Hey 3.5 readers.
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Hey 3.5 readers.
Please earn your keep around here and download a free copy of my books:
I’m old.
This will probably be hard to explain due to a lack of exact dates and keeping things anonymous but I’ll try.
When I was young I really wanted to be a writer. I got internships in that both summers and then in my last semester I had a really big internship where I spent a semester in a big city working as an intern for a big organization. Honestly, I was basically a coffee fetcher, but it was fun and I fetched coffee for some big names.
After college, I returend to Podunk and got a small writing job locally. There was a part of me that wanted to go back to the back city and pursue a life there as a writer. It didn’t seem far fetched. As a young person in my early 20s, I’d already gotten a lot of experience. The rents wanted me to pursue something more practical and while I don’t want to throw them under the bus for doing what parents do and I realize it was up to me follow through with what I wanted, I ultimately chose the practical.
Do I blame them? A bit. Do I blame myself the most? Of course. There comes a time in adult life where you have to realize your parents don’t know everything and you will have to defy and disappoint them. Don’t worry though because either way it will work out great for them. If you defy them and do what you want and it fails, they can say I told you so forever. If you defy them and do what you want and it succeeds, they’ll say they were behind you all along and it was their idea. Also, fun fact, if you obey them and do what they want and it fails, they’ll say well you should have been your own man and what do they know.
Anyway, I blame myself entirely. It is a week man who blames others for their failings.
I told myself I’d do the practical for a while and then after I’ve made some money I’ll do what I actually want. (Kids, FYI this doesn’t happen. Don’t buy that shit if someone tells you it does.)
Long story short, the practical thing didn’t work out. At that point I thought maybe I should go back to my true love of writing.
But I was a wuss. So I did another practical thing. This practical thing actually worked out.
I do feel like I cheated myself though. The writing world had accepted me early and I ended up worrying that I’d end up 30 and failed because I wasn’t being paid much at 20. Now I realize that yeah, that just happens. You have to pay your dues but good for you, your foot is in the door. Your feet are on the first rung of the ladder, so keep climbing.
At this point now, I’m 40. I’m self sufficient. I suffered a lot though and to be honest, a lack of stability made relationships difficult. I had to come to grips this year with the fact that it’s too late to have children. Technically, I can have them forever but all the women in my age bracket are closed down for baby business.
Could I adopt a little Chinese kid? Sure. Do I fear they’ll send me a faulty one on purpose and refuse to take it back? All the big ticket purchases I’ve made in recent years where I open the box only to find that the item is missing a part such that someone at the factory was asleep at the switch tells me yes. (Was this meant as a joke? Partially.)
There’s nothing I can do about it now, but the regret is palpable. I had my foot in the door in what I wanted at an early age. Then I talked myself out of it. Then when that failed I was free to go back to what I wanted but I chickened out again. Ergo, had I just stuck like ten straight years in what I wanted, I probably would have gotten to be where I wanted.
Although sometimes now I think maybe it worked out because I guess I’ll never know for sure writing would have worked out.
I guess we never know how things work until we do them. When they don’t work, we are certain the opposite course would have been a success.
Question – How do I cope with this regret?
My answer – Keep writing self published books and hope one of them hits.
Feel free to offer your answers in the comments.
My guesses:
#10 – The Knight King, because screw ’em all, they waited too long to come together. George RR Martin comes out at the end while munching on a bag of cheese doodles and reminds Republicans and Democrats that the real White Walker is climate change…or possibly Russians. Or weather controlling Russians.
#9 – Jon Snow and Khaleesi marry. Both have major claims to the Iron Throne. They consolidate the claims and the infighting between Khaleesi and Jon over him being King in the North because now they are married so they run it all. No one cares Jon is an Auntie Fucker because it is olden times.
#8 – Cersei beats everyone.
#7 – Everyone dies, no one is left.
#6 – A few seasons ago, Arya made mention of a land far beyond the sea that is rumored to be there but no one has seen it. I wonder if this is like the GOT version of America and people who are sick of the Westeros fighting will leave and start a new nation in fantasy America. I guess this isn’t so much explaining who is king than it is giving a possible ending.
#5 – The Khaleesi, of course.
#4 – Jon Snow, because now he knows it all. (In 5 or 4 that means only one either lived or lived but the other could not rule for some reason be it death or they didn’t get together.
