Category Archives: Movies

Jan 18 2018
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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

Ahh, family.  Those people and your nose are two things you can’t pick.

Well, you can pick your nose, but you shouldn’t…at least not in public.  Do it in private because you still need to remove the boogers.  Just be careful to not stab your brain with your finger.

But I digress.  BQB here with a review of “Little Miss Sunshine.”

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Life is not perfect.  People are not perfect.  Families are not perfect.  Somehow, we must find a way to struggle along and find happiness amongst the sadness rather than hope for a perfect day when everything and everyone will be perfect.  That day rarely, if ever comes.

Such is the lesson of this little film.

Mom and Dad (Greg Kinnear and Toni Collette) are facing bankruptcy and their marriage is on the rocks.  Uncle (Steve Carell) is suicidal over the collapse of his career and relationship.  Big brother (Paul Dano) is a mopey little twerp who has taken a vow of silence.  Grampa (Alan Arkin) is so depressed that he’s turned to drugs.

In short, everyone is depressed because their lives are less than perfect.  Dad has squandered the family finances on a shady, fly-by-night attempt to become a motivational speaker.  Brother’s depressed because his dream may not come true.  Grampa is depressed because he’s old.  Uncle is depressed because his boyfriend dumped him and he wonders if he’s wasted his life being the nation’s foremost Marcel Proust scholar.  Mom is depressed because her family members stink.

Everyone in this film is depressed and yet, they all manage to unite in a common cause – to deliver little Olive (Abigail Breslin) to a beauty pageant in California.  Olive is a little nerd and not exactly beauty pageant material, but competing is her dream and her family does not want to let her down.

What can we learn?  Maybe we wallow in our sadness when our sadness only affects us.  If someone else’s happiness is on the line, we can somehow muster up the courage to do great things, like take a cross country trip in a broken down van that can only shift into the proper gear when it is pushed up a hill and then allowed to roll down in a turning motion.  Oh, and also the horn is stuck so all other motorists think the driver is being a dick and honking at them, so they honk back furiously.

Your life isn’t perfect.  The tools you need to fix your life are rarely perfect (i.e. things you need, like the family van, will break down at the worst possible moment) and yet somehow when the chips are down, we can find a way to help those we love.  The family members are sad, miserable and depressed yet they all love Olive and are willing to move mountains for her.

If only we could muster up that courage to pull ourselves out of depression?

Ignoring idea of perfection and enjoying an imperfect life is the overall theme of the movie, and while that is scene in the family road trip, it is also seen in the pageant itself.  Little girls made up to look like beauty queens (sickening) leaving Olive looking as though she is some kind of weirdo for even daring to get on the same stage, and yet the little girl has a lot of heart and is perfect in her own way.  Or perfect in her imperfection.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jan 16 2018
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Movie Review – The Foreigner (2017)

This movie is…da bomb!

Ha…what? Nothing?

:::crickets:::

OK, moving on.  BQB here with a review of “The Foreigner.”

Jackie Chan has still got his fists of fury after all these years.  Here, he plays Quan, a restaurant owner/immigrant living in London.  When his daughter is among the many killed in an IRA terrorist attack, Quan goes to work in a rage fueled vendetta, setting bombs of his own and taking down anyone who stands between him and what he wants, i.e. the names of the terrorists responsible.

Liam Hennessy, an ex-IRA big shot turned Irish politician (honestly, I never quite figured out what his official title was but he’s an official minister of some kind) becomes the number one name on Quan’s shit list. While Liam was a bloodthirsty supporter of the IRA cause in his early years, he claims to have since reformed, gone legit, and fights for peace.  Is he bad?  Has he changed his ways?  Your guess is good as mine.

It’s cool to see Jackie back in action though I have to admit, it’s Brosnan that carries the movie.  In Jackie’s glory days, he would usually work with a comedic sidekick (i.e. Owen Wilson in “Shanghai Noon” or Chris Tucker in “Rush Hour.”  Often, his movies would involve myth, magic, fantasy or comedy so it was interesting to see him play a more realistic character.  Ultimately, he becomes an Asian version of Charles Bronson’s “Deathwish” character, a modern day Paul Kersey out for revenge.  These bombers messed with the wrong father.

