Tag Archives: amazon kindle

Get The Last Driver – Episode 1 for Free!

 

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here to make a sales pitch…except it’s not really about sales because I’m asking you to get a FREE BOOK.  That’s right.  Totally free.

The Last Driver is set in the world of 2050, where self-driving cars are the norm and no one remembers how to drive anymore…except Frank Wylder, an old man who, in his youth (i.e. today) was a bank heist getaway driver for a criminal organization.

The years went on.  Frank retired from his life of crime and went legit.  In the meantime, oh, I don’t know, a freaking dystopian government that conquered the entire world was formed and know The One World order controls everything, literally everything.  They’ve set up the ultimate nanny state.  They make all your decisions for you.  Who are you going to marry?  What job will you have?  How much money can you make and Frank’s least favorite?  How many beers can you have in your fridge?

Yes, it’s the globalism vs. nationalism debate of today magnified times a thousand.  The globalists have one but the Nationalist Front seeks to overthrow the Order.  To that end, they kidnap Frank’s granddaughter and force him to drive for them on a series of anti-Order missions.

Don’t you just hate it when you’re stuck in the middle of two petty, bickering factions?

Get you FREE copy today!  Did I mention that it’s FREE?

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FREE BQB BOOKS!

I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane!

My prices are so low I should be put in a straight jacket and shipped off to the funny farm but I don’t care because I’m passing the savings on to you!!!

For the next 5 days you can get my 2 self-published books for absolutely free!  That’s zero dollars!  That’s no money!  Nada! Zilch!

3.5 READERS: OK, BQB, we’ll get your free books.  It’s the least we can do.

Well, the most you could have done was to have bought my books at full price to thank me for the many years I have been entertaining you with this fine blog for free but that’s ok, I love you, 3.5 readers.

But if you could go on over to Amazon and grab my free books, that would be awesome.  If you could leave a review, that would be great.  If you could share news of my free books on your preferred time wasting social media website, that would be perfect.

FRIENDS OF MY 3.5 READERS: Oh great, the 3.5 readers are going to share yet another boring lunch photo and what?!  They’re posting links to BQB’s awesome free books instead?  Hooray!  The 3.5 readers are the best!

So, what will you find for free from BQB?

First, The Last Driver – Episode 1 just dropped like it’s hot (that’s so 2000’s) on Amazon.  Someone bought a copy within the first hour and thank you to that person.  The rest of you need to get your priorities straight.

Next up, you can also get BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts, for FREE as well:

Now, 3.5 readers, I don’t know what time it is in your neck of the woods, but this sale is scheduled to start tomorrow.  What time that actually kicks in I don’t know.  I’m going to assume midnight.  Obviously, if you go on over before October 26, you’ll have to pay full price, and if you want to do that, I’d appreciate it, because damn it, keeping the lights on at BQB HQ is no easy task, let me tell you.  By the way, do you have any idea how much yetis eat?

But if you are cheap-o skinflint, I totally understand as the Baby Boomers have been selling us all down the river for years and don’t even get me started on the post-2000 economy.  I understand.  You can’t go around spending your cash on every book offered to you by a magic bookshelf caretaker.  Ergo, you can wait until the sale starts on the 26th and get both books for FREE!

Thank you for your support, 3.5 readers.

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Take BQB’s Writing Challenge!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal, BQB, here.

In case you didn’t hear, my book, “Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts” is free this week.  Totally free.  That means you can go on over to Amazon right now and download it for free, no strings attached, the worst that happens is you end up with a book on your kindle that you won’t read, though if you don’t read it, you’d be missing out because the critics in my head are saying it’s the best book since the New Testament.

Please Lord, don’t strike me down.  I know you have a sense of humor.  Look at my life, after all.

This book features many of my most humorous writing ideas.  Why, with this book, you’ll be able to write about:

  • A reality TV star who punches sharks in the face!
  • A fart that defies the boundaries of time, space and science!
  • A pumpernickel that scares a couple on a date out of their minds!
  • Ninja bunnies!
  • Zombie bed and breakfast owners!
  • An outer space world where no one has a butt!
  • And so much more!

So, tell you what, 3.5 readers.  Get this book for free, browse through it, pick a scenario and write a blog post based on one of the prompts.  Tweet a link to me @bookshelfbattle and if I like it, I’ll share it with the 7 eyes of my 3.5 readers.  What a marketing breakthrough for you, to have a blog post you wrote shared with the likes of my 3.5 readers.

So, don’t delay, get my book of writing prompts today!

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BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts is Free!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Hop on Amazon and get a copy of my free book.  It’s FREE until Sunday.  So, you know, because it’s FREE you can just pick it up and not have to pay any money because as I mentioned, it’s totes free.

Ninja bunnies.  Zombies.  Fart philosophy.  Lots of awesome stuff packed into this fine book, which is really, really, really free.

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Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts is the Perfect Gift…

…for someone you only mildly care about.  I mean, seriously, if we’re talking about your wife, you can give her a copy, but add a diamond ring, a car, or a trip to Hawaii, you cheap son of a bitch.  Don’t go blaming your divorce on me just because I said my book was a good gift.

Read the fine print. I said it’s a good gift for someone you only mildly care about.  Like that guy at work who thinks he’s your best friend but you can barely remember his name.  That guy is a 99 cent book of writing prompts kind of a friend.

Your mistress?  She needs a gold bracelet and some earrings.  Seriously, handle your shit, son, before your wife and mistress start telling each other about each other’s existence.

This is all very facetious.  As if any of my readers have social lives…

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My Book is Scarily Awesome!

Hey 3.5 Hallo-weiners.

BQB here.  Boo!  And so forth.  Sorry, I’ m out of candy because I ate it and told the kids to get jobs and buy their own because this isn’t Russia and we aren’t filthy commies.

But that’s ok because I have the best treat ever.  My book of Badass Writing Prompts is only 99 cents and well, if you’ve been reading this blog, and I know 3.5 of you have, then, you know, I don’t mean to be a dick, but come on, open up your wallet and make a tiny contribution towards keeping the lights on in BQB HQ.

There’s nothing scarier than a writer who has not read my badass book of writing prompts, that’s for sure:

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My Prices Are Insane!

I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane!  Last chance to get yourself a free copy of my book, 3.5 readers:

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Get My Book for Free!!!

Hey 3.5 cheapskates.

World renowned self-published author Bookshelf Q. Battler here with some good news.

First, I’ve renewed “BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts” for another term with KDP select, which is great news for Amazon as I know they have really been counting on all those extra cents I have been bringing in for them.  Jeff Bezos can finally afford to put some crème in his coffee and it’s all thanks to me.

Second, there’s good news for you 3.5 skinflints because now, you can read my book for free.

Look, I get it.  You’re all poor.  Really poor.  But that’s cool because now you don’t need money to enjoy my book.  You can get it for free right now and all this weekend right into Tuesday.

So what are you waiting for?  Go grab my book today and you’ll be able to write like me, BQB:

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I’m Worried About My Sales

3.5 readers, BQB here.

I don’t mean to alarm you, but as we draw near to the end of the first day of my first book being available for purchase on Amazon, I’m growing increasingly concerned about my sales figures, which, as you can see by this handy chart, are non-existent:

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Fellow self-publishers, let’s have a rap session as they used to say in the 1970s.  What suggestions do you have for me, a first time self-publisher, to get my sales skyrocketing?

I mean, I know I’m supposed to manage my expectations, but I really thought I’d be in a Malibu beach house in a hot tub full of supermodels by now and yet I can barely afford a cold shower and a nudey magazine.

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