Tag Archives: diets

BQB’s Favorite YouTubers – QPark

Hey 3.5 readers.

I don’t think this guy has a lot of heat on him yet compared to the other YouTubers I’ve been talking about, but he deserves some.

Very short videos that deliver maximum funny punch for the masses with short attention spans, perfect for tweeting out, sharing on Facebook or what have you.

For example, “When You Look Up Your Symptoms Online.”

Yup.  I’ve been known to suffer a mild affliction only to look it up online and become convinced I have Ebola too.  Good one, QPark.

But what if someone invades your personal space?

Or worse, what if a dude completely violates years of firmly established dude law and uses the urinal directly next to you when there are many other urinals available?

Or how about when someone asks you how your diet is going and you lie and tell them its going great even when you’ve been shoving all kinds of junk food down your pie hole?

It took me a second to figure out what he was doing with the powder and the credit card until I finally realized he was snorting Kool Aid mix as if it were cocaine.  Sigh.  We’ve all chased that fruity flavored dragon before, haven’t we 3.5 readers?

Plus, the juxtaposition of the song from 2000’s Requiem for a Dream (a Darren Aronofsky directed film about drug addiction) with a scene of QPark injecting himself with chocolate sauce tells me this guy knows his pop culture.

Finally, out of all of QPark’s vids, this last one is the one that left me in tears.

Have you ever pooped in a public toilet, had the water splash your butt, and then have that little alarm go off in your head where you start to worry about all the germs that just touched your butt?

I have.  I can’t say that I’ve ever asked a friend to put on goggles and go at my butt with a blowtorch, but public toilet water splashes are still a concern that the media never talks about.

Thanks for raising awareness, QPark.

Keep an eye on this dude, 3.5 readers. He’s going places.

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Fit Nerd Trains the Yeti – Promo 2

THE TRAINEE:  The Yeti

OCCUPATION:  International War Criminal, Fuzzy Snow Monster, BQB’s Mortal Enemy, Currently Detained for Crimes Against BQB HQ

HEIGHT: 10’0″

CURRENT WEIGHT: 1,000 lbs.

HEALTHY WEIGHT FOR A TEN FOOT TALL YETI: 800 lbs (verified by Dr. Hugo Von Science, Distinguished Professor of Science at the Advanced Science Institute of Science University)

WEIGHT LOSS GOAL: 200 lbs.  Fit nerd will consult Dr. Hugo as to what a healthy time frame would be for a Yeti to lose that much weight.  Obviously losing too much too fast would be unwise.  He may need to even bring Alien Jones in on this.

ROAR!  I demand tacos!  ROAR!

ROAR! I demand tacos! ROAR!

THE TRAINER: Fit Nerd

WHO IS HE:  Once topping the scales at a point where he was just one stop through the Drive-Thru away from spending the rest of his life on a Little Rascal scooter, Orville Kerplotsky changed his life by dedicating himself to a healthy diet and regular exercise.  He wrote a book about his experience and called it, Fit Nerd.  In it, he outlines his journey back to good health and how he made exercise easier by streaming Dr. Who while walking on a treadmill.

ARE WE DEALING WITH THE ACTUAL FIT NERD? – No.  The real Orville is chilling in Malibu in a hot tub in Malibu with a bunch of supermodels who pretend to love listening to him babble about his theories vis a vis the good doctor.  Concerned about the Yeti’s health, BQB purchased a copy of Fit Nerd’s book, put it on his magic shelf and the tiny version of Orson that popped out has agreed to train the Yeti.

WHY DOES BQB CARE? – He blames himself for introducing the Yeti to a Western diet.  The Yeti used to live on leaf rations in his Siberian village but has since been on a steady diet of cheese stuffed crust pizza and bacon infused cola ever since coming stateside.

FIT NERD!

FIT NERD!

BQB’s Attorney advises:  This new feature will be a fun discussion about health but should you rely on and or take advice from a fictional nerd?  No.  He’s a fictional nerd for crying out loud.  Consult your doctor as to what health/fitness strategies would work best for you.

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Promo: Fit Nerd Trains the Yeti

Coming Soon…or Whenever the Hell Bookshelf Q. Battler Gets Around to It…

(BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER and DR. HUGO VON SCIENCE take an elevator to a special freezing cold storage containment unit, where International War Criminal, Mythical Fuzzy Monster and BQB Arch Enemy the Yeti is literally kept on ice for crimes against BQB HQ.)

BQB:  I don’t understand it, Dr.  This is the jerkiest jerkface of a Yeti I’ve ever seen.

THE YETI:  ROAR!  Bookshelf Q. Battler sucks!  3.5 readers is too good a number for his pitiful website!

DR. HUGO:  Yah, this is the vorst Yeti I’ve ever seen but it’s obvious mein leipshin.  He’s fat!

BQB:  Fat?

DR. HUGO:  Yah!  You can’t tell?

BQB:  I don’t know how big a Yeti is supposed to be.

DR. HUGO:  The average Yeti is ten feet tall undt weighs 800 pounds.  This one is clearly tipping the scales at over 1,000!  He’s carrying at least two hundred extra pounds of strudel cheese!

Stupid Fat Yeti

Stupid Fat Yeti

YETI:  ROAR!  I love cheese stuffed crust pizza!  ROAR!

BQB:  So all this time, he’s just angry because he’s overweight?

DR. HUGO:  It could be.  However, there are many people who are fat undt still jolly.  Santa Clause comes to mind.  Still, it might be worth it to put Das Yeti on undt rigorous exercise undt diet regimen and see if he stops acting like undt assenhatzen.  Do you know a personal trainer?

BQB:  I know just the right man for the job.

FIT NERD!

FIT NERD!

Who is Fit Nerd?  Find out soon as BQB continues to overextend himself like a rubber band wrapped around a spinning helicopter blade.

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