Tag Archives: writing

Fourth of July Reads

Happy 4th of July from bookshelfbattle.com!

While you’re waiting for those hamburgers to cook, here are some patriotic book suggestions:

1. 1776, John Adams or pretty much anything by author David McCullough. In fact, if you’re too tipsy from knocking back cold ones at the barbecue, you could always watch John Adams on demand on HBO.

2. Band of Brothers by Stephen Ambrose – also available as a series on HBO.

3. Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell – Check out my review here.

4. No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden by Mark Owen. Again, if you’re still groggy from multiple cold one consumption, you can just watch Zero Dark Thirty Both provide interesting portrayals of the hunt for America’s most wanted and despised terrorist.

5. The Red Badge of Courage – Stephen Crane

6. The Green Berets by Robin Moore. Beer? Yeah, that’s ok. They made an awesome classic movie based on the book starring John Wayne.

7. Anything by the late Tom Clancy, though if I had to choose one, it would be The Hunt for Red October Yes, there is a movie starring Sean Connery and Alec Baldwin, but ok, you might have a drinking problem.

8. The Fort by Bernard Cornwell – set during the American Revolution

9. 1775 by Kevin Phillips – about the year leading up to the American Revolution.

10. Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln by Doris Kearns Goodwin, which provided the basis for the Lincoln movie starring Daniel Day Lewis.

These are just some of my recommendations, but is not an exhaustive list by any means. Did I miss one of your favorites? Feel free to share it in the comments below. Happy 4th!

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On Writing – Or “I Wish These Were My First Words”

A few posts ago, I went on a tangent – asking why do I bother to work so hard on my writing when America is easily satisfied by a song that goes, and I quote, “You know what to do with that big fat butt! Wiggle wiggle!”

Well, I suppose this next song is not as bad, but J. Lo’s “First Love” also makes me wonder if music writers are trying as hard as they could be.

Check out these lyrics:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
Woah oh oh oh
I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
First Love, Jennifer Lopez

So, what was left on the cutting room floor? How about:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second third or fourth love
Furthermore a fifth love would have been unlikely!
A sixth love would have been improbable!
A seventh, eighth, or ninth love would have been out of the question
And a tenth love would have been right out!
Don’t even get me started on the eleventh love
Yes, I can certainly count!

Yes, I even imagined how the sales pitch for this song went:

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: OK J Lo, pitch us your new song.

J LO: Ok, so this song, is essentially about time travel.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Whoa.

J LO: I’m singing to a guy who is currently my love.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Uh huh

J LO: And I’m explaining to him that had I met him first, I would not have dated three previous men.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: So, wait, what are you saying?

J LO: That if things happen differently then other things also happen differently

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Oh my God. Mind totally blown.

Seriously, all she does is count her loves. That’s it. All she does. I half-expect the Count from Sesame Street to come in on back up vocals. “One! One love! Ah ah ah!”

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Previously on Bookshelf Battle… (June 2014 Wrap-Up)

In case you missed any of the booktastic goodness, here’s a rundown of what was produced from the Bookshelf Battle Command Center in June:

GAME OF THRONES

Obligatory Spoiler Warning

As the Red Woman might say, Sunday nights in June were dark and full of terrors. Literally. It was quite terrifying to see some of my favorite GoT characters kick the bucket. It’s a good thing that I didn’t bet on the fight between The Red Viper and The Mountain because I chose Oberyn and would have lost a lot of money, in addition to the lunch I lost when the Mountain took advantage of the Viper’s showboating. Don’t gloat, people. No one likes a sore winner…loser? Whatever.

My predictions for Tyrion’s future weren’t all that on point either, meaning when it comes to plotting strategy, I’m about as good as Cersei. (That’s not very good!)

While some lamented that the episode did nothing to move the story along, I for one enjoyed the Attack on Castle Black as it was amazing to me to see Summer Blockbuster special effects on a television show.

