Tag Archives: khaleesi

Do You Agree With What Happened to the Khaleesi?

SPOILER ALERT

I think I’m the only one who thought the last episode of Game of Thrones was good.

I get it.  We all cheered Khaleesi on the past 8 seasons.  She was the underdog.  She started from the bottom and now she’s here.  She suffered every bump in the road and set back and she managed to move across a fantasy continent, free countless slaves and turn enemies into allies and recruit top advisers.

But still…you had to see something like this coming.

First, the show has always had an air of real life or as close to real life a fantasy world can get.

In real life, you hope to be great but then you suffer all kinds of setbacks.  Same thing in GRRM’s fantasy world.  Yes, you want a person to be good but shit happens.

Khaleesi has been through some shit.  Let’s review:

#1 – Exiled as a baby across the Narrow Sea.

#2 – Sold as a sex slave wife to a nomadic warlord by her asshole brother.  The wealthy man who took her and her brother in as their guardian allowed this to happen.

#3 –  Trusted Ser Jorah.  He turned out to be a spy.  Eventually, she trusted him again.

#4 – I forget the details but a lot of shit happened in her travelling years.  Her husband croaked.  The dothraki turned on her for awhile before getting behind her again.  Evil dudes tried to steal her dragons.  She conquered cities but if she went too soft, bad guys would start shit.

#5 – More recently, she delayed her assault on King’s Landing and brought her Army north to help defeat the Knight King.  You might argue she had to do that anyway to save the land she wanted to conquer, but she could have also sent her full army at Kings Landing first, allowed the Night King to destroy the North and then made a stand at them from a strong position in Kings Landing.

Note that her reward for doing so was that the Starks start bitching about how Jon Snow should be king.

#6 – Tyrion and Varys are her chief advisers and yet they are always doing shit behind her back.  They think it is for the greater good but they always get found out and exposed as a-holes.

First, I didn’t buy that Varys would go right up to Snow and tell him to be king.  Varys is smarter than this.  He is the spymaster.  He would have orchestrated a coup from behind the scenes if he wanted Khaleesi gone.

But if you count that, plus Tyrion telling Varys about Snow’s claim to the throne which is a big betrayal and then also count Sansa up her ass and the Northmen and Wildlings giving the credit for the white walker victory to Jon and then losing her second dragon (two she lost in the name of protecting the North, a land of assholes who benefit from her protection yet openly talk shit about her) and losing Missandei?

I mean, what was Missandei’s last words?  Dracarus.  What’s that mean?  It’s the word you tell your dragon when you want him to burn some shit.  BFF was telling Khaleesi to burn that shit down.

I think HBO has moved these past two seasons way too fast and we deserved a little more development and build up, but if you take a look at all of this, it’s not that unlikely that Khaleesi might just say, “Fuck it.  I tried to get these people to follow me out of respect, but they’re all doing their own shit behind my back so I’m just going to set this shit on fire.”

What say you, 3.5 readers?

 

 

 

 

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Game of Thrones Recap – Season 8, Episode 2 – A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, there was a lot of payoff in this episode.  A lot of things that rewarded you if you’ve been watching since the show began:

#1 – Jaime now feels like a dick for pushing Bran out the window all those years ago.  The show is a miraculous piece of writing that it has a character who started out the series pushing a kid out a window to cover up for his incestuous affair with his sister and now all these years later you feel sorry for him because he has grown and become a better person, a person who wouldn’t do such a thing now but he will always carry the guilt of having done so.

#2 – Jaime isn’t trusted by Dany because he killed her father though that seems silly because even she admits her father was a dickcheese.  Brienne of Tarth vouches for him, rewarding you for watching that season where she and Jaime became the traveling odd couple.

#3 – Brienne is formally knighted.  It seems like a sleight of writing hand to make it so any knight can appoint another knight because she’s known so many damn knights for so long.  Then again, maybe she just needed to vouch for one and then he owed her a favor.  It was a nice feminist moment though the show has long had women in positions of power.  The GOT world is ancient and backward but damn if it doesn’t let women be in charge of things.

#4 – Arya and Gendry get freaky.  This is bizarre and I’m not sure they should have done it.  Problem is the actress who plays Arya still looks very young for her age though I guess she is of age now.  I assume Gendry is her age but he looks like a full grown man getting down with a kid in this scene.  I believe the characters are both of age at this point.  I don’t know.  They might have handled this scene better.  Maybe they could have just alluded to it.  Masie Williams just looks too young.

