So, there was a lot of payoff in this episode. A lot of things that rewarded you if you’ve been watching since the show began:
#1 – Jaime now feels like a dick for pushing Bran out the window all those years ago. The show is a miraculous piece of writing that it has a character who started out the series pushing a kid out a window to cover up for his incestuous affair with his sister and now all these years later you feel sorry for him because he has grown and become a better person, a person who wouldn’t do such a thing now but he will always carry the guilt of having done so.
#2 – Jaime isn’t trusted by Dany because he killed her father though that seems silly because even she admits her father was a dickcheese. Brienne of Tarth vouches for him, rewarding you for watching that season where she and Jaime became the traveling odd couple.
#3 – Brienne is formally knighted. It seems like a sleight of writing hand to make it so any knight can appoint another knight because she’s known so many damn knights for so long. Then again, maybe she just needed to vouch for one and then he owed her a favor. It was a nice feminist moment though the show has long had women in positions of power. The GOT world is ancient and backward but damn if it doesn’t let women be in charge of things.
#4 – Arya and Gendry get freaky. This is bizarre and I’m not sure they should have done it. Problem is the actress who plays Arya still looks very young for her age though I guess she is of age now. I assume Gendry is her age but he looks like a full grown man getting down with a kid in this scene. I believe the characters are both of age at this point. I don’t know. They might have handled this scene better. Maybe they could have just alluded to it. Masie Williams just looks too young.
#5 – Khaleesi seems to really be up Tyrion’s ass for every little mistake. Jorah Mormount who doesn’t like Tyrion stands up for him, pointing out that no hand would ever not make a mistake and he as at least gotten her this far.
#6 – Sansa and Khaleesi are at odds. Also, she isn’t happy to learn Jon Snow is a Targaryen.
#7 – Tormund is a giant titty sucker.
#8 – Overall you just had a lot of characters who finally come together after years of infighting and so far the last season is progressing well.
#10 – The Knight King, because screw ’em all, they waited too long to come together. George RR Martin comes out at the end while munching on a bag of cheese doodles and reminds Republicans and Democrats that the real White Walker is climate change…or possibly Russians. Or weather controlling Russians.
#9 – Jon Snow and Khaleesi marry. Both have major claims to the Iron Throne. They consolidate the claims and the infighting between Khaleesi and Jon over him being King in the North because now they are married so they run it all. No one cares Jon is an Auntie Fucker because it is olden times.
#8 – Cersei beats everyone.
#7 – Everyone dies, no one is left.
#6 – A few seasons ago, Arya made mention of a land far beyond the sea that is rumored to be there but no one has seen it. I wonder if this is like the GOT version of America and people who are sick of the Westeros fighting will leave and start a new nation in fantasy America. I guess this isn’t so much explaining who is king than it is giving a possible ending.
#5 – The Khaleesi, of course.
#4 – Jon Snow, because now he knows it all. (In 5 or 4 that means only one either lived or lived but the other could not rule for some reason be it death or they didn’t get together.
#3 – Bran is the Knight King seems to be a popular theory so if he controls the Knight King then he rules.
#2 – Hodor.
#1 – OK, this is actually going to be my best guess. Jon and Khaleesi either don’t make it or decide that the monarchy has had its day. Either way, wise men like Tyrion and Varys start a democracy.
Also – I could see them giving some sort of flash forward to a steam powered Victorian Age or Modern Age. That would be cool.
Also – none of these and something we didn’t think of.
I’ve been blogging about this show since this fine blog began. Come to think of it, HBO probably owes all their success to me, since I sent my 3.5 readers their way.
So now, the end begins and we begin to watch the end.
Spoiler alert.
Jon Snow and Khaleesi are in Winterfell and the Northerners don’t like all the new people. Jon learns that his bae is also his aunt so now he is an auntie fucker.
The dragons aren’t eating enough, the White Walkers are at the door, Cersei’s still a bitch. I don’t know. That’s about it.
My, how fast the past decade has flown. This show has always been a welcome favorite, something riveting enough that I was always able to turn it on Sunday nights and for a brief hour, get lost in another world.