#3 – Bran is the Knight King seems to be a popular theory so if he controls the Knight King then he rules.
#2 – Hodor.
#1 – OK, this is actually going to be my best guess. Jon and Khaleesi either don’t make it or decide that the monarchy has had its day. Either way, wise men like Tyrion and Varys start a democracy.
Also – I could see them giving some sort of flash forward to a steam powered Victorian Age or Modern Age. That would be cool.
Also – none of these and something we didn’t think of.
What do you think 3.5 readers?
Hey 3.5 readers.
Bookshelf Q. Battler here.
Check out this article in the Guardian by Alison Flood.
I suppose we all get wrapped up into the good of self-publishing i.e. all the great success stories big (the self-published millionaires) and small (the person who finally got to see their name in print even if it doesn’t make a dime) and in-between (the person who makes a fairly decent living but has yet to become wealthy)…but it’s worth noting there are some shenanigans going on as this article points out – plagiarism, unscrupulous characters ripping off authors, stealing their content and packaging it as their own, violating the rules and so on.
Has anyone ever experienced any self-published hi-jinx?

New York City – 1979
“Are we going to do this or what?”
In a dark, dank alley behind Sweet Johnny Sugarshine’s Electrostatic Groove Lounge, Private First-Class Steven W. Sykes, honorably discharged, felt the cold gritty pavement press into his knees as he looked up at the sizable bulge taking up space in the crotch of a pair of jeans that belonged to his longtime friend and army buddy, Rick Danfield.
“Yeah,” Sykes said as he took a deep breath, held it, then exhaled. “Here we go.”
The moonlight glistened off of the gooey product that Danfield had applied ever so liberally to his curly hair. “Come on, man. This thing ain’t gonna suck itself.”
Sykes pushed his sunglasses up, leaving them perched on his forehead, sitting atop an American flag bandana he used to keep his long, brown hair out of his eyes. “No…you got me there. It certainly isn’t going to do that. Nope. No siree Bob.”
Try as he might, Sykes just was not able to move his hand, mouth, or any other body party anywhere near his pal’s member.
“Jesus Christ, Sy-ko,” Danfield said.
“Don’t call me that!” Sykes barked.
“Whatever, man,” Danfield replied.
“I never deserved that nickname,” Sykes said. “I served my country with honor and distinction in the war. I was in complete control of my mental faculties the entire time.”
“Who cares?” Danfield asked. “It was ‘Nam, brother. Everyone did some crazy shit. You mean to tell me you were able to walk around the jungle with an ear necklace for four years but slurping the old salamander is where you draw the line?”
Sykes pointed a finger up at Danfield. “I did not cut those ears off!”
“Whatever,” Danfield said.
“I found those ears!” Sykes said. “I was holding them until I could return them to their rightful owners!”
“I’m not judging, man,” Danfield said.
“There’s nothing to judge,” Sykes said. “Uncle Sam asked me to give Charlie hell and that’s what I did.”
“Fine,” Danfield said. “But the fact remains that I’ve yet to find a steady chick, and you’ve yet to find a steady chick, so we might as well help each other out until our chick ships come in, ya dig?”
“It’s ridiculous that we’re both still single!” Sykes said. “Our fathers sailed to Normandy and cock punched Hitler and when they came home, they were swimming in poon, but we get forced to fight a war over the economy of a faraway Asian country where everyone is trading rocks for chickens and all the cooze says, ‘Oh no! No hot snapper for you, baby killer!’”
“I ain’t kill no baby,” Danfield said.
“I didn’t kill any babies either!” Sykes said.
“Check it out, man,” Danfield said. “The country’s startin’ to pull its shit together. Jimmy Carter done went and pardoned all the draft dodgers.”
“And those cowardly sons of bitches are pulling down more trim than we are!” Sykes said.
“Everyone’s startin’ to heal,” Danfield said. “Startin’ to forgive. Only a matter of time before the public starts looking at us with the respect we deserve.”
“I’m not asking for much,” Sykes asked. “I’m just tired of being treated like a criminal for doing what my country told me to do.”
“Aren’t we all?” Danfield asked. “But hey man, can I give you some free advice?”
“If it will delay me getting a mouth full of man meat, sure.”
