Tag Archives: oscarssopretty

#OscarsSoPretty – Once Again, the Unattractive Are Shut Out of the Oscars – BQB Goes Over Best Actors and Roots for Willem Dafoe

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Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

If you’ve been following this blog for a long time (and my condolences if you have.  I hope your situation improves soon) then you know I am a vocal advocate for rights of the ugly everywhere.

One day, I hope that there will be a constitutional amendment that prevents the government from passing laws that would force us to wear bags over our heads.

Further, I, personally, have been arguing with attractive women for years, informing them that I’m trans-handsome and if they don’t treat me as handsome then they are hateful bigots but alas, no one has been woke enough to see my side of things.  Maybe someday, my fellow uggos.

Anyway, every year, I direct most of my vitriol against the Oscars.  Why? Because they’re too damn pretty.  You’d think after my years of advocacy, they’d put more ugly actors and actress into the mix.  After all, the vast majority of Americans are hideously ugly and totally unbangable, so it’s high time that we see more ugly representation at these awards shows.

As usual, Hollywood disappoints.  Follow along, will you?

BEST ACTOR

Bradley Cooper – I like Bradley Cooper.  For a handsome man (I can say that without being gay) he has managed to develop a good personality.  Still, fuck that guy.  He looks like a Ken doll.  Life was good enough for him already.  Next!

Viggo Mortensen – Holy shit.  The charmed lives that the attractive live.  The dude dropped the N word in public and he’s still nominated.  I mean, OK, he said it in reference to a broader discussion and there didn’t seem to be any malicious intent but still, had he been ugly…

Christian Bale – A handsome man dressed up as an ugly man, i.e. former Vice-President Dick Cheney.  You know what I call this? Ugly face.  Good looking people get all the parts and on the rare occasion when there’s a part for an old bald gray haired man with a permanent scowl, they don’t actually find such an old man, they just make up a good looking guy so that he looks like.  Ugly face!  This offense to the ugly cannot stand.

Rami Malek – This is a tough one.  He’s not ugly, he’s just nerdy.  If I were a woman, I might call him cute.  Again, I’m not gay or anything.  More confusing is he plays Freddie Mercury, who wasn’t really all that ugly but people at the time made fun of him and made him feel like he was ugly because of his teeth.  So a not ugly guy playing a man falsely accused of being ugly…I’m not sure of the official term but whatever.  Rami is not ugly enough to qualify as ugly representation.

Willem Dafoe – 3.5 readers, do you have any idea how long this dude has been around?  Like, for freaking ever.  He was in Platoon, for Christ’s sake.  He’s been in all kinds of big award winning critically acclaimed flicks.  He was the friggin’ Green Goblin.  He’s done it all.  Do you think any other actor who has been around this long has been snubbed so regularly?  No.  Why does he get the shaft?  Because the dude’s ugly.  I love the guy.  He’s a great thespian, but the dude looks like a damn skeleton man.  I complained about this last year because he was nominated for “The Florida Project” and he did great with that, by the way, but he didn’t win and I think they’ll just keep nominating him forever because the Academy wants to placate Ugly Rights advocates like me but they’ll never let him win.

Anyway, he’s up for playing Vincent Van Gogh in some picture no one saw.  Fuck it.  I didn’t see it. But I want him to win.  He is an ugly man playing a motherfucker who cut his damn ear off.  Sounds good to me.  It actually doesn’t.  The Florida Project was good.  He deserved it for that one, largely because for the first time, Hollywood allowed an ugly actor to play a respectable man, i.e. a hard-working motel manager who runs around behind the backs of all the drugged out losers who stay in his motel, keeping an eye on their kids and keeping them out of trouble but gets zero thank yous for it.

I’ll be rooting for Willem.  In the meantime, if you can think of any ugly actors who are being snubbed, list them in the comments.  I’ll be back later to explain how the Best Actress award is biased against ugly broads.

By the way, before you argue that it is unwoke for me to use the word “ugly,” I remind you that I too am very ugly, so we ugly people can use the ugly word.  That’s our word.

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Why Willem Dafoe Must Win Best Supporting Actor at Oscars 2018 – #OscarsSoPretty

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Holy crap, 3.5 readers.  Look at that crazy eyed, buck toothed mother fucker.

As you are all aware, I am a great philanthropist, a lover of all peoples and above all else, a tireless advocate for the civil rights of the incredibly ugly.  We didn’t choose to look like Plymouth Rock landed on our faces.  We were born looking like Plymouth Rock landed on our faces.

I love Willem Dafoe but seriously, the man looks like a giant greasy dump that grew a pair of ridiculous, incredibly haunting googly eyes.  Further, he’s got a set of teeth that look like they were designed  by MC Escher.

But did that stop our hideous hero?  No.  Despite the fact that he was born looking like the stuff of children’s nightmares, he headed off to Hollywood as a young man, a move I can only assume was met with derision by friends and family who told him he was way too ugly.

Yes, if you’re as ugly as Willem Dafoe the best you can hope for is a job as a bus station janitor, but this man refused that destiny and found box office success, starring in such critically acclaimed films as “Platoon” and “Born on the Fourth of July,” blockbusters like “Spider-Man” (so ugly he played a goblin) and he even played Jesus Christ in “The Last Temptation of Christ.”

Seriously.  Imagine how good an actor you have to be when you are so ugly that it’s possible the entire Christian faith may be offended by an ugly man playing their savior but then didn’t get mad because Dafoe was such a good actor.