Six episodes doesn’t seem long enough to tie up the loose ends, but here’s hoping they will be.
One of my favorite shows will soon come to an end…next summer…because they’re making us all wait.
I have to say I have been long waiting for the big, final battle over King’s Landing between the Lannisters and the Khaleesi. I always assumed that would come first and then the winner would face the White Walkers.
Not so fast as there was a truce. The Dragon Queen and the Bitchy Queen will hold onto their menstruations for now in order to face the greater white walker threat.
Not exactly the outcome I was hoping for, but perhaps it will pay off in the next season.
I feel a little cheated that these seasons are shorter, but I’ll wait and see. Perhaps the showrunners know what they are doing.
For a moment, it was looking like there would be a sad showdown between Sansa and Arya, only to see them turn on Littlefinger. Unlike the Internet, I was sad to see Littlefinger go. All of the other characters were born into their wealth and prestige. Littlefinger actually had to work for it. Sure, he was a douche, but when you only have yourself to rely on, you have to be that much douchier.
During the truce scene, I kept waiting for Cersei to spring a trap. Maybe all her guests would be killed ala the Red Wedding but nope, no cigar.
The big secret of the show is revealed. Jon Snow is not a bastard. He is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyana Stark. That means as the oldest male Targaryen he is the rightful ruler of Westeros and oh yeah, since he didn’t know and boned the Khaleesi, he is now an Auntie fucker.
Oh well. The Targaryens keep it in the family.
Wasn’t it sad to see the Wall go? It’s been a menacing presence for years only for a damn fire breathing zombie dragon to make short work of it.
I was in my early 30s when this show began. I didn’t feel happy about my life at the time but looking back on it, I realize I should have. I guess that’s the thing about getting older – we only realize how good we used to have it when time goes by and things get worse and believe me, they can always get worse.
Still, there was a difference in my early 30s. I was unhappy that I’d gotten older, yet there seemed like there was enough time left to pull a happy life off – find a good job, lose weight conquer some of my health issues, meet a girl and start a family.
In the back of my mind I knew that age 40 was coming for me, slowly trudging my way like a white walker and just like a snow zombie, age 40 could not be bargained or reasoned with, could not be destroyed, it was coming and so I’d better deal with it. (I’m about a year and a few months from it eating my brains now.)
In other words, I suppose I would fit in as one of the characters on Game of Thrones. For seven years, the main characters have been aware that the Khaleesi, Queen of Dragons, was on her way to cross the Narrow Sea and toast everyone to a crispy, golden brown. As it turns out, she’s too nice to do that but they didn’t know that…and we aren’t entirely sure she won’t yet. The Khaleesi is trying to be kind and loving but she definitely has a switch that can be flipped that can make her want to cook you with the help of her big ass reptiles.
By the way, aren’t all the dragon action scenes great? We’ve been waiting a long time for them.
Anyway, like me ignoring the coming of age 40 and failing to get my life in order, the characters all fought over the Iron Throne. King Robert’s brother Stannis and Renley fought each other for it. Robb Stark didn’t want it but just wanted to bring his army to King’s Landing to make the Lannisters pay for killing his father, Ned. Those damn Greyjoys took advantage of the chaos to do some looting and pillaging. The Boltons got in on the mix. Honestly, I lose track of how many people wanted that throne. It was a lot.
But that was the point of the show. All the characters have known that a Khaleesi was coming but…she was so far away…and there were more pressing matters in front of them.
A smaller handful of characters also knew the white walkers were coming. They tried harder to warn people but no one would listen. There’s the rub, I suppose. If you actually see or experience a threat, you’re more likely to try to do something about it.
I’ve always seen the show as an allegory for America. We Americans spend so much time fighting each other over our differences – party lines, racial lines, class lines – we don’t stop to think about what we have in common, or to realize that the only thing we have to stop the outside forces who’d like to see this country burn from getting their way is each other.
The warring families could have set aside their differences and been in a better position to stop the Khaleesi from bringing her dragons to cook everyone up. Alas, they killed each other, decimated the country’s resources and now it’s easy pickens for the Mother of Dragons.