#5 – Khaleesi seems to really be up Tyrion’s ass for every little mistake.  Jorah Mormount who doesn’t like Tyrion stands up for him, pointing out that no hand would ever not make a mistake and he as at least gotten her this far.

#6 – Sansa and Khaleesi are at odds.  Also, she isn’t happy to learn Jon Snow is a Targaryen.

#7 – Tormund is a giant titty sucker.

#8 – Overall you just had a lot of characters who finally come together after years of infighting and so far the last season is progressing well.

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Game of Thrones Recap – Season 6 – “Book of the Stranger”

cropped-img_1757Hey 3.5 Readers.

BQB here.

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING

OK let’s get to it.

A lot of stuff happening in tonight’s episode that we’ve waited to see for years.

Sansa finally reunited with her brother, Jon Snow. And things are starting to look like Ramsey and Jon Snow will throw down.

Theon pledges allegiance to his sister.

The Tyrells are going to rescue Margery.

And…KHALEESI BOOBS! GRATUITOUS KHALEESI BOOBS!

The Khaleesi exercising her unburnt skills against the khals.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

 

 

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Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Khaleesi

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Wait until April 24th for Game of Thrones Season 6?

This a man cannot do.

For Lord Battler of House Bookshelf loveth his Game of Thrones.

Oh, how it has allowed nerds across the land to experience what Superbowl Sunday must feel like for the normals.

Yes, 3.5 readers I love GOT as much as you love your girlfriend.

And from BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, here are the Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be the Khaleesi:

(Note this list is mere fantasy.  If you’re reading this blog, you are a nerd who is unworthy of the Khaleesi.)

***NOTE: GOT SPOILERS AHEAD!  SPOILERS!!!!****

10.  Her wardrobe consists of 950 turquoise dresses. Khaleesi loves turquoise.

9.  No one at work ever steels her lunch from the communal fridge…BECAUSE IT’S A DAMN BLOODY HORSE HEART IN A BAG!

8.  You avoid arguing with her because you know that all arguments end with your ass getting burned extra crispy by her dragons.  Also, people refer to her as the Mother of Dragons.  Like you’ll answer the phone and people will be all like, “Can I speak to the Mother of Dragons?”

7.  Speaking of, she has so many titles.  Khaleesi.  Mother of Dragons.  Breaker of Chains.  And she insists on announcing them every time she enters a new room.  You need to leave three hours early just to take the Khaleesi to a movie.

6.  Dated Seth MacFarlane.  Part of you is annoyed with her because she could have done better.  Part of you wants to high five Seth for being the first nerd in history to use his nerdy ways to snag a Khaleesi. (I stand corrected about my early statement about nerds not being able to snag the Khaleesi.)

5.  Starred in a Terminator reboot.  It was godawful.  So bad.  So very, very bad.  But you forgive her.  Because she’s the Khaleesi.  Only the Khaleesi can be forgiven for a terrible Terminator remake.  Cersei was also in a sucky Terminator remake.  It’s ok to not forgive her because fuck her.  She’s Cersei.  Cersei’s the worst.

4.  Her brother sold her into slavery and then was jealous that she made a big ass pot of lemonade out of those lemons.  In-laws.  Am I right?

3.  Totally the type to hop on her dragon and fly away, leaving her friends to fend for themselves in the gladiator’s arena.   (Oh shut up.  That’s not a spoiler.  You had a year to watch this shit.) Probably won’t give you a ride to the dentist either.

2.  Nerds in the know theorize she might be Jon Snow’s Auntie.  Channel your inner M. Knight Shyamalan and repeat after me, “What a twist!”

  1.  Out of a group of people who are the worst, she’s always the best.

HONORABLE MENTION:

  • Drew you in by getting naked, but now that she’s won you over, that turquoise dress stays on.  In other words, she’s like every other woman post commitment. Heap her with praise all you want but you’ll be lucky if you see a boob on your birthday.
  • Honest and fair, but cheat her and you’re banished to the friend zone.  Also, from the country.
  • Appreciates your wise counsel.  Would appreciate it more though if you were a dwarf or a eunuch.  Seriously, she’s got an army of eunuchs and two eunuch advisors.
  • She takes what’s rightfully hers, by fire and blood if she has to.  So don’t bogart the Funions.
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