Or just watch it here on Youtube in this video posted by ghostbusters.net
Remember, he had that lady on who said she was abducted by an alien and taken to his room at the Holiday Inn in Paramus, New Jersey? Or that it might have been a room on the space ship designed to look like a room at the Holiday Inn?
Oh those sneaky aliens.
I saw Ghostbusters 2 in the theater when I was a kid. I feel old as shit.
But wait, there’s more! Pris, one of the replicants Harrison Ford chases in Blade Runner was created on February 14, 2016. She was played by Darryl Hannah.
Daryl reminded the Internet here and then the Nerdosphere went haywire:
Happy Birthday Pris. I’m glad the world didn’t come to an end so that you could be born, or I guess what’s it called when a replicant is born? Incepted. Today is Pris’ Inception Day. Happy Inception Day.
Now that you’ve been incepted, please don’t kill William Sanderson and please don’t try to strangle Harrison Ford to death with your legs.
What a nerdy Valentine’s Day. I’d like to thank the lonely nerds who spread word of these events for sticking true to their nerdyness and not spending the time on something crazy like, I don’t know, finding a date or something.
P.S. if that isn’t enough nerdy shit for you, The Walking Dead is back on the air and Deadpool tore it up at the box office.
A discussion of the next three Star Wars movies. SPOILERS.
In the originals, now 4-6:
A NEW HOPE – Luke, a farm boy from a desert planet, comes across a droid with sensitive information. This leads him on an adventure in which he realizes that the Force is strong with him.
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK – Luke has power but needs a trainer. He seeks Yoda, who trains him.
RETURN OF THE JEDI – Luke comes into his own as a Jedi and becomes the badass he was always meant to be.
THE NEW MOVIES – SPOILERS!!!
THE FORCE AWAKENS – Rey, a scavenger from a desert world, comes across a droid with sensitive information, leading her on an adventure in which she realizes the Force is strong with her. It ends with her meeting Luke Skywalker.
THIS LEADS ME TO PREDICT…
EPISODE 8 – Luke will train Rey as Yoda trained him in Empire.
EPISODE 9 – Rey will be the ultimate, fully confident badass Jedi in the final film that Luke was in Return.
In other words, Force Awakens kind of rehashed A New Hope and I theorize the next two will mirror Empire and Return of the Jedi.
Guess what? You can make your very own Star Wars Crawl. Only catch is you can’t embed the video, which kind of sucks 99% of the fun out of the experience.
Hey nerds. Do you know once in awhile I actually bump into someone who has never seen any of the Star Wars movies? That’s not even a joke. I always assume they are a communist spy or something.
For those of you who want to see The Force Awakens but have yet to see the previous films, here’s a brief synopsis.
Episode 4 was made first because George Lucas didn’t know how to count. Luke Skywalker, a farm boy from the desert (how that works I don’t know) is recruited by an elderly shut-in, Obi Wan Kenobi, to overthrow the government, “the Empire” in the name of ancient religion practiced by an order of monk-ninjas known as “the Jedi.”
Obi Wan is a master of “the Force” which sounds very mystical but really just means he can throw shit around in the air and pull it to him as needed. He teaches Luke how to throw shit around in the air and pull it to him as needed as well.
Luke and Obi Wan, without conveyance of their own, secure transportation from a space criminal, Han Solo and his dog man sidekick, Chewbacca. Together, they run a contraband smuggling operation, though they are not very good at it, because they had to dump some shit to avoid detection, costing their client, an obese space slug/gangster, Jabba the Hutt, a lot of money.
Darth Vader is a handicapped man who despite his debilitating injuries, refuses to allow his ill health to get in the way of getting up in the morning and doing his job. He puts on his full body respirator suit every day then goes about his business, looking for no special treatment. Truly, he is an inspiration to all.
Vader is second in command to the Emperor. They are Sith Lords, practitioners of the Dark Side of the Force, which basically means they throw shit around in the air and pull it to them as needed, but they do it for evil purposes.
The old man, the farm boy, the space criminal and dog side kick free Princess Leia, a key supporter of the Rebel Alliance, a group that has sworn to free the galaxy from the clutches of the Empire, though honestly, will they rule any better? Sometimes these rebels grab hold of power and are worse than the regime they replaced, you know.