Had they not fought each other, they could have been in a better position to stop the white walkers. Now it may be too late.
Now as I get older, I see the show as an allegory for life. This past decade has moved so quickly and at the time, I felt out of control, powerless to fix things. I knew in the back of my mind that a myriad of health problems would be coming if I didn’t lose weight, that financial problems would come if I didn’t find a better job, that sadness would come if I didn’t find a girl.
Sad to say that by the end of season 7, I’ve only accomplished 1 out of 3. The good job was found and the financial problems are over, so I don’t have to worry about a looming white walker in the form of financial ruin…but…I still have to worry about a white walker in the form of a heart attack if I don’t lose weight…or a fat ass fire breathing dragon in the form of permanent bachelorhood/inability to father children due to old age.
And I guess that’s the moral of the story. We focus on the problems right in front of our faces. It’s too easy to delay the long term problems. “We’ll worry about the fat ass dragon or the evil white walkers when and/or if they get here” we say, rather than take the daily steps that, when done with regularity, build up over time and help us stave off the impending doom.
In short, I could have lost weight low these past seven years. That would have made me a healthier man today and would have made it easier to find a girl (wait I have VGRF but maybe this is the Alleged Man’s brain bleeding through), but I didn’t. Now I fear I may be too late and I might get bitten by the white walker of poor health or be eaten by the dragon of loneliness.
I worry it may be too late for me, 3.5 readers. However, if you are young, take the warning that this show provides and run with it.
In your life, you have your own personal white walker or perhaps, your own personal dragon. Maybe it’s money, or romance, or employment or health or addiction or what have you.
Whatever it is, know in the back of your mind that your white walker of a problem is slowly trudging its way down from the North, ready to eat your brains. Will you assemble an army within yourself to fight it and keep it at bay, or will you wake up one day and find a big chomp has been taken out of your brain and now it is too late?
You know that your Khaleesi of a problem is heading East. Slowly but surely, she’s kicking ass and taking names, growing her numbers and feeding her dragons so they get big and strong, the bigger and stronger to fricassee your oily hide. You’re placating yourself, telling yourself that you are young and have plenty of time before that problem becomes a reality. You’re also fooling yourself. Will you, again, assemble a personal army inside yourself to fight the dragons, or will you wake up one day and find yourself a charcoal briquette?
I can tell you seven years ago, when this show first began, I knew that if I didn’t get a better job, that if I didn’t lose weight and didn’t find a woman, I’d essentially end up approaching forty, feeling like a white walker had eaten my brain or a dragon had burnt me up.
Now I feel that way. Sure, I conquered the financial dragon. I kicked the financial white walker in the gonads. But I ignored the health dragon/white walker and the romance dragon/white walker and now I’m about to be fried and eaten.
Then again, I suppose it’s never really over until a white walker is actually chowing down on your brains or until a dragon has toasted you, so…I guess I’ll pick myself up, dust myself off and give it another try.
You should too, 3.5 readers. Feel free to tell me in the comments what you are going to do to keep your personal white walkers from eating your brains or your personal dragon from roasting you and chomping you up like a chicken nugget.
Remember, “Winter is coming.” That’s been the slogan of the show for seven years. Our own personal winters are coming – be they in the form of a heart attack because we didn’t eat better, or cancer because we didn’t take care of ourselves, or yuck, being that fifty year old in “da club” still trying to score a date because he didn’t pick someone and try to make the best of it when he was younger. Sure, Winter seems a long way away but it will be here soon enough and it will bring zombies…and dragons and apparently, a freaking zombie ass dragon.
What will you do to stave off your personal winter, 3.5 readers?
I’ve watched the final scene of the latest Game of Thrones episode a bunch of times now, the one where Khaleesi burns the shit out of the Lannister army with her dragon’s red hot fire breath.
Truly, some bad ass shit we fans have been waiting seven years to see.
Question – why was the anti-dragon crossbow just sitting in a covered wagon, all wrapped up and not ready to fire? Why did Sir Bronn have to fight his way across a battlefield to get to it?
