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Dec 01 2017
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Daily Discussion with BQB, Uncategorized

Daily Discussion with BQB – Baby Boomer Perverts

As word comes out that “Today” show host Matt Lauer engaged – ALLEGEDLY (to make my lawyer happy) in all manner of alleged perversions, i.e. having a secret button to lock the door to his office from his desk, allegedly to keep the ladies in…and that allegedly he sexually assaulted a woman until she passed out….one has to wonder…

…has anyone noticed these are, I believe, all mostly baby boomers?  Kevin Spacey, Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, Roy Moore, Al Franken and the list goes on and on…I mean, more or less, they’re mostly baby boomers, right?

The WWII generation returned home from defeating Hitler, had babies, gave them all they wanted and that created the so-called “me” generation.  Add into that the 60s, a time of sexual liberation (or perversion, however you want to call it) and these old farts just can’t stop being so grabby and pervy and assaulty on the job.

Seriously.  I’m in Gen X and after the Anita Hill testimony on TV, we were all basically taught that there should be ten foot brick wall between you and any females at all times whenever you talk to them, that you should only address women while wearing a beekeeper’s helmet ala Howard Stern’s Gary Delabate, that ten witnesses of virtuous character should witness the meeting and the whole thing should be videotaped, a transcript motorized and signed off by the President, Pope, and your city councilman…all saying that no sexual misconduct occurred.

In case you missed that joke, we were basically all taught to go out of your way to avoid being accused of sexual misconduct.  So you just don’t really see any Gen Xers or millennials being accused of misconduct.

Time for the Baby Boomers to retire, take their pervy ways with them, and let the next generations take over.

Discuss.

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Feb 23 2016
9 Comments
Tomfoolery

Generation X Got a Raw Deal

A brief primer on the generations…

THE GREATEST GENERATION – People who came of age during World War II.  Put their lives on hold due to Hitler’s epic douchebaggery.  Post-War, the country was prosperous.  Highways and infrastructure were built.  New homes and communities made.  They settled down and had…

THE BABY BOOMERS – The children of the Greatest Generation.  Many went off to Vietnam.  Others became hippies, embraced flower power and shit.  Turbulent times.  Assassinations.  Fights over civil rights.  Sid and Marty Krofft TV shows that blew kids minds and made people wonder if Sid and Marty weren’t taking a little something.

GENERATION X – The baby boomers’ kids.  I was born on the tail end of this so I identify as a Generation Xer.  We grew up in the 1980s, a time of relative peace and prosperity.  In fact, things were so good that we kind of got depressed about it in the 1990s.  With no wars or major events to bring us together, we just wore a lot of flannel and listened to incredibly boring alternative grunge music.

Typical lyrics were, “I am depressed…I’m sooo depressed, I am depressed about what will happen next.  I dress like a lumberjack, because life is no good, oh look at me I’m going to chop wood…chop wood chop wood chop wood chop wood!”

Be careful what you wish for though because just as we were getting our lives started as young adults, terrorists crashed planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon.  A whole new era of bullshit came to fruition.

Politics became nastier as a result.  Not that it ever wasn’t but the country split right down the middle.  Confidence was shaken.  Businesses went belly up.  The economy tanked.  I dare say we’re the first generation in a long time to not do as well as their parents.

And it’s our turn to take things over, isn’t it?  You’d think so.  But look at the presidential contenders.  Hilary and Trump are both about 70.  Those pesky baby boomers are just going to hang onto everything forever.  Thanks a lot, improved health care.

Except, not really.  The Greatest Generation knew when it was time to go to Florida and play golf and shit.  The Baby Boomers are going put their brains in robot bodies and still be running shit in 2100.

True, computers were pretty lame back when we were kids.  Having the Internet was considered like a weird, ham radio type hobby until I went to college and then it kind of exploded.  But Generation X embraced and popularized the Internet in its early days, Instant Messaging which would eventually be replaced by texting, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  You’re welcome.  Or we’re sorry, depending on your view of the Internet.

Actually, we will never apologize for Buffy.  Frankly, we’re wondering why in this new age of new life being breathed into old shows, why isn’t there a Buffy rehash?  Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alyson Hannigan still have their moves and honestly, Nicholas Brendon could use the work to keep him out of trouble.

I digress.  If you’re a Generation Xer, you feel like the world skipped you over.  Angst, angst, angst…SHIT AL QAEDA!!!  angst..angst…angst…  Such has been our lives.

I get a little offended when we’re lumped in with the Baby Boomers.  Watch the news and you’ll hear about Baby Boomers or Millenials.  Generation X is never mentioned.  Maybe because the plural form is the non-catchy “Generation Xer.”  Thanks, person who named our generation.

 

Even worse, I think the millennials aren’t aware of Generation X.  They just think everyone born before 1990 is a Baby Boomer.

Example, at my company, Beige Corp, the world’s premiere producer of beige products and supplies, millennials will look at me and be like, “Why can’t that BOOMER die already so I can have his job?”