Dafoe has been nominated twice for Best Supporting Actor – 1987’s “Platoon” and 2001’s “Shadow of the Vampire.”

Let me ask you this, 3.5 readers.  Why is it that Willem Dafoe was such a staple for big time movies for so long and yet has never been recognized with Oscar gold?  Why are so many young actors awarded before this longtime thespian?

Simple.  Ugly bias.

Willem Dafoe is super ugly, but he dared to become an actor and yes he often plays deeply scary, sphincter tightening roles but he’s proven his chops and branched out into other roles, sometimes even taking heroic turns.

In “Florida Project” Willem plays an ugly motel manager who is like the de facto father figure for the impoverished residents of a slum motel.  As a ugly American myself, it would bring me such great joy to see a fellow ugly man to take home the gold and not for playing a villain (typical staple of ugly actors) but for playing a positive role model.

Yes, if Willem wins it will be a boon to ugly people all over the world.  So many ugly boys and girls will feel free to take the paper bags off their little heads and believe in themselves for the first time ever.

3.5 readers, whether you are good looking or ugly (and let’s face it, if you’re good looking and you’re reading this blog then give me your looks because you’re doing it wrong), please join me in promoting the #OscarsSoPretty hashtag and also tweet your support for Willem Dafoe.

Maybe, just maybe, ugly Americans can rest a little easier knowing their contributions to the world are recognized.

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If you think the Oscars are too pretty…

…then tweet along with BQB on #OscarsSoPretty

Don’t forget to root for our fellow ugly person, Michael Shannon for Best Supporting Actor.

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#OscarsSoPretty 2017

Hey 3.5 readers.

We’re here!  We’re ugly!  Get used to it!  We will not hide our hideous faces under paper grocery store bags any longer!

Do you want to see more ugly actor/actress representation at the Oscars?  Tweet your support for ugly thespians with #OscarsSoPretty

 

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I am a Traitor to the #OscarsSoPretty Movement

It dawns on me that just about every villain, evildoer or henchman in my Zombie Western books is ugly.

Sigh.  I am a traitor to #OscarsSoPretty

This has been difficult. So much time is spent on writing pages that, if I’ve done my job correctly, will be breezed through by the reader.  Within the novel, there’s only so much time/space to explain your characters.

Unfortunately, “ugly guy=evil” is something people quickly recognize even though it is totally wrong. But “really handsome guy who had a tortured past and became evil because of X reason” is more than people care to hear about.

Oh I feel awful. I have betrayed the #OscarsSoPretty movement.

 

 

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#OscarsSoPretty – Abe Vigoda In Memoriam Snub and Sly Was Robbed

First, they left Abe Vigoda off the “In Memoriam” reel.  You know, every year at the Oscars they play a clip reel of all the actors/actresses that died in the previous year.

And they forgot Abe Vigoda!

In their defense, Abe did look like he was dead for many years, but still, he actually did die recently.  The guy was in the Godfather and they forgot to add him to the reel.

Can’t help but notice Abe wasn’t very pretty.

Then there was the Stallone upset.

Sometimes the Academy will nominate an old timer for a role that wasn’t very Oscar worthy on its own but the actor is old and there’s a desire to honor him for a long career.

That is what it seemed like the Academy was doing by nominating Stallone for Creed.  The original Rocky won best picture but Stallone has never been honored before by the Academy.

So it made sense.  It seemed like a nice thing to do.  He was an action guy.  A popcorn movie guy.  But he gave us Rocky and Rambo.  So give him one.

Then they give it to Mark Rylance.  He’s a good actor and I don’t want to dump on him.  He did a good job with his Bridge of Spies role.

But to nominate Stallone then not give him the award was just basically sticking it to him.  They shouldn’t have nominated him if they weren’t going to give it to him.

Eh.  Stallone’s not that pretty.  Was he in his heyday?   I don’t know.  You tell me ladies.  Then again Rylance isn’t that pretty either.  He’s partially bald in fact so maybe I can’t pin this one on an Oscars So Pretty situation.

What say you, 3.5 readers?  Was Stallone robbed?  Was Abe dissed?

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Oscars 2016 Recap

Chris Rock defused the Oscars So White controversy with humor.

As an ugly person rights activist, I’m still waiting for an apology for the Oscars being So Pretty.

Big upset in the Best Supporting Actor category.  Thought Sly was going to win that for sure.

Best Picture – Spotlight.  Have not seen it yet.

Thoughts, 3.5 readers?

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#OscarsSoPretty

Just a reminder that I will not be watching the Oscars this year as once again the Academy has made it clear that the hideous are not welcome in Hollywood.

Notable snubs:

  • Steve Buscemi
  • Ron Perlman
  • John C. Reilly
  • Sandra Bernhard
  • Seth Rogen
  • Luis Guzman
  • Gary Busey

And the list goes on.

Ugly actors and actresses are tired of being typecast as hobgoblins, villains, trolls living under bridges, and the quirky friend that the leads in rom coms stand next to so they can look hotter.

We’re here.  We’re hideous.  Get used to it.  No longer will we shield our faces with the oppressive paper bags of society.  We will let our ugliness fly.

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#OscarsSoPretty

The Oscars are too pretty.  Who is your favorite ugly or actress that you’d like to see nominated?

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New Ghostbusters Movie -Chris Hemsworth in Nerdface – #OscarsSoPretty

Once again, they slap a pair of glasses on a beautiful person instead of giving a nerd role to a genuine nerd.

For shame, Hollywood!  For shame!

#OscarsSoPretty !

Read more on Access Hollywood

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