On the Season 4 Finale of Game of Thrones Brienne and the Hound went head to head on Westeros’ Ultimate Fighting Championships, Arya cashed in her coin for a trip to Bravos, no one expected the Stannis Inquisition, and Tywin had the Worst Father’s Day ever, although he did achieve his wish of ending up on…a throne. That joke never gets old.

BOOK REVIEWS

A Light Between Oceans - being guarded by Robocop

A Light Between Oceans – being guarded by Robocop

Oh right – this is a book review blog. Australian Author M.L. Stedman managed to crack my manly exterior and allow a tear or two to shake loose with her riveting yet heartbreaking page turner The Light Between Oceans. After a boat containing a dead man and a live baby washes up on their tiny island, a lighthouse keeping couple decides to toss the dead man in a ditch and raise the baby as their own. I applauded the author for her ability to display the mental gymnastics that people put themselves through in order to convince themselves what they are doing is right when in fact, it is very wrong. I feel like we can all agree that the moral of the story is – don’t trust your kids around lighthouse keepers. Or Australians.

Master Chief - standing guard over Redshirts

Master Chief – standing guard over Redshirts

After Stedman made me cry (it’s ok, it happens to the best of us now and then), I was ready to laugh so I cracked open Redshirts by Sci-Fi author John Scalzi. This Star Trek parody delivered laughs at warp speed. A group of new Redshirts – aka the intergalactic lackies who do the grunt work for a space ship’s main officers, quickly learn that their reason for existence is to take the beatings, lazer blasts, monster attacks, and other abuse so that the officers can remain unscathed.

VARIOUS AND SUNDRY RAMBLINGS

To round out the month,I asked why the heck are those vampires so popular? Seemed like a good discussion topic since this is the final season of the HBO series True Blood. The series is based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries Series by Charlaine Harris, and my post provides a reading list of her novels in order, in case anyone is interested in reading the books that formed the basis for the Sookie-Bill-Eric love triangle. Actually, if you add Alcide, it would be a quadrangle. Wait a minute! A quadrangle? Isn’t that just a square? OK so they form a love square.

I urged readers to donate to Levar Burton/Geordi LaForge’s Kickstarter campaign to bring back Reading Rainbow. Please donate. He needs your support. Much has been said about his success as Reading Rainbow host, but people always forget that he was one of the finest engineers to ever serve Star Fleet. He rarely gave Capt. Picard any guff about fixing the star ship engines. He ran circles around Scotty. Capt. Kirk would always be like, “Scotty, we need warp speed in thirty seconds or the Klingons will kill us” and Scotty would be all like, “Damn’ it Cap’n the best I can do is get the wharp drive half-fixed by next Thursday!” Geordi, on the other hand, now there was a dude that got stuff done – even though he was blind! Well, he did have that special visor.

By the way, if you haven’t heard yet, Seth MacFarlane of Family Guy fame has pledged to match donations up to a million, so please get crack-a-lackin’ with the donations to this good cause. And as one of the three people who both saw AND enjoyed MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the Old West, I’d like to thank him.

Transformers 4 arrived at the box office Friday and I speculated as to whether Mark Wahlberg will reprise some of his past roles in this new blockbuster in a parody trailer script.

Last but not least, after hearing the song, “Wiggle Wiggle” for the millionth time on the radio, and being left unsure whether to be disturbed because they keep playing it, or relieved because they’re finally switching it up a little bit and playing a song other than “Let it Go” or “Because I’m Happy,” I asked the question as to why I bother slaving over my writing when America is easily pleased by lyrics about butts. You know what to do with those big fat words!