“Look at yourself, brother,” Danfield said. “You got your fatigues on. You got that bandana. Everybody’s trying to forget ‘Nam and you’re a walking reminder of it.”
“I’m proud of my service, Rick.”
“You should be. I’m proud of mine. But you’re more than a soldier, Steve. And a’int no lady gonna give you the time of day if you keep walkin’ around, lookin’ like a billboard for the least popular war in American history.”
“Fair point,” Steve said. “But wait, why should I listen to you? What do you know about scoring with babes? You’re out here trying to get your sausage gargled by a man.”
“So?”
“So, that’s pretty gay.”
“What’s gay about it?”
Sykes shot his buddy a look as if to silently say, “Really?”
“I’m all about the pussy,” Danfield said. “But I’ve been thinking, what if all the gay dudes are onto something? Would it be so bad to try it and then if I like it, I’ll go all in and if I don’t, no harm done.”
“No harm done?” Sykes asked. “But then you’d be gay!”
“What?” Danfield asked. “A fella gets his pickle smooched one time and that automatically makes him gay?”
“Of course, it does!” Sykes said.
“If a man writes one sentence, is he a professional writer?” Danfield inquired.
“Well,” Sykes answered. “No, I suppose not.”
“If a man bangs a drum, does that get him a spot in an orchestra?”
“No.”
“If a man runs a single mile, does he take home a gold medal from the Olympics?”
“OK,” Sykes said. “I see what you’re saying. We’re young. We’re in our prime. We should be trying new things. Sampling the smorgasbord of life, as it were.”
“Exactly,” Danfield said. “Now, enough talk, man. Get to work already.”
“You got it,” Sykes said as he smacked his lips together. “I’m…uh…going in. Going in for the big suck-a-roo. Here I come and…hey, wait!”
“What now?”
“What if you don’t like it?” Sykes asked.
“Then I will have learned I don’t like it and I’ll never do gay shit ever again,” Danfield said.
Sykes nodded. “OK. That makes sense. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about.”
“I’m just nervous, you know?”
Danfield patted his friend on the head. “It’s cool. Just let it happen.”
“Alright,” Sykes said. “This…this’ll be fine, right?”
“Totally fine.”
“It’s not going to traumatize me at all,” Sykes said.
“I don’t see why it would,” Danfield said.
“OK,” Sykes said. “Here I come…no big deal.”
“Just like chewing on a hot dog.”
“Right,” Sykes said. “I love hot dogs.”
“Who doesn’t love hot dogs?” Danfield asked.
“Not this guy,” Sykes said, pointing to himself. Ever so timidly, he moved his face closer to the bulge before abruptly backing away. “Wait!”
Danfield rolled his eyes. “Man! If you don’t wanna do it, then just say so!”
“It’s not that!” Sykes said. “It’s just…we promised we’d do this for each other.”
“Yeah.”
“But what if me sucking your dick teaches you that you’re not gay, then am I still going to get my dick sucked?” Sykes asked.
Danfield blew a contemptuous raspberry. “Pbbbht! Hell no. You can’t ask a straight man to suck your dick.”
Sykes stood up and threw up his hands. “I’m sorry bud. I wanted to do this for you but I was promised a certain level of reciprocity and if there’s no guarantee that I’m going to get it, then…”
“Shit, Steve,” Danfield said. “Do you want me to go first?”
Sykes thought about the question, then shook his head in the negative. “No, because then if it turns out I’m not gay, I’m going to feel bad when I realize I’m too straight to suck your dick, you hear me?”
“I get it,” Danfield said. “Maybe this experiment was ill-advised.”
“Nah, buddy,” Sykes said as he wrapped an arm around his friend. “I just think we need to find some bonafide, legit gay guyswho would just like to slurp our poles for the joy of doing so, with no preconceived promises of reciprocity and…”
Grrrrr.
“Rick?”
“Yeah?”
“Was that you?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
The pair headed for the street when the sound came again. Grrr.
“You hungry?” Sykes asked.
“No.”
“Then, what in the…”
Grrr.
From out of the darkness, two yellow eyes appeared. They glowed. It was sheer chaos. The soldiers had no clue what was going on. One claw grabbed Sykes. The other grabbed Danfield. Their heads were knocked together, causing them to lose consciousness.