STATUS: Solid action thriller. Shelf-worthy.

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Jan 15 2018
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Movies

Movie Review – The Commuter (2018)

He’s got a set of skills…that include riding on a train.

BQB here with a review of “The Commuter.”

Liam Neeson’s tough guy using his skills action movie phase continues to go strong and up front, I have to admit that out of all of the post “Taken” movies that still tried to capitalize on that, this one is the best.  Overall, it’s better than what you usually might expect to see in the dull, dreary month of January.

Liam stars as Michael, an ex-cop who got tired of the corruption and became an insurance salesman.  For the past ten years, he’s been a passenger on the same commuter train.  Everyday, it’s the same routine, day in, day out, where he does the same thing at the same time, and always passes by the same fellow commuters.

Alas, one day his ride home is not so routine.  A mysterious woman ( the ever boner inducing Vera Farmiga) approaches him and forces him to do her dirty work, namely, there is someone on the train her evil bosses want found and it is up to Michael to find this person…or else!

Admittedly, the plot is a little thin.  At times, Vera and her mysterious associates are able to watch and manipulate Michael so much from the shadows that one is left to believe that they probably had the power to find the person they want all along without disturbing an insurance salesman.

Still, there are some cool scenes.  There’s a montage at the beginning where Michael does the same various tasks everyday in different clothes to show the monotony of commuter life (get there everyday at the same time and do the same thing.)  There’s also a pretty cool fight scene between Michael and a would-be assassin.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.  Liam’s still got it after all these years.  “Breaking Bad” fans will be happy to see Jonathan Banks in a small role.

 

 

 

 

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Jan 14 2018
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Movie Review – The Polka King (2018)

Ziggy Zaggy Ziggy Zaggy, Oi Oi Oi!

Grab your accordion and hold onto your wallet, 3.5 readers.  BQB here with a review of “The Polka King.”

Netflix is at it again, adding a new film to its repertoire, this time a comedy biopic of Jan Lewan, the Polka King of Pennsylvania who built his empire on a Ponzi scheme.  SPOILERS abound in this review.  I mean, it’s based on a real life case, though honestly, I’d never heard of it until I saw this film.

Jack Black plays the titular character.  At first, Lewan’s story is the stuff that the American dream is made of.  He was an immigrant from Poland who moves to America, works every disgusting job there is, from janitor to dishwasher.  In time, he marries Marla (Jenny Slate) and starts a polka band.  Regular polka shows become the go-to event in town and Lewan capitalizes on the publicity to promote a variety of business enterprises, from a Polish gift shop to a guided European tour business.

On the surface, it all seems too good to be true.  Loving wife, adorable son, a business empire based on his love of Polka music and even a grammy nomination.  Alas, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

To fund his various ventures, Jan takes “investments” in the form of promissory notes from his adoring fans, all who love and trust him.  Lewan is charming and affable.  He oozes positive energy, helps people find the best possible version of themselves and is considered a pillar of his community.  Unfortunately, this causes his investors to keep dumping money into his enterprise, money that he doesn’t have a chance at paying back.

In truth, Jan’s businesses aren’t making money at all.  They are more or less fronts for an increasingly complicated “rob Peter to pay Paul” operation.  Jan offers his investors a ridiculous, unheard of 12 percent rate of return, but rather than pay them back with money he has actually earned, he just keeps borrowing money from new dupes, and uses the newly borrowed notes to pay back the older ones.  In short, he was the Madoff of Polka.

Jack Black does well in this role and brings a lot of heart to it.  In the film, Jan comes across as a bit of a naïve fool, a dummy who thought it was perfectly fine to keep borrowing and borrowing into infinity.  At least, he appears that way at first, but as the film moves on, he delves deeper and deeper into more treacherous behavior.  Fame and success are like drugs.  He wants to be popular and famous and loved and the constant borrowing allows that to happen.

