: Blasted fate! I shall have no choice but to take the name “Of Fred” and live in your broom closet where Aunt Lydia will whip me and chain me up and …
MAN: Whoa, geeze. You know, I just remembered I’m allergic to coffee so, have a nice day.