#1 – “After the Egyptian and Indian, the Greek and Roman, the Teuton and Mongolian, the Negro is a sort of seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted with second-sight in this American world,—a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness,—an American, a Negro… two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.”
The history of the American Negro is the history of this strife, — this longing to attain self-conscious manhood, to merge his double self into a better and truer self.
#2 – “I sit with Shakespeare, and he winces not. Across the color line I move arm and arm with Balzac and Dumas, where smiling men and welcoming women glide in gilded halls. From out of the caves of evening that swing between the strong-limbed Earth and the tracery of stars, I summon Aristotle and Aurelius and what soul I will, and they come all graciously with no scorn nor condescension. So, wed with Truth, I dwell above the veil. Is this the life you grudge us, O knightly America? Is this the life you long to change into the dull red hideousness of Georgia? Are you so afraid lest peering from this high Pisgah, between Philistine and Amalekite, we sight the Promised Land?”
#3 – “The South believed an educated Negro to be a dangerous Negro. And the South was not wholly wrong; for education among all kinds of men always has had, and always will have, an element of danger and revolution, of dissatisfaction and discontent. Nevertheless, men strive to know.”
#4 – “The equality in political, industrial and social life which modern men must have in order to live, is not to be confounded with sameness. On the contrary, in our case, it is rather insistence upon the right of diversity; – upon the right of a human being to be a man even if he does not wear the same cut of vest, the same curl of hair or the same color of skin. Human equality does not even entail, as it is sometimes said, absolute equality of opportunity; for certainly the natural inequalities of inherent genius and varying gift make this a dubious phrase. But there is more and more clearly recognized minimum of opportunity and maximum of freedom to be, to move and to think, which the modern world denies to no being which it recognizes as a real man.”
#5 – “The function of the university is not simply to teach breadwinning, or to furnish teachers for the public schools, or to be a centre of polite society; it is, above all, to be the organ of that fine adjustment between real life and the growing knowledge of life, and adjustment which forms the secret of civilization.”
#6 – “To be a poor man is hard, but to be a poor race in a land of dollars is the very bottom of hardships.”
#7 – “Herein lies the tragedy of the age: not that men are poor, — all men know something of poverty; not that men are wicked, — who is good? not that men are ignorant, — what is Truth? Nay, but that men know so little of men.”
#8 – “Daily the Negro is coming more and more to look upon law and justice, not as protecting safeguards, but as sources of humiliation and oppression. The laws are made by men who have little interest in him; they are executed by men who have absolutely no motive for treating the black people with courtesy or consideration; and, finally, the accused law-breaker is tried, not by his peers, but too often by men who would rather punish ten innocent Negroes than let one guilty one escape.”
#9 – “Hear my cry, O God the Reader; vouchsafe that this my book fall not still-born into the world wilderness. Let there spring, Gentle One, from out its leaves vigor of thought and thoughtful deed to reap the harvest wonderful. Let the ears of a guilty people tingle with truth, and seventy millions sigh for the righteousness which exalteth nations, in this drear day when human brotherhood is mockery and a snare. Thus in Thy good time may infinite reason turn the tangle straight, and these crooked marks on a fragile leaf be not indeed.”
#10 – “By the middle of the eighteenth century the black slave had sunk, with hushed murmurs, to his place at the bottom of a new economic system, and was unconsciously ripe for a new philosophy of life. Nothing suited his condition then better than the doctrines of passive submission embodied in the newly learned Christianity. Slave masters early realized this, and cheerfully aided religious propaganda within certain bounds. The long system of repression and degradation of the Negro tended to emphasize the elements of his character which made him a valuable chattel: courtesy became humility, moral strength degenerated into submission, and the exquisite native appreciation of the beautiful became an infinite capacity for dumb suffering. The Negro, losing the joy of this world, eagerly seized upon the offered conceptions of the next; the avenging Spirit of the Lord enjoining patience in this world, under sorrow and tribulation until the Great Day when He should lead His dark children home,—this became his comforting dream.”
#1 – “Wealth is good, and if it comes our way we will take it; but a gentleman does not sell himself for wealth.”
#2 – “Listen! What is life? It is a feather, it is the seed of the grass, blown hither and thither, sometimes multiplying itself and dying in the act, sometimes carried away into the heavens. But if that seed be good and heavy it may perchance travel a little way on the road it wills. It is well to try and journey one’s road and to fight with the air. Man must die. At the worst he can but die a little sooner.”