My main criticism is there is a lot of focus on how Lewan suffers as a result of his scheme.  True, I’m sure he did suffer but to be fair, the film might have shined more light on how his scheme hurt others, especially elderly retirees who trusted Jan with their life savings.  At one point, an elderly couple who lost their money is made out as if they are villains for hating on Lewan (i.e. Lewan’s mother-in-law shouts at them that they were greedy for thinking a 12 percent return on an investment could ever be real.)  It may be true that people who would give tons of money to a Polka player in the hopes of a huge payday aren’t too bright but at the same time, Lewan was lovable and came off as trustworthy so at the end of the day, Lewan was wrong for taking advantage of the trust placed in him.

Jenny Slate is great as Marla, Lewan’s beauty queen wife who stands by her man at first but over time, seeks to have her own piece of the pie, to have her own fame and fortune.  Jacki Weaver stars as Lewan’s battle axe mother-in-law who is irritatingly yet accurately vocal about her suspicions regarding Lewan’s business dealings.

Jason Schwartzmann rounds out the cast as Lewan’s friend and band mate, Mickey Pizzazz, a buddy who is torn.  He’s grateful to Lewan for saving him from a lifetime of working at Radio Shack by giving him a job as a musician that pays a living wage, but at the same time, he suspects chicanery.

Ironically, J.B. Smoove, the comedian known for playing larger than life, “Don’t give a F” characters like Leon on “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” serves as the voice of reason in this film.  Smoove plays Ron Edwards, a securities and exchange commission agent who initially lets Lewan off with a warning in the early days of the scheme when it could all be cast aside as a simple misunderstanding only to hunt him down when his operation blows up.  While I would hate to see Smoove drop his comedy, this turn shows he does have some range and could be tapped to play more serious characters in the future.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Jan 07 2018
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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – The Producers (2005)

Springtime…for Hitler…in Germany!

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BQB here with a review of Mel Brooks’ “The Producers.”  FYI, there was a 1960s movie that I haven’t seen yet (starring Gene Wilder and Zero Mostel), a 2005 movie version starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I did see and of course, a Broadway play I was never lucky enough to see.

In short, this story has been around forever, but if you want to avoid spoilers, then look away.

Mel Brooks is the funniest man in show business and he parodies everything.  “Blazing Saddles” was a sendup of Western flicks that were very popular up until like the late 1970s.  “Spaceballs” poked fun of “Star Wars” so naturally, when Brooks had the chance to produce a Broadway play, he made fun of Broadway.

Max Bialystock was once, as he song goes, “The King of Old Broadway.”  He laments that he used to have the best of everything, but now he’s a bum who hasn’t had a hit in years.  The critics rip him apart, pointing out that at the end of his musical version of Hamlet, “everyone is dead and they were the lucky ones.”

Bialystock meets uptight, super anxious accountant Leopold Bloom (Matthew Broderick)who poses a hypothesis, namely, that a producer could make more money with a flop than a hit.  In other words, Max has had a long history of swindling little old ladies out of their money, convincing them to invest in his plays that always tank.  However, if the show was so awful that it tanked on opening night, he could just walk away with the money.

Uma Thurman rounds out the cast as Ulla, the super hot Swedish babe who just knocks on Bialystock’s door one day, hoping to become a star.

The duo sets out to find the worst play ever written and find “Springtime for Hitler” penned by a Nazi enthusiast (Will Ferrell).  The boys hope the play will be so offensive that it will close opening night but alas, when the audience sees a flamboyantly gay Hitler mincing about stage, they take it as a hilarious parody and the show becomes a blockbuster smash.

As Bialystock laments, “Where did we go right?”

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Jan 06 2018
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The Shelfies – 2017 Award Season

Movie reviewer on what was supposed to be a book blog, Bookshelf Q. Battler, here.

I love movies and I watched a lot of them in 2017, so without further ado, the Shelfies.  Here’s the quick overview, and I’ll try to remember to reblog the reviews I wrote of these films in the coming days.

