Tag Archives: cell phones

Daily Discussion with BQB – Is it Wrong to Look at Your Cell Phone in a Movie Theater?

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

As you know, I’ve posted extensively on movie theater etiquette, believing the theater is a place where certain rules of decorum must be followed and no one should be doing things that bring down the enjoyment of others.

Thus, you can imagine my surprise when I, your humble blog host, was accused of engaging in such an activity.

While watching a movie, I felt my phone buzz.  It was a text message.  I looked at the screen for literally all of a second when a piece of candy whizzed by my head, landing on the floor next to me.

The text was from a BQB associate who wanted a ride from me after the movie, letting me know not to leave without said person.  I figured I’d wait till after the movie to respond, but a couple more texts came, the person was jittery I guess, wanting to make sure I didn’t leave, so I thought I’d just text back a quick, “OK.”

Literally, one more second after I looked at the screen again, the guy yells, “Hey dickhead!  Put it away!”

Now, I usually don’t confront people when they act like dicks.  In my youth, I often threw rude drivers the middle finger, only to get older and realize I should stop or else risk flipping off a possible serial killer.

So honestly, I tend to let a lot of things go out of a) fear the person will go nuts and the situation will become a big problem and b) maybe the person already punished himself by looking like a dick in public anyway.

But this one irked me.  I shouted back some choice words for the fellow and he piped down.  I admit, I had already determined it was a person I had a fairly decent chance of defending myself against if things went awry, though in retrospect, I shouldn’t acknowledged it….I don’t advise that you 3.5 readers engage such folk because you never know what someone is capable of, whether they appear threatening or not.

Anyway, the texter texted again and this time I got up, walked out of the theater and into the hallway just to type “OK” and it pissed me off because had Jerkface McGee not intervened, I could have typed ok earlier and gotten it all done with.

So, let me ask you this, 3.5 readers?   Does it bother you when someone’s cell phone screen is on during a movie?  Does the light of the screen distract you?  Does it bother you?  Does it hinder your movie enjoyment?

I don’t make it a point of pulling out my cellphone but this was a rare situation and….I mean maybe if I left the screen on for five minutes, but the exact second when it comes on the candy gets whipped?  Are you kidding me?

I don’t know.  Maybe I should have embellished.  “Hey assface, can you stop throwing the candy at me?!  I just found out my wife is in labor!!!!”

Eh…but then why would I be in a movie?  I guess because I’m a lousy husband.  Actually, I really am a lousy husband.  I’m such a bad husband I haven’t even gotten married yet.

Discuss, 3.5 readers.

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Things that Really Frost My Ass – I Wish Cell Phones Had Never Been Invented

By: Uncle Hardass, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Grumpy Old Man Correspondent

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Hello degenerate 3.5 readers.  Your old Uncle Hardass here.  Happy New Year.  None of you have resolved to get jobs, I see.  Everyone’s resolved to try even harder to be writers, I take it.  “Oh, look at me!  Fiddle dee dee!  I want to be a writer because my thoughts are so important they must be shared with the world!”

Oh, screw it, write away.  See if I care.  I don’t want to complain about that.  I feel like complaining about cell phones instead, because I’m telling you, the cell phone is truly the worst contraption ever invented.  I rue that day that Sir Isaac Cellington figured out how to make them.  Screw that guy and the horse he rode in on.

3.5 readers, when I was a kid, if you needed to get in touch with someone when they were not in your presence…well, you basically didn’t.  99% of the shit you had to say to this person could wait until said individual returned home.

For that 1%, you might have to track that person down.  So like, if a family member is dying (and only the person can save them), or you just found out a hit man is trying to kill this person imminently, I mean, even then it was considered pretty rude, but you might be able to slide on the etiquette rules and get away with calling the restaurant or the store or the place you thought that person was going to be and asking the employee who answers, “Hey, I need to talk to this schmuck that’s there.  He’s tall and has black hair and is kinda ugly and has crooked teeth and dresses like an asshole.  Oh, you see him?  Great, put him on the phone please.”

So let’s recap.  Prior to like, oh, I want to say maybe 2006, if you contacted someone who wasn’t in your general vicinity, the reasons had to be:

  1. A family member is dying imminently and this person is the ONLY one who can save him/her.  Couldn’t be a friend, had to be a family member (and really, nuclear family only) and the death had to be within, say, an hour at best.  Like you couldn’t bother someone while they’re out shopping to help save your third cousin twice-removed who was advised by doctors that he’d be dying six hours from now.
  2. You had to have credible evidence that a hit man was hired to murder this person and you wanted to warn him/her.  “Credible” meaning corroborated by witnesses or physical evidence (i.e. testimony from two responsible citizens or barring that, a copy of the signed murder contract.) Even then, you had to be aware that the hit was going to happen within the hour.

