By: The Siberian Yeti, Newly Self-Appointed Ruler of the Bookshelf Battle
Muah ha ha ha! Insolent Bookshelf Q. Battler thinks he can oust me from control of his wretched blog with a Twitter follower drive. What an imbecile!
Let me put it this way, 3.5 readers. Bookshelf Q. Battler will get 4000 twitter followers when I stop being engrossed in your 1990s era documentary about the Chicago based scientist, Mr. Steven Urkel. In other words, he will never reach his goal because I will never tire of viewing Mr. Urkel’s contributions to the scientific world. Frankly, Mr. Urkel is the only American I do not truly despise.
As I have taken up residence in the Bookshelf Battle Headquarters, perhaps I shall enlighten you into some of the things your beloved blogger is into?
First, let’s talk about Bookshelf Q. Battler’s taste in music:
Have you seen this loser’s playlist?
- Katy Perry’s “This is How We Do” on an infinite loop!
- Taylor Swifts, “Shake it Off” has been played by BQB 9,081 times! (And that was just last Tuesday alone!)
- He played Meghan Trainor’s “All About that Bass” so many times that he broke his last phone and had to replace it!
- And Iggy, Iggy, and more Iggy. This self-proclaimed tough man, this man who claims to be an adventurer, he cannot get enough of an Australian She-Rapper! “Fancy.” “Black Widow.” “Work.” “Bounce.” He even has her early Melbourne based single, “Work ‘Dat Digiredoo!”
Movies:
- Bookshelf Q. Battler claims to be a karate expert who trained Steven Seagal? That’s funny, since the man owns very worn DVD of “Eat, Pray, Love!”
- Streisand. So many Streisand movies. Not just her early stuff. That new one with Seth Rogen that had less viewers than this infernal blog!
Food:
- Nothing in his refrigerator. Nothing in his pantry. In his closet? 500 bags of Buffalo Ranch Doritos and a ten gallon drum of Mr. Pibb. How is he still even alive?
Writing:
- He claims to be hard at work on a serious novel, but all I see are 100 notebooks filled with Firefly fan fiction.
- Also one notebook that just reads, “Katee Sackhoff-Battler” over and over. Dude, as they say in your U S of A, “WTF?”
Extracurricular Activities:
- Decoupage, Decopage, and More Decopage – Everything is covered with colored paper. It was like he started and could not stop.
- He collects thimbles, action figures, and potato chips that look like celebrities. He has a particularly fetching pringle that looks exactly like Mayim Bialik.
- Two words – VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY!
So, there you have it. Continue to violate my control of your blog, Mr. Bookshelf Q. Battler, and I, your arch nemesis, the Siberian Yeti, will be left with no choice but to continue to share with your 3.5 readers the secret embarrassments that lurk within your Bookshelf Battle HQ!
Muah ha ha! Yeti laugh, Yeti laugh!
Bookshelf Battle 