#1 – BEST FILM  – Wonder Woman

It’s the first comic book movie I’ve seen where an Oscar worthy case could be made.  Female empowerment though they weren’t preachy about it, blend of historic fiction and fantasy.  A good plot that kept the Warner Brothers DC films going even though the others have been stinkers.  It doesn’t hurt that images of Gal Gadot can give a man a boner from 50 paces.

RUNNER UP 1 – Logan

It was a year for semi-artistic, plot driven comic book movies.  Logan was a good case study on the ravages of time and how getting older can screw the best of us up.

RUNNER UP 2 – Get Out

Interesting, original movie about race relations.  Dramas about interracial issues might go a long way to alert the public, but a twisted, half-horror, half-dry/dark/understated humor comedy does a lot more.

#2 – WORST FILM – The Emoji Movie

Attention Hollywood.  The “what if inanimate objects could talk?” premise worked with toys in “Toy Story” because kids actually think their toys are alive.  It worked with Cars because little boys love cars.  No one, and I mean no one, ever gave a shit about what the emojis on their phone might be thinking.  Stop.  Just stop.  Seriously.  If you find yourself thinking, “I wonder what X inanimate thing is thinking,” just stop thinking about it because no one cares.

RUNNER UP 1 – The Mummy

I hate to do this, because there were parts of this film I liked, but Universal’s Dark Universe series didn’t get off to a good start.  I just don’t think people were longing for the Mummy and the Wolfman and Frankenstein and Dracula to get the band back together.  Good writing in this first film might have gotten people to want that, but Universal reached for the immersive cinema world and didn’t really grab the apple.  It just doesn’t leave you hoping for a Frankenstein movie where you’d be like, “OMG I hope Tom Cruise makes a cameo.”

RUNNER UP 2 – Transformers: The Last Knight

By God, I have no idea how Michael Bay manages to screw up a series about ten story tall outer space robots who can turn into cars and planes, complete with two warring factions fighting over an ancient grudge but by damn it if Michael Bay doesn’t figure out how to do this each and every time.

Bay’s sweeping disaster movie style was never a good fit for this franchise.  Too much focus on the humans.  We usually get the humans reacting to all these robots fighting but the robots were always the stars of the 1980s cartoon show.  Hate to be one of those nerds who whines about reboots of shows from his childhood, but the next director would be wise to check out the source material.

Seriously.  The Decepticons believe they are the master robot race and they have a right to suck all the resources out of Earth for their own personal use.  The Autobots believe they serve a higher purpose and must act as Earth’s guardians.  Good material for a good story.  Next time, let the robots take the wheel and put the humans in the back seat.

#4 – BEST COMEDY – The Hitman’s Bodyguard

Comedy is dead.  It’s so dead.  Hollywood is so afraid of offending anyone that most comedy films are filled with bland, predictable jokes now.  Go see “The House” if you don’t believe me.

Ryan Reynolds and Sam Jackson were funny together.  Lots of action.  I judge the best comedy by how much I laugh and this gave me the most laughs of the year.

#5 – BEST ANIMATED FILM – Lego Batman

Enough said, really.

#6 – BEST FILM THAT DESERVED MORE PLAY – Wind River

It’s important to know how Native Americans were screwed in the past, but this movie also shows us how Native Americans are getting screwed right now, today, you know, during the time we’re actually living so we might be able to effect change by writing our Congressman or some shit.

YOUR THOUGHTS

I want to hear what you thought about the movies you saw in 2017.  Tell me in the comments.

 

 

 

 

 

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Jan 05 2018
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Movie Review – Father Figures (2017)

Who’s your Daddy?

No, seriously, these guys want to know.

BQB here with a review of “Father Figures.”

Every holiday season, Hollywood puts out at least one vapid, forgettable comedy.  The jokes are predictable, the plot is lame, and while it provides a little bit of entertainment during your Yuletide downtime, you won’t exactly be watching this film over and over again.

Going into it, “Father Figures” feels like that, and it is in many ways but I’ll give it credit.  It is a tad better than the usual holiday comedy fare.