I mean, seriously? WTF, people? If you know there’s a crazy ass blonde bitch with a fat ass fire breathing dragon at her command, you would think that it would be common sense for the big ass anti-dragon crossbow to be manned at all times.
Day. Night. Weekday. Weekend. Holiday. There should always be some dude behind that crossbow waiting to shoot a damn dragon.
This episode is one that fans have been waiting to see for years.
First, there was the long awaited reunion of the Stark children. They were babies when the show started, young adults now. Any one of the actors/actresses could have gotten too big for their britches and abandoned the show. Sophie Turner in particular has landed some big roles like Jean Gray in the X Men films. But they all stuck with their first gig and remained loyal to the fans so this day could come.
Second, how long have we all been waiting for a big time dragon warfare scene? Pretty awesome. Pretty devastating. It would truly suck to be on the business end of a fiery dragon hole, let me tell you.
Want a sign that the writing on this show is fabulous? It’s that you simultaneously root for all the characters to win. As Sir Bronn of the Blackwater goes for that big ass anti-dragon crossbow, you simultaneously root for him to blow that dragon out of the sky and also for the dragon to sit Bronn on fire so Khaleesi can survive.
It’s all in the backstory. We’ve seen Bronn go from rags to riches so we want him to hang in there. But we’ve seen Khalessi do the same so we want her to stick around too.
We cheer for Khaleesi’s dragons to burn up the Lannister army yet we also cheer Jamie on as he fends off the Dothraki. What a show that can make us feel for both sides.
Seriously. The standard for most fantasy fare is one side is so absurdly evil that you can’t wait for them to die at the hands of the good guys who are unwaveringly good. Here, you get the backstory. We understand why the Lannisters have done what they have done, just as we understand Khaleesi’s motivations.
Ultimately, it looks like Khaleesi would do the best as Queen of Westeros, but we feel for Bronn and Jamie. We know how they ended up on that battlefield. We know under different circumstances they might have chosen better sides. We don’t want them to become dragon chow.
Plus, when Tyrion says, “You fucking idiot.” Who is he talking about? Khaleesi for landing her dragon right in the middle of the battlefield to tend to his wound or Jamie, for charging in the general direction of a damn dragon? It’s certainly open ended.
Oh and how long have we waited for the Dothraki invasion? Khaleesi’s loyal army of foreign, wild card warrior rapists have been cooling their heels for a long ass time now and are ready for action. Also rape. Not gonna lie. They’re probably gonna do a lot of raping. That’s what Dothraki do. I mean, I don’t want to engage in harmful stereotypes, but always wear a cast iron chastity belt when you’re around a Dothraki. It’s just common sense, really.
By the way, is it me or have all the rules about how fast armies can travel in this massive continent suspended? I feel like in the beginning it would take armies half the season to move anywhere. Now you’ve got Euron Greyjoy taking down Khaleesi’s fleet right away and Khaleesi and dragons and Dothraki make it from Dragonstone to High Garden within the span of an episode.
Oh well. The writers on this show are suffering some mild senioritis. I suppose we can overlook travel time rules for more awesome dragon scenes.
So, the Khaleesi is planning her invasion. Her cohorts all want a full assault on King’s Landing. The Khaleesi has other thoughts in mind. She doesn’t want to be Queen of the Ashes, i.e. to destroy the city. She wants to surround it and starve the Queen out. Meanwhile, Grey Worm and the Unsullied will take Casterly Rock.
Sam is working to cure Mormont despite advice against it, namely, he could catch the disease in the process.
We finally see what eunuch sex looks like. Ladies, keep an open mind about eunuchs. They may not have much downstairs, but they make up for it with a little mouth to the south.
Cersei looks like she might have a surface to air anti-dragon weapon. She also scores the first victory as ally Euron Greyjoy defeats his niece and nephew at sea. Reek really wusses out.
Khaleesi confronts Varys. He has a history of conspiring against those he has served to save the realm and also his hide.
Jon Snow decides to meet with Khaleesi despite advice against it.
What say you, 3.5 readers? Will the Khaleesi pull this off?
Bookshelf Battle 