Luke then teams up a squadron of X-Wing fighters, essentially outer space fighter pilots. The Empire has a weapon called the Death Star. It’s an enormous star sized base that has the ability to blow up a planet. It works. Ask Leia’s adopted family back on Alderaan. Oh wait. You can’t. They’ve been blown up.
Luke fires some proton torpedoes through a poorly secured vent, most likely installed by a sub par contractor who assured Vader, “Ahhh fahgeddaboudit, of course all this shit’s secure. Stop worrying and pay me already, will ya?”
And then everyone celebrates and gets medals and shit.
Next time, I will explain Episode 5 – The Empire Strikes Back.
Geeks, nerds, and assorted poindexters, get your butts on over to popculturemysteries.com – Follow the page and check back for the Pop Culture Mystery of the Week!
This week’s mystery is “Why Does Capt. Kirk Like Sabotage?” A guy in the future enjoying a Beastie Boys song from the 1990s? That’s crazy!
Are you a writer? Do you love pop culture? Most importantly, DO YOU WORK FOR FREE?!!! Then let BQB know if YOU, YES YOU would like to be deputized as a pop culture detective and be assigned your very own pop culture mystery!
Hey there, 3.5 readers. Due to some fancy footwork I, Bookshelf Q. Battler, was able to attend an advanced screening of the movie every sci-fi nerd has been dying to see and I can’t contain myself any longer!
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
OK. You’ve been warned. May the force be with you if you read further.
OK, here we go. Sorry about that. I calmed down. I’m fine now.
Our story begins with Rey, a young junk trader who happens upon the wrecked hull of an old, crashed star destroyer. Carefully, and with the assistance of her trusty companion BB-8, she lowers herself into the belly of the ship to look around and see if there’s anything she can scavenge.
Oh, what does she find? Oh it’s so amazing. I don’t think I will spoil it for you just yet. I want your jaw to drop when you see it. Go see it then come back here and tell me about it.
BUT – a contingent of stormtroopers patrolling the area want it too and Rey has to beat feet out of there. Poor little BB-8 can barely keep up. He beeps and boops a number of complaints on the way out.
All seems doomed until….HOORAY!!!! Han Solo and Chewbacca, now in their advanced age, happen to be flying by in the Millennium Falcon after getting into some mischief and they blast the shit out of the storm troopers and save Rey.
Han’s all like, “Well I hope there’s a good reason why I stuck my neck out for you kid.”
And Rey shows Han and Chewie the artifact that she’s found. Chewie goes bonkers and wants no part of this (which he communicates through a series of growls that Han translates) but Han talks him into helping out.
Han explains to Rey that the only man that can help them now is Luke Skywalker, who we learn has been ex-communicated from the Jedi order because…
Oh geez. Should I tell you? It’s really a big spoiler. In fact, it was a very bold decision by Disney if you ask me.
Luke Skywalker is a) gay and b) has married a male alien, Fazli Sekpo (sorry, I’m not sure if I’m spelling that right. Fazli is a Kweloni, a humanoid race with yellow scales and a permanently furrowed brow. I don’t know if Fazli is just angry all the time or if that’s just what Kwelonis look like.
I can tell you this is a movie that could not have been made ten years ago but due to our socially progressive modern society, we can accept the fact that Luke is homosexual but still remains our trusty, beloved hero after all of these years.
I discussed this choice with my friends on the way home. Everyone was cool with Luke being gay. That wasn’t a problem. We were divided on whether or not it was ok to be with someone outside of your species though.
One buddy of mine declared “that’s totally bestiality!” and I was like, well, no, Fazli is a sentient, intelligent being so why would it be wrong to have a relationship with a being like that?
And then he was all like, “Well if my dog started talking I wouldn’t marry him!”
And then I was like, “Fazli’s a bit more advanced than your dog, you closed minded caveman!”
Then we both apologized. But I tell you just from what I see on social media, a lot of people are having this same argument. People are going to be talking about it a long time.
Personally, I think that sucks that Luke was kicked out of the Jedi order for being with the man he loves. The Jedis say it wasn’t for that. You just aren’t allowed to marry anyone as a Jedi. Love interferes with your Jedi training. Anakin wasn’t allowed to marry Amidala after all. Are the Jedis on the level or are they anti gay rights? I don’t know.