Ed Helms and Owen Wilson are twin brothers in their forties.  Owen has coasted through life, always lucking his way into riches.  Ed works hard, does everything right but can never get ahead.

When their mother (Glenn Close) gets married late in life, she confides a secret to the boys – the man who she had long said was their father never was.  He’s still out there and due to her promiscuous 1970s disco lifestyle, there are a lot of potential paternal candidates.

From there, the film becomes a mad cap road trip romp as the dudes hunt down various men who may be their pappies.

Football legend Terry Bradshaw (as himself), JK Simmons, Christopher Walken and some other guy I’ve seen in a lot of films but I’m too lazy to look up his name all take turns as possible dads to these two dummies.  Honestly, the “father search” more or less serves as a plot device that allows the duo to meet and go on adventures with a bunch of old men.  The movie becomes a series of skits tied behind a flimsy premise.

Along the way, Ed and Owen pick up Katt Williams, who joins the quest and shows he has some range.  At first, I was disappointed that Katt didn’t do his usual pimp character, but after awhile I realized this was Katt’s chance to prove he could do something other than that and honestly, he does shine.  While I hope he doesn’t completely give up his pimp-ness, this may be the start of more in-depth roles for our favorite pimp comedian.

STATUS:  It’s always good when you think a movie will suck only for it to not suck as much as you thought it would.  Shelf-worthy.

 

 

 

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Jan 04 2018
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Movie Review – The Mountain Between Us (2017)

Love in the time of plane crashes.

BQB here with a review of the sappy love fest, “The Mountain Between Us.”

Two strangers, a photojournalist (Kate Winslet) and a surgeon (Idris Elba), share a plane ride only to end up stranded in a frozen wasteland when their plane crashes.

Lost, cold, and with only a dog to keep them company, the duo set out to seek civilization, only to squabble before they find love.  Alas, it’s forbidden love.  Both have ongoing issues that prevent a relationship between them and yet the stress urges them to seek solace in one another’s naughty parts.  Will they?  Won’t they?  Will they freeze to death before they get to bang?  What if they bang and then freeze together and get stuck like that?

A bit clichéd and predictable, this is an Oscar lite production that allows Winslet and Elba to exercise their acting muscles while exploring the age old question of what to do when love breaks out in the most inconvenient, unexpected of times.

Two great actors but the writing is a tad blah.  There’s clearly an attempt to go full blown dramatic.  Every five seconds there’s a new, “Oh my God they’re suffering so much please don’t let it get any worse for them but….OH MY GOD! It got so much worse!!!”

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.  The dog is the best actor in the film.

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Dec 25 2017
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Movie Review – Bright (2017)

Orcs, elves and humans, oh my!

BQB here with a review of the fantasy buddy cop thriller, Bright.

Netflix continues to wage war on conventional cinema, streaming a summer blockbuster type movie, helmed by veteran sci-fi action star Will Smith.

BQB here with a review of the fantasy buddy cop thriller, Bright.

Netflix continues to wage war on conventional cinema, streaming a summer blockbuster type movie, helmed by veteran sci-fi action star Will Smith.

In alternate world of this film, humans, orcs and elves co-exist in the modern world of today.  Despite historic tensions due to past conflicts, the three races try, more or less, to get along, though biases and suspicions continue.

Life is not easy for Nick Jakoby (Joel Edgerton), an orc cop who straddles the lines of two worlds and is hated by the residents of both of them.  Orcs, relegated to being impoverished, inner city dwelling second class citizens, despise him because he’s a cop and orcs feel that cops unfairly target them.  Cue scene of an orc getting wailed on in a savage act of police brutality.

Humans aren’t found of Jakoby either.  Orcs, according to human sensibilities, aren’t pleasant to look at and they took the wrong side in an ancient war.  They basically view him as an untrustworthy animal.

Jakoby is just Jakoby, a normal dude who, despite his orc-ish appearance, is just trying to make it in the world.  He likes burritos and giving his partner health tips and other dorky things.  But depending who you ask, he’s a pussy (according to the orcs) or a beast (according to the humans.)

