It’s late at night. You’re fast asleep. Do you know what your phone is doing behind your back?
Behold! The world’s first automated cell phone. The ACP is a modern miracle of technology, so advanced that it can write your social media posts for you, generate and post CGI photos of you fulfilling your wildest dreams, complete all your busy work, and it can even impersonate your voice as it calls all those obnoxious bores in your life that you absolutely detest talking to.
Ahh, but alas, as one Jay Ferris is about to find out, the ACP can also commit crimes in its owner’s name, and it takes its mandate to fetch whatever the user wants, before they even want it way too seriously.
Fans of mystery/thrillers with a jolt of hard science-fiction will rejoice in this, the first installment of the second volume of BQB’s Twisted Shorts. Did you think “The Twilight Zone” needed more dark humor? If yes, then this series is for you. If not, try it anyway.
Wow, look at this. The cover for my next short, The Phone Did It, which I hope to release later this month.
The plot? Jay Ferris is a salesman for a company that has invented the world’s first automated phone. That’s right. This phone can do all the crap work you hate doing. It can write your reports, analyze your facts and figures, pay your bills, do your shopping, schedule your appointments – why, it can even make all those annoying calls you hate making. It will impersonate your voice and call your co-workers, or that pesky, nagging relative you love but don’t like talking to…and then give you a full report later.
Unbenknonwnst to Jay, this phone can also…dun…dun…dun….commit crimes. The phone is scheduled to get the user whatever it wants, so alas, when Jay starts pining over the social media profile of an ex love from long ago, the phone experiences a flaw in the system that takes the phrase, “get whatever the user wants” a little bit too literally.
Here’s the cover, where Jay’s asleep while his phone is committing crimes in his name. Will he go down for it? You’ll have to read the book. (And buy a few other books, will ya?)
I packed all six of my twisted short stories into one volume, slapped it up on Amazon and this weekend, this collection is FREE! Totally, FREE! My prices are lower than a rattle snake wiggling underneath a limbo stick! If you find a better deal on a better collection of short stories for a price that’s less than FREE, then take it!
I’ve done a few free book promos with them and have a couple more to go. Overall, I’m pleased with the results as I’ve been averaging somewhere between 1500-1600 books given away on each book. I think there might have been one book where it was more like 1100-1200. Still, I’ve never been able to hit these numbers or come anywhere close to it on my own, so I’m sold. I’ll be using them well into the future.
What’s cool is each time I usually get at least one review for the books and some ratings. Social proof seems invaluable. Customers have a lot of options so before they buy your book, they want to see the reviews.
The frustrating part is giving away 1500 books and then only getting like 1 or 2 reviews. I figure a lot of people just pick up the book for free because it was free then never read it. More still will leave it on their virtual shelf for awhile then dust it off and read it later.
Overall, the numbers game is staggering. How many books do I have to give away to get like, 5 reviews? How many do I have to give away before I make actual moolah? Does anyone ever make actual moolah?
I have been focusing on short stories as of late because, short as they are, they get done. I’ve spent years focusing on full length novels that always need another revision, another tweak, another problem where I write myself into a corner and have to start all over again. Short stories are easier, take less time, cost less to get edited and formatted….but ultimately they cost less. I’ve generally found no one will pay more than .99 cents for a short story, which is understandable.
Sometimes I think about getting back to my novels. On the other hand, the short stories are actually getting done and it is hard to argue with a process that is getting something done.
Today and tomorrow, you can still get a FREE copy of my book, the second death, a short story/mystery/thriller about a fame obsessed weirdo looking to achieve his 15 minutes of fame at any cost.
Thanks to a Freebooksy promo, I gave away approximately 1500 copies of this fine book this weekend, and there’s still time, so get your FREE COPY!
3.5 readers, my prices are so low that a rattle snake could shimmy right underneath them. Boy howdy, let me tell you, if I lower these prices any lower, I’d have to get my head examined. Heck, come to think of it, you can’t do better on a price that’s free, can you? I’d have to start paying people to read my books, which I mean, if Amazon ever allows it, I wouldn’t be against it but I digress.
First up:
Hoo dawgies! Are y’all into dystopian fiction? Well, you’re in luck. The One That Got Away is FREE this weekend! That means, right now! Why are you still here? Click above and get your free gosh darn copy! It’s about a miserable drunk whose wish that his long lost love hadn’t dumped him was granted, only to wake up in a world where he’s married…and the father of the most evil dictator in world history. Not exactly the feel good story of the year, but totes worth a perusal.
NEXT UP:
The Second Death! Yeah, I know. This probably isn’t going to be the feel good book of the summer either, but it’ll be FREE Feb 12 – 16, right on Valentine’s Day weekend, so if you’re a big cheap skinflint, you can get your Smoochy Poo a copy of this free book, though I advise against it because it isn’t easy being single. At least get her a diamond bracelet and some flowers too or something.
What’s it about? A fame obsessed wacko concocts a cacophony of outrageous schemes, each more twisted than the last, all designed to attract the media attention he so desperately desires. It all adds up to the day from hell for FBI agents Rick Nash and Ramona Cruz.
NEXT UP:
Alien invasions! Sasquatch assassins! Poisonous Pomeranians! Lizard people attacks! There’s no conspiracy theory too wacky for goofy old Harry Blanding to peddle from his post at the Broad Street subway stop. Some commuters think he is nutso. Others think he is hilarious…but one government agency that may or may not exist isn’t laughing.
Get your FREE copy of The End is Nigh February 19-23.
Ninja bunnies! Professional shark punchers! Rude unicorns! This ain’t your grandma’s writing prompt book. Get your free copy Feb 26 – March 2 and maybe one day you’ll start a blog read by only 3.5 readers like BQB.
Go on over to Amazon and get this FREE BOOK for FREE which means you don’t have to pay for it because it is FREE.
What if the worst thing that ever happened to you was the best thing for the world? When a mysterious stranger gives down on his luck drunk Evan Brooks a trial run of the world in which his long lost love never left, he discovers that by sticking together, they had a son who ended up as the worst dictator in history. Will Evan be able to put his own selfish desires aside to save the world?
Bookshelf Battle 