And I’ll be like, “Jesus Christ!  I’m not that old!  You’ve skipped an entire generation!  People who liked the A-Team as kids are not ready to croak yet.  Shoo!  Shoo!  Go bother that guy in accounting who liked Lassie when he was a kid.  He’s going to croak any minute.”

Shit.  Generation X was really screwed over.  Which brings us to:

THE MILLENIALS – Have never known a life where you couldn’t think of a question and ask the Internet.  I get a little worried about them whenever they say things like “safe space.”  But the Baby Boomers hated my flannel.  And the Greatest Generation hated the Baby Boomers’ tie dye shirts.  And whoever the hell was before the Greatest Generation really did not like those…I don’t know.  Whatever the hell they had.

So go forth, Millenials.  Enjoy being relevant much earlier that my dear Gen Xers were.  And I’m just kidding.  You guys are great.  Please check my blog often and if I ever write a book buy several copies.  Snapchat it to your instatwitter.

But please try to remember that Gen Xers aren’t as old as the Baby Boomers.  Anyone who watched Buffy in her prime isn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet.

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Jan 19 2016
4 Comments
zombies

Zombie Western – Introduction

Hello 3.5 readers.

I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler, moderately famous Internet celebrity and noted awesome person.

Nineteen days into January and I’ve broken all my New Year’s resolutions and then some. By the way, isn’t this a weird time of year? You’re still coming down from a Christmas high, you’re bored as shit, Hollywood’s putting out all the movies they produced because someone was owed a favor…

I digress. One of my resolutions was to stop trying to do a bunch of different projects at once and just focus on one.  Well, I tried. But I have the attention span of a hummingbird on meth.

Last October, as I interviewed the #31ZombieAuthors, I came to find there’s an amazing community of zombie fans on the Internet. And I was able to get a number of them to take a look at this blog.

A week ago, I started, just on a lark, to type away on an idea I’ve had for a long time about…well, I don’t want to give the title away just yet so lets just call it, “A Zombie Western.”

I’m a Gen Xer.  Millenials, my generation has made and left many awesome movies for you to discover on Netflix and streaming media.  You’re welcome.

The generation before me, yup, the Baby Boomers?  They left my generation a crap ton of cowboy movies.  Goddamn, did Baby Boomers love their cowboy movies.

Aunt Gertie and Uncle Hardass were big fans.  Most poignantly, Uncle Hardass kept his TV tuned to the all Westerns all the time channel (Bravo Westerns) as he made his untimely demise.  And now as a ghost, he has my TV on Westerns all the time.  I can’t escape it.

Anyway.  As a Generation X-er forced by decrepit Baby Boomers (who may be the zombies of our time because they just get older and older yet stay healthier and healthier and never want to relinquish control of shit) here’s everything I learned, or more accurately…

The Plot of Every Western Movie

  1. There’s a good guy.  His moral compass requires him to do good shit.
  2. But the Old West is a lawless place. The government really doesn’t have it under control, so the biggest jackass with the biggest gun tends to win.
  3. Good guy stands firm against bad guy.
  4. Wussy townsfolk turn on the good guy, declaring he should just step aside and let the bad guy win or else risk pissing off the bad guy into engaging in more destruction.
  5. Good guy can’t let it go.  Stands up for what’s right.  Shoots 900 bad guys with one six shooter that’s never reloaded.

People.  Here’s the thing.  I really, really, really want to publish a book this year.  I just want to put a book out so I can say I did one thing I wanted to do before I die.  Not that I’m planning to croak soon but I’d just like to accomplish one life goal.  Just one.  This one.

In the past week, I’ve rattled off 7000 words.  The plot?

THE TENTATIVE PLOT IN MY HEAD

U.S. Marshall Rainier Slade is a stoic figure who doesn’t speak much.  He prefers to let his deeds do his talking.  He is a man of action, after all.  Luckily, he can always rely on his trusty Deputy, Gunther Beaumont, whose advanced age has turned him into a model of practical thinking.

Rounding out the trio is Doc Faraday, a snake oil salesman who loves to hear himself speak.  Watch out, or he might just sell you a bottle of his Miracle Cure All.

Oh, and there will also be a shit ton of zombies.  But I’m not ready to talk about the zombie part yet.

3.5 Readers, I’m going to publish the first few rough chapters.  You tell me if its worth continuing.

If it is, my thought is I’ll give myself a deadline to finish the first draft and get it to an editor by March 1.  Then I can spend the rest of the year on Pop Culture Mysteries.  Then I can publish this Zombie Novel in October, just in time for Halloween and perhaps invite the #31ZombieAuthors (if they’re interested) to come back for a second round of interviews as sort of a promo for the book.

I know.  I’m all over the place.  But I really want to put a book out.  After that, I can work on spiffing up the Bookshelf Battle and Pop Culture Mysteries blogs forever.

So read on and tell me whether its worth continuing.

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