That’s literally it.  Otherwise, you DID NOT bother people while they were out and about.  And honestly, cell phones starting getting pretty popular and affordable by the late 1990s/early 2000s, but even then, most responsible adults used them sparingly.  I just had one I kept in my glove compartment in case my car broke down but otherwise I never used it because I never knew anyone whose dying family member I could save within the hour and no one ever tried to be a hit on me.  Well, at least no one ever heard of a plot that was going to go down against me within an hour anyway.

Today, it’s all different.  Now, everyone has a damn cell phone and my phone is constantly ringing off the hook (phones used to be kept on hooks, 3.5 readers) and there’s no limit, no limit at all as to what people will call you with:

  • Hi, I want to call you to tell you my ass hurts.  No, there’s nothing you can do while you are at work but I just want to tell you that my ass hurts.  You should be aware I have a broken ass.
  • Please pick up ten things for me on the way home.
  • Hello, I need to call and tell you a bunch of shit while you are operating a car i.e. a ten ton machine of death that could easily mow down a small child if you aren’t giving the operation of this gigantic contraption YOUR COMPLETE AND FULL ATTENTION, but anyway, please listen to this trivial story of how someone offended me.
  • I had tacos for lunch.
  • Hi, this is your boss.  I’m calling you at midnight to remind you to do that thing I don’t remember you did last week and you have already told me you did it but I don’t remember.
  • Hi, this is some jackass.  Your number is one digit off of a friend of mine and I’m calling you twenty times until I figure it out.
  • Hi, my ass still hurts.
  • Hi this is your doctor.  You have penis warts and though it could have waited I’m telling you now.
  • Hi, I’m a telemarketer and I’d like to sell you a time share.  Wouldn’t you like to spend your life’s savings on 1/1000th of a shitty condo in Tahiti?

I can’t stand it.  I just can’t.  You know what?  Can we just go back to the early 2000s?  I’m going to shut my cell phone off, throw it in the glove box, and then I’ll just have it in the event that I get into an accident.  That’s it.  Nothing else.

And I know you’ll all be like, “Well, BQB what if someone needs to call you while you’re out?”  No, screw that.  I’d like to remind you that from the time the phone was invented until like, ten years ago, the only acceptable reasons to call someone while they weren’t home were a) if a family member was going to die within the hour and this person was the only one able to save him/her and/or b) you had credible knowledge that a hit man was hired to murder this person within the hour, ergo the person needed to be warned.

That’s it!  Those are the TWO AND ONLY TWO reasons why anyone would ever, EVER need to be called while they aren’t home and I say we should all go back to that.

By the way, did you know that before the invention of the phone, people just…didn’t even talk to people unless they were seeing them face to face?  If you needed to tell the person something, you had to either rip a feather off of a duck’s ass and use it as a quill to write a note on a piece of parchment that you’d then give to a neighborhood boy to walk ten miles to deliver the message in exchange for a six pence, or b, if it was really important, you’d rustle up a horse and go tell the person.

Honestly people, before you call me or anyone else, think to yourself, “Is this message so important that if we were in the 1800s, would I steal a fucking horse and gallop thirty miles just to inform the person about it?”

If yes, call away.  If no, shut your cake hole and go have a cookie.

Bah!  Cell phones are the worst.

 

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How to Tell If Your Website is Mobile Friendly

Greetings 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

I don’t remember exactly when, but at some point in the last year, those fine folks at Google announced that websites that are mobile friendly would be, and I’m not quite sure how to explain this, given more consideration I guess in web hits.

There are probably nerdmeisters that can explain this better but ultimately, if you have a post about how to kick a yeti in the face and I have a post about to kick a yeti in the face and some schmuck out in Timbuktu does a web search for “How to Kick a Yeti in the Face” – your website is more likely to come up higher in said schmuck’s search results if yours is mobile friendly and mine is not.

What’s that? You want to know if your website is user friendly but you don’t know who to find out?

You are in luck, reader.

Google has a mobile friendly test.

Simply enter your URL and it well tell you if your site is mobile friendly or not.

Alas, it turns out that my fine website, bookshelfbattle.com is not considered mobile friendly at all.

If anything, it is mobile anti-social.

So I suppose at some point down the road I will take the plunge and find a new theme.

I worry about that. I feel like the baseball player that doesn’t want to change his smelly underpants in the bottom of the ninth because wearing smelly underpants has helped him win so far so why change anything?

But I suppose if hits are at stake I must do what I can to get those sweet, sweet web hits.

The last thing I need is for some OTHER jackass with a website about being a magic bookshelf caretaking yeti fighter with an alien buddy stealing MY web hits.

 

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Mitch Albom Article – Teacher Fired – Cell Phone Privacy

Hey 3.5 Readers.

If you’re like me, you’re a nerd interested in technology, so this story I found on USA TODAY stood out to me.

It is by Mitch Albom, author of Tuesdays with Morrie, which is a great book by the way.

The synopsis:  Teacher took nude selfie for husband for Valentine’s Day.  Left it on her phone.  Left phone unattended on her desk.  Student picked up phone, went through it, found the naughty photo, took a picture of it, sent it around everywhere, teacher gets fired, eventually student gets in trouble.

Tough case, right? Yes, it is very stupid to take a naked picture of yourself and doubly stupid to leave it on your phone.  There’s no guarantee of privacy on the Internet so anything you don’t want “out there” shouldn’t be created in the first place.

But then again, this is her private phone.  No one has the right to go through any item that belongs to someone and look around through it.

Yet, I can also see the argument that she brought this phone into a school.  When she did, she brought every virtual piece of data on the phone into the school, including the nude photo.

Definitely should have had a passcode on the phone.  Who doesn’t have a passcode on their phone these days?

I can sympathize with the teacher.  Some silly thing she did in passing, something she thought only she had access to, never thought it would lead to anything.

I do think this is an issue where lawyers.have taken away common sense in the workplace.  The common sense approach would have been to give the teacher a lecture to never let this happen again or else you’re fired.

But I assume the administrators felt the safest thing (for them) would be to fire her outright.

Anyway, lessons to be learned:

  • Don’t take nude photos of yourself.  I don’t because no one wants to see that.  You shouldn’t because no matter how secure you think you are, it can always get out somehow.
  • If you’re stupid and do so anyway, don’t leave them on your device. Delete, delete, delete.
  • Keep in mind when you take your phone into a public building, you’re taking everything on it into a public building.
  • As a general rule, since your privacy can’t be guaranteed on the Internet, the best practice is to not do anything on the Internet that you wouldn’t want to explain to the authorities and/or your mother later.
  • Put a passcode on your phone!
  • Don’t leave your phone unattended.  Keep it with you at all times.

 

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BQB and the Meaning of Life – Part 24 – Sally

PREVIOUSLY ON BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER AND THE MEANING OF LIFE…

READ

AND NOW BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER AND THE MEANING OF LIFE CONTINUES…

“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!”

Vicky and I screamed and screamed as we sat in Happly’s ejector seat, watching the island below grow closer and closer.

“SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT TRUSTING PEOPLE?!!” I yelled.

I hate it when I ask my phone about parachutes and it returns a search on panda food.

I hate it when I ask my phone about parachutes and it returns a search on panda food.

Vicky fumbled her hands all over the seat in a desperate search for something, anything that could be used to save the day.

“HOW DO WE GET THE PARACHUTE TO OPEN?!” Vicky asked.

“I DON’T KNOW!”

“WELL,” Vicky yelled back at me. “STOP COMPLAINING AND DO SOMETHING ALREADY!”

I whipped out my generic off brand cell phone. This was a job for Sally, my automated personal assistant.

“Sally!”  I shouted.

My phone beeped.

“Hello Eduardo,” Sally replied in her pleasant monotone robot voice.

“How do you open up the parachute on an ejector seat?” I asked.

“I’m afraid I do not understand Eduardo…”

“EJECTOR SEAT!” I shouted. “HOW DO YOU OPEN THE PARACHUTE?!”

“I have found three restaurants that serve bamboo chutes,” Sally said. “Do you want their addresses?”

“NO!” I yelled. “TELL ME HOW TO OPEN THE PARACHUTE ON AN EJECTOR SEAT!”

Vicky kept searching.

“Eduardo,” Sally said. “I do not understand, ‘Tell me how to open the parachute on an ejector seat!’ Would you like me to perform a web search on it?”

“YES!!!!!”

“I do not understand when the next installment of BQB and the Meaning of Life will be?  Would you like me to perform a web search of tomorrow?

Copyright (c) Bookshelf Q. Battler.  All Rights Reserved.

Cell phone image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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