There is a theory that we might find out Fazli is actually a woman in a future movie. We may just not understand what that particular alien race is like and maybe we assume certain things that Fazli does make him a man when he’s actually a woman. There were some hints at that. I don’t think so. But we’ll see.
OK. Moving on. That wasn’t even the biggest controversy. So Captain Phasma is pissed. Totally pissed that her storm troopers lost Rey. So she sends a squad after Rey, but Finn, a storm trooper, has second thoughts and bails out the mission.
He doesn’t want to be a storm trooper anymore. He’s felt this way a long time. He has been able to do odd things since he was a child. Move things with his hand and so on. He kept it to himself. He grew up on a planet run by Empire holdouts (led by the dastardly Kylo Ren) and they’ve declared anyone with Jedi like abilities will be executed, so Finn always kept his abilities to himself.
But no longer. He can’t allow a woman his age to become storm trooper blast fodder. So he tracks down Rey, Han and Chewie and Luke and they get together and plan out their next move.
They are summoned by Princess Leia Organa, now Queen Leia. You see, she was chosen by the good beings of Naboo to hold the throne her mother once held.
It was a split decision between the humans and the gungans. Jar Jar makes a brief cameo as the deciding vote in Leia’s favor. Everyone booed and screamed and threw popcorn and tomatoes and shit at the screen.
Leia is married to Lando Calrissian now and Billy Dee Williams looks good for a dude pushing 80. He cheats on Leia often with hot green space babes though, and Leia misses Han.
Han misses Leia too and they agree that if they get through this ordeal alive, that Leia will divorce Lando and marry Han. Chewie will officiate, having been an ordained minister for years.
C3P0 and R2D2 are the surprise villains of this flick. They’re tired of being the comic relief for six f$%king movies and want in on the real action. So they give up the Falcon’s location to Kylo Ren, who calls Captain Phasma in to blow all the heroes up and that is it.
That’s how it ends. With every character from Star Wars you ever loved being totally dead. The only one left is Jar Jar, who dawns Darth Vader’s mask (the item Rey found in the beginning) and pledges to finish what Darth started. Jar Jar and “Ani” were old pod racing buddies after all.
Jesus, you read this far? You’re very dedicated. OK. Admission. This is all made up and I did not see the movie at all. I hope to soon. And they should adopt this post as the script for the sequel.
Game of Thrones has introduced us to the possibility that despite our hatred of one side or the other, it is possible to come to a realization of how that side came to be.
Case in point. Jaime Lannister. He’s smarmy. Arrogant. But he did kill the original king. It earned him mockery in the form of the “Kingslayer” nickname, though no one cared enough to not participate in the subsequent takeover of the kingdom. He saved the day, but the people he saved it for hate him. Its tough not to be jaded.
So my hunch is things will become less clear than light vs. dark sides of the Force. Each side will have their own reasoning for fighting. Naturally, we get behind Han and Chewie et. al, but we’ll get why the bad guys do what they do, how they were driven to it.
And while I’d be very surprised if JJ Abrams breaks our hearts and turns Luke Skywalker into a villain, a climate in which audiences seek out motivations as to why villains do what they do does make a Skywalker villain more possible than ever.
I hope it doesn’t happen. I’d be very surprised.
Also, it is entirely possible this film will be just three hours of Jar Jar Binks reading a dictionary.
FORMER OFFICIAL TITLE: Distinguished Professor of Science, Advanced Science Institute of Science University (Professorship Revoked in 2015)
BIOGRAPHY: Dr. Hugo Von Science was once considered the greatest scientific mind of the modern age. He has patented over a million inventions,the most noteworthy including:
The Incredible Exploding Chinchilla – Dropped from the skies in tiny parachutes, these dangerous rodents are programmed to scurry to their targets and blow them up. No respectable military unit ever enters a war zone without a bag of incredible exploding chinchillas.
Teflon Underpants – Save a bundle on your grundle trundle, baby. Stains wipe off easily. Buy one pair, put them on, and they’ll be the last pair you ever need. They come in blue, red, black, and chartreuse. Chartreuse teflon underpants are all the rage in the Milan fashion scene.
The Duck Cannon and the “Duck, Duck!” Cannon – one device launches a water fowl at a rapid pace and the other blasts a warning that an impending duck is on the way. Used in tandem by duck launching enthusiasts.