#3 – “It is a curious thing that at my age — fifty-five last birthday — I should find myself taking up a pen to try to write a history. I wonder what sort of a history it will be when I have finished it, if ever I come to the end of the trip! I have done a good many things in my life, which seems a long one to me, owing to my having begun work so young, perhaps. At an age when other boys are at school I was earning my living as a trader in the old Colony. I have been trading, hunting, fighting, or mining ever since. And yet it is only eight months ago that I made my pile. It is a big pile now that I have got it — I don’t yet know how big — but I do not think I would go through the last fifteen or sixteen months again for it; no, not if I knew that I should come out safe at the end, pile and all. But then I am a timid man, and dislike violence; moreover, I am almost sick of adventure. I wonder why I am going to write this book: it is not in my line. I am not a literary man, though very devoted to the Old Testament and also to the “Ingoldsby Legends.” Let me try to set down my reasons, just to see if I have any.”
#4 – “The Garden of Eden, no doubt, looked fair before man was, but I always think that it must have been fairer when Eve adorned it.”
#5 – “The moon grows black before your eyes; soon there will be darkness—ay, darkness in the hour of the full moon. Ye have asked for a sign; it is given to you. Grow dark, O Moon! withdraw thy light, thou pure and holy One; bring the proud heart of usurping murderers to the dust, and eat up the world with shadows.”
#6 – “On, on we went, till at last the east began to blush like the cheek of a girl. Then there came faint rays of primrose light, that changed presently to golden bars, through which the dawn glided out across the desert. The stars grew pale and paler still, till at last they vanished; the golden moon waxed wan, and her mountain ridges stood out against her sickly face like the bones on the cheek of a dying man. Then came spear upon spear of light flashing far away across the boundless wilderness, piercing and firing the veils of mist, till the desert was draped in a tremulous golden glow, and it was day.”
#7 – “Ignosi bound the diadem upon his brows. Then advancing, he placed his foot upon the broad chest of his headless foe and broke out into a chant, or rather a pæan of triumph, so beautiful, and yet so utterly savage, that I despair of being able to give an adequate version of his words. Once I heard a scholar with a fine voice read aloud from the Greek poet Homer, and I remember that the sound of the rolling lines seemed to make my blood stand still. Ignosi’s chant, uttered as it was in a language as beautiful and sonorous as the old Greek, produced exactly the same effect on me, although I was exhausted with toil and many emotions.”
#8 – “Presently Good came up to Sir Henry and myself. “Good-bye, you fellows,” he said; “I am off with the right wing according to orders; and so I have come to shake hands, in case we should not meet again, you know,” he added significantly. We shook hands in silence, and not without the exhibition of as much emotion as Anglo-Saxons are wont to show.”
#9 – “Out of the vast main aisle there opened here and there smaller caves, exactly, Sir Henry said, as chapels open out of great cathedrals. Some were large, but one or two—and this is a wonderful instance of how nature carries out her handiwork by the same unvarying laws, utterly irrespective of size—were tiny. One little nook, for instance, was no larger than an unusually big doll’s house, and yet it might have been a model for the whole place, for the water dropped, tiny icicles hung, and spar columns were forming in just the same way.”
#10 – “Then I saw that the birds were a flock of pauw or bustards, and that they would pass within fifty yards of my head. Taking one of the repeating Winchesters, I waited till they were nearly over us, and then jumped to my feet. On seeing me the pauw bunched up together, as I expected that they would, and I fired two shots straight into the thick of them, and, as luck would have it, brought one down, a fine fellow, that weighed about twenty pounds. In half an hour we had a fire made of dry melon stalks, and he was toasting over it, and we made such a feed as we had not tasted for a week. We ate that pauw; nothing was left of him but his leg-bones and his beak, and we felt not a little the better afterwards.”
The Last Driver, Episode 1, 3.5 readers. It’s on sale now on Amazon.
Globalists and Nationalists are fighting for power in the future. (Wait. Doesn’t that sound like the present?)
Elderly ex-bank robbery getaway driver Frank Wylder is, in a world filled with self-driving cars, the last man who remembers how to drive one. To the dystopian world government, that makes him an enemy.
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