Ward (Will Smith), has an equally tough time as Jakoby’s partner.  On the one hand, human cops demand that he find a way to trip the orc up and run him off the force.  On the other, he feels that bond of loyalty that any cop feels towards his partner.

Against this backdrop, an elf bright (i.e. a rare user of magic, Lucy Fry as “Tikka”) is on the run and in possession of a magic wand.  In this world, a wand is considered the equivalent of a loose nuclear weapon, something that if it were to fall in the wrong hands, could be used to unleash death and destruction.

The wand is valuable as it can grant whoever wields it untold power, so naturally, the various groups who want it begin stacking up.  Mexican and orcish gangsters, corrupt cops, Federal agents and rogue elves all hunt Jakoby and Ward as they seek to off the dynamic duo and abscond with the wand.

I have to say, the negative reviews of this film are undeserved.  Here’s the deal.  THIS FILM IS <GASP> ORIGINAL!  It’s a new idea.  It’s fresh.  It features a childish concept (i.e. orcs and elves and magic) and infuses it with adult themes (i.e. swears, over the top violence, gunfights and lots and lots of naked titties.)

A Hollywood suit would have been within his rights to put the kibosh on this project for fear that it wouldn’t find an audience.  Kids who like magic can’t come and adults who like violence and titties might be turned off by magic.

But this film is good and it proves that Netflix will persevere as an outlet for films that are original, experimental, on the edge and can’t find a home elsewhere.

The film serves as an interesting vehicle for dialog about racial issues.  Ironically, the main human in the film, Ward, a black man, must fight his own internal biases against orcs (he was once shot by one so now trusts none of them) in order to save the day with his orc parter.

Good writing.  A lot of showing instead of telling.  Good world building.  The rules have been established so sequels are entirely possible.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Dec 23 2017
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Somewhere Over the Rainbow vs. There’s No Place Like Home

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB again.  Really, who else would it be?

Another observation about “The Wizard of Oz.”

There are two sentiments expressed in this movie, and they are very much opposed to one another.

In the beginning, Dorothy sings, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” i.e. somewhere out there is a whole shit ton of happiness…it’s out there, I swear.  It’s coming just around the corner.  It’s right there…over the rainbow.  You can’t get over a rainbow?  You can see the rainbow but you can’t get over it?  Don’t worry.  That amazing happiness is coming.

Then at the end, that bitch Glenda tells Dorothy that her ruby slippers held the power to bring her back to Kansas all along.  I call Glenda a bitch because she could have told Dorothy up front that her slippers could bring her back home and saved her a lot of trouble.

However, Glenda makes a good point.  Dorothy had to struggle through various ordeals in order to figure out that her happiness wasn’t in a fantasyland but it was at her home all along.

To put it all together, Dorothy thinks life in Kansas sucks big time balls.  She has to do chores and live on a shitty farm and get bossed around by Aunty Em and there’s an old bitch in the neighborhood who is constantly trying to murder her dog.

So she dreams of a better life in a better place.  But then she gets there and learns it is even harder.  To get anywhere good in Oz, she has to fight a witch that can throw fireballs, fend off winged monkeys, venture into a spooky forest, and help three assholes find their heart, courage and brains, respectively.

In short, she was better off at home.

Are you better off at home than chasing a dream?  Hard to say.  Dorothy fought through all the bullshit only to find out that her dream, i.e. a magical wizard named Oz who could grant all her wishes, was just a dumb ass hiding behind a screen.

Your dream might be real.  To get there, you might have to fight through a lot of shit and, well, yeah, you might get there and your dream might turn out to be bullshit, the equivalent of a charlatan working a fake head from behind a screen.

So maybe you are better off at home….better off in your shitty farm house with your Aunt and Uncle who love you and three apparently single, middle-aged farm hands who are capable of viewing a young girl as their friend and not engage in any perverted activities because it was the 1930s Midwest and adults were considered to only have good intentions toward children, not all how perverted and messed up it is today.

What do you think, 3.5 readers?  Is happiness over the rainbow, or is it at home?

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