Dr. Hugo became known as “the most trusted name in science” by becoming an ambassador for all things methodical and rational. He appeared on many talk shows extolling the virtues of a scientific education and was a rock star to young science nerds the world over.
Many youngsters, BQB included, vied for coveted spots in his class at the Advanced Science Institute.
Dr. Hugo speaks with a thick German accent, referring to everyone as “mein leibchen,” a German term of endearment.
No one remembers when it started, but signs of bitterness have been working their way into Dr. Hugo’s personality for years. Perhaps it was one too many patents being absconded with by cold hearted corporations. Maybe it was one too many research grants being cut by the bean counters.
Whatever it was, Dr. Hugo would often make odd public statements, claiming he was working on inventions that he’d one day use to conquer the world, only to shout, “Woopsie! I vasn’t supposed to mention that just yet!”
If only Dr. Hugo’s absent minded rantings had been paid more attention to, a zombie apocalypse that devastated East Randomtown might have been avoided.
Enraged that useless reality television stars make more money that scientists do, Dr. Hugo turned a bunch of them into zombies. His revenge scheme got out of control when zombified celebrities spread the virus all over BQB’s hometown.
Dr. Hugo’s professorship was revoked and from his statue in the quad to the lecture hall that was named after him, the Advanced Science Institute worked overtime to cut all ties to the icon turned mad scientist.
He is currently at large. Authorities have been unable to capture him as he has been using his invention, the two-jump pogo stick, to launch himself wherever he wants to go in the world within two jumps.
The 3.5 readers are advised that if they see Dr. Hugo, they should not attempt to apprehend him themselves as he is considered armed, dangerous, and known to be smuggling multiple incredible exploding chinchillas in his teflon underpants at all times.
Even on the lamb, he continues, against BQB’s will, to file his column, “You Can’t Argue With Science.”
NAME HE LETS YOU USE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T PRONOUNCE THAT SHIT: Alien Jones
OFFICIAL TITLE: The Esteemed Brainy One
NICKNAMES: AJ (used by Bookshelf Q. Battler and friends around the turn of the second millennium. Jonesy (used by the bounty hunter he will work with towards the end of the second millennium.)
BIOGRAPHY: After proving his bravery on the battle field, in outer space exploration, and in multiple scientific disciplines, Alien Jones was appointed to the Mighty Potentate’s advisory board, better known as “The Council of Esteemed Ones.” Though the Mighty Potentate has the final say in all matters, they provided the Potent One with the information he requires to make a decision.
Each member of the council is an expert in a particular field. There’s the Esteemed Financial One, who oversees the Rakan Collective’s economy, the Esteemed Medical One, who serves as Surgeon General and then there’s The Esteemed Brainy One, or the being that is so knowledgable that the Mighty Potentate can rely upon him to provide advice on anything.
That position belongs to Alien Jones, and thus he is essentially the second most powerful being in the Known Universe.
Understandably then, the Esteemed Brainy One was none too pleased when he was assigned in 2015 to help BQB advance his writing career. So important was it to the Mighty Potentate that BQB write a novel so fantastic that it would inspire Earthlings to abandon reality television that he only trusted Alien Jones with this sensitive mission.
Internally, Jones disagrees with this mission and views it as beneath him. Often, he views BQB wasting time eating cookies and dancing in his underpants when he should be writing, leading him to question the Mighty Potentate’s claim that BQB is indeed the chosen one.
But he keeps a lid on his doubts because, as we all know, questioning the Mightiest of Potentates is a good way to get vaporized.
Jones has a lot on his plate. In addition to serving as the Esteemed Brainy One and as BQB’s advisor, he’s also a diplomat, explorer, and military operative, leaving him with many responsibilities to juggle.
On top of all that, he’s the author of “Ask the Alien,” a semi-regular column in which he uses his esteemed brain to answer any and all questions posed by BQB’s 3.5 readers.
If you have a question for Alien Jones, leave it in the comments on this site or tweet them to @bookshelfbattle
At this time, Jones has many supernatural powers, such as mind reading and the ability to cast force fields. However, the Mighty Potentate has foreseen that Jones will, at one point in the distant future, anger him so greatly that he will strip the Esteemed Brainy One of these powers, leaving him to earn his keep as a pilot for a down and out bounty hunter.
But that’s not something we early second millennium folks have to worry about.
Bookshelf Battle 