STUFF I NEVER GOT AROUND TO

With so many books engaged in fisticuffs over a coveted spot on my bookshelf, there where two things I forgot to mention:

  • 24-Live Another Day – I’m glad this show is back on the air. It’s nice to see William Devane has found something better to do than those damn daytime “Buy Gold” commercials. He’s really been stealing the show this season. Great to see Michelle Fairley back on TV as well.
  • No Lady Stoneheart – (Obligatory Spoiler Warning) – Actually, do I need to give a spoiler warning? Lady Stoneheart, a character from the Game of Thrones books, will not be in the Game of Thrones series. So, I guess if you never read the books and only watched the series, then this is not a spoiler for you since you were never going to see her on the show anyway. You can’t spoil something that won’t happen. Because if a tree was going to fall in the forest, but then it doesn’t, it doesn’t spoil. Alright, I’m going cross-eyed thinking about this. Anyway, there’s been a lot of chatter about this controversy. I do understand that TV shows can’t remain true to every little last detail in the book. Sometimes I’ll hear someone say something like, “This show stinks because on page 302 of chapter 40 book three Tyrion had on a pair of green shoes but on the show he wears blue shoes!” and I just want to yell, “Shut up, Nerd!” But I get why this makes people upset. I never read the books, but this seems like a big plot point to gloss over. A Zombie Catelyn running around Westeros exacting copious amounts of revenge? How does that not make for great television?

That does it for this month on http://www.bookshelfbattle.com – where the book reviews are always awesome, and yet, the book reviewer somehow manages to stay humble about it.

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On Writing – or “You Know What to do With Those Big Fat Words!”

Happy Friday, Bookshelf Battlers.

Bookshelf Battle Guy here, coming to you from you from the Bookshelf Battle Forward Operating Base.

No book review tonight. Rather, I have a tirade to go on.

As writers, and let’s face it, we’re all bloggers because we are aspiring writers, we all have a downfall – that one issue, that little personal hiccup that stands between us and putting pen to paper. For me, it’s self-criticism. I write, and write, and write some more. Then I read it and become my own personal critic, not just any critic, but Roger Ebert on Steroids (RIP).

“So unoriginal! So unbelievable! So unrealistic! Surely, you can do better! Crumple that up! Throw it away! Try it again!”

Defeated, I take a break, turn on the radio, and hear:

“YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT BIG FAT BUTT! WIGGLE WIGGLE!

In case you’ve been living under a rock, one of the top hit songs out nowadays is “Wiggle, Wiggle” by Jason Derulo. It’s an ode to derrieres, a modern day Baby Got Back if you will, though I hate to insult Sir Mix-a-Lot, because at least he brought some energy and enthusiasm to his infamous soliloquy.

Seriously, that’s pretty much how the song goes. “You know what to do with that big fat butt! Wiggle, wiggle!” Then he goes on to compare said posterior to two planets, a ham sandwich, a trunk, a basketball slam dunk, and so on. Then Snoop Dogg lays down some beats. Just as The Rock is the savior of failed action movie franchises (Fast and Furious, GI Joe, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Snoop Dogg is the rejuvenator of rap songs. Just ask Gangnam Style Psy.

I’m sorry, but it just bugs me. Here I am, as many of you are, slaving over a computer screen, trying to pour my heart and soul out into a coherent volume, to weave the ideas lurking in my mind into a readable text format, and the greatest song of our day is:

“YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT BIG FAT BUTT! WIGGLE WIGGLE!

Honestly, this is how the Roman Empire ended. It was once the world’s cultural center, till some minstrel started singing, “Thou knowest what to do with thine enormous posterior!”

And come on, you all know how the sales pitch meeting for this song went down:

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Jason, so good to see you. So what’s your new song about?

JASON: It’s about butts.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Really? I’m intrigued! What about them?

JASON: How they’re big and how I like it when they wiggle.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Someone brought their A game today! Tell me more.

JASON: See, there’s this chick. And she has a big butt. And I figure, instinctively, she knows what to do with her big butt.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: What does she do? Oh my God, I’m on the edge of my seat here.

JASON: Alright, check this out. She wiggles it.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: She wiggles it!

JASON: Wiggle, wiggle.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Sold! Son, I want to be in the wiggly butt business!

Oh well, that’s all I had to complain about. I shall now retire to my nerd cave, to produce more crumpled pieces of writing that will apparently never live up to society’s very high “Wiggle your fat butt” standard.

The sad part is – it’s actually a catchy tune. “You know what to do with that…” Damn it. Great, now it’